


Deja vu

by TastyToast



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Tags May Change, autobot Blitzwing au, triple changer bumblebee au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-10-17 04:37:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 96,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20615108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TastyToast/pseuds/TastyToast
Summary: Bumblebee was just supposed to go on a short joy ride. It now has been 3 hours and the autobots are out looking for him. With them is the autobot branded Blitzwing who worries that something might have happend to his beloved minbot. What he finds out happened to him brings back bad memories.





	1. Chapter 1

Blitzwing turned around for another round around Detroit. He had been flying over the city for about 3 hours now and it had started to get dark. He looked down at the city inspecting every single street thoroughly for any sight of Bumblebee.

Bumblebee had left the base earlier that day for a joy ride and had not returned. Blitzwing´s had gotten nervous and he had tried to comm Bumblebee to no avail. After the third failed attempt he had told the rest of the autobot team of Bumblebee absent. They all had tried to reach him, and they all was met with only silence. After that everyone except Ratchet had left the base to search for Bumblebee. Ratchet stayed behind incase Bumblebee returned or in the case Bumblebee was found in some kind of state of disrepair.

They had searched all of Bumblebee’s favorite places to hang out. Bulkhead had gone to Bumblebee’s favorite video game store, Optimus had gone to every store that sold car parts, Prowl drove to all the places that was rumored to have street races and Sari had gone to the police station to report Bumblebee’s absence. Blitzwing himself had gone to Bumblebee and his old meeting spot, where they used to hang out while they still was working for different factions. But there were no sight of Bumblebee.

After that Blitzwing had just flown over Detroit inspecting every yellow car he could find incase one of them turned out to be Bumblebee. The first round around Detroit he had only looked for yellow cars with a black stripe. But that turned out fruitless. So on his second round he had inspected every bright yellow car he saw. That gave more results. There were a lot of yellow cars but none of them turned out to be Bumblebee. On the third round around Detroit he had inspected every yellow car no matter where on the color chart the yellow where. He even inspected orange cars for good measure. Still nothing. Blitzwing had lost count of how many rounds he had flown over Detroit. He now inspected cars only on gut feeling.

Blitzwing knew that flying around the city for the 100th time probably did not get him any closer to finding Bumblebee. But he did not know what else to do. And he needed to do something. He could not stop, like a shark he had to keep moving or he would go mad. Scanning the streets gave him at least something to focus on but his intrusive thoughts still reached him.

_ He probably just turned off his comms and his signal on accident._ That was what Blitzwing kept telling himself. Don´t get him wrong Blitzwing loves Bumblebee more than anything else in the universe. But he also knew that Bumblebee could be a bit of an idiot. But Blitzwing mostly told himself that because all the alternatives were too maddening. _What if Megatron had found him and killed him in revenge for Blitzwing changing sides? What if Lockdown had kidnapped him and was going to take parts of Bumblebee’s frame? What if Bumblebee had gotten into an accident? What if? What if? What if? Grahh!_ Blitzwing felt like his processor was going to explode.

Just then the comm link sparked to life.That was enough to pull Blitzwing from his thoughts. He immediately got his hopes up that it was Bumblebee finally calling back. But that hope was immediately shattered upon hearing Optimus voice. “Has anybody found anything yet?”

“Don´t you think I would have said something if I had found him?!” Blitzwing hissed back in response.

“Don’t be a smartaft con” Ratchet growled back. Blitzwing rolled his optics

“How many times do I need to tell you that I no longer associate myself with-”

“He was not at the video game store” Bulkhead butted in, trying to stop Blitzwing and Ratchet’s conversation before it turned ugly. “ I double checked. What about you Prowl?”

“I have found no trace of him” Prowl responded.

“Well look harder! He could not just have disappeared!” Screamed Blitzwing as his frustration over his own helplessness finally took over him. Blitzwing noticed that to late as his once jet form suddenly turned to tank mode and he slammed into the ground. Blitzwing turned back to his bot form and just laid on the ground for at least a solid minute before slowly getting up.

Immediately a HUD warning popped up. The fall had made his comms go down. Blitzwing gritted his dentae._ Oh was this not just fantastic!_ Now he had to get it repaired. “For primus sake I don´t have time for this slag!” Blitzwing screamed as he pounded his fist into the pavement. He tried to calm down so he could return to his rounds around Detroit. But he just couldn't. He kept slamming his fist down. He continued even when it started to hurt. Even when a HUD warning popped up warning him of the damage that was starting to affect his servos. He pulled his fist up for another punch and saw a pink smear on the now small crater he had created in the pavement. He looked at his knuckles and noticed the pink energon dripping from his now bleeding knuckles. He just stared at it watching the energon drip from the knuckles down on to the pavement.

Drip..Drop..Drip..

He took in a deep breath through his vents and allowed himself to slow down just for a second. _Why? Why do this kind of slag keep happening to me? Why aren't I allowed to be happy?_ It all had all started back when Black Arachnid under Megatron's orders had forcefully turned Blitzwing into a tiple changer. When Blitzwing had woken up after the surgery he had in a blind rage killed three bots before Megatron himself had stopped him by beating him into unconsciousness. After that special measures to..”control” Blitzwings unstable personality was made. Measures Blitzwing mostly tried to block out of his memory.When he no longer needed “help” to control himself Megatron had decide that Blitzwing was going to work directly under him. Blitzwing had worked by Megatron's side for many, many years. But that had all changed when the yellow minibot had entered his life.

Blitzwing did not know how but he managed to form a connection to Bumblebee. That connection had eventually lead to Bumblebee and Blitzwing becoming conjunx endura. Everything had been going great until Megatron found out and he hadn't been, well...Pleased with the revelation. Blitzwing had then fled and been turned factionless. 

He had later joined the Autbots in return for protection and a chance to be close to the love of his life. He been accepted into the ranks with. But not really. Everyone except Bumblebee,Sari and sometimes Bulkhead mostly avoided him. He also knew that Ratchet would like nothing more but to be rid of him. Ratchet had several times tried to convince Optimus to hand him over to the elite guard. “He's unstable", "he’s a freak of nature", "once a con always a con!” are just some of the things Blitzwing had heard come out of Ratchets mouth. But everytime Bumblebee had defended Blitzwing. Blitzwing remembered how it made his spark flutter when Ratchet had said those words and Bumblebee had screamed at Ratchet to “Frag off!”.

And now Bumblebee had disappeared._ Is this karma for all the bad things I did as a con? Maybe this is Primus way to play a prank on me? Or maybe this is just some kind of joke? If this is a joke i'm not getting it._ *PING!* Blitzwing nearly jumped out of his armour when a map appear on his HUD. Blitzwing looked at it and he could almost not believe his optics. Right there on Dinobot island were Bumblebee’s signal. Without a second thought, Blitzwing turned into yet mode and took off, straight towards Dinobot island.


	2. Chapter 2

Blitzwing did not think a lot while he was making his way to Dinobot island. But one thought popped up. _ What if it’s a trap? _ That was a possibility. A trap set to lure him or the other autobots to its location. _ But was if it isn't? What if it really is Bumblebee. Maybe he’s hurt or in trouble? _ Blitzwing ponder it just for a second before deciding that the risk of falling into a trap was a risk he was willing to take. He turned his attention to focusing on Bumblebee's signal and how he slowly got closer and closer to it. _ Please be okay Bumblebee. _ Blitzwing thought as he finally was above Dinobot island. _ I beg you, please be okay. _

It was hard to exactly pinpoint Bumblebee’s signal so Blitzwing started to scan the ground. His gaze went over every tree, rock and bush looking for even a hint of yellow._ Please be okay Bumblebee. _He repeated in his mind. And then he saw it. It was hard to see under the leaves of the trees but there it was, clear as day. Yellow metal. Blitzwing immediately transformed and landed about 10 meters away. His landing made the ground shake.The birds who had been sitting peacefully in the trees flew away in a panic.

“Bumblebee!” He yield. Blitzwing rushed over to where he had seen the yellow metal. All trees unlucky enough to be in his way either got knocked over or broken in half as Blitzwing pushed them out of his way. He made it too about where he had seen the yellow metal and started looking wildly around trying to locate the yellow bot. ”Bumblebee!” He called out again.”Bumblebee where are you?!” Blitzwing´s monocle kept zooming in and out as he turned around on the spot looking for Bumblebee. He did not dare to continue his rampage through the woods and risk to accidentally make a tree fall on top of Bumblebee. But then something yellow catches his optics.

And there, under a big oak tree was Bumblebee. Blitzwing rushed over, his lips turning into a grin as he got closer. But it almost immediately disappeared. Something was wrong. Bumblebee was lying still on his back on the ground at the foot of the tree. The ground around him had been disturbed and there were drag marks on the mud leading up to him.Blitzwing stopped and looked around to see if there was somebody else around. He looked at the forest around him and went completely silent and listened in case he could hear anything.He could hear the leaves rustling in the trees when the wind went through them and the few birds that was still awake singing. But he neither saw nor heard anything out of the ordinary.Carefully Blitzwing finally went over to Bumblebee and looked him over. 

He dropped to his knees and leaned over him. He could hear Bumblebee’s vents take in and exhale air. Blitzwing felt some of that worry that had been grown into a cold lump in his chest melt away just a bit. _ He was at least still online. Thank Primus. _But there was something else bothering Blitzwing. Bumblebee looked different. From his back Blitzwing could see two wings poke out. His frame also looked a lot bulkier and some of his paint had been scraped off and gotten replaced by clean metal. 

Blitzwing started to look over Bumblebee’s frame and the ground around him. There were no trace of any wounds on Bumblebee, nor traces of energon on either him or the ground. Blitzwing opened his comm link trying to contact the other autobots just to get nothing but silence. _ Oh right. I broke it. _ Blitzwing closed the link and slowly picked Bumblebee up as carefully as he could. He held bumblebee in his arm and cradle carried him. He held him like he was made of glass. Like if he was not careful Bumblebee would break into a million pieces.Bumblebee felt a lot heavier and a lot warmer than what Blitzwing remembered. 

“Don't worry Bumblebee. I will take you to Ratchet and he will take a look at you” Blitzwing whispered. As soon those words left Blitzwing mouth he saw something that sent a cold shiver down his whole frame. With a noticeable whirl Bumblebee’s face had span around and a new face was facing Blitzwing.

Blitzwing just stared at the face for what felt like an eternity. It still resembles Bumblebee's face, only now he had a blue visor and his jaw was just a bit flatter. Blitzwing stared at the face, he then looked at Bumblebee’s new weird body, then at the drag marks and then at last at the spot the yellow paint was missing. The paint was missing right over where the T-cog usually were. All the pieces finally fell into place and Blitzwing felt his energon boiling and his own face switch to a company that burning anger.

“Arachnid you glitch” he whisper between his deanta, quietly so he did not wake Bumblebee up.” I'll make you pay for this”. Bumblebee stirred in Blitzwing’s grasp. Blitzwing immediately shut up and just looked at him afraid he had woken him up. Bumblebee’s face once again gave out a whirl and turned. There was a new face. His optics looked bigger and his mouth had these fang shapes. Kind of like those vampires in the movies Bumblebee and Sari had forced Blitzwing to watch. Bumblebee leaned his head on Blitzwing chest and a smile spread over his face. Blitzwing´s rage got pushed back into the back of his mind and got replaced with the warm feeling of endearment. His face switch back to icy as the anger faded.

Blitzwing bent down and gave Bumblebee a gentle kiss on his helm. A small giggle escaped Bumblebee's lips. Blitzwing felt how his own mouth turn into a smile and how the fear and worry that he had felt for the past 3 hours faded to a more workable size. How could such a little bot make him feel so much love. 

Blitzwing activated his thrusters and he started to make his way back to base. Carefully, trying to go at a steady pace so the air turbulence would not wake up Bumblebee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter. I will try to update at least once every one to two weeks.
> 
> Tumblr: https://tastytoast---11.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

He finally reached the base. Bumblebee was still sleeping soundly in Blitzwing’s arms. 

Blitzwing slowly descended and landed as quietly as he could on the ground. He walked up to the door of the base and open it. He looked at the small door frame and sighed. 

Optimus had promised him that they would make the frame higher to support Blitzwing bigger frame, but he had yet to deliver on that promise. Blitzwing tried to crouch through the door but he was still too big. His helm was still going to hit the door frame. 

He slowly and carefully put Bumblebee over his shoulder and got down to his knees and crawled through the door while still holding Bumblebee steady on his shoulder with one of his servos. It was humiliating to crawl into his own base and Blitzwing was glad that there were no one around to see him.

When he was inside he stood up again and put Bumblebee back into his arms. He started to walk at a fast pace towards the medbay.

Blitzwing tried his best to stay away from the medbay usually. Being forcefully put through surgery and waking up as a triple changer had left a bad taste in his mouth for medbays or any other place with surgical equipment. But avoiding it was not difficult. If Blitzwing ever got an injury Sari usually fixed him right up. So he never had to go to the medbay.  It was also the best option because this way Ratchet never had to fix Blitzwing himself. Blitzwing was not sure who was happier that he never went to the medbay. Him, or Ratchet?

He finally saw the door to the medbay. Blitzwing was just about to open it when he heard Ratchet’s voice from behind the door. 

“Typical! First Bumblebee’s comms goes down and now the turncoats." He sounded irritated but there was also a hint of worry. "Maybe this is some kind of scheme of his he finally put in motion!...Yes I know he’s with us now but i’m just saying it’s worth considering-” Blitzwing opened the door. If the situation had been different Blitzwing would have liked nothing more than to call Ratchet out on talking behind his back but this was not the time. 

Ratchet turned immediately to face him.His face was that of surprise but upon seeing Blitzwing it turned to annoyance. 

“Primus! Have you ever heard of knock-?” Blitzwing felt his face spin and his lips turn into a wide smile. He put one digit to his lips and made a “shhh!” sound. “He's sleeping”. Ratchet turned his attention from Blitzwing to Bumblebee. His face immediately turned from annoyed too concerned. 

“But him there” Ratchet said and pointed at the medical berth. Blitzwing went over to it and but Bumblebee down as carefully as he could. He looked down at Bumblebee and started to carefully try to remove some of the dried mud that had gotten stuck on him from when he had been laying on the ground.

Ratchet went over and started to examen Bumblebee. 

“What happened?” Ratchet said without looking up from Bumblebee.

“I found him.”

“Yes I can see that you found him but why does he look different?” A slight irritation could be heard in his voice. Blitzwing’s face span to red and Blitzwing felt his energon boil once again.

“Black Arachnid turned him into a triple changer”

Ratchet finally looked up at him and stared him right in his optics.

“What?”   
“Did I stutter? She turned him into a triple changer” Ratchet took a short pause. It looked like he was about to throw an insult at Blitzwing. But he just sighed and continued.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I´m sure. What else could it be?” It took all of Blitzwing’s self control to not shout it in Ratchet face. _Why is he bothering with the details when he should be focusing on Bumblebee_. Ratchets looked suspiciously at Blitzwing.

“Are you sure it was Black Arachnid?” 

“Are you sure?”Blitzwing repeated in a mocking tone. “What does it matter? You should do your job and help Bumblebee”.

“Yes or no?” Said Ratchet in a more commanding tone.   
Blitzwing bit his lip and responded between gritted denta.

“I did not see her if that is what you´re asking. If I had I can promise you that she would be offline by now. But who else could it be? Now. Do. Your. Job.”

Ratchets optics narrowed.

“What?” Blitzwing said while not breaking optic contact with Ratchet. “Wait..Don't tell me you think I did this?” Ratchet's optics narrowed. "You can distrust me as much as you like" Blitzwing continued "but you know I would never do something that would hurt Bumblebee." Ratchet did not deny or confirm that claim. But Blitzwing’s answers seemed to be enough because Ratchet returned to examining Bumblebee.

“Okay. I need you to get out” Ratchet said and left Bumblebee’s side to gather some equipment.

“I'm not moving one inch” Blitzwing responded.

“I can’t work with you watching over me like a hawk. And you are far too big. You will just get in my way”.

Blitzwing face span back to the wide smile and giggled. 

“I´m not that fat. And I promise I can be quiet. You won't even notice I'm here”. Blitzwing put his servos over his optics. “Where did I go?”

Ratchet’s patience finally ran out.“If you really care for Bumblebee you will leave. Now.” Blitzing felt his anger boil over again and his face switch. 

“I am his conjux I have rights for situations just like these”.

“Don't talk about rights with me con.” Ratchet looked at Blitzwing with a scowl on his face. “I know very well that you being Bumblebee´s conjux gives you rights to make decision for his health. If I need your input or something changes I will call you in. Now leave me to my work”.

Blitzwing and Ratchet glared at each other. But finally Blitzwing gave in. If him leaving was what it took to get this old rust bucket to do his job, so be it. Blitzwing gave Bumblebee one final kiss on his cheek. “I will be right outside so don't worry” He whisper and stood up, shot Ratchet one final glare that said " _ Don’t mess this up" _ and walked to the door.

Right before he left he turned around and took one final look at Bumblebee’s sleeping frame. “ I love you” He whispered under his breath before he closed the door.

As fast as he closed it he sat down on the floor buried his face in his servos. He gave out a heavy sigh. He then leaned his head backwards against the wall and stared at a spot on the ceiling. The exhaustion finally started to catch up with him and he felt himself getting more and more tired. But he couldn't sleep he needed to stay awake incase something happens to Bumblebee.

Blitzwing felt the cold lump of worry started to grow again. But now it was also accompanied by the feeling of guilt. 

_ How could I let this happen? I was supposed to protect him.  _ Blitzwing felt his body shake and how his breaths became unsteady and started to speed up. 

The sound of the door to the base opening and closing snapped Blitzwing immediately out of it. He stood up in a panic trying not to look so pathetic. 

Around the corner he saw Bulkhead. He was speed walking towards the medbay and had a worried look on his face. Bulkhead immediately stopped dead in his tracks and tensed up upon seeing him. Blitzwing started to make his way towards him.

“I saw your and Bee’s signal. Did you-” But before Bulkhead got to finish Blitzwing looked Bulkhead straight into his optics and with a low growl like tone said “If somethings happens to him, you come and get me. Understand?” Bulkhead hastily nodded his helm up and down. “Good” with that Blitzwing left and walked to his and Bumblebee’s room. 

He went in and closed the door behind him.

The room was a mess. There was stuff all over the floor. The only place that was not covered with junk was the berth and a small path to it. Bumblebee and Blitz had pretty much split the room. On one side was Bumblebees junk that consisted mostly of cables, game packages, empty and half empty oil canisters and small action figures. Blitzwing’s mess mostly consisted of small sculptures he had made himself, origami figures, crumpled up paper from failed origami figures, plates that he sometimes threw at the wall like frisbees and different kind of items that Sari and Bumblebee had bought for him that was supposed to reduce anxiety, anger and stress. Like stress balls, bubble wrapper and fidget cubes. Well they had said they were for him. But Bumblebee often borrowed the fidget cubes. Blitzwing and him also often fought over who got to pop the bubble wrapper.

Blitzwing could win those fights easily. He just had to grab the bubble wrapper and after that he could just hold it over Bumblebee’s head. But for the most part he let Bumblebee win. The smug look he got on his face when he finally grasped the wrapper from Blitzwing made him feel all warm inside and Bumblebee would boast about it for several days. Thinking about memories like those often lifted Blitzwing's spirit when he was feeling down. But now. Now it just hurt.

Blitzwing walked to the berth and laid down. It was a small berth. It was big enough that both him and Bumblebee could lay down on it. But not big enough that they would not be touching each other. 

Blitzwing felt his whole frame become heavy. Slowly he started to drift into unconsciousness. Blitzwing did not want to sleep but he was fighting a losing battle.  _ No I can't sleep now. What if something happens? What if he wakes up? I need to be there for him. I need to be ready. I need to protect him. I need to..  _ That was the last thing he thought before he fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support and comments! It means alot to me!  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blitzwing’s sleep was plagued by nightmares. He dreamt of seeing Bumblebee held down to a surgical table unable to move. Bumblebee was screaming for help and was fighting against the restraints with all his might. But it was useless. The bonds were too strong and Bumblebee was to weak.

Blitzwing felt a stab of pain in his spark and the instinct to protect Bumblebee screamed for him to take action. To save him. To protect him. To calm him and tell him everything was going to be alright, even if that might not be the truth. But his body would just not move. He felt like a statue.He opened his mouth to call out to Bumblebee. He felt the air leave his mouth but no sound came out. It was like a silent scream.

It was like he was a spectator unable to take action no matter how hard he tried. 

Blitzwing felt his spark beat faster and faster. He needed to do something! Anything! With all the will and strength he could muster he tried to escape his spectator state. But no matter what he did, nothing changed.

That was then, from the shadow she emerged. Blackarachnia. She started to make her way towards Bumblebee. She had a sickening grin on her face and she took her good time walking up to Bumblebee. Blitzwing energon boiled and his efforts to move increased but he didn't move an inch. He couldn't even lower his cannons. 

She walked right up to Bumblebee’s side and looked down at him. Bumblebee’s optics were wide and in the corners of his optics tears started to fall. Blackarachind lifted her optics from Bumblebee right at Blitzwing and a taunting grin covered her face as she pulled out a saw blade from somewhere under the surgical table.The whole time she never broke optic contact.She put the saw blade only a couple of millimeters over Bumblebee’s chest. Right over his spark.

Blitzwing tried to scream at her. First insults and threats about promises of death and pain. But that soon turned into pleads to spare Bumblebee or at least let him take his place. In Blitzwing’s decepticon days this would be a most pathetic act and a big disgrace.

But Blitzwing didn’t care about honor or pride in that moment. All he wanted was that the one thing that still brought him true endless joy was kept online. He didn’t care if he himself went offline in the process, as long Bumblebee got to live.

But no sound would leave his mouth. All he could do was watch as Bumblebee’s optics became full with fear and he begged Blackarachnia not to go through with it. Tears started to pour out of his optics and he started to struggled like a fly trying to escape a spider's web. Blackarachnia took her optics off Blitzwing and looked down at Bumblebee. And she laughed. A horrible dark laugh that shook Blitzwing to the core. She lifted the saw blade and just when the blade was about to connect with Bumblebee’s frame a “bang” sound and the feeling that something had hit Blitzwing’s helm woke him up. 

Blitzwing flew up from the berth. His breathing was fast and he could feel his spark pulsing in a rapid rate. Blitzwing looked around the room in a panic. Another bang was heard and he felt something hit the side of his helm again. I did not hurt by any means but it got his attention. He snapped his helm towards the direction it had come from and at the side of the berth stood Sari with a tennis ball. She had a concerned look on her face.

If she was concerned about Blitzwing waking up in a panic or if she was concerned about possibly getting yelled at he didn't know. Blitzwing was still not very good at interacting or understanding humans.

“Are you okay?” She said carefully. “It sounded like you were having a bad dream”.

“I'm fine.” Blitzwing growled and rubbed the sleep out of his optics. His spark started to slow down now that he realised he was not in any danger. He felt his cannons lift back up to their passive position. When had he even lowered them? Sari gave out a small sigh of relief when his cannons went up but she still had a concerned look on her face. 

“But more importantly what are you doing in my room, and why are you throwing that at me.” Blitzwing said and pointed at the tennis ball.

“Well it's technically Bee’s room, he had it first.” She said as she started juggling the tennis ball between her hands. “But to answer your question the rest of the team are arguing who is going to wake you up and tell you about the meeting.They have been at it for awhile now so I decided to do it myself”.

Blitzwing signed.“Okay, I’m awake now. So what is this meeting you’re talking about?”

“The rest of the team wants to talk about, as Optimus put it: ”recent developments” and they want your input".

Blitzwing face switch to a wide grin. “ They want to talk to little old me? I’m flattered!”. He stood up from the berth. His legs trembled and he nearly fell back down on to the berth but he was able to steady himself. Seems like the freak out from the nightmare had yet to completely lose its grip. Blitzwing just stood there for a minute trying to stop his legs from shaking so much. 

He felt a small hand touch his treads. He looked down and saw Saris looking up at him with a worried look. “Are you sure you're okay?” Blitzwing moved his ped so she no longer was touching it. “Ya!” He said in an overly happy voice “It's just a bit chilly”. Sari lifted one of her eyebrows “It’s 20 degrees celsius” . Blitzwing just laughed in response and with his almost non shaking legs walked out the door. He heard Sari trying her best to follow close behind him. 

He could hear the rest of team talking from the living room. They talked over each other so it was hard make something out over the overlapping voices. When he walked in they all went quiet and just stared at him. Having all their optics on him made him feel uneasy. Ratchet and Optimus was standing up talking. Bulkhead sat by the couch and Prowl was standing in the back leaning against the wall.

It had been about 3 months since he joined the autobot side but he knew that some scars had yet to fade. It often helped that Bumblebee usually was around when Blitzwing was amongst the rest of the team. The autobots did not completely trust or understand Blitzwing and the feeling was mutual. But Bumblebee trusted and to a certain point understood all of them. 

Bumblebee had spent his entire life as an autobot and could explain foreign concept in a way that Blitzwing understood. And Blitzwing had told him about the life of a decepticon so Bumblebee could explain reasons for Blitzwing’s actions to his team. It helped to reduce the culture shock and keep misunderstandings to a minimum. But now that Bumblebee was out of the equation they were left with no middle man who could see the situation from both sides point of view. And that was something that had never happened before except for some very short, very awkward chit chats. And now they were going to have a whole meeting without him.

It was quiet and no one said a word. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. 

“Okay Blitzwing is here so I declare this meeting as started!” Shouted Sari who had started to cringe at the awkward silence “So what are we talking about?”

That seemed to pull Optimus out of whatever thoughts he had been thinking and coughed awkwardly. “Ahem. Yes the meeting. So now that everyone is here we are going to catch everyone up on recent events and talk about where we go from here. Ratchet would you mind to start?”.

Ratchet took a step towards the middle of the room and everyone turned their attention to him which made Blitzwing feel a little bit better.  
“I have checked over Bumblebee. The good news is that as far as I can tell he's not hurt and he is not in any danger. I predict that he will probably wake up some time this afternoon.”

“And the bad news?” Bulkhead asked with a shaky voice.

“It seems Blitzwing’s prediction was right. Bumblebee seems to have been turned into a triple changer”.

“Bee is a triple changer?!” Bulkhead said surprised “How?”

“I don't really know how. But we have reasons to believe that Blackarachnia is involved”. Blitzwing snorted which earned him an angry glare from Ratchet.

“Can you..Uhmm..Turn him back?” Bulkhead said sheepishly. 

Ratchet signed and looked almost defeated. “Sadly I can not. To turn someone into a triple changer is not as easy as to just put in a different T-cog. It affects the frame and the mind. I don't know enough about triple changers and their anatomy to turn Bumblebee back. In fact i don't believe anybody except Blackarachnia knows enough to change a triple changer back to their original form.” 

“Can’t we use the key? Maybe that will change him back.” Sari asked and held up the allspark key.

Blitzwing’s face turned back to blue which made everyone in the room jump.

“Not likely” Blitzwing said. He did not look at Sari but he just knew she looked disappointed “That key has been used on me multiple times and I have never stopped being a triple changer”.

“Ratchet.” Prowl said making his voice heard for the first time in the conversation. “Can you make operations on Blitzwing or Bumblebee and see if you can reverse engineer the process?” Blitzwing gave him a nasty look. Prowl noticed it and put his servos up "Just a suggestion".

Ratchet shook his helm. “I looked over Bumblebee when I made my check up. Not only have parts been added, removed and replaced to his frame, she have used some kind of unknown liquid. Also the biggest problem is not Bumblebee’s frame it’s his mind. I can help physical alteration, but not mental”. Prowl took his optics of Ratchet and back to Blitzwing

“Blitzwing do you have any knowledge that might help with turning Bumblebee back?”

Blitzwing tried to remember if he had ever heard Blackarachnia mentions something about the process that turned him into a triple changer. But he couldn't remember anything of the sort.

“All I know is the basics of a triple changer _ after _ the surgery. Like I got a new T-cog, new limbs, new alt mode, more energy consumption that kind of thing.”

Optimus stepped in.

“I suggest we start searching for Blackarachnia. If we catch her maybe we can convince her to turn Bumblebee back”.

“And why would she do that?” Blitzwing said coldly.

“Well maybe she would do it for, old times sake?”.

“Old times sake? Now isn't that a laugh and a half” Blitzwing responded with a plain voice.

Ratchet scowled at Blitzwing. “If you have a better suggestion I would love to hear it” he growled. Blitzwing opened his mouth to say something but realised that his mind was completely blank. He closed his mouth again and remained quiet.

“That's what I thought” Ratchet said in a gloating tone of voice.

“Both of you this is not the time” Optimus said, massaging his temples. “Okay we'll figure out how to convince her when we get there.” 

Blitzwing’s face switch and he chuckled.

“Nice plan boss bot! You know, a plan can't fail if you don’t have one!” He let out a laugh before he turned back to icy.

Ratchet was about to say something but Optimus gave him a stern look and shook his helm and Ratchet kept quiet. 

“What would Blackarachnia gain from turning Bumblebee into a triple changer?” Prowl asked curiously. 

“It’s probably some kind of scheme Megatron cooked up to get back at us for “stealing” his triple changer” Ratchet said and nodded his helm toward Blitzwing. 

It felt like a stab to the spark. Blitzwing often did not care about what Ratchet had to say. Ratchet certainly never cared what he had to say_ . But what if Ratchet is right. Maybe this is my fault. _The guilt grew so much in Blitzwing chest that it started to ache. Blitzwing closed his servos into fists. He wanted to break something, anything. He needed an outlet. But he stopped himself. There was a time and place for everything. And this was not the time. So he just stood there and instead clenched his fists as hard as he could.

“But the last time we saw her she had gone rouge.” Prowl said skeptically “Why would she go back to Megatron?” 

Ratchet went quiet.

“Maybe Megatron found her and forced her to do it?” Bulkhead suggested.

“Then why did they let Bumblebee go? Why not kill or keep him? Or at least ask for some kind of ransome?”

“I don’t think we have enough information to figure this whole ordeal out at this point in time.” Said Optimus. “For now let's focus on the presents and what we are going to do with Bumblebee”.

“What do you mean “Do with Bumblebee”?” Sari asked and looked curiously at Optimus.

“No matter how much we like it or hate it". Optimus shoot a glance at Ratchet. "So is there only one of us that knows how someone reacts after they have been turned into a triple changer.” Everybody turned their optics towards Blitzwing. 

“Why are you looking at me?” Blitzwing said. He chose to stop clenching his fist and instead crossed his arm over his chest. It would be bad if they interpreted his closed fist like a sign that he was angry or about to lash out, 

“We know next to nothing about triple changers.” Continued Optimus “You need to guide us through this. Bumblebee has been turned to a triple changer. So...what do we do now?”

Blitzwing was a bit taken a bit aback by all these expectations and pressure that had just been put on his shoulders. 

“I don’t really get what you want me to do”.

“Oh for Primus sake” Ratchet huffed “What do we need to do to prepare? What are we to expect? What will be different what will still be the same, that kind of stuff”.

Blitzwing went quiet for a moment thinking carefully about the questions. He had been a triple changer for so long he rarely thought about his pre triple changer self anymore. Being a triple changer felt so natural to him but it must be so unnatural to them. 

Finally he opened his mouth. “I think it would be best that I'm alone when Bumblebee wakes up. When I woke up the first thing I did was to kill three bots”. The team looked worryingly at each other. Blitzwing ignored it and continued. “ I will need painkillers, something calming for the nerves and something that can make Bumblebee unconscious without hurting him”. 

“Why” Ratchet asked suspiciously.

Blitzwing rolled his optics.“Being turned to a triple changer hurts. It fades but the first week is going to be a living hell without painkillers. I need something that can calm Bumblebee down if he wakes up and starts panicking”. Blitzwing took a moment to take a deep breath before continuing. “ And I need something that will knock him out without hurting him if he starts to hurt himself or anybody else”.

The mention of Bumblebee hurting himself or someone else sent a shiver through the room. Optimus contemplated the request and looked at Ratchet. 

“Do we have the resources to grant the requests?” Ratchet looked at Optimus.

“We do. But..” Ratchet shot a glance towards Blitzwing. “Do we trust him with them?” Optimus turned and looked Blitzwing right in the optics. They held optic contact for some time. Blitzwing tried his best to convey to Optimus that he just wanted to help Bumblebee. Optimus eventually turned back to Ratchet.

“I know you won’t like this Ratchet but we just have to trust him on this. Give him what he asks” he finally said. Ratchet huffed but nodded in acknowledgement. Blitzwing continued “If I'm being honest I don't really know how he will act when he wakes up. Even if the procedure to turn him into a triple changer and the side effects are similar to mine he might still react in a different way to how I reacted”. 

“Side effects? ” Sari asked. She sounded worried. 

“He will not have a split but splintered personality like me with my faceplates.”

“What's the difference between split and splintered personality?”

Blitzwing took a moment. Describing how it is to be a triple changer is kind of like trying to describe the colour red to a blind person.

“I am of one mind so to say. I don't have three different people inside my head”.

“Then why do you act different depending on your face?”

“It’s like..I just kind of..”Blitzwing tried to think of someway to describe it. “It’s like water”.

Sari looked more confused than before.

"Like water?"

“Like water. It can be ice, liquid and steam. It acts differently in different stages but it never stops being water. And if it is ice, liquid or steam depends on the situation.”

Sari didn’t look any wiser.

“I'm gonna be real with you. That’s not a very good explanation”.

“Well that’s what you get. Take it or leave it... Anyway.” Blitzwing continued.”He will have trouble controlling his emotions. He may lash out, break down or find himself unable to control his impulses. This is what I had biggest problems with at least”.

“Okay” Optimus said. “How does he learn to control it?” 

“I have no clue. I don’t know how Bumblebee will handle it”.

“Alright..How did you learn to control it?”

“They...” Blitzwing felt a shiver go down his spine.

It felt like he was trying to hold a door shut but the waves of bad memories pushed and pushed and begged him to open the door and let them sweep him away and drown him. Blitzwing shook his helm and pushed the memories back down again. He rubbed the back his neck. “It doesn't matter. We won’t do it the way the decepticons did with me”. 

Ratchet lifted one of his brows “Why not?”

Blitzwing face turned and he stared at Ratchet through his red visor. “Because I said so! End of discussion!” he yelled out. The room went quiet.

“Will we recognise him?” Sari asked and looked up at Blitzwing. “Or will he be like a completely different person?”. Blitzwing turned away for Ratchet and looked down at her. Her eyes were full of worry and Blitzwing could tell that tears was not far away. Blitzwing face span back to icy and he went quiet and chose his next words carefully. If he made Sari cry Bumblebee would never let him hear the end of it.

“You will recognise him..” Blitzwing finally said. “ He will be different but his quirks and morals will stay the same” _Probably. _Blitzwing could not actually guarantee that, but this was not the time to bring that up. Sari looked at least relieved at this information. The room went quiet again.

“Well then” Optimus finally said “Ratchet help Blitzwing get the equipment he needs. And until we find Blackarachnia no one is allowed to leave the base alone. Unless someone else wants to add anything I declare this meeting as over.”

Sari sat down in the sofa next to Bulkhead and picked up one of the controllers and offered another one to Bulkhead.

“Wanna play until Bee wakes up?” Bulkhead gave Sari a weak smile. He was clearly still worried about Bumblebee but he took the controller nonetheless. Optimus opened the door to the base and turned to Prowl. “Prowl would you mind going scouting for Blackarachnia with me?” Prowl nodded and both of them turned into their alt modes.“ If something changes or you need me comm me”. And with that Optimus and Prowl drove away. 

Ratchet huffed and closed the door behind them and then looked at Blitzwing.

“Come with me and I'll get you the stuff you wanted” he said and started to walk towards the medbay.


	5. Chapter 5

Blitzwing was now completely alone. The only company he had was Bumblebee’s sleeping frame. 

Blitzwing had helped Ratchet put away all equipments except for the nerve calming pills, a barrel of oil and a syringe full of a liquid that Ratchet had told him him to stick into Bumblebee as a last resort. All other equipment had been put away so that if Bumblebee woke up in a panic he would not be able to use them to hurt himself or somebody else.

Blitzwing had sat down next to the medical berth and was holding one of Bumblebee’s small servos in his. It was so much warmer than it usually were. Even though Blitzwing had turned down the temperature of the room to make it more comfortable.

Most of the mud that had been on Bumblebee when Blitzwing had found him had been removed and the spot over his t-cog had been replaced with new yellow paint. There was also a tube sticking out Bumblebee’s right arm that lead up to an IV with a liquid that was going to numb the pain.

Blitzwing just stared at Bumblebee waiting for him to wake up. The suspense was killing him. Everytime Bumblebees faceplates turned in his sleep it made Blitzwing jump. His face looked so peaceful while he was sleeping. But Bumblebee could not be still when he was awake neither could he when he was sleeping. He would often move and turn a lot in his sleep. He would also often kicked in his sleep. When Blitzwing and him shared a berth sometimes Blitzwing would get kicked by Bumblebee while he was sleeping. It was not very strong kicks and Blitzwing just saw it more like an annoyance. Blitzwing had once brought it up with Bumblebee and the response he had gotten were “You think my kicks are annoying?! You should hear yourself snore! Everytime you snore I’m afraid that you will make the roof collapse because you make the walls tremble so much! Also you talk in you sleep did you know that?! and..” they had then proceed to argue about who’s sleeping habits was most annoying.

Blitzwing gave Bumblebees servo a gentle squeeze and on reflex Bumblebee squeezed one back. 

It was so peaceful. Blitzwing almost didn’t want it to end. The fear of what might happen after Bumblebee inevitably woke up scared him. Blitzwing sighed. He was scared but he had to be brave. Bumblebees life was going to be in complete chaos when he woke up. Blitzwing needed to be someone stable he could lean on. Blitzwing felt his faceplate spin and a large smile appearing on his face.  _ Who would have thought I would be considered the stable bot? Life really is full of surprises.  _ Blitzwing gave Bumblebee’s servo a small kiss and continued waiting for Bumblebee to wake up.

\-------

Bumblebee frame ached and felt warm. It felt like his whole frame was burning and even the smallest attempts of movement shot pain through his whole frame and no position felt comfortable.

Bumblebee groaned and opened his optics to small slits.  _ Why are the lights so bright? Wait..Where am I?”  _

Bumblebee thought back the last thing he could remember. He had gone out for a drive. It was hard to drive fast and safely in Detroit so he had driven out to the smaller forest roads outside Detroit. It had been going great, he had done some drifts and the last thing he had done was to make some donuts in the mud. He had transformed to bot mode to admire his work. That was then he had heard a sound behind him. After that everything was a blur.

He felt something holding his left servo. Bumblebee slowly turned his helm towards his left and saw a big servo holding a yellow servo. His servo? No that yellow servo did not look like his. But why did he feel it being held then? Bumblebee looked at the big servo instead and he recognised it immediately. 

“Hey Blitzwing wh-what's going on?” Bumblebee tried to sit up but his whole frame felt weirdly heavy. He saw Blitzwing lift his other servo and pushed Bumblebee gently back on to the berth.

“Don't move. You need to lay still”.

He heard Blitzwing say in a calm voice. But there was something else to it. A hint of worry.

“Why? What’s going on?” Bumblebee took a short pause and looked at the yellow servo “Who’s servo is this?” Bumblebee tried to move his own servo. To his horror moved the yellow servo exactly at the same time and way he had tried to move his own. “Wh-what?”

“Bumblebee you need to listen to me.” Blitzwing said his voice was calm but urgent. “You need to remain calm. You have been through a lot and you need to take it slow”. Bumblebee was just about to say something lame like “I don’t do slow”. But instead he heard a whirl and immediately it felt like thousands upon thousands of knives had just all at the same time stabbed him in his faceplate and then that pain spread like electricity through his whole frame. The knife's felt like they dug deeper and deeper into his faceplate and twisted every time Bumblebee's faceplate made any movement at all. Even something as small a blinking gave out an overwhelming, unbearable amount of pain.

Bumblebee screamed and let go of Blitzwing servo and covered his own faceplate. But it was not his faceplate. He traced his faceplate with his digits. His optics were too large and when he reached his mouth and he felt two fangs. 

The pain still pulsed through his faceplate plate but he forced himself to remove the servos from his faceplate. He looked at them. They were not his. And his arms were a lot bigger and heavier than his normal arms. But then why did they move like they were his?

“Where did my servos and arms go?” Bumblebee said and let out a cackle. He didn't mean it to come out in such a happy tone of voice. But he felt himself unable to control it. Like the happy voice was as natural and necessary as recharging.

He looked at his arms and he then looked at the rest of his frame. His legs were far too big and heavy to be his own. His chest was also a lot bigger. Bumblebee felt his breathing through his vent accelerate.

“Bumblebee please you need to calm down.” Bumblebee heard Blitzwing say. He turned his helm towards him. Blitzwing expression was neutral and calm but Bumblebee could tell that it was a facade, an attempt to make Bumblebee feel safer. 

Bumblebee tried to sit up again but found himself unable to. His chest and back was too heavy. It was like he had a backpack completely full of rocks on his back. It also felt like he was laying in something. Bumblebee took his servos and reach around his back to remove whatever it was. Just too realise it was a part of his back. Bumblebee looked over his shoulder to see what it was. And from his back two wings stuck out. Bumblebee heard the whirl sound again and felt how the pain pulse through his whole frame again. Bumblebee screamed a frame chilling scream and tried too rolled over on his side. The wings made it harder but in his pain he unconsciously made them press so close to his frame they could and that was enough to let him roll over. But he rolled too quickly and felt how the berth disappear under him.

The tube that had been stuck in Bumblebee’s arm came loose and Bumblebee landed hard on the ground. There was no time to put his servos up so his helm smacked into the ground. Everything became a blur and he felt all the air he had, get pushed out of him. He could hear that Blitzwing was saying something but it got muffled by the rushing in his audio receptors, as if a wall of water stood between them. But it was not much better when his focus returned. His whole frame throbbed with pain. He felt something running down his forehead and he noticed he was bleeding.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. Tears started to run down his faceplate. He put his servos on the ground and tried to stand up but his frame was too heavy. But he could not get up no matter how much he tried. He felt like a turtle on his back unable to move. He tried to roll over to his side but his new wings hit the berth and he yelped in pain and fell down on is stomach again. The wings was surprisingly delicate and the pain of hitting them on the berth had sent out a short nearly electric kind of pain through his whole frame. It was weird. Weird to feel pain in limbs you have not had before.

Bumblebee tried to get up again.  But he felt a firm servo push down on his back and hold him in place.

“You need to calm down. You are going to hurt yourself.” Blitzwing voice was a mix of anger, worry and commanding.

“It-it hurts so bad” Bumblebees whole frame started to shake and he was breathing so fast it felt like he was breathing through a straw.

“Stop hyperventilating you’re going to pass out.” He heard a whirl and Bumblebee could see in the corner of his optics that Blitzwing had turned from Hothead too Icy. “You need to take deep breaths and lay still. If you can do that I'll put back the tube with painkillers. But you need to calm down first”.

Bumblebee tried. He really tried but he just couldn't. He could not slow his breathing or stop the panic, it was too overwhelming.  _ What had happened to him? Why was his frame like this? Why did it hurt so much? How did he make it stop?  _

Bumblebee felt the tears run faster down his faceplate and mix with the energon running down from his bleeding forehead before dripping down on the floor.   
“Please make it stop. Please make the pain stop”. It was nearly inaudible between Bumblebee’s gasps for air and screams of pain. 

He could not see Blitzwing. But he heard Blitzwing breathing stop for a minute before picking back up again.

“Okay, just give me a moment”. He felt Blitzwing's frame move but his servo remained on Bumblebee’s back. Its presence on his back was kind of soothing. Like the eye of a storm like a rock in a rushing current. It took just a second before a syringe was presented before Bumblebee’s optics

“I'll stick this into you and it will make you go unconscious.” He heard a whirl as Blitzwing’s faceplate turned. “That damn medic didn't give you a strong enough dose of painkillers! That greedy bastard! Didn't want to waste the good stuff?!” Bumblebee put his servos over his audio receptors. He was used to Hothead screaming but right now it was so loud. Too loud. Blitzwing had just screamed for a second but he had already given Bumblebee a migraine that made it hard to think straight. Blitzwing's faceplate made a whirl sound again and he went quiet before talking again in a now low voice.

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” Bumblebee looked at the syringe, it was hard to see through his tear filled optics. He tried to talk but he could not over his breathing, screaming and gasps for air so he just nodded his helm up and down the best he could. He heard Blitzwing take and exhale a shaky breath “ I'm sorry. I’ll make sure Ratchet gives you a stronger dose until the next time you wake up.” That was the last thing Blitzwing said before sticking the syringe into Bumblebees arm. It was so cold compared to the rest of his warm frame. Like ice through his energon. 

Bumblebee almost immediately felt sleepy. Soon the pain started to numb and the whole world was starting to spin and he had a hard time focusing on anything. He felt how all his energy was draining. He stopped screaming and his breathing slowed down. He could feel Blitzwing's servo carefully stroking his back. Bumblebee was so tired but he needed to say something really important to Blitzwing before he went unconscious. It was only three words but it took all of Bumblebees last strength and will to push them out of his mouth. “I...Love...” and then everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

Everything went quiet. It had been total chaos and now everything was just still. Like nothing had happened. 

Blitzwing continued to stroke Bumblebee’s back until he was sure he had fallen asleep. His mind was blank, hollow. His mind should be racing with thoughts but there was just, nothing. 

Slowly he picked Bumblebee up and put him back on the medical berth and reattached the tube with painkillers. Blitzwing took a quick look over Bumblebee to make sure he had not hurt himself falling down the berth. No major damage. Just some scuffs, dents and his bleeding forehead. Blitzwing looked closer at the forehead wound. He was relieved when it turned out to be just a scratch and not a deep wound. Blitzwing open a cabinet and found a towel and he slowly started to clean off some of the energon running down Bumblebee’s face. He didn't really notice he was doing anything. It was more like he was acting on instincts. 

Blitzwing looked up a the bag and tube with painkillers. His face switch as he now stared at the bag through his red visor.His thought finally picking up again.

_ Much good that did him. Ratchet had given him a far to weak dose of painkillers. Why? Did that old scrap heap not want to waste the good stuff on Bumblebee? How dare he do this! When I get my servos on him I’ll-I’ll-. _Blitzwing let go of the towel, throwing it on the ground. Blitzwing’s thoughts started to spiral out of control and his rage only grew. But there were something more to it. His spark ached and that lump he carried with him, that heap of bad emotions had started to grow. He hated it. He tried to bury those feelings but they would not leave him alone. The more he tried the more it hurt. He didn’t want those feelings. He was okay with all the other ones. Anger, happiness, annoyance, love even fear time to time. He could handle all of them. But he just couldn't handle sadness.

Being sad never got anything done. It was stupid, a sign of weakness. If he ever had been sad before he had just pushed through it. Ignored it until it gave up. But he had only felt sadness that could compared to this only a handful of times before. He felt his optics start filling with tears. No he would not cry like some pathetic sparkling! He instead started trying to drown the sadness under a sea of rage. The sadness tried to reach the surface but Blitzwing just dragged it down deeper and deeper into the depth of his rage.The rage only grew and grew and he focused it all on one thing. Finding Ratchet. 

He slammed the door to the medbay opened and stormed out into the living room in search for Ratchet. 

He walked into the living room. The only ones there was Sari and Bulkhead who had yet to stop playing their game. They both jumped when he entered and looked at Blitzwing curiously. 

Blitzwing ignored them “Ratchet! If you don’t get your aft here in two nanosecond I’ll turn you into scrap metal!” he scream with all his might. 

Sari and Bulkhead shared a worried look between each other and then they looked back at Blitzwing. 

“Is something wrong?”. Bulkhead asked carefully like he was testing the ground and seeing how Blitzwing was going to respond. Blitzwing snapped his helm towards him which made him tense up. 

Blitzwing’s face switched and the long grin stretched over his face.

“Is something wrong?” He said it like he was pondering the question. “Is something wrong? I don't thinks so...Oh wait! Ratchet gave Bumblebee a too low a dose of painkillers and he woke up and cried and screamed about how much pain he was in until i was forced to make him unconscious.” His faceplate span back to Hothead. “Maybe that is what's wrong!”.

“Is he okay?” Sari asked. She had stopped playing the game and now all her attention was directed at Blitzwing. She looked worried.

“Are your audio receptors offline?! Did you miss that part about him screaming and crying in pain!” Blitzwing screamed at her making her flinch. 

“Our audio receptor will go offline if you keep screaming your helm off like that”. Everyone turned their attention to the source of the voice. Ratchet had entered the living room without them noticing.

Blitzwing’s optics darkened. “You..” Blitzwing said in a dark threatening tone. Blitzwing went right up to Ratchet and bent down far enough that their faces were only a few inches apart and he stared right into his optics. Ratchet did not flinch at this clearly threatening display. He held his ground and stared right back with a scowl on his face. “Why did you give Bumblebee such a weak dose of painkillers?” Blitzwing said through his gritted denta.

“Get out of my face”. Ratchet said clearly unimpressed with Blitzwing attempts to scare him. 

This only made Blitzwing’s rage to grow. _ I’m gonna slag him. _Blitzwing turned his servos into tight fists but kept them down to his sides. Ratchet must have heard what had happened with Bumblebee. Then why was he acting so calm? “Answer me. Now.” Blitzwing growled.

If Ratchet noticed the servos turn into fist was unclear. He certainly did not bring any attention to it. Blitzwing was holding his self control by a thread. He felt it slipping like sand through his diggets. 

“If you think you scare me, think again” Ratchet said. His voice was dark and low like a growl. His optics had no fear in them and his voice was a steady as a mountain. There were no hint of fear on his faceplate. Just irritation and annoyance. “Those tricks might have worked with your decepticon buddies. But they will certainly not work on me. I don’t have to tell you anything”. 

Blitzwing’s whole frame started to shake with anger. Blitzwing started to breath heavier. He was holding his self control by the thread but the rage in his mind screamed at him to let it go. _ Give in. He's asking for it! He deserves it! _ Blitzwing felt the thread slipping out of his servos but he took a hold of it again. _ No I can’t. I can’t hurt people like that anymore. That’s not what an autobot do. _ His logic and rage was fighting a war in his head. _ Would an autobot make one of their own go unconscious? _ Blitzwing tried to stop that thought before it turned nasty. _I had_ _too. _He told himself_. I didn't want to, but he asked me to do it. _But his doubts got the better of him. _He was in so much pain. What if he couldn't think clearly? What if it had been another way-? _his rage took over once again _-and I blew it._ _ Come on I have already done damage. _ _ Why not some more? _ Blitzwing logic was fighting a losing battle. _ Come on, do it, hit him. _ Blitzwing was loosing the grip. He was holding the thread by the tip of his diggets. And then he heard a familiar voice. It was not his own, but a voice from a distant memory. A dark commanding and terrifying voice. _ Don’t hold back. Rage, pain and destruction is in your programming after all. _

Blitzwing lost the grip of the thread.

“You-” Blitzwing started but he never got to finish.

“What’s going in here!?” Neither Ratchet nor Blitzwing broke optic contact. Suddenly a servo was put on both of their chests and they got a gently pushed away from each other and in the middle of them was now Optimus. He didn’t look angry but he was certainly not happy. 

Blitzwing snapped back to reality. It was like he had been dreaming and notice his rage was about to get the better of him.

“Both of you break it up. We are a team. And in this team this kind of behaviour is unacceptable.” Blitzwing grabbed the thread of self control again and held it firmly with new strength. Blitzwing looked between Optimus stern face and Ratchet. Ratchet was still staring directly at Blitzwing. Clearly not wanting to give Blitzwing a chance to get him by surprise by looking away. Blitzwing continued to glare at Ratchet. Optimus stepped in the way so they no longer could look directly at each other. He removed his servos from their chests and instead but them on his hip. “What is this about?” Optimus looked between Ratchet and Blitzwing waiting for an answer.

“Bumblebee woke up and he screamed and cried in pain and it is all his fault” Blitzwing said and pointed a digget at Ratchet. Ratchet put a servo on his chest and looked insulted. 

“My fault? How is this my fault!” Ratchet screamed back and took a step towards Blitzwing. Optimus shot an angry glare in Ratchets direction. A look telling him not to take another step. Ratchet got the hint and took a step backwards and crossed his arms.

“You didn’t give Bumblebee strong enough painkillers! That's why this is all your fault!” Blitzwing throat was starting to take a hit from all the screaming. It was starting to hurt. But it also felt nice. He had not screamed like this for a long time. And letting all his bad emotions turn into screams and focused rage and then unleashing it on someone felt so good. He knew he shouldn't like it. He knew that letting his rage do this was bad. He didn’t want to like it, he didn't want be this way. He had once unleashed his rage like this on Bumblebee and he had immediately regretted it. He had never hurt Bumblebee since they stoped being enemies. He wasn't sure he could even if he wanted to. But the look of sadness and hurt Bumblebee had gotten on his face plate had been like dagger to his spark and stopped his rage dead in its track. He had felt terrible for days after that. Bumblebee had reassured him that it was okay. That it was okay to be angry. Blitzwing agreed that being angry was okay but unleash it on Bumblebee like that was not right. It was after that Bumblebee had bought things to help with stress and anger. If Bumblebee had seen Blitzwing now, unleashing his rage on Ratchet he must have been really disappointed in him.

“Do you wanna wake the whole neighbourhood up.” Optimus cut in once again snapping Blitzwing from his thoughts. “You are not sparklings. So stop acting like ones.” Blitzwing glared daggers at Optimus. A slight hint of worry flashed in Optimus optics but his bravery was as strong as ever and he showed no sign of that he was going to move out of the way. “Calm down so we can figure this out”. 

Blitzwing was fuming. He tried to focus on Bumblebee and how disappointed he would be if he was here. _ I did not come here to fight. _ Blitzwing reminded himself I _ came to convince Ratchet to help Bumblebee. _ Blitzwing was still angry but he understood that being angry and screaming at Ratchet would not get him anywhere. The war between rage and logic had ended and logic stood victorious. After a bit of hesitation he unraveled his fists and he stood up straight. Ratchet seemed to also calm down a bit. He still had a frown on his face, but he had it so often that it might as well be considered his normal face.

“That’s much better. Now we can actually have a discussion.” Optimus said clearly fed up with Blitzwing’s and Ratchet constant squabbles.”Now. Ratchet did you give Bumblebee weak painkillers”. 

Ratchet turned his gaze from Blitzwing to Optimus and started talking with a still irritated, but calmer voice.

“I did not give him “weak” painkillers. But I did not give him our strongest”.

“Why not? Is he not good enough for it?” His word ran out like poison from Blitzwing mouth. Ratchet and Optimus turned and shot angry glares in his direction.

“Blitzwing let Ratchet talk to finish.” Optimus said sternly and then turned from Blitzwing back to Ratchet. Ratchet continued, now focusing on Blitzwing.

“I wanted to know if he was able to cope with that dose. If he is going to have pain for a long time he will eventually build up an immunity to the painkillers. If I give him a “weaker” dose and he gets immune to that one we can make it stronger. But if we start at strong and he gets immune he will just have to live with the pain. Also the stronger dose the stronger side effects” Ratchet said it like Blitzwing was an idiot for not figuring that out himself. “Is that enough of an answer for you?” Ratchet said coldly. It made Blitzwing energon boil but no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, Ratchets reasoning made sense.

“But he could not cope with it” snapped Blitzwing. Happy with having something to spit back at him. “He was in far too much pain”.

“I get that.” Ratchet snapped back. “I will make the dose stronger from now on”.

Blitzwing was still angry but he had gotten what he wanted. Ratchet had agreed on making the painkillers stronger so there were no point to continue arguing. Like ice his rage melted away enough to make Blitzwing faceplate to spin back to Icy.

Optimus looked very relieved by this.

“Good. Now that’s settled.” Optimus breathed out. He had dark rings under his optics and he looked exhausted. Blitzwing didn’t blame him. These last two days had been exhausting for everyone and Ratchet and him fighting was probably not helping.

“Ratchet please make Bumblebee's dose stronger. Blitzwing please keep looking after Bumblebee. And both of you can you please try to get along. Or at least not be at each others throats. We have enough going on as is. We don’t need you two fighting on top of that” said Optimus. It sounded like he was almost begging them. Ratchet and Blitzwing shot a glare at each other and huffed. Optimus rubbed his temples. He let his optics wander to Bulkhead and Sari who both were frozen on the spot. Bulkhead was standing up and it looked like he had been preparing to step in if the situation had escalated.

“Oh also one more thing” Optimus said and turned back to Ratchet “Ratchet after you have changed Bumblebee’s painkillers can you and Bulkhead go out and scout for Blackarachnia?” Optimus looked back at Bulkhead “Is that fine with both of you?”

“No problem” Said Bulkhead. He seemed to loosen up a bit now that the arguing had stoped.

“Sure” Ratchet hissed and walked past Blitzwing and headed towards the medbay.

Blitzwing and Optimus watched Ratchet until he disappeared behind the medbay door. 

“I’m gonna go and recharged” Said Optimus in a tired voice.”If you need me I’ll be in my room”. And with that he left. “I’m gonna go and prepare for leaving” Bulkhead said and with that Bulkhead followed after Optimus out of the living room. He probably did not actually need to prepare to head out. He probably just used it as an excuse to not be left alone with Blitzwing.

Blitzwing just continued watching the medbay door. Waiting for it to open so he could go back to Bumblebee. He didn’t notice it himself but he started to pace. Walking back and forth but he never took his optic off the door. He glared at the door like a wild animal preparing to pounce on its prey.

“Hey Blitzwing!” Blitzwing snapped his head towards the sound and caught Sari’s eyes. “Why don’t you sit down and play with me?” Sari had a smile on her face but it looked a bit forced. Like she was pretending that Ratchets and Blitzwings fight had not affected her in anyway. She was trying to act strong.

Blitzwing looked at Sari’s face and then at the screen and at last at the medbay door. 

“No thanks”. He slowly said and continued to stare at the door.

“I know you worry, I’m worried too. Heck find someone here who's not worried.” She stopped for a moment and looking at Blitzwing with a look of sympathy. “but that door is not gonna get anymore open by you staring at it.” 

Blitzwing turned back to Sari with a scowl. She was holding a controller in his direction.

“Come on! Please just one game!”. Sari said shifting the tone of her voice from sad too excited. She had that face that both she and Bumblebee had that said “Do it or I'll continue to annoy you”. Blitzwing shoot another glance at the door but he eventually sighed in defeat and his scowl lifted just slightly. “Fine. But just one game”.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually kind of happy with how this chapter turned out. Enjoy!  
\-----------------------------------

Bumblebee optics opened in a flash. He was breathing fast and his spark was pounding at a rapid rate. He immediately got blinded by the ceiling lamps and pulled up one of his arms to shield his optics from the bright light. He had been dreaming something. He tried to remember what the dream was about but it was all in a haze. 

While he was trying to make out the details a whirl sound came from the left of him.He jumped a little from the sudden sound. He couldn't see the source of the sound with his arm over his optics but he didn’t have to see it to know the source of it. He slowly removed his arm from his face so his optics had time to adjust and turned his helm to the left. He immediately saw Blitzwing’s frame, he was yet again holding Bumblebee’s servo in his. Bumblebee tilted his helm enough so he could see Blitzwings face. Blitzwing face was Random at the moment. But even his consistent wide grin seemed to have shrunk a little.  _ Wonder if somethings wrong?  _ Bumblebee looked at him and gave him a soft smile. 

“Good morning.”

Blitzwings grin seemed to widen again and his optics lit up.

“Goody goody morning. How are you feeling this fine day my sweet honeybee?” He said it in a tone that was trying to sound cheerful. But Bumblebee could tell that he was faking it. _ Ya something's definitely wrong if Random is faking it. _

Bumblebee took a minute just to actually feel how he was feeling. His whole frame felt weirdly numb and even though he had just slept he felt exhausted and kind of nauseous.

“I’m fine. A bit tired. How about you?” Bumblebee said, trying to see if Blitzwing would tell him what was wrong without having to directly call him out. Blitzwing face switched and his now blue face was facing him. He had dark circles under his optics and he looked as exhausted as Bumblebee felt. It looked like he hasn't had a good recharge for sometime.

“I’m better now that you are awake” He said softly. Bumblebee felt his whole frame fill from helm to peds with love for the triple changer. Bumblebee squeezed Blitzwings servo. Blitzwing gave be a short smile and he lean down and gave Bumblebees servo a quick kiss. “Did you recharge well?” He then said when he sat back up.

Bumblebee felt something sting in his face and a whirl sound rang out. It felt like a static shock of pain. It didn’t hurt much but Bumblebee took his servo to his face and started trying to rub the pain away. 

“Did I recharge well?” Bumblebee exclaimed in a teasing voice. “Have you recharged at all? You look like a racoon!”. He said and let out a chuckle. He wasn't sure if Blitzwing even knows what a racoon is but he seemed to get the point. Blitzwing rolled his optics.

“Your not exactly sleeping beauty yourself..” Blitzwing went quiet for a moment. Bumblebee could feel the tone change. Blitzwing looked troubled and it made Bumblebee feel uneasy. Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee and his optic ridges furrowed and he looked very serious. “Are...Are the painkillers working better now?” he finally said.

“The what-” Bumblebee felt the pain in his face again and gave out a small yelp, more in surprise then in pain. He put his faceplate in his servos and tried to yet again, rub the pain away before looking back at Blitzwing.

“Are you okay?” Blitzwing said in a concerned tone of voice and leaned closer and let go of Bumblebees servo and laid his servo on Bumblebee’s chest like he was warning him to not even try to sit up. He didn't put any weight down on Bumblebee’s chest. It felt like he was afraid if he put any weight on he would put a dent on Bumblebees frame. Blitzwings optics were wide and that happiness that had been in them just some time ago had been replaced by worry and concern. 

“Ya I’m fine. What was that?" He looked at Blitzwing, waiting for an answer.

Blitzwing broke optic contact and looked down at the floor. He looked almost...ashamed. Bumblebee felt his spark sink. He hated seeing Blitzwing unhappy.

Bumblebee lifted one of his servos and put it on Blitzwings cheek. Blitzwing meet Bumblebee’s optics again. 

“Blitzwing what's wrong?” He said concern written all over his voice. Blitzwing just looked at Bumblebee for a moment. Bumblebee gave him an encouraging smile. Blitzwing leaned in to Bumblebees touch. He took a deep breath and started talking again.

“Do you remember anything from the last time you woke up” he said slowly.

“The last time?” Bumblebee said confused and then it hit him.  _ The last time I woke up.  _

He immediately looked down and saw his new bulkier body.  _ So it wasn't a dream.  _ All the memories of the last time he had woken up started to return to him. He started to breath faster and his thoughts started to race. He took his servo off Blitzwings cheek and started to move his servos over his much bulkier chest, like he was testing if it was real. When he could feel his frame was real under his diggets his whole frame started to shake.

“Bumblebee look at me.” Blitzwing gently grabbed Bumblebees chin and turned his helm towards his faceplate so he no longer could look down at his new frame. Bumblebee looked straight into Blitzwings optics. They had a gentleness to them and Bumblebee found it hard to focus on anything except him. Blitzwing started to breath in and breathe out slow steady breaths and Bumblebee unconsciously started to mimic his breathing patterns.Taking deep consistent breaths.

Blitzwing leaned in closer until their foreheads were up against each other. Bumblebee could feel Blitzwing warm breaths on his faceplate. Everything faded. Bumblebee’s panic, his racing thoughts, confusion all those things pales in comparison when they are up against the love of his life.

“Bumblebee you must listen to me.” Blitzwing said. His voice was gentle and slow so there was no way Bumblebee could miss even a single word of what he was saying.

“You have been through a lot. And I know it’s hard but you need to be calm” He stopped for a minute letting Bumblebee processes his words before continuing “do you trust me?” 

Bumblebee blinked in surprise. “Do I what?” Bumblebee answered. 

“Do you trust me?” He said again in a patient voice. Bumblebee didn’t know why he was asking that right now but the answer to him was crystal clear and without a doubt in his mind he answered “I would trust you with my life... Why do you ask?” Blitzwing optics lit up in a way that made Bumblebee’s whole frame feel warm and fuzzy inside. Blitzwings leaned in even closer and Bumblebee tried to meet him halfway and their lips connected. It felt so good. It felt like they were alone it the world and like time no longer existed. If Bumblebee could he would want to stay like this forever and not worry about anything. He didn’t know how long they had been kissing when their lips separated but it felt too short. 

They kept their foreheads together and Blitzwing spoke up again.

“I needed to know because I need you trust me when I say this...Everything's gonna be alright.”He said it with conviction. “Things are not gonna be easy but I’m gonna be here with you every step of the way. You are not alone.” His voice soften a pit for the next part. “And you might not be okay right now but you’re going to be. I promise”. Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a quick kiss on his cheek before he slowly pulled his helm away and removed his servos. Giving Bumblebee back the option to look down at his new frame.

Bumblebee took a moment and continued to look at Blitzwing, psyching himself up to look at himself again. “Do you want something that calms your nerves?” Blitzwing said and shot a glance at the oil canister and a box with a pill symbol on it. Bumblebee looked at it but once his optics feel on the oil canister he immediately looked away. Even thinking about drinking oil or putting anything in his tank at the moment made his nausea skyrocket. He knew if he drank it, it would just come straight back up again.

“No. Just give me a moment”. He answered. Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a nod in acknowledgement.

They just sat there for a minute looking lovingly at each other. That Blitzwing was there by his side made Bumblebee feel a lot braver. 

Like ripping off a bandage Bumblebee finally turned his helm and looked at his frame. 

The last time he had woken up he had been to busy having a breakdown to actually take a closer look at it. His legs were bigger and bulkier. His chest area was a bit bigger and he could see his wings poking out from under him. Bumblebee was in shook. It felt so wrong to look down on a frame that wasn't his own. His thoughts started racing again but he repeated Blitzwing words again and again in his helm until the panicked thoughts started too slow down.  _ Everything's gonna be alright, everything's gonna be alright, everything's gonna be alright. _ Y _ ou might not be okay right now but you’re going to be. I promise. _

He started to feel calmer. More in control. His panicked thoughts actually slowed down enough so Bumblebee could actually think about them. They were no longer bouncing around his helm like ping-pong balls in a paint shaker. One of the thoughts stood out against the other. Like the moon against the dark night sky. Bumblebee turned back to Blitzwing.

“What happened to my frame?” 

Blitzwing optics darkened. His face turned too Hothead. He was grinding his denata. “You-you..!” Blitzwing was clearly getting more and more agitated but he also seemed to be getting more and more nervous. 

“Just tell me. I can handle it” Bumblebee said, trying to sound reassuring but it came off more like impatient. Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee from top to bottom like he was sizing him up and arguing with himself if this was a good idea.

Bumblebee felt another stab of pain in his faceplate but he tried to ignore it this time around. This time when he looked at Blitzwing everything was coloured in a shade of blue.

“Just spit it out! What’s with the build up?!” Bumblebee said irritated. “Just tell-” Bumblebee didn’t get to finish.

“You are a triple changer!” Blitzwing blurted out.

The words rang out and they both went quiet. Bumblebee was just staring at Blitzwing with disbelief. 

“I am a what?”

“You are a triple changer Bumblebee” Blitzwing said again, weirdly patient for still being Hothead. Bumblebee felt a stab of pain again but he didn’t really notice it.

“I’m a triple-no-I’m not- I can't- How?” Bumblebee's thoughts were back in the paint shaker. Bumblebee understood the words Blitzwing had said but it was like they didn’t fit in that order, in that sentence. “How?” He asked again. He wasn’t sure if he was saying it to himself or to Blitzwing. 

“Blackarachnia turned you into one” Blitzwing said while gritting his denta so hard it wouldn't be surprising if they broke.

“No I can’t be a triple changer” Bumblebee said in disbelief. “I don’t have two alt modes. I have one. I always have had one. I know nearly nothing about triple changers. I can’t be-this is a joke” Bumblebee looked pleading at Blitzwing. “Please tell me it’s a joke. Please tell me that you’re joking!”

Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee. And the look on his face was spark breaking. His face switch too Icy. “I’m sorry” he said in a low, sorrowful voice.  “I’m so sorry Bumblebee”.

Bumblebee just stared at him. It was like he was waiting for the punchline. Like he was waiting for Blitzwing to turn to Random and tell him it was all a joke, a prank, a big goof. But it never came. No punchline. Just the cold hard truth.

Bumblebee looked down at his frame again. It felt so wrong to call what he saw his frame. The frame he had seen every time he had looked in a mirror was gone, replaced. It felt like he wasn't himself, like he was possessing someone else's frame. 

Bumblebee tried to sit up but his whole frame was too heavy.

“Please, don’t try to move” Blitzwing said pleading. Bumblebee felt his face switch.

“Don’t worry Blitzbrain. I can’t get up even if I wanted to! I’m too heavy” His face switch back and tears started to slowly run down his chin. “How am I supposed to function if I can’t even sit up? I’m just a pile of scrap metal.” He laughed a watery laugh. He saw through his tears Blitzwing’s raise a servo. He put it on Bumblebee cheek and with a digget he wiped away some of the tears. 

“We’ll figure it out. Everything's gonna be alright. I promise” 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep” Bumblebee said in between sniffles.

Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a soft, confident smile “I would never”. 

It made Bumblebee feel a little better and he went quiet again. He put his servos around Blitzwings arm and held it firmly. “Can you hold me. Just for a while?” Bumblebee's voice was quiet and shaky because of the crying. He felt so vulnerable and he always felt safe when Blitzwing were holding him. 

Blitzwing removed his servo from Bumblebees faceplate. He sat down on the edge of the berth and put one arm carefully around Bumblebees back and one under his legs. He looked at Bumblebee and said “If it hurts tell me immediately” and after that he slowly lifted Bumblebee up. He was holding him so carefully, like he was holding a water cup so full of water it reached the surface tension and he was afraid that any wrong move would spill it. He also made sure he didn’t accidentally pull the tube that lead to the pain killers out of Bumblebee’s arm.

He put Bumblebee down on his lap and put his arms around him. Bumblebee leaned his helm against Blitzwing chest and just silently cried.Blitzwing started rubbing a servo up and down Bumblebee’s back trying to comfort the crying minibot.

They sat like that for sometime. Bumblebee just letting his tears run down his faceplate. Blitzwing was the one who first spoke up again.

“I’m sorry for sedating you.” Bumblebee’s cries stopped for a moment, surprised at the apology. He let out a half hearted watery laugh. 

“Why are you apologising you dummy? I asked you to do it”. Blitzwing strokes stopped for a moment while he was processing Bumblebees words before continuing. 

“I know. But it still felt wrong to do that to you. That I made you go unconscious by force” 

“Don’t say it like that" Bumblebee huffed "It sounds like you did it against my will” Bumblebee lifted his helm to look at Blitzwing. Blitzwing was quiet and was currently not looking at Bumblebee, but at his autobot symbol on his chest. Bumblebee knew that look and what it meant.

Since Blitzwing had joined the autobots his perspective of decepticons had changed from the heroes of the story, to the villains. And mostly when he looked at his autobot symbol was a sign that he either was thinking about the time he spent as a decepticon or that he thought he had done some decepticon act.

“Hey” Bumblebee said and tapped on Blitzwing chest. He immediately got Blitzwing attention. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You did as I asked. It was the painkillers fault I was sedated. Not yours. So don’t go blaming yourself”. Blitzwing quietly nodded in acknowledgment but Bumblebee wasn't sure if Blitzwing actually believed him. But he didn’t know what else to say so the room fell into silence again for some time.

“I don’t even know anything about triple changers.” Bumblebee finally said. And Blitzwing seemed to get snapped out of whatever thoughts he had been thinking. Bumblebee had been in a relationship with Blitzwing for a long time and he just now realised that he nearly knew nothing about being a triple changer. He mostly had avoided the topic because Blitzwing always looked so pained at the mention of it and Bumblebee hated to see Blitzwing like that.

Maybe they should have talked more about it. Maybe then he wouldn't look like he was in so much pain when it got brought up. All Bumblebee knew was that becoming triple changer had not been Blitzwings choice, he had been a flyer before he turned, the surgery had caused him to have three faces and the whole ordeal had left deep scars in Blitzwings psyche. And that was about it. 

_ Primus I must be bringing up so many bad memories by talking about being a triple changer.I must be bringing up so many bad memories by being a triple changer. This whole thing must be painful for him.  _ Bumblebee voice started shaking,

“I know I should know more about triple changers because you are my conjux but I just-”

Blitzwing hushed Bumblebee and stroke away some tears from Bumblebee’s faceplate. 

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. No need to rush things.” Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a kiss on top of his helm. “If you have questions I can try to answer them”.

“Are you sure you're okay with that?” Bumblebee said. He wanted to be sure Blitzwing was feeling well enough and was prepared to talk about being a triple changer after they had been avoiding it for such a long time.

Blitzwing nodded “Ask me anything”.

Bumblebee sure had a lot of questions but he didn’t even know where to start. It was like picking a grain of sand in the desert. So Bumblebee asked the first random thought that came to mind.

“Will I be able to finish playing Dead space?” Bumblebee regretted asking that as fast as it left his mouth.  _ What am I doing? Why did I ask that? I can ask him anything and I ask him that? Stupid! _

Blitzwing stared at Bumblebee with a look of confusion and surprise.

“Will you what?” 

“Dead space, I haven’t finished playing it yet. I’m like ⅔ in and I want to finish it”.

Blitzwing lifted an optic ridge and his mouth turned into a smirk.

“You have just turned into a triple changer, you probably have a mountain of questions and you start with asking if you can still play video games? Nice to see you still got your priorities straight” He said sarcastically. 

Bumblebee felt his tears stop and his faceplate grew hot with embarrassment. His face switch and he looked at Blitzwing through his blue visor.

“Shut up! Just answer the question!” Blitzwing face plate turned as well and his big smile covered his face and he just laughed.

“No! You can never play a game again!" He wiped away a non existing tear for his one of his optics "I, myself used to be a gamer before I turned into a triple changer, but now my dream of becoming a pro gamer is just that. A Dream” Blitzwing was saying it over dramatically and he tried to look pained but his smile and giggles made it not so believable. 

“Stop joking around you aft! Can I or can’t I? This is important!”

Blitzwing just laughed and Bumblebee kept yelling at him to knock it off and take him seriously. And for that moment it felt like nothing had changed at all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me a lot of trouble. I had to rewrite it like 3 times and I'm still not completely happy with it. But i just want it done by this point so I can continue. Might rewrite it in the future. Hope you guys still enjoy it.  
\----------------------------------

The door to the medbay opened carefully. Blitzwing immediately snapped his helm towards it and observed the door. Blitzwing lowered his cannons. He knew it probably was unnecessary but better to be prepared and wrong than unprepared and caught by surprise. Through the door came Sari. As fast Blitzwing registered that it was her his cannons went back up and he relaxed. Sari looked in and saw Blitzwing sitting on the medical berth with Bumblebee still on his lap.

Bumblebee and Blitzwing had been cuddling and talking about nothing for about an hour. After that Bumblebee had gotten so tired he didn’t add anything to the conversations more than sleepy “hmm” in response to what Blitzwing was saying. Soon after that he had nestle up against Blitzwing and fallen into recharge. 

Blitzwing had considered putting Bumblebee back on the berth and go and take a short recharge himself. He hadn't done that for a couple of reasons. Number one: He was afraid of waking Bumblebee up when he removed him from his lap. Number 2: If he succeeded in removing Bumblebee from his lap there was a chance he would wake up and Blitzwing not being there. But Blitzwing mostly used that as excuses. Really he had stayed because he didn’t want to go back to his and Bumblebee’s room to recharge. It felt too empty.Too quiet. Like something very important was missing. Staying with Bumblebee also made him feel less alone even though Bumblebee was recharging.  Blitzwing had been recharging alone for most of his life and he was not going back to it. Recharging alone with only his thoughts for company, recharging without feeling Bumblebees smaller frame curled up against his, waking up alone without morning greetings and kisses. He didn't want to go back to it.

Recharging also didn’t look nearly as inviting anymore after the nightmare he had. So staying awake with Bumblebee in his lap was the best option. Even though his lack of recharging was starting to take its toll on him. 

“Hey” Sari whispered.

“Hello” Blitzwing whispered back.

“Sooo...how did it go?” Sari said and walked closer to the berth to try to get a better look at Bumblebee.

“We talked before he fell asleep. He took it better today”.

“Nice” Sari was as close to the berth she could get now. She looked up at the distance between her and the top of the berth. She was far too small and it would be hard to get up to the top. She turned her head and looked at Blitzwings legs and a mischievous smile crept up her face. 

Blitzwings monocle zoomed in to see what she was doing. Sari walked up to Blitzwings treads, put her hands on it and started climbing up. Blitzwing didn’t like the touch of organics. He didn’t necessary dislike them but their fleshy touch was not pleasant and he tried to avoid it when he had the chance. But right now he was stuck. He didn’t want to move or do anything that could wake Bumblebee up. So he just had to sit there and endure it. Sari climbed Blitzwings leg to the top and was now standing on the berth. Blitzwing faceplate turned and he stared right into her eyes through is red visor and growled in a low tone.

“Don’t. Ever. Use me as an ladder again if you value your short life span”

“Sure, whatever you say” She said insincerely. Clearly not feeling intimidated by Blitzwings threat. It kind of pissed Blitzwings off but he also couldn't blame her for not being afraid of him when he literally was not moving because he didn’t want to wake Bumblebee up.  _ Curse you Bumblebee for making me love you. _

Sari walked closer to get a better look at Bumblebee. Her eyes scanned over his frame until they came to a rest on his wings.

“So he can fly now?” She said excitedly but she still kept her voice down.

Blitzwing switched back too Icy even though he was still a bit agitated “With some training, probably” he said plainly.

“Wow. That means he will be, like the fourth autobot in history who can fly. After Jetfire, Jetstorm and you of course.”

Blitzwing just nodded in acknowledgement. It still felt weird being called an autobot even if it is what he technically was  now.

“I think he should learn to move his frame again before he learns to use his new...features”. 

Sari looked at Blitzwing in surprise.

“He can’t move?”

“No he’s too weak to carry his new weight. It will take some training and getting used too”. 

Sari looked at Bumblebee then back at Blitzwing whit a curious look.

“Wasn't the first thing you you did after you woke up killing three people? ”

Blitzwing cringed a little. Maybe he should have kept that detail to himself. That she asked that so bluntly also kind of threw him off.

“That is correct"He said slowly. "Why are you asking?” Blitzwing suspicion grew, he didn't really like where this conversation was going. 

“Could you move when you woke up then? Didn’t you weigh more after being turned into a triple changer?”

Blitzwing looked down at his frame for a second. Mostly at the paint where the decepticon logo had been, before it had been removed and replaced with a red autobot logo.

“I was a decepticon warrior. I was stronger than I needed before the surgery. The surgery made me slower but not immobile”. Blitzwing faceplate switched and he turned his now grinning faceplate to Sari. “Bumblebee is itsy bitsy tiny and far from a warrior. He didn’t even make it through boot camp.” 

“Hey!” Blitzwing put one digit to his lips and made a “shhh” sound towards Sari. Bumblebee moved a little and Sari and Blitzwing went dead silent. Bumblebee yawned and then went still again. Sari breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Sorry.” She whispered and looked guilty. “Anyway as I was going to saying, he might not have made it but he’s can still kick your butt.” Blitzwing went quiet the got a mean idé. He leaned in closer to Sari and gave her a malicious smile. 

“Did he tell you that? I would like to see him try” He saw her get uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if it was because of they way he had said that or because they had been talking about him killing people for just a nano second ago. But it was kind of fun watching her shift he weight uncomfortably. They stayed like that in an intense silence. 

“Boo.” Blitzwing sudden said and moved his helm quickly just some inches forward. Sari jumped and raised her fist like she was ready for a fight. She realised nearly instantaneous that Blitzwing had done that just to freak her out and she started frowning.

That filled Blitzwing with delight and laughter escaped his mouth. He shouldn't have done that but he was too tired to care.

It was now Sari’s turn to put her finger to her lip and make a “shh” sound. Blitzwing forced the laughed down to just a giggle. He looked at Sari with delight.

“Made you jump.” He sing sang while still trying to stop his giggling "Were you scared?"

“No, you just surprised me, thats all" She crossed her arms in a huff. 

“That’s what you get for using my treads as a ladder” Blitzwings giggles eventually stopped and the room went quiet. Sari just stood there for awhile before her anger seemed to run off her. She looked over at Bumblebee and her frowning face turned to a look of worry.

“Was he like himself?”Her tone was much more serious than it had been for just a moment ago. This change of tone surprised Blitzwing. His faceplate turned back to icy accommodate the new tone.

He looked down at Bumblebee. His faceplate was currently the normal one.

“He is still himself. Different, but it's still him”.

Sari looked at Blitzwing and her mouth turned into a big smile again.

“I’m glad”.

Blitzwing felt the corner of his mouth lift up just a little as well.

“Me too.”

The door to the medbay opened up again and in walked Ratchet. Blitzwings smile immediately dropped and he stared daggers at Ratchet. Racthet stared right back and sighed. 

“Cool your jets. I’m just here to refill the painkillers.” He started to walk over to the IV. On his way his optics feel on Sari and he stopped.

“Kid, what are you doing here?” 

“What? Am I not allowed to see one of my friends when they are in the med bay?” Sari huffed she was clearly not feeling up to getting told a lesson.

Ratchet pinched the space between his optics and sighed again. 

“No. Just..Just don’t touch or do anything”. 

“What do you take me for” She said with a pout. Ratchet completely ignored her and started refill the IV. 

The door slowly opened again and Bulkhead peaked his head through the door. When he saw everyone in the room he entered and closed the door behind him.

“Hi” He whispered ”How’s he doing?”

“He’s doing better” Sari answered with confidence like she had been there and seen him awake herself.

Bulkhead walked just close enough to the berth to see Bumblebee. Bumblebees faceplate made a whirl sound and everyone in the room except Blitzwing and Ratchet jumped. Bumblebees faceplate had spun from normal to the one with the visor. Sari looked at it and then looked up at Blitzwing and pointed.

“What does that one mean?”

Blitzwing lifted a optic ridge.

“Come again?”

“What feeling does that face represent? Like is that his version of Icy, Random or Hothead?” 

“My faceplates does not represent just one feeling” Blitzwing answered coldly. “That would mean I only would have three feelings”. Sari groaned.

“I know. But you know what I mean. What causes it to spin? What’s the trigger?”

Blitzwing shrugged.

“I don’t know. We have to wait and see”.

Sari looked back at Bumblebee's faceplate and stared at it. Her brow started to wrinkle.

“Is something wrong?” Asked Bulkhead and walked close enough so he could get a clear look at Bumblebee.

“No I’m just thinking about what we gonna call his faces”.

Ratchet huffed. “Don’t you think we have more important matters at hand than to name Bumblebee’s faceplates?”

Sari looked at Ratchet with a frown. “What? We have to name them eventually anyway. Why not start thinking about it now.” Sari lit up. “We can have like a name revealing party-”Ratchet cut in.

“No, no name revealing party. Hopefully we’ll get him back to normal before long. So naming his faceplates would just be a waste of time and energy” Sari pouted.

“I just thought it would be fun”.

Ratchet seemed to finally have refiled the IV and started to walk back towards the door. Before he left he stoped and looked back at Blitzwing. 

“I would like to talk to him when he wakes up again. So get me when he does” Blitzwing didn't answer and just continued to look down at Bumblebee.

“I take that as a yes” Ratchet was about out to leave but then stopped again for a moment.It looked like he was thinking. He then turned and looked back at Sari and Bulkhead. “You two leave as well, let them rest.

Sari groaned “Why? I’m not waking him up.”

“He’s not the only one who needs rest.” Ratchet said plainly. Blitzwing lifted his helm and looked at Ratchet but Ratchet just looked at Sari ignoring Blitziwings existence.

Bulkhead walked up to Sari and put out a servo towards her. “Come one Sari. How about you help me pick out colours for my new painting?”

Sari looked at Bulkhead and then at Bumblebee and then at last at Blitzwing.

“Take good care of him while I'm gone, okay?”

“When don’t I?” Blitzwing said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes then stepped on to Bulkheads servo and the all three of them left the medbay leaving Blitzwing and Bumblebee alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news! My autumn break will start next week so I will try to make a double update!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just gotta say WOW and THANK YOU for getting this fic over 100 kudos! When i started this fic thought no one would like it or pay much notice to it. BOY DID YOU GUYS PROVE ME WRONG. I don't know what more to say than thank you all for your support!  
\--------------------------------

Bumblebee was feeling weird. It felt like he was awake but also asleep at the same time. He could not feel his frame. He tried to move. But his frame would not respond. It was like his frame was not even there or that he had been buried. He tried to open his optics. That didn’t work. He tried to speak. That didn’t work.  His HUD kicked to life and and a flood of error messages appeared. Some talked about damages and missing parts. Other were just error messages with nothing else written on them. Just “ERROR” in big angry letters.  _ What’s going on? What’s happening?  _ Everything started to fade and go out of focus.

That was then Bumblebee woke up.

He blinked a few times and looked around. He was still being held by Blitzwing and was still sitting in his lap. Blitzwing's faceplate was relaxed and his optics were closed and he was snoring.  Waking up in Blitzwing's arms made Bumblebee calm down instantly.  _ It was just a dream. _ Bumblebee told himself and breathed out in relief.  He then looked down at himself and was met by his new frame. Bumblebee tried to pinch himself to see if he was still dreaming. He felt the pain from the pinch and sighed  _ I guess that me being turned into a triple changer being also a dream is too much to ask for. _

Bumblebee raised his servos to his faceplate. He could not feel the fangs and the whole world were not in a shade blue so he guessed he was using his normal face. Having three faceplates would take some getting used to.

Bumblebee tried to sit up but his frame was still too heavy. It was like he was trying to do sit ups but couldn't get higher than raising his helm.  _ Great, I still can’t move.This sucks.  _

Bumblebee had nothing better to do so he looked over his shoulder and started inspecting his new wings. He tired to focus on them and he was able to make them wiggle just slightly. He then looked at Blitzwing's wings. Blitzwing's wing went down whilst Bumblebee’s wings were pointing more upwards. They were more similar to Starscream's wings than Blitzwing's, he didn't really know why but that kind of annoyed him.  _ Wonder what kind of plane I turn into. _ Bumblebee felt a stab of pain in his faceplate.  _ Maybe I will turn into a jet plane and I'll be even faster then I am in car mode!  _ Bumblebee but his servos over his faceplate and started trying to rub away the pain. Now he could feel the fangs. He put his digit on one of them and traced the servo around the edge. It was surprisingly sharp.

He felt Blitzwing's frame move and shift under him and when Bumblebee looked back up at Blitzwing's faceplate Blitzwing's optics were online and looking at him.

“Whoops! Sorry for waking you”. Bumblebee said and gave Blitzwing smile.

“That’s okay.” Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a soft smile back. Bumblebee looked at him and felt his whole frame go fuzzy inside. 

Bumblebee put his arms straight up towards Blitzwing helm and started moving his digits in a grab motion. Blitzwing just looked at him for a moment confused, before slowly lowering his helm enough for Bumblebee to hold onto the sides. Bumblebee held on and tried to pull himself up closer to Blitzwing's faceplate. 

He tried with all strength he had but he only managed to lift himself a tiny bit. It was a bit embarrassing. Bumblebee lowered himself down again took some breaths and then tried again. He didn't come much higher but suddenly Blitzwing faceplate got closer and Bumblebee smile widen even more.  _ I’m doing it! _ He thought happily before he realised he wasn't actually doing it. Blitzwing was just lowering his helm even lower. Bumblebee felt a stab of pain and everything turned blue. He stopped trying to pull himself up and let himself fall back onto Blitzwing's lap and his arms fell to his sides.

Blitzwing stopped lowering himself for a moment. Then his faceplate span to Random and he lowered his helm so Bumblebee was barely out of kissing reach and then stopped.  Bumblebee lifted an optic ridge and Blitzwing just smiled, it was like he was waiting for something. When Bumblebee did nothing Blitzwing took Bumblebees arms and put them back on the side of his helm. Finally it clicked. 

Bumblebee gritted his denta and with all his might he tried to pull himself up._Third time's a charm_. It was hard, it was like gravity had doubled in strength. His arms started shaking from the effort of pulling up his own weight. He pulled himself up and he was nearly there. He was so close. But he didn’t have the arm strength to pull himself the last distance. So he bent his neck forward as much as he could instead and it was just enough. He was able to land a quick kiss on Blitzwing's smile before he fell down again exhaust. Blitzwing clapped his servos enthusiastic. 

“Good job!”

“Pshh! That...was...easy!” It was hard to get the words out when he had to take a breath between every word. He puffed out his chest a little and looked smug. Blitzwing's faceplate switch back too Icy and he rolled his optics. 

“Sure it was. Your heavy breathing is a clear statement of that” Before Bumblebee had time to argue he continued. “How are you feeling?”

Bumblebee felt another stab of pain. He frowned and rubbed his faceplate yet again.

“My faceplate keep hurting. When will it stop?” Blitzwing gave him a sympathetic look. 

“For me it was after about a week”.

“For how long have I had three faceplates?”

Blitzwing took a moment before answering, Bumblebee could see his processor was working, trying to calculate the time. 

“About four days” His faceplate switch to his wide grin again “You’re halfway there!”

That did not make Bumblebee a lot happier. But having Blitzwing by his side made him at least feel stronger. To have someone who knew and could relate to what he was going through. Blitzwing was kind of like a guide book at the moment.  _ Wonder how Blitzwing got through it. He had no one he could relate to or lead him through his transition. It must have been hard. _

Bumblebee looked down at his frame again. He had been like this for four days now. He had been unconscious for most of it. It felt weird that it had been four days for everybody else but for Bumblebee it only felt like a short while. Bumblebee froze as the thought hit him and he realise something.

_ Everybody else! Shoot!  _ With all the stuff going on he had completely forgotten about his team.  _ Do they know? Are they okay? Have anybody else turned into a triple changer? A _ sea of questions formed in his mind.

He looked at Blitzwing and blurted out in a bit of panic “Is everyone else okay?! Am I the only one who's gotten turned?! Do they know?! Where are they?! What’s-”

Blitzwing lifted his servos and motioned too Bumblebee to slow down.

“Hold your horses partner! One question at a time, the other questions has to stand in the queue and wait” Bumblebee got frustrated. He wanted his answers quickly. He had forgotten abut his team! His friends! How could he forget about them?! He felt kind of bad that he had forgot but he also didn’t want a repeat of the dead space question so he tried to slow down his thoughts.  _ One at a time, I can do that. The most important question first.  _ It wasn't hard to pick out the most important one.

“Is everybody else alright?”

“Are they ever?” Blitzwing said teasingly and laughed. Bumblebee felt his faceplate shift and everything turned blue. He was annoyed with Blitzwing for not taking this as seriously as he was doing. He then proceeded to shoved his elbow into Blitzwing's chest in an attempt to stop him from joking. Blitzwing barely flinched and seemed to find Bumblebee's try to shut him up amusing. That only made Bumblebee angrier. 

“Don’t joke about this!” He hissed in annoyance and something that resembled desperation. Blitzwing stopped abruptly laughing. He seemed to realise that this was not the right time to joke around and that him joking didn’t lighten the mood and only succeed with making Bumblebee more stressed. With a whirl his faceplate switched too Icy.

“They are fine”. 

Bumblebee threw his arms up “Thank you!” Was that so hard?!” Bumblebee asked irritatedly. Blitzwing seemed to get more serious and put all his focus on Bumblebee.

“Now next question. How much do they know?”

“About you being a triple changer?” 

“No about what Megatron dose on a sunday-Yes of course about me being a triple changer.” Blitzwing's faceplate turned into a frown. His faceplate span around and landed on Hothead. He opened his mouth but closed it nearly immediately and gritted his denta. He said nothing and it was hard to figure out what he was thinking when his optics was hidden behind his visor. He started to breath slow breaths and after about three breaths his faceplate span back too Icy.

“Cut it out with the attitude” he said sternly. 

“Just answer the question” Bumblebee growled right back.

“I will when you cut it out with the attitude. Right now but you’re acting like a sparkling”

Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch and to his fanged faceplate and his lips turned into a mischievous smile. 

“I know that you are but what am I?” Blitzwing let out a frustrated sound and Bumblebee laughed in amusement. 

“Anyway….” Bumblebee said trying to get back on track. “back to my friends, do they know?” 

Blitzwing opened his mouth like he was about to say something but then closed it and instead mumbled. He also kind of looked surprise by the sudden shift of Bumblebees mood but seemed to decide to ignore it.

“They know” 

“Annnnnnd?” Bumblebee said and stared at Blitzwing expectedly.

“ ‘And’ what?”

“What did they think?”

Blitzwing's optics turned soft and he strokes Bumblebees back.

“They are all worried about you. Sari,Bulkhead and Ratchet have been in here to check on you.”

“What did they say?”

Blitzwing hesitated for a moment and just that short pause made Bumblebee feel anxious and his faceplate switched too normal. _ They think I’m a freak don’t they? That I’m useless dead weight.I can’t even move, much less help them. _

“They didn’t like it did they?”

Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee surprise.It was like Blitzwing had read Bumblebees thoughts because he quickly shook his helm and gave Bumblebee a reassuring smile. 

“They will like you no matter what form you take. You worry to much” 

“Then why did you pause” Bumblebee pointed an excusing diget towards Blitzwing. Blitzwing sighed.

“They don’t dislike your new form. But they’re trying to find Blackarachnia so she can turn you back”.

“Oh” Bumblebee went quiet for a moment then he lit up and his faceplate switch back again.

“That's a waste of time!”

Blitzwing lifted an optic ridge curiously.

“How come?”

“Sari can just use the allspark key! Easy peasy lemon squeeze!” Bumblebee was smiling but when he noticed Blitzwing wasn't sharing his enthusiasm the smile dropped and his faceplate turned back to normal again. “It’s not gonna work is it?” Blitzwing just shook his helm. 

“The key has been used on me and I have never turned back.”

“Oh right..”

_ I forgot about that.  _ Bumblebee went quiet for a moment before perking up again with a new idea. 

“What about Ratchet. He’s a great medic! He says that all the time!” Blitzwing looked pained when he was forced to shoot down Bumblebee idea again.

“This is beyond Ratchet I’m afraid” 

It hurt a little to get his hopes up just to get them crushed. Bumblebee tried to figure out a new plan but nothing came to mind. It felt irritating to not having an idea and not being able to help look for Blackarachnia when this was his problem more than anyone else's.  _ Guess I just have to wait until we find Blackarachnia.  _

“While we are on the topic of Ratchet” Blitzwing continued and snapped Bumblebee out of his thoughts “he told me to get him when you woke up”. Bumblebee cocked his helm to the side.

“Why?”

Blitzwing shrugged.

“Don’t know, medical reasons probably”

“But I’m feeling fine” Bumblebee saw Blitzwing monocle zoom in at the tube sticking out of Bumblebee's arm that led to the IV with pain killers and lifted an optic ridge. Bumblebee but a servo over the tube like that was going to hide it.

“Okay so maybe it’s thanks to the painkillers but otherwise I’m fine”

“Maybe” Blitzwing took one of his arms behind Bumblebees back and one under his legs and put him slowly back on top of the medical berth. “But I still think he should check on you just in case. And I need to get you and myself some oil anyway. I'm surprised you haven't complained about being low on fuel yet”. Bumblebee felt his tanks turn at the mention of refuelling. He hadn't thought about it but now that he looked his HUD was clearly showing that he was low. But just thinking about refuelling made him feel nauseous. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He didn’t want to be low but he also was unsure if he would actually be able to drink anything and keep it down.

“Are you okay?” Bumblebee snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Blitzwing. He had stood up and looked worriedly at Bumblebee.

“Ya I’m fine. Just feeling a bit ill.”  Blitzwing didn’t look less worried by that.

“You should probably bring that up with Ratchet.”

“Ya, ya sure whatever” Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a serious look. Bumblebee felt his faceplate span back to the one with the visor 

“I will!” Bumblebee exclaimed, Blitzwing just shook his helm. 

“No matter, will you be okay with me leaving you with Ratchet?”

“I’ll be fine Blitzbrain. I’m not a sparkling, I can take care of myself”

Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a smug grin.

“Doubt full”

“Shove it” Bumblebee crossed his arm and pouted.

Blitzwing leaned down and gave him a kiss on his cheek. Bumblebee tried to continue to look annoyed but he couldn't help himself and a small smile crept up his face. When Blitzwing pulled back from the kiss Bumblebee looked to the side trying to hide his smile. 

But that didn’t trick Blitzwing and a small chuckle escaped his mouth. Bumblebee felt his faceplate go warm and his spark swell from the cute chuckle but he continued to stubbornly try to hide his smile. Blitzwing leaned over Bumblebee so their faceplates meet again and was just a few centimeters from each other. 

“If you need me I will be close by so just shout” 

“Whatever” Bumblebee huffed. Blitzwing leaned in for another cheek kiss and a grin crept up Bumblebee's faceplate. He took his servo behind Blitzwing helm and pulled him into a kiss. Blitzwing was caught off guard by the sudden action but quickly started to kiss Bumblebee back. 

They stayed like that for a while. Bumblebee held his servo firmly behind Blitzwing's helm like he never wanted him to leave. But eventually he was forced to let go. Blitzwing pulled his helm back and Bumblebee let his servo slowly slide off Blitzwing's helm as he stood back up. 

Bumblebee turned his helm and looked at Blitzwing as he was making his way out the door. Bumblebee felt his faceplate change and two fangs come out.

“Love you!” Bumblebee shouted happily after him. 

He herd Blitzwing stop and the sound of his faceplate turning. Blitzwing returned through the door and now his faceplate had turned from Icy too Random. He blew Bumblebee a kiss and Bumblebee pretended to catch it and pull it close to his spark. This made Blitzwing already wide smile go even wider. He waved happily goodbye before skipping out of the door again. Bumblebee held the kiss to the spark and just felt his whole frame fill with love like a glass filling with water under a tap.


	10. Chapter 10

“Stop moving, I can’t work if you continue moving them” Ratchet took a firmer hold of Bumblebees wings. Bumblebee had with Ratchets help been turned so he was now laying on his stomach. Ratchet had been trying to examine his wings for a while now but it was turning out to be hard then he had thought. Everytime Ratchet touched them it tickled and it felt like an instinct to try to free them from Ratchets grasp. It was probably because they were so delicate and even though Ratchet was careful the fear of them getting hurt again like when he had hit them into the berth still lingered in the back of his mind.

“I can’t help it. It tickles!” Bumblebee said and felt how a new wave of tickles went through his frame and he felt his wings shift in an attempt to free themselves. He heard Ratchet angrily mumble something under his breath. 

He finally let go with a sigh.

“I guess that’s as far I’m gonna get” The feeling of his wings finally freed from Ratchets grasp felt nice. It felt weird to have them and he still could not completely control them. It was like they had a mind of their own. They fluttered up and down and he could feel the air shift around them and create small wind currents. 

Ratchet put his servos, one on Bumblebees shoulder and one his hip and was able to push him onto his back. He then let go and put out a servo towards him. Bumblebee took a hold of it and with Ratchets help and and his own efforts they were able to get him into a sitting position. 

Bumblebee felt off balanced, like was going to fall forward or backwards because of his heavy chest area. Bumblebee placed his servos behind him for support and leaned back and succeed in steadying himself.

Ratchet pulled up a data pad and started writing something down.

“Wings are a bit beyond my level of knowledge but it looks good to me. No wounds or damage and it looks like your frame has accepted them”. Bumblebee cocked his helm to the side. Ratchet grunted but started explaining “It means that your frame has registered them as your limbs and not a virus or mutation. Which is good. Saves a lot of time and energy”

Bumblebee looked over his shoulder and saw his wings flutter.

“Welcome to my limb club!” He said and smiled at them. He saw his wings flutter even more. Ratchet sighed.

“If anything changes. Like you start feeling pain you tell me immediately” Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch back to normal and he hissed in pain.

“My faceplate hurts when it changes.” Ratchet looked at him and nodded and wrote something down. He stopped for a minute before he sighed.

“We only have one documented case of faceplate switching and that's Blitzwing...Have you talked to him about it?” Annoyance was written all over Ratchet voice and faceplate. Ratchet was a top of the class medic and being on so unknown water seemed to annoy him and it didn’t seem to help that Blitzwing, who was not even a medic knew more about Bumblebees condition and needs then he did. 

“He said it should probably stop soon. Just thought you should know though” Ratchet nodded.

“Is the pain unbearable?”

Bumblebee thought for a moment he didn’t want to look like a wimp but lying to Ratchet about medical issues was probably not a good idea.

“Not really. But it would be nice to not be in pain”

Ratchet looked up from the data pad and pointed a digit at the IV.

“I’m giving you the strongest pain killers we have. If it still hurts to much we'll have to put you in coma like state”

Bumblebee gulped and felt a shiver go through his frame.He didn’t know why but thought of being put in a coma was really stressing him out. Like something in the back of his mind had pushed an alert button and was screaming at him to not allow it to happen.

“No!” He yelled out a bit louder than expected. Ratchet jumped a little over the unexpected scream and raised an optic ridge. Bumblebee coughed awkwardly and continued. “I mean no that won't be necessary. The pain is not that bad. Putting me in a coma would be a bit overkill”. Ratchet looked sceptical.

“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to have to patch you up later because you were lying to me”.

“Ya I’m sure, 100%” Ratchet gave Bumblebee a slow suspicious nod in acknowledgement. Bumblebee felt the stress slowly ebb away.

“Very well. I'm also going to change your painkillers from a constant dose to self medication.” Before Bumblebee even got to ask, Ratchet started explaining. “That means that you can feel and chose yourself how much of the painkillers you need. That will make the transition from painkillers all the time to non smoother, it will make you use less painkillers and that also means you can skip the IV.” Ratchet closed the IV tube and the last of the painkillers flowed into Bumblebees arm. Ratchet then carefully removed the tube from Bumblebees arm. 

Bumblebee was glad he was getting rid of the IV. It was weird. He could easily remove it. Heck he had done it by accident when he had woken up for the first time. But it still felt like a shackle. Something that tide him down to the medical berth and the med bay. He was tired of being stuck in the same boring, plane room all the time. He couldn't wait to be rid of the IV, that would be a clear sign that he was getting better and getting closer to be functioning like normal again. 

Ratchet went over some medical equipment and picked up a syringe and a bottle with some liquid in it and started to explain how Bumblebee was supposed to self medicate. Bumblebee was only half listening. He missed a lot of what Ratchet was saying. He was able to catch how he was supposed to insert it and how much of the liquid he was supposed to fill the syringe with. Everything else just kind of went into one audio receptor and out the other.

Ratchet finally stopped talking and held out the equipment towards Bumblebee. Bumblebee lifted one servo and tried to balance his weight now he was just using one to keep himself siting up. He reached out before he got to grab it Ratchet pulled it a bit back. Bumblebee stopped, looked up and meet Ratchet optics. His optics was piercing, like the could see right through Bumblebee and right into his processor. 

“I trust that you can handle this. Don’t make me regret it.” Bumblebee tried his best to look innocent and match Ratchets serious tone.

“You can trust me” 

Ratchet continued his intense stare for a while. Then he slowly put out his servos towards Bumblebee again. Bumblebee took the items and put them away into his sub space. Ratchet returned to taping on his date pad. 

Bumblebee looked as Ratchet was quickly taping on the pad. He had no idea what he was writing. Probably a lot of medical word nonsense that he would probably not understand. _ Is he writing a report about my medical condition? _ Bumblebee knew that doctors kept reports about their patients, but did medics do that? He was unsure. He was not even really sure what the difference between and medic and a doctor was in the first place, but he didn’t dare to ask in fear of being given a lesson.

_ Wonder what it says. _ It probably had some stuff about how he was feeling and what had changed since he had become a triple changer. No it had to be more. He had been taping on that pad for ages now without asking any new physical medical questions. Bumblebee felt a shiver through his whole frame as he realised something. Ratchet had been examining him and asking him question for about an hour now. But only about his physical stuff not mental. _ Duh! He’s a medic not a therapist. Mental problems is not in his line of work. _ Bumblebee’s tried to reason with his thoughts but his anxiety bubbled up again. _ But he should have said something, right? About the mood swing when I change faceplate. _ Bumblebee glanced up at Ratchet, _ Primus he’s still writing?! _ Bumblebee tried to calm down and breath like Blitzwing had showed him but it didn’t seem to help a lot. It felt like his own mind was working against him. Like it was staging a coup to take down his sanity . And his anxiety just unleashed their special move. 

A wave of memories entered his helm. He remembered conversations he had heard that didn’t mean a lot then, but bared a lot of weight now. Memories of Ratchet talking about and to Blitzwing. “He’s mentally unstable, he’s crazy, he can flip out on us at any moment, he’s a freak” memories like that made his anxiety rage inside his processor and drown out every other feeling. If Ratchet felt that way about the "unstable triple changer Blitzwing", what did that say about how he felt about Bumblebee. Bumblebee stared at the date pad. Ratchet was still taping on it. Every click when Ratchets punched in another letter sounded like a deafening echo in Bumblebees processor. Bumblebee couldn't hold back anymore he needed to know what he was writing.

He started to shift his helm and bend his neck to see if he could get a glimpse of what he was writing. He just needed to know. Ratchet seemed to notice him and he raised his optics too meet Bumblebees. Bumblebee felt his whole frame go cold. And he was just looking into Ratchet optics. He didn’t see any malice in them or anything similar. He just saw Ratchet and he was looking at Bumblebee the same way he always did. There was nothing new in his optics.

“Whatcha writing?” Bumblebee was able to drag out of his mouth, his voice sounded a bit wrong. Like he had been caught in a lie or he had been caught doing something he was not supposed to do. Bumblebee hoped that Ratchet wouldn't notice the abnormality of his voice and pointed a digit towards the data pad in an attempt to cover it up. He nearly immediately had to pull the servo back because he lost balance and was about to fall backwards. 

Ratchet looked curiously at Bumblebee. He scanned over Bumblebees faceplate like he was looking for something. Whatever he was looking for he didn’t seem to find because he just shook his helm and turned the data pad so that Bumblebee could read it. 

“I’m making a training schedule. You need to learn how to walk and move again and these exercises will help you”. Bumblebee took a quick glance at it. It was a lot of exercises and descriptions of how he was supposed to do them. There was at least 6 exercises and it still looked like he wasn’t done writing them down. Bumblebee felt his anxiety loosen a bit now that the endless taping had gotten it explanation. He was cursing himself in his helm over that he had gotten so worked up over nothing. Bumblebee tried to push the anxiety back into the back of his mind. But he could feel the memories of what Ratchet had said about Blitzwing's not completely retreat. Bumblebee tried to ignore it and took another glance at the exercises and he noticed something.

“What about my alt mode? When can I transform again?”

Ratchet looked at Bumblebee sternly.

“You have two alt modes now. I’m not sure how your frame is going to respond when you try to transform again. So that will be one of the last things we’ll test out. Walking first, then driving and potentially flying last”. 

“But if I can’t walk maybe I can drive? Wouldn't that-” Ratchet cut him off.

“I don’t want to risk your t-cog overheating. I’m not going to argue with you about this. You’re not going to transform”. 

Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch and everything turned blue. He crossed his arms, huffed and made it very clear to Ratchet he was very displeased with this. Ratchet didn't give any notice to this which only put fuel to the fire. _ Stupid Ratchet ‘You’re not going to transform’ easy for him to say. He is not the one who got turned into a triple changer. He still got one alt mode. He doesn't even know what will happen if I transform. Maybe I will be fine. _ That's when it hit him, _ a (at the time) brilliant idea. _Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch again and he felt his fanged mouth turn into a mischievous smile.

“You can’t tell me what to do” He said mischievously. Ratchet looked at Bumblebee. He looked like a question mark but his faceplate soon morphed to something between horror and anger.

“Bumblebee, don’t you dare” He said low and threateningly.Bumblebee gave Ratchet a even wider grin and he felt his frame prepare for the transformation. He could already imagine the road under his tiers. “Bumblebee no!” Ratchet reached out a servo and was about to grab a hold of him but he was not fast enough.

“Bumblebee YES!” And with that he felt himself start transforming. But something immediately felt wrong. He had transformed many times but this time it felt different. Metal bent the wrong way or not at all and he didn’t really know where his wings were going to fit. He tried to force the metal right like they used to go. The high screes of metal scraping against metal rang out and a shock of pain ran through his entire frame. Bumblebee felt his paint get scraped of and how his limbs were at risk of popping out of their sockets and metal poking stuff that was not suppose to be poked. Bumblebee immediately stopped transforming and went back to bot mode. He lost his balance and fell and landed on his back on the medical berth.

The pain thankfully numbed very quickly. He looked over and saw Ratchet who had a scowl on his faceplate and looked very displeased. Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch back to normal and he looked away in an attempt to hide from Ratchets angry optics. Bumblebee felt a slap on the side of his helm. 

“Are your audio receptors offline or do you just not use them?” Bumblebee continued not look at Ratchet and instead stared at the wall like that was the most interesting thing in this room and remained quiet. He heard a sigh from Ratchet. “If you do that again without my permission I will not hesitate to put you in stasis cuffs. Do you understand?” Ratchet tone was low and threatening. Bumblebee looked up at Ratchet. His optics were burning and his arms were crossed and his faceplate expression was that of disappointment and annoyance. Bumblebee quietly nodded and just accepted his fate of not transforming.At least for now.

The door to the med bay flew open and in barged Blitzwing. He looked startled but as his optics landed on Bumblebee and Ratchet he quickly regained his composure.

“I heard a sound and I got worried” He said sheepishly. Ratchet looked at him and then gave Bumblebee an angry glance.

“It was just the sound of Bumblebee’s stupidity” Bumblebee felt offended by that statement. It was fair but he still didn’t like it. Ratchet optics landed on the two cans of oil Blitzwing had brought with him. Ratchet put in something else on his data pad and then handed it Bumblebee. Bumblebee quietly accepted the pad and put it away into his sub space.

“Start with the exercises tomorrow and have Blitzwing help you” He then turned his attention to Blitzwing and nodded towards one of the cans. “Make sure he drinks at least half” Ratchet then walked past him and out the door and left Bumblebee and Blitzwing alone.

\---------------------

It was hard watching Bumblebee try to drink his oil. Bumblebee was sitting in Blitzwing’s lap with his back against Blitzwing’s chest. He only took small sips of the oil and he constantly checked how much more he had left to drink. Even if he only needed to drink half he still looked disappointed when the oil level just slightly went down. 

Blitzwing tried to keep Bumblebees drinking pace to keep him company. But even though Blitzwing tried to take small sips and he was going to drink the whole can he still had drank more than Bumblebee.Bumblebee usually just took a sip and then started of into space. He closed his optics but opened them quickly, recharging didn’t seem far away. Bumblebee helm leaned back agains Blitzwing's chest and his optics closed. Blitzwing didn’t want to force Bumblebee to stay awake but he knew that he needed to refuel. Blitzwing nudge Bumblebee a little. Bumblebee turned his helm and looked at Blitzwing with half closed optics. Blitzwing smiled and nudged Bumblebees can to his mouth.

“Drink it half way. Then you can recharge”. Bumblebee opened his mouth and took a mouthful before he put the can down again.

“How much more?”His voice was spluttering slightly.

Blitzwing looked at his can. He was till about ⅓ left until he had drank half. That would take ages. He contemplated it for a while.

“Just three more sips. Then you can recharge” If it still was oil left until the halfway point Blitzwing would just drink it himself. If Ratchet asked he could just say that Bumblebee drank it to the halfway point.

Bumblebee slowly nodded. Blitzwing took a sip out of his own can. 

“I hate this” Bumblebee said and traced the edge of the oil canister with one of his digits.

“The oil?”

“No, not being allowed to transform, not being able to move. It sucks.”

Blitzwing took one of Bumblebees servos in his and he squeezed it gently. 

“You'll be back in action before you know it” He said reassuring.

Bumblebee was staring down at the oil and just continued tracing the edge.

“Maybe, but right now it still sucks. I feel...stuck and useless”

Blitzwing drank up the last oil of his can in one swoop and put it down.

“There is no rush, just take it slow for a while”. Bumblebees faceplate switch to the one with the visor.

“But there is a rush. If I’m stuck here I can’t help my team and I’m stopping you from helping my team also.” 

Blitzwing put a servo under Bumblebees can and nudged it upwards. Bumblebee huffed but he still took a sip.

“Trust your team. They can take care of themselves.Didn’t Sari defeat the constructions by herself?”

Bumblebee slowly nodded his helm.

“She did but. That was different, that was constructions and they were fighting her on her grounds. What if like...Megatron shows up or something and we are two bots short”.

Blitzwing took a moment. That was a hard question to answer. Even if the chance of Megatron showing up in the open was slim, the chance of him showing up while Bumblebee still was recovering was even smaller. But it still was a possibility and if Megatron did show up, missing two fighters could be lethal. 

“If...If such a emergency arises I will leave you to help them fight if that makes you feel more at ease” Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwing. Their optics met and they held each other's gaze for a while.

“You promise?” Bumblebee said suspiciously.

“I promise” Bumblebee gave Blitzwing a tired smile. Blitzwing could see Bumblebee relax a little and his faceplate span back to normal.

“Thank you”

Blitzwing leaned down and gave Bumblebee a kiss on his helm.

“No problem. Now take your last sips so we can recharge”


	11. Chapter 11

“Don’t let go!” Bumblebee yelled as he tried to find his balance.

“I won’t” Blitzwing answered for the 100th time.

Bumblebee held Blitzwing's servos tightly. His peds weren’t used to balancing his new weight and he was constantly on the edge of falling. If it wasn't for Blitzwing helping him he would have fallen on his aft a long time ago.

So far Bumblebee had not taken even a single step without stumbling and falling. Everytime he was about to hit the ground Blitzwing would just lift him up before he connected with the floor and put him back on his peds and let Bumblebee find his balance again. Bumblebee was looking down at his peds through his blue visor and silently cursing his new frame under his breath.

They had been training for about 1 hour and all they had accomplice was that Bumblebee could find his balance faster. 

“Primus why wont my frame just move like I tell it to!?” He took a new step. His ped landed, he tried to find his balance but he leaned too far forward and stumbled and was now approaching the ground at a rapid rate. He felt the hold of his servos tighten and he was lifted up into the air and back onto his peds. Bumblebee quickly found his balance again and just stood still.

“Your moving too fast. Take a step, find your balance and _ then _ but your weight down on that leg”. Blitzwing reminded him again his voice sounding more and more irritated everytime he reminded him.

“That’s what I’m doing!” Bumblebee hissed and looked straight at Blitzwing's red visor. “I know how to walk Blitzbrain! I have done it my whole life!”

“No your not doing it! You move your leg and put down weight at the same time. And I know you have walked for most of your life but you are triple changer now. You have to relearn and adapt, if you don’t you’ll never walk again!”As Bumblebee was getting more frustrated so was Blitzwing. Bumblebee could clearly see that Blitzwing was trying his best to remain civil and encouraging even though he was Hothead. But Bumblebee arguing with him didn’t help.

Bumblebee took a new step and fell again and the cycle repeated once again.

“Grrrargh!” Bumblebee let out a scream of frustration. He was holding Blitzwing's servos so tight that he was at risk of denting them. 

“I told you stop putting your weight down!” 

“I’m trying!” Bumblebees voice cracked. They had been at it for an hour and had nearly done no progress and with every attempt and every failure Bumblebee felt more and more hopeless and him returning to a workable state felt further and further away. “I’m trying! I know i should wait with putting my weight down! So you can stop telling me!” Bumblebee took another step and once again he fell. He felt tears of frustration, hopelessness and disappointment burn behind his optics. One good thing with having a visor was that no one could see it. But Blitzwing seemed to pick up on Bumblebees raging emotions. He let out an exhausted sigh.

“Let’s take a short brake.” He slowly put Bumblebee down on the floor and sat down cross legged in front of him. 

“I don’t need a break! Lift me up so we can continue.” Bumblebee growled as he leaned his back against the berth so he didn’t have to use his arms to keep himself up.

“Maybe you don’t need it, but i do” Blitzwing put his arms in his lap stoped talking. Bumblebee was still angry and he started fiddling with his digits.

“When do we start again”He mumbled. Blitzwing jaw tighten.

“We start when we have calmed down a bit”. He was clearly trying to hold back the brunt of his anger.

“I am calm!” 

“No your not! That's a things about being a triple changer! I can physical see that you are not calm, because when you are calm you don’t use that faceplate!” He snapped. 

“How do you know?! Maybe it is! Don’t pretend like you know about me when_ I _don’t even know me!”

The room went quiet. Bumblebee frowned and started looking at his digets instead of Blitzwing.

Blitzwing groaned and looked at Bumblebee’s fiddling and he got an idea. He got up and walked to the medbay door.

“I’ll be back in a moment.” Bumblebee acted like he had not heard him. Blitzwing left the medbay. It only took about a minute before he returned. His faceplate had switched and looked at Bumblebee with an excited grin. He was holding something behind his back that Bumblebee couldn't see. Bumblebee just looked at him from the corner of his optics and tried to ignore him. But after a while of Blitzwing not doing anything Bumblebee’s curiosity got the better of him.

“What’s behind you back?” He tried to sound as uninterested as he could. Blitzwing immediately got more excited and started to bounce slightly.

“Guess!”

Bumblebee rolled his optics.

“I’m not gonna play guessing games with you” He said coldly.

“Then I’m not gonna tell you” Blitzwing sounded almost offended and he started pouting. The room went quiet again. Bumblebee hoped that Blitzwing would not be able to remain silent and would just spill what he had behind his back. But he stubbornly remain quiet, so Bumblebee sighed and decided to bite.

“Is it oil?” He said in a deadpan voice. Blitzwing lost the pout and he got excited again. He shook his helm.

“Nope, guess again!”

“Is it..a game?” He tried.

Blitzwing shook his helm again.

“Nope!”

“Is it a solution to all my problem?” He said sarcastically.

“You're getting warmer!”

Bumblebee tried to think of something but in the end decided to giving up.

“I don’t know. What is it?”

Blitzwing smiled and from his behind his back he pulled up bubble wrap and threw it towards Bumblebee. Bumblebee caught it and stared at it in confusion.

“W-what?”

“It’s bubble wrap! For you!” That didn’t make Bumblebee much wiser.

“I can see that! I have optics! But why did you give it to me?” Blitzwing's faceplate switched to Icy.

“I thought fiddling with something might help you calm down. You usually love playing with bubble wrap. But If you don’t like it I can-”  
“No!” Bumblebee cut him off. “I never said I didn’t want it”. He saw a grin appear on Blitzwing's lips but Bumblebee stubbornly ignored it and instead put all of his focus on the bubble wrap and popping the bubbles. It felt so satisfying watching and hearing the bubbles pop. He was a bit surprised Blitzwing had given it to him. Bumblebee knows that Blitzwing loves popping bubble wrap just as much as he dose. He popped about half before a thought hit him. He looked down at the wrapper. It was about 2x2 meters of wrapping. _ Blitzwing loves popping bubble wrap, why did he give me so much? _Bumblebee paused. He then looked at Blitzwing who was still looking at him with a smile on his faceplate. Bumblebee held up the wrapper towards him.

“Do you wanna pop some?” Blitzwing's optics soften and he shook his helm.

“I’m good” Bumblebee cocked his helm to his side.

“Are you sure? You love popping bubble wrap.” Blitzwing just shook his helm again. 

“Yes I'm sure, you deserves it. Pop to your sparks consent” Blitzwing went up to Bumblebee and sat beside him and watched him pop the bubbles.

Bumblebee felt a smile go up his lips as he popped more bubbles. He felt his mood improve and some of his stress melt away. He was focusing so hard on the bubble popping he didn’t ever notice the pain when his faceplate switched and the two fangs poked out.

He popped every single bubble. He controlled checked that he had not missed a single one by accident. When he was sure every bubble had been popped he was filled with disappointment but he also felt a lot better and more at peace than before he started.

He put the wrapper down and looked at Blitzwing and gave him a big smile. Blitzwing gave soft smile back.

“Feeling better?”  
Bumblebee speedily nodded his helm up and down.

“Ya thank you for the wrapper!”

“No problem. You feeling up for trying to walk again?”

Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch again back to his original faceplate.

“It’s so hard. It feels like I should know how to walk. It feels like I’m doing no progress and being able to function as normal seems so far away” Blitzwing sat up and put out his servos towards Bumblebee. Bumblebee took a hold of them and got pulled up onto his peds.

Bumblebee quickly found his balance. 

“I think we're doing great progress” Bumblebee looked at him and raised an optic ridge.

“How? We have been doing this for like an hour and done no progress” He huffed.

“You can’t see it because you're focusing on everything you can’t do instead of what you're doing and can do.”

“So tell me what can I do?” Bumblebee was expecting silence, but Blitzwing just smiled.

“You can find your balance very quickly. You can stand up on your own. You’re not freaking out over being a triple changer. That’s just some of the things you have accomplished” Bumblebee hadn't thought about that. He was always comparing what he could do before he got turned into a triple changer and before he got turned. But even if he admits that he has done some progress he still could not do such a simple task as walking.

“But it’s not enough! I’m still basically useless!”

Blitzwing let out a sigh and looked at Bumblebee. It looked like he was thinking before he slowly started talking.

“I won't lie to you, yes you are not exactly in a position to help at the moment, but thats okay. Just give it time. So are you ready to try again?”

Bumblebee nodded and looked down and concentrated on his peds. Slowly he raised his ped and put it down in front of him. He put weight on it and stumbled forward. Blitzwing catched him and placed him on his peds again.

“Don’t let go” Bumblebee mumbled. Blitzwing rolled his optics.

“Wouldn't dream of it. Just focus. I know you can do it” Bumblebee let out a deep sigh and prepared to try again. 

Slowly he placed one ped in front of him and felt it touch the ground. He felt himself loose some of his balance but he stood completely still until he felt the balance return. He then slowly transferred his weight onto that leg. He slowly raised his other ped. Bumblebee started to get excited. He had never come this close to walking before. He was about to put his ped in front of him but he felt his balance fail him. So instinctually he put the ped down next to his other one instead and found his balance again. 

It was not walking, but he had taken a step. He looked up and saw Blitzwing's faceplate. He had switched to Random. His faceplate was full of joy and pride. He removed his servos from Bumblebees and put them on Bumblebees waist and lifted him up in the air and span around in a circle with him. Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch again and the two fangs poked out.

“I did it! I did it! Did you see?!”

“I saw! I saw!” He chanted and held Bumblebee a little higher. He span around some more before he pulled Bumblebee to his chest into a big hug. 

Blitzwing seemed to have spun a little too fast. Because a second later he lost balance and fell down on his aft. This caused Bumblebee to burst into laughter. 

“Seems like I’m not the only one with balance problems!” Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee and he also burst into a laughing fit. He tried to answer but when he tried to speak his laughter bubbled up again. Seeing Blitzwing try to stop his laughing fit and failing horribly trigger Bumblebee into a laughing fit of his own. He started feeling tears fill his optics again. But this time they were tears of joy.


	12. Chapter 12

Bumblebee held his servo against the wall for support as he walked out of the medbay. He could walk without it but when he did he felt like a house of cards just waiting to fall. As long as he was steadying himself against the wall he wasn’t at risk of falling down. 

Blitzwing was walking beside him. He had proposed that he would carry Bumblebee to the living room but Bumblebee had refused. He was going to meet his team again after not seeing them in such a long time and he wanted to show them how far he had come. And it would also feel kind of embarrassing and childish if Blitzwing carried him. The first steps he had taken, Blitzwing had put his servos around him like he was just waiting for him to fall. Bumblebee had told him off and told him to not touch him and let him handle it by himself. Blitzwing had then kind of held his servos hovering over Bumblebee frame instead. Bumblebee had asked him to stop because that looked just as ridiculous if not more then if he would have carried him. 

So Blitzwing had crossed his arm over his chest trying to not act on his natural instinct of help Bumblebee by taking a hold of him every time it looked like he was about to lose balance. Bumblebee appreciated his concern but he wanted to do this by himself, without any handicaps.

Even though Blitzwing was not holding or hovering over Bumblebee anymore so was he staring intensely at Bumblebees movement. Bumblebee also saw his frame shake every time Bumblebee stumbled and it looked like his whole frame was a bomb just waiting for Bumblebee to trigger it by falling. Blitzwing was very much prepared to catch Bumblebee if he would fall. Even though he was trying to give Bumblebee space and make it look like he was not on high alert. 

Bumblebee didn’t know if he was scared or excited about seeing his team again. It probably was a little of both. He was scared of how they would react when they meet the “new Bumblebee” but he also was excited over being able to talk to his team again and getting out of the medbay. Being stuck in the medbay was such a pain in the aft. It was boring and the plain, colourless interior was not helping. The only thing that kept him from losing his mind was that Blitzwing had stayed with him 24/7 and only left when he needed to get them oil.

It had felt good to spend time with Blitzwing and just talking and cuddling, but Blitzwing always felt a bit on edge. Bumblebee knew that Blitzwing hated medbays and avoided it at any chance he got and being in one probably made him very anxious. But even though he didn’t like medbays he had spent everyday in one, just so he could be there for Bumblebee. Bumblebee loved him for that. But he had been worried about Blitzwings mental health and the toll that his mind must be taking from the stress. So he had told Blitzwing he could leave him alone for a while if he wanted to leave and relax for a bit. To that he had just laughed and said that he felt a lot more stressed out when they were apart and that if he had been able to spend cycles with hearing Lugnut storm about his “great and glorious leader” and not completely lose his mind, spending a little time in the medbay would not break him that easily. 

Bumblebee slowly made his way forward. One step at a time and moving his servos across the wall and he finally entered the living room. Inside was his whole his team. Prowl was watching some kind of nature program on TV. On the couch with him was Sari who looked bored out of her mind. Bulkhead seemed to be fiddling with some metal pieces, probably for a new art project. Further away was Optimus and Ratchet talking. They didn’t seem to have notice them yet.

“Hey guys, how’s it going?” Bumblebee tried his best to hide his anxiety and tried to put on a carefree persona. 

Everyone turned their optics and looked at him. Ratchets and Optimuses chat stopped, Sari perked up, Bulkhead stopped fiddling and Prowl had stopped looking at the Tv. No one said a word. The only sound that could be heard was the boring voice of the narrator from the nature documentary.

In a flash Sari jumped out of the sofa and ran towards Bumblebee. She threw her arms open and hugged him. Bumblebee as fast as he could got down enough to hug her back. 

“Your back!” She said excitedly. Bumblebee chuckled.

“I never left”

“You know what I mean!” She said and hugged Bumblebee tighter. She then released her hold and smacked his leg with her open palm and scowled at him. “Don’t scare me like that again!”

“Sorry for worrying you”. Bumblebee heard loud footsteps making their way towards him. Bumblebee looked up and before he had the time to react he was lifted up by Bulkhead and pulled into another hug. Bumblebee was kind of stuck between Bulkheads arms but he tried his best to reciprocate the hug.

“Hey big guy. Missed me?” Bulkhead hugged Bumblebee tighter and Bumblebee felt like he was going to squish him. Bumblebee pated Bulkhead with his servo. “Bulkhead...You’re..crushing me” Bulkhead let go of him. Bumblebee landed on his peds and didn’t find his balance quickly enough. He fell forward but was able to put his servos on Bulkheads frame and was able to find his balance. 

Bulkhead gave Bumblebee an awkward smile.

“Sorry,I just missed you.” Bumblebee took his servos off Bulkheads frame and stood straight.

“Missed you too but calm it with the hugs. I would like to spend some time out of the medbay at least” He said and gave Bulkhead a smile. 

The rest of his team had now made their way over and everyone stood around him. Bumblebee did like to be the center of attention but right now having all their optics on him felt kind of uncomfortable.

“Bumblebee I’m glad to see up and about again” Optimus said. He sounded relieved. Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch.

“Like something as little as being turned into a triple changer could keep me down” Bumblebee said and chuckled. He looked around at his team and anxiety started to fill his spark. Everyone was staring at him with shook on their faceplates. Well not everyone. Ratchet and Blitzwing who had already seen Bumblebee’s faceplate/personality changing trick already didn’t look surprised. Prowl also didn’t look very shaken but that was not a big surprise. But the rest looked at him like he had just pulled a rabbit out of a hat. “What's wrong? It looks like you have seen a ghost” Bumblebee said and faked a chuckle. 

That seemed to snap them out of it and they averted their gazes away from his faceplate. Prowl kept his optics on him.

“I guess the silence and peace couldn't last forever.” Prowl his voice calm and unfazed as always but a small smile could be seen on the edge of his lips.

Bumblebee looked at Prowl in annoyance and his faceplate switched again but then he noticed something. When he had talked to Prowl in the past he hadn't been this close to Prowls faceplate and it slowly went up for Bumblebee what had happened. Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch back to the one with the fangs and his faceplate was shining with happiness and excitement. 

“I’m taller!” He said and looked around at the rest of his team. He hadn't noticed his new hight until now. When he had meet Ratchet he had been sitting or been laying down and when he did stand up he had only compared his height with Blitzwing and with Blitzwing being so tall he hadn't noticed the difference. But now standing next to Prowl who was shorter he had noticed the difference in his hight. Bumblebee was still the shortest of the autobots and still had a bit to go to be higher than Prowl but the new hight was still appreciated. 

Bumblebee tried to stand on the tip of his peds to see if he could match Prowls hight. He was immediately frown of balanced and started stumbling backwards. As he felt a firm servos grab his arms and shoulders and his stumbling stoped. He put his peds flat on the ground and took a moment to to get back his balance. 

Bumblebee looked and saw the owners of the servos that had catched him belonged to Blitzwing and Optimus. His faceplate switched to normal and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Maybe you should sit down a moment” Optimus suggested. Bumblebee nodded in agreement.

“Ya, I would like that” It would feel nice to sit down a moment and not feel like a sand castle just barely escaping the waves of the ocean and his legs had started hurting by standing up and walking so much.

With the help of Blitzwing and Optimus he was guided to the sofa and sat down. 

He fell down onto the sofa and he let out pleased sound, happy that he didn’t have to stand up anymore. Sari sat down next to him. Blitzwing sat down on the floor besides the sofa closest to Bumblebee and Bulkhead sat down on the other side. 

The boring nature program was still going. It was about colourful birds in the jungle or something, Bumblebee didn’t care much for it. Bumblebee sighed and looked up at Prowl.

“Can you switch to something good?” He hadn't even seen the program for more than a second and he already felt bored out of his mind. Prowl looked at him. He was holding the controller between his digits.

“Yes, if you stand up and get it” Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch and he scowled at Prowl. 

“You’re an aft do you know that?” Prowl just shrugged and returned to watching the program. Bumblebee turned to Blitzwing. “Blitzwing help me out!” Blitzwing tuned his helm towards Bumblebee and gave him a smug look and then he too returned to watching the program. Bumblebee facepalmed. _ I forgot Blitzwing actually enjoys this documentary scrap. _Bumblebee didn’t get up to get the controller but he huffed and made it very clear he was very displeased.

  
  


They had been watching the program for about 40 minutes when an alarm rang. Everybody jumped at the sudden noice. Blitzwing flew up from his sitting position and lowered his cannons and put a servo infront of Bumblebee like was trying to shield him. 

"It just the monitor!" Optimus yelled as he ran over to the monitor and looked for what the problem was. Blitzwing relaxed, he let his servo fall to his side and his canons went back up. Prowl turned off the nature program and everyone stood up and made their way towards the monitor. Bumblebee got up from the sofa. He hold onto the sofa for safety while he found his balance. Blitzwing grabbed one of Bumblebee servos so he had something to lean against while they walked.

Optimus read the report and then looked out over the rest of the team.

“What is it?” Bulkhead said curiously “Blackarchnia?” Bumblebee felt Blitzwing’s servo squeeze his a little at the mention of her name.Bumblebee squeeze him back in a silent gesture of comfort.

Optimus shook his helm.

“Lugnut. He’s stealing supplies from a building site”. 

“Then let us go and kick some decepticon aft” Bumblebee said and raised his fists like he was ready for a fight. Ratchet cut him off.

“_We_ are going. You're staying here” Bumblebee looked at Ratchet and felt his faceplate switch to the one with the visor.

“I’m going” Ratchet gave Bumblebee a stern look.

“No. You can’t even transform. You’ll just get in the way” Those words hurt a little. Ratchet was right he would probably get in the way. But he still wanted to get back into the action and help his team. He had been stuck in that medbay for what felt like an eternity and he was ready for some action. Bumblebee turned his gaze from Ratchet up at Optimus.

“Come on boss bot! Tell him I can go!” Optimus looked at Bumblebee and then at Ratchet. Ratchet gave Optimus the same stern look and just shook his helm. Optimus looked back at Bumblebee and he also shook his helm.

“I’m sorry Bumblebee. But if Ratchet says no that’s also a no from me” Bumblebee huffed. He wanted to argue but he knew that it would probably not change their minds. He also knew that they were probably right with telling him to stay. That didn’t make him any happier though. 

Prowl was the next to speak.

“So everyone else going on the mission?” The room went quiet. Optimus looked around at the team. It looked like he was having a hard time. He sighed.

“I would like somebody to stay and watch Bumblebee”

“I’m fine. I can take care of myself” Bumblebee huffed. It was mostly true. He could still not use his alt mode but he was not completely handicapped. He could walk and do basic stuff himself. He didn’t need a nanny to stay and watch over him like he was a sparkling.

“I know that you are. But just incase something happens I want somebody to be here with you. The most logical choice would be that Blitzwing stays” Optimus went quit for a moment and looked at the message on the monitor. “But we're dealing with Lugnut so air support would be appreciated so maybe...Blitzwing could come with and somebody else could stay.” Bulkhead raised a servo.

“I can stay with him” Sari also raised her hand.

“Me too!” Optimus nodded and looked up at Blitzwing and Bumblebee. It looked like Blitzwing was about to deny the request of coming along but Bumblebee squeezed his servo hard before he got the chance. Blitzwing looked down at Bumblebee curiously. Bumblebee looked back up at him. 

“Go with them” He said doing his best to hide his disappointment of not being allowed to go himself. Blitzwing shook his helm.

“I would prefer to stay here and look after you. You’re still not over the change from a normal bot to a triple changer. Unseen problems may arise” Bumblebee gave Blitzwing the best stern look he could give, clearly trying to mimic the way Ratchet did it. But Ratchet was a professional at stern looks and Bumblebee couldn't compete with the likes of him.

“You said that you would go if it would put me at ease” Blitzwing bit his lip. He was clearly regretting that he had said that.

“Yes, I did say that…” he said slowly “But this is Lugnut not Megatron” Bumblebee continued staring at him. He felt his faceplate switch back to normal.

“Please go with them”He tried his best sound as sweet as possible but it was hard when he actually didn’t want Blitzwing to go that much.

Blitzwing even though Bumblebee would never admit it to his faceplate was really fragging strong and he was actually a real soldier. He probably could take down Lugnut by himself or at least have a fair fight against him. Bumblebee wanted Blitzwing to stay because if something did happen he would know what to do and having him around felt comforting. But if he forced Blitzwing to stay it felt like he was handicapping his team and putting them in bigger danger. Bumblebee was in his optics already dead weight and forcing possibly the strongest mech they had to stand back because of him felt wrong. It felt like he was dragging his whole team down.

Blitzwing looked at him and it looked like he was thinking it over before he let out a heavy sigh.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay if I leave?” Bumblebee gave him a reassuring smile.

“I’ll be fine Blitzy” 

“It’s just Lugnut so it shouldn't take long” Blitzwing then turned his helm towards Optimus. “Alright, I will assist you”

“Thank you. Autobots roll out!” Optimus, Ratchet and Prowl transformed into their altmodes and drove out of the base. Bumblebee felt a stab of jealousy but shook it off. Blitzwing waited until the others had left before he started the annoying process of squeezing himself through the small door frame, while cursing Optimus for still not making it bigger. Bumblebee started laughing and Blitzwing glared at Bumblebee and his faceplates switched to Hothead.

“Shut it bug!” He yelled. He eventually got outside and stretched his limbs. Even if the base was able to handle his size it still was a little cramped and he needed to watch his wings all the time so he didn't accidentally turn around and sent something or somebody flying.

He shot a glance behind him at Bumblebee he looked a littler concerned. Bumblebee forced a reassuring smile and gave him a thumbs up. Blitzwing faceplate switch to random and returned the gesture before transforming and with a deafening roar blasted off after the rest of the team. 

Bumblebee looked after him until he completely disappeared. Bumblebee felt a seed of worry grow in his spark. _ It’s fine, they will be fine. _He didn’t know if he actually believed that or he was trying to reassure himself. Even if Blitzwing had already disappeared he continued looking at sky like he was expecting him to come back already. Then he felt someone touch his leg. Bumblebee looked down and meet Sari’s eyes.

“Do you wanna play some video games while we wait for them to come back? Bulkhead and I have been training. I bet I can beat you at Mario kart now” Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch and everything turned blue. 

“In your dreams!” He said with a smirk. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! If you have problems with things similar to panic attacks skip this chapter.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------

Playing games proved harder than expected. Bumblebee found it hard to concentrate on the game. His faceplate switched many times during the game which threw him off. 

The more he played the more irritated he got. Everything felt off. His reaction time was off, he had no flow and his optics got stuck on details in the background instead of focusing on the actual game play. Everything was just a bit off. And it frustrated him.  He tried to ignore the feeling and just focus but it was getting harder and harder. His faceplate switched again and he drove off the road. Again.

“Frag it!” He screamed and threw the controller hard on the ground. It smashed into the floor and it was miracle it didn’t break in thousand of tiny pieces. 

He looked at controller which was now laying on the ground. He had surprised himself with the sudden burst of aggression.  Bulkhead and Sari who was also playing jumped and just stared at Bumblebee and then at each other. They put down their controllers, a lot more gently than how Bumblebee had done it.

“Are you okay buddy?” Bulkheads voice was cautious like he was testing the ground.

“I keep falling off the road” He grunted and crossed his arms. 

“Okay..But you were still in the lead. You could have easily gotten back to first place.”

“It’s not about the first place!” Bumblebee screamed. “It feels wrong!” Sari and Bulkhead looked at each other clearly confused.

“Wrong in which way?”

Bumblebee grab his helm. It felt like his processor was going to explode. 

“I don’t know!”

Sari cocked her head to the side.

“You know that it feels wrong, but you don’t know what feels wrong? How don’t you know?”

“I just don’t know!” Bumblebee had always felt a kind of flow when he played video games but that flow had stopped and it irritated him to no end. He still liked playing games and he was still pretty good at it. But it just felt wrong. How was he supposed to explain that? It was like something was preventing him from getting that flow.

Bumblebee felt a servo on his shoulder and he looked up and meet Bulkhead concerned optics. 

“How about we do something else? I’m working on a new painting. Wanna keep me company while I paint?”

Sari turned off the TV and the room fell into silence. Bumblebee let his arms fall to his side and he started breathing slowly, and soon his faceplate turn back to normal. Bumblebee nodded. He needed to take a break from playing video games no matter how weird that sounded in his helm.

“Sure.”He carefully got up and in a snail pace walked over to the wall so he had something to lean on and they slowly made their way towards Bulkheads room.

He open his HUD and looked at the clock. It had been 20 minutes since the others left. He was wondering if they had stopped Lugnut yet. _What if they failed? _Bumblebee shook his helm. No he shouldn't think about stuff like that. They would be fine. He was just being paranoid. _What if it was a trap? _He tried to force the thought out of his mind. This was stupid, why was he worrying? He needed to trust that his team could handle themselves. _They’re offline right now and it’s all your fault. _Bumblebee started to look around. Searching for something interesting enough to take his mind off his dark thoughts.  Thankfully they entered Bulkheads room which was full of stuff to look at.

Bulkheads room was filled with complete and incomplete artworks. The walls was covered with paintings that he had made himself. There were some depicting nature, like golden leaved trees and beaches at sunset. Some paintings were a bit weird. A face just made out of rectangles and similar weird stuff like that. In the middle of the room was a big canvas covered in all kinds of coloured paint. Bumblebee had no idea what the painting was suppose to resemble but he didn’t want to ask incase it upset Bulkhead. 

Bumblebee and Sari sat down and looked on as Bulkhead painted. They talked about all kinds of stuff. Like how warm it was getting outside, which superhero could kick another superheroes aft and similar stuff. But the topic of Bumblebee’s triple changer change never got brought up. It almost seemed like Sari and Bulkhead purposely avoided it or anything related to it.They didn’t talk about his absence or his faceplates or triple changers. Anything really that could touch the subject of Bumblebees change.

Bumblebee didn’t know how to feel about it. It was nice not having to focus on that after it had been the main topic of pretty much all conversation for a couple days. But he also was worried that they were avoiding it because they didn’t like it. Like, it was a problem they were trying to hide by not mentioning it or like it was going to go away by not talking about it or in worse case they were avoiding it because they were embarrassed.

Bumblebee tried to ignore that thought. He had been doing that a lot lately, think of stuff and then bury it in his mind and hope that it would not crawl back up and bite him in the aft later. It probably was not what people would call “healthy” but Bumblebee didn’t care much. So he threw that source of anxiety into the pit just like he had done with Ratchets comments about Blitzwing and his worry over his team and tried to carry on like nothing had happened. He hoped he didn’t have to think about that stuff again. But destiny had other plans.

“They have been gone for a while now” Sari said. It was obvious she was talking about the rest of the team “Wonder how they’re doing”

“I’m sure they are fine” Bulkhead said reassuringly and picked up another can of paint.

Bumblebee felt that seed of anxiety make itself known again. _Wonder if something has happened. _No, no he had just gotten rid of those thoughts. Bumblebee looked around the room to find something else to think about. 

His optics landed on a painting. It was depicting a couple of circles in different sizes and colours overlapping each other.

“Hey Bulkhead is that one knew?” Bumblebee pointed at the painting. It was a bad distraction and he sounded a bit desperate but he wanted to try to steer the conversation away from the topic off the rest of the team. 

Bulkhead looked up from his work and followed Bumblebees digit with his optics to the painting.

“Ya it’s pretty new. Do you like it?” He asked and returned to painting. Bumblebee thought it looked a little bit lazy. It was just circles. But there was no way he was telling Bulkhead that.

“It’s nice. I haven’t seen it before. When did paint it?” Bulkhead brush stopped moving and Bumblebee immediately regretted his question. Bulkhead hesitated for a moment before he started talking.

“I finished it when you were..well when you did..Umm whilst you..”.  Sari groaned at Bulkheads hesitation and answered for him.

“We did it whilst you were in the medbay.” 

“Oh” Bumblebee said nothing more. He had tried to steer the conversation from a subject he didn’t want to think about and had instantly steered it right into another topic he had wanted to avoid. Just his luck. 

“Yeah, we visited you while you were in the medbay" She continued. "You were asleep though. Did Blitzwing tell you that we visited?” 

“Blitzwing mentioned it.” Bumblebees seed of anxiety started to grow again. He was starting to have a hard time not thinking about what the rest of the team was doing. He started fiddling with his digits.

“Good. He told us to be quiet and not to wake you.” 

Bumblebee just nodded in acknowledgement and focused his energy into trying to keep his mind in check. He tried to focus on what Sari was saying but his thoughts kept lurking around in his minds like ghosts or wild beast he tried to fend off.

Sari looked up at him. She started to look concern.

“Are you okay?”

Bumblebee forced a smile. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of that he was worried about the rest of their team, but he also knew that Sari was too smart for not to notice something was wrong.

“Ya, just wonder what's taking him so long to come back” 

Sari’s concerned face disappeared and a smile formed on her face and she started teasingly making kissing noises. 

“You miss your boyfriend!” Bumblebees faceplate switched and everything turned blue.

“Do not” He hissed. 

“Bee and Blitzwing sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!”

“Stop I don’t miss him." Everyone in the room could tell that was a lie. "I’m just wondering what's taking him so long. Shouldn't they be done by now?”

Sari stopped making kissing noises and shrugged.

“Maybe. At least Blitzwing should be back. He can fly so he don’t have to worry about rush hours.”

Bulkheads said something but Bumblebee didn’t hear him. It was like all sound was getting muffled and his optics didn't focus. It sounded like Bulkhead and Sari was walking away from him. Their voices was getting father and father away until he couldn't hear them anymore. His faceplate switched but he didn’t pay any mind to it.

_Primus what if something did go wrong? _No he shouldn't think that. _What if they’re going offline right now and I don’t even know it? _He tried to stop his thoughts. But it was like he had built a dam around all his worries that was now beginning to crack and the intrusive thoughts started to leak out. He tried to cover the cracks but they were too many. _What if it was because Bulkhead or Sari wasn't there. _

“Bumblebee?”

_If that's the case it’s all my fault! If they’re all offline right now it’s all my fault! If I hadn't been turned into a triple changer I could have been out there helping them right now._

“Bumblebee?”

_Why did have to go on that joy ride? If only I had stayed at the base, or taken someone with me this would never had happened!_

“Bumblebee!”

Bumblebee snapped out of his thoughts. Bulkheads voice was clear again and he was looking straight at him.He looked concerned.

“Huh?” Bumblebee answers. Bulkhead rolled his optics. It looked like he had taken Bumblebees surprise as nothing more than him being bored and not listening.

“I asked if you could grab a can of blue paint from storage?” 

“Wha..Oh blue paint. Ya sure” Bumblebee got up. His legs were shaking slightly. He felt exhausted and sick down to his tanks, like he was going to throw up. It felt like his processor was working through a hundred things and thoughts at the same time and it gave Bumblebee a splitting headache.  Still despite feeling like scrap Bumblebee slowly went out of Bulkheads room towards the storage room on his unsteady legs. 

He opened the door to the dark room. He hit the light switch and the room filled with dim light.The room was full of junk ,oil cans and dust. But even if the room was stuffed with stuff it was all organised. Optimus had made sure of that. Bumblebee started looking around and nearly immediately found a can full to the brim with blue paint. He slowly picked it up and started to make his way back to Bulkhead.

Bumblebee looked at paint in the can. With every step he took a small wave appeared in the paint.

Then an idea hit him and he stopped in the middle of the hallway. _If I’m worried about the mission I can just call them. _ Bumblebee felt stupid for not thinking of it earlier. He would just call Blitzwing and ask him if everything was going okay. Bumblebee wasen't sure what he would do if he said it was not going alright but Bumblebee didn't care about that for the moment. He activated his comms and tried to contact Blitzwing.

“Hey Blitzwing how’s the mission going? Have you beaten Lugnut into scrap metal yet?” Bumblebee waited for a minute, waiting for an answer but all he got in response was static. _That’s fine maybe he didn’t hear it.Calm down. _Bumblebee tried again. “Blitzbrain pick up your comms” still nothing. Bumblebees whole frame started shaking. He felt his faceplate switch. “Blitzwing if this some kind of sick joke, knock it off! It’s not funny! Blitzbrain for Primus sake answers, or at least say something! Anything!” But Blitzwing did not answer. _Calm down. Don't panic. _His faceplate switched back and he tried one last time. “Blitzy please answer. Please tell my you’re okay...Please” Bumblebees words rang out, they echoed down the empty hall. But there was nothing but dead silence coming from his comms.

Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch again..and again...and again before Bumblebee knew it his faceplate just started spinning like a merry-go-round. Bumblebee felt dizzy and pure panic had taken a hold of him. _He’s offline! He’s offline! He’s offline and it’s all my fault! If I had told him to stay he would still be online! _He wanted to scream. Scream until his voice box broke but no words left his mouth. He wanted to run to where Blitzwing was but his legs would not move. He felt paralyzed and cold. 

Bumblebees faceplate switched again and he felt a stab of pain. Bumblebee yelped and let go of the paint can.  The can smashed into the ground and sent blue paint flying everywhere. It covered the floor and some splashed up onto Bumblebees yellow paint and the walls. But Bumblebee didn’t care.

His faceplate kept switching and with every switch the pain only grew. Bumblebee tried to force his faceplates to stop switching by trying to hold onto it with his servos but he couldn't get a good grip. His faceplates just continued to switch and there was nothing he could do to stop it. It felt like he was loosing control of himself.

Bumblebee suddenly felt a servo on his shoulder. His faceplate switching momentarily stopped and he looked up at Bulkhead. Bulkhead optics was full of worry. Bumblebee freaked out and slapped Bulkheads servo off him like it had burned him and started walking backwards until his back hit the wall. Bulkhead raised his servos to show he was not going to try to touch him again.

“Bumblebee, please calm down. It’s okay, it’s just paint. Let’s just calm down and clean this up” 

He looked at Bulkhead, he now also saw Sari who was standing in the doorframe to Bulkheads room. Both of them was looking at him with worried faces. 

Bumblebee couldn't stay there any longer. It felt like he was suffocating, it felt like needed to escape, leave , crawl into a hole and just disappear. On shaky legs he moved as fast he could towards his room. His room was close by so Bumblebee didn’t have to walk far. Bumblebee leaned on the wall and was able to make it without falling down. He threw open the door to his room, stumbled in and locked it behind him.

He felt tears start running down his optics both from pain and sadness. He threw himself onto the berth and curled up into a ball. His faceplate started switching again so now was both his faceplate and spark hurting. He still couldn't scream. Only pathetic sounding whimpers left his mouth.

He heard Bulkhead and Sari calling him from outside the door, but Bumblebee just put his servos over his audio receptors in an attempt to drown them out. And he just laid there on the berth and cried whilst his thoughts wreaked havoc in his mind.


	14. Chapter 14

Blitzwing rolled his optics. _ Of course Lugnut had to attack one of the most human populated areas in Detroit. _

He looked down at the rest of the team who struggled to move forward between all the fleeing humans and driving cars who tried to flee. It was going fine for Blitzwing. The sky was clear of airplanes and the only thing he really needed to care about was the clouds in the sky. His patience was running thin. He was just flying in circles over his team at this point, like those birds from Prowls nature programs that flew around dead animals in the desert.

_ Frag it. I’ll just go and beat Lugnuts aft by myself. _ His ache for battle was growing with every passing moment and he was also hoping this mission would end soon so he could return to Bumblebee. 

Blitzwing activated his comms to talk to Optimus but all he got was static. Blitzwing frowned and a HUD message appears. Blitzwing looked at it and groaned. He hadn't gotten his comms fixed yet. They were still damaged since he had transformed in the air when he had been looking for Bumblebee. He sighed angry at himself for not getting it fixed sooner. A lot had been going on, with Bumblebees becoming a triple changer and all that, he guessed he had just forgot about it. He looked down at Ratchet. He could fly down and ask him to fix it. But there was no telling how long that would take or if it was even possible with his limited equipment. He could try to fly back to base and get Sari but that might take a while. He argued with himself for a moment before he dived down towards the rest of the team.

He transformed to his bot form a while before he hit ground and just hovered. Giving the humans some time to make enough room for him to land. He landed in front of Optimus and their optics met. It looked like Optimus was about to say something. Probably about him and how he needed to be more gentle around humans but Blitzwing opened his mouth first and started talking, giving Optimus no chance to start a lecture.

“This is taking too long” He said plainly. “I’m gonna go ahead, and take care of Lugnut myself.” Blitzwing was about to transform when he felt Optimus grab his arm. He snapped his helm around and gave Optimus a cold stare and he immediately realised his hold and instead but his arms on his hips.

“No. If you go you won’t have any backup” He tried to sound as commanding as possible but the impact was not as strong when the bot who was suppose to be the leader had to look straight up to even see your optics. 

“I don’t need back up. I can handle Lugnut” Every word was cold and emotionless giving of no warmth. He saw Ratchet who was a bit behind Optimus look at him. It looked like he was determining if he should let Optimus handle it or if he should step in. Optimus shook his helm and Blitzwings gaze returned to him.

“I know that. But I want you to fly up in the sky and stay hidden. If Lugnut tries to escape I want you to knock him back onto the ground” Blitzwing crossed his arms and leaned a bit forward. Looming over the smaller bot. If Bumblebee had been there he would have smacked him and told him to stop. Blitzwing used to loom over Bumblebee a lot when they had started interacting, but Bumblebee had quickly grown immune to that scare tactic and was calling it "a bad Decepticon habit" and had started to smack Blitzwing as high up he could reach when he would do it. No matter if he did it subconsciously or deliberately.

“It’s better if I stay on the ground and fight with you there, then stay in the air and wait” Optimus didn't step back even with the big bot looming over him and just continued talking with the same clearness to his voice as before.

“I understand. But the problem is that your fighting style can be a bit…” Optimus took a moment. Probably to think of a word that could be used instead of feral or vicious, Blitzwing guessed. “Rough. We haven't trained enough with you to have strategies. And you are used to fighting with bots who can handle your strength. If you use for example your fire and we come in the crossfire we might go offline. Let us handle the fighting this time, and you block his exit” Blitzwing clenched his jaw. He didn’t move and he just continued to stare right into Optimus optics. Optimus started to look nervous but he didn’t back down from the staring contest.

He could have technically just ignored Optimus orders. It was a thought that had passed through his mind many times. If he decided to defy order, what would Optimus do? Blitzwing wonders if even Optimus knew the answer to that. 

He could tell that Optimus always looked a bit nervous when giving out direct orders to him. He tried to hide it the best he could and show an aura of confidence and leadership. But Blitzwing could tell he acted a bit different when he was giving him order opposed to giving the rest of the team orders. He would hesitate, think through his words carefully and talk as clearly as possible so there would be no miscommunication. He also never gave Blitzwing any roles that needed a big amount of trust. Roles such as guarding weapons or handle an allspark fragments was never given to him.

Blitzwing didn’t blame him for being nervous around him and not trusting him. He was a lot bigger than Optimus and probably a lot stronger. And with his track record any sane bot would be hesitant to trust him. 

If Blitzwing decide to defy orders there was not much Optimus could do to stop him unless Blitzwing let him. If he wanted to leave and fight Lugnut alone, all Optimus could do was watch. But the same thing could be said about Bumblebee. If he wanted to go somewhere Optimus would have a hard time stopping him.

But the difference was that Bumblebee cared about the rest of the team and wanted to be with them, they were like family to him. Whilst Blitzwing cared little for the rest of the team. He didn’t hate them, well Ratchet he found so extremely annoying at times he wished he was still a con so he could rip him into so small pieces so that the best way to pick up the pieces of him was with a vacuum cleaner. But otherwise the team was fine he guessed. The only one on the team he actually cared about was Bumblebee and he was the biggest reasons he was even trying to be an Autobot. 

Bumblebee even if he defied orders would always sooner or later return to his team, even though he knew it was lecture waiting for him when he got back. And the rest of the team would always take him back. No matter of how badly he messed up. Because they trusted that he had just done what he thought had been the right thing to do.

Blitzwing didn’t get that luxury. They didn't trust him and because he didn’t have that family tie to the team he would be fine with leaving them if it didn’t suit him and they wouldn't miss him or try to get him back if he left. He had no problem with going rouge. He could just steal the oil he needed and stay out of the two factions sights and he would be good. It would make his life harder but it would still be liveable. If Blitzwing decided to go rogue he would probably not ever be welcomed back into the team. 

There were though quite a few reasons he wanted to stay on the team. Even if he didn’t care much for anyone on the team except for Bumblebee there was strength in numbers. And being on a team made him much safer from Megatron than if he would go solo. He also got provided with everything he needed, a berth, oil, medical care and a roof over his helm. But the biggest reason was that if he stayed on the team he would get to be with Bumblebee everyday and he could be close and be able to protect him.

But to get to stay on the team he needed to follow orders. So much was clear. A transaction. Blitzwing “played nice” in exchange for everything the team had to offer. It was a fair deal but Blitzwing couldn't help but to sometimes wish he could just do what he pleased and that he didn’t have to take orders from a bot that he needed to sit down for, to be able to talk faceplate to faceplate with. 

He moved his optics. He saw that Ratchet was making his way over towards them. Blitzwing didn’t think digging his heels in over not being allowed to fight Lugnut alone was worth listening to Ratchet insult him so he turned back to Optimus and stood up straight, stoping his looming. 

“Fine.” He hissed. He made it clear to Optimus that he was not happy with the decision. He then transformed and blasted back into the sky leaving a cloud of dust on the ground as he did and he started circling in the air again. Silently cursing while he did.

When they finally found Lugnut a fight broke out and Blitzwing was forced to stay in the air and stay hidden, no matter how much he hated it.

The fight was going good. He saw Prowl jump out from the cover he had been hiding behind and threw some shurikens at Lugnut. They struck true and embedded themselves into one of Lugnuts arms. It looked like for a second like Lugnut was going after him but he was instead forced to jump out of the way when Optimus ran up to him and just barely missed him with his axe. 

Blitzwing’s frame was aching to jump into the fray. His spark was pounding with excitement and anticipation. He was barely able to contain himself from just flying down and punching Lugnut in his stupid faceplate. He had been stuck in the base for ages and the vigorous feeling of combat was calling him. Begging him to realise his pent up feelings and show everyone what he was built for. Showing everyone what he was best at. Fighting.

Lugnut screamed something, but Blitzwing couldn't hear what from this distance. Probably something about his “great and glorious leader” he assumed. He rolled his optics.

Lugnut was severely outnumbered even if Blitzwing had not joined the fight yet. After Blitzwing deserted, Lugnut was left without a partner. There were not many Decepticons on earth to begin with and those who was on this rock was probably not very good candidates. Blitzwing guessed Lugnut could have worked with one of the constructicons but their inability to fly made them not very good candidates and Megatron who would be able to fill Blitzwings place both in strength and fighting capabilities was too lazy or important to get off his sorry aft and do something he guessed. 

Lugnut looked between the autobots and seemed to assess the situation. It looked like he concluded that this was not a fight he was going to win. He raised his fist and transformed it and then used the punch on the ground sending every Autobot in close distance flying. Before the dust settled he had transformed and blasted off into the sky. That was Blitzwing queue and he blasted off after him. 

He flew into clouds and felt the cold air and raindrops brush against his plaiting, before they flew off thanks to the speed he was traveling at. He flew between clouds and got a glimpse of Lugnuts whereabouts and flew so he would be right above him. He finally flew out of the clouds, he was right above Lugnut and it looked like he had not noticed him yet.

Blitzwing felt himself switch to Random. He could feel his whole frame fill with energy and getting ready for fighting. With a “Geronimo!” He transformed into bot mode. 

He started free falling and saw how he was getting closer and closer to Lugnut. The wind rushed around him drowning out all sound. Right before he made impact with Lugnut he transformed into his tank alt mode and crashed into him. Lugnuts plane form could not keep himself in the air while carrying Blitzwings weight and immediately crashed into the ground.

They crashed into the middle of a road and created a big crater sending rocks and debris flying everywhere. Humans who had been walking down the street screamed and ran away in fear. Scattering like ants under a rock.

Lugnut transformed back into bot mode. His optics darkened when he saw Blitzwing. They were filed with hate and disgust. He raised his servos and prepared to use the punch again. Blitzwing pointed his cannons right at Lugnuts arms and froze them both solid. Lugnut struggled for a moment and tried to free them but to no avail. Blitzwing turned back into his bot mode as well and just looked down at his for not so long ago comrade.

“Blitzwing you traitorous scum!” Lugnut howled “Not only dare you still be online but you also dare to try to interrupt my work for my glorious leader!” Blitzwing was already tired of listening. It felt like he had heard this speech hundreds of times already. His faceplate switched and he looked at Lugnut through his visor. He charged his cannons and pointed them right at Lugnuts helm. He warm them up so they were just on the edge of firing. At this distance there was no chance of him missing. If he wanted to offline Lugnut he could do so in a blink of an optic.

“If you want to continue to be online you’ll shut up and listen. I will ask you questions and you _ will _ answer” He growled.

Lugnut looked offended.

“You can demand nothing, back stabber! I’ll never betray my almighty leader! Unlike some, I am loyal Decepticon!”

Blitzwing looked down at Lugnut and started gritting his denta in frustration. He then slowly turned his optics towards Lugnuts servos. 

“You don’t need all your limbs to talk” His faceplate switched back to random. “And I’m hungry for a snack!” He let out a dark cackling laugh. He saw that Lugnut was trying to hide it but he looked a little afraid. Blitzwings face switched again now too icy. “Did Megatron have anything to do with it? Why Bumblebee? What is he planning?” Lugnut looked like a question mark.

“What?” Blitzwing fury bubbled up and his face switched again.

“Answer me!” He screamed. He raised his fist and punched Lugnut right in his faceplate. Lugnut let out a grunt of pain. He snapped his helm back to Blitzwing and glared.

“I will tell you nothing you filth! You will perish, just like the sad excuse of autobots you call your allies”

Blitzwing patience was running out. He wanted answers. Why had Bumblebee gotten turned into a triple changer? Was it because of Blitzwings desertion.

It was weird but Blitzwing actually hoped that Megatron wasn't involved. Not because Blitzwing liked him or thought he was good bot or anything, far from it. Blitzwing hated Megatron from the bottom of his spark and if he could he would like nothing more than to crush his helm under his peds while he was begged for forgiveness and to be spared. No, he didn’t want Megatron be involved because then it wouldn't be his fault Bumblebee got turned. It wouldn't be because he deserted and Megatron wanted to hurt Blitzwing by hurting Bumblebee. It may sound selfish but Blitzwing just didn’t want to be the cause of something that had and still is causing Bumblebee so much grief and pain. He didn't know if he would make it if it turned out to be his fault.

His digets curled into Lugnuts plaiting and he held it firmly. Blitzwing’s faceplate switched back to Random. He smiled a wicked grind. 

“Wrong answer!”Lugnut looked at Blitzwing’s digits as they griped into his plaiting. 

“W-what are you doing?” There was a pinch of fear in his voice.

“I’m wonder what your spark looks like!” Blitzwing said and let out a cackling laugh.

“You disgusting little-” Lugnut didn’t get to finish. Blitzwing took a firm grasp of Lugnut plaiting and started trying to pull it off his frame. Lugnut grunted and tried to realise his servos from their icy prison. Lugnuts chest plate started making a horrible noise as the metal bent and loosen. It was kind of like opening a tin can. Blitzwing felt his rage turn into pure strength and he pulled harder on the metal and energion started leaking out from Lugnuts frame. It felt so good. 

The lump of sadness and guilt he had carried around turned into raw power and realising it all on someone who deserve it felt so good. He could finally be rid of all that pain by inflicting it on someone else. He could finally let loose. He didn’t have to hold his rage or keep his composure. He could be as vicious and aggressive as he liked. No holding back. He could feel his smile go wider and wider. And heard that voice again. 

The voice in the back of his mind. The same one he had heard when he was considering to hit Ratchet. A echo from his memories. It was a dark voice. It was a voice of authority and a voice to be feared. But there was also amusement to it. _ Don’t hold back. Rage and destruction is in your programming after all. _

“Blitzwing!” Blitzwing heard Optimus call out to him and he got snapped out of his thoughts and the voice disappeared. Optimus sounded angry. Blitzwing stopped moving and slowly turned his helm towards him. The rest of the team was running towards him and Optimus looked very displeased. Blitzwing got a bit frustrated for being interrupted. He was about to call back to him but that’s when he heard the sound of ice breaking. He immediately snapped his helm back and was just in time to see Lugnut use the punch right into his chest. 

Blitzwing felt the explosion sear his plating and send him flying several feet backwards. He landed hard on the ground and started rolling. Rocks left scratches in his paint and he finally came to a stop when he crashed into a car parked by the side of the road. The cars side buckled inwards and the windows broke, raining glass shards all over Blitzwing and the ground around him.

He slowly raised his helm and was barely able to see Lugnut transform into his alt mode and blast off, through the sea of messaged his HUD had brought up. Blitzwing cursed and slowly sat up. 

His chest stung with pain and his whole frame ached. He looked down at his chest to see the damage, it was coloured black from the explosion. The damage was not that bad, it could have been much worse. He had cracks and dents all over his frame. His chest area looked the worst. In the centre of his chest there was large crack going like a line across his chest. It must have splintered open by the explosion. Slowly it started to pour energion through it, the liquid mixed with the sot and the dust and dirt that he had kicked up when he had rolled on the ground. A couple of rocks had wedge themselves in between the cracks and they gave off an uncomfortable feeling when he moved.

Blitzwing looked at his HUD to see if there were any major damages. There was nothing life threatening. It looked like the wounds wasn't deep enough to have reached his spark and it looked like the rest of his inner workings were also fine. _ That’s the good thing about being a tank, we don’t break so easily. _

He turned off the messages. He could get Sari to fix the damages when he got back to base.

He slowly stood up and brushed some dirt off him. He was starting to come out of his battle high state and he was only now starting to feel the pain of his injuries. His whole frame felt sore and ached but he would make it. The worst of the pain was a burning feeling from the big crack on his chest and humiliation that he had let his guard down.

He turned his helm towards the sky and saw Lugnut who was just a purple dot on the blue sky by now. Maybe he could catch up to him, he still hadn't gotten any answers. Blitzwing turned back too Icy and prepared to transform.

“No, let him go” It was Optimus. Blitzwing gave him angry look but stopped his transformation and pointed towards the dot that was Lugnut.

“He might know why Bumblebee got turned. I need to go after him.”

“You’re to hurt.” Blitzwing took a digit and removed some of the pebbles that had gotten into his cracked plaiting. He let out of a quiet hiss of pain as he was able the wedge some sharp rocks free.

“I'll manage” Optimus firmly shook his helm.

“Let's say you catch up to him. Then what? You won't have a fair fight looking like this” Optimus pointed towards Blitzwing’s damaged chest. Blitzwing responded with crossing his arms which covered most of the wound. “There’ll be more chances” Optimus continued “Let’s head back to base and then look into fixing this” Optimus gestured at the big crater in the ground. “We two also need to have a chat later about what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour”

Blitzwing rolled his optics. He didn’t really care if Optimus liked or hated how he acted. He needed answers and Lugnut made it very clear he was not going to answer them from the kindness of his spark. So that left him with no choice. Blitzwing turned his helm towards the sky and used his monocle to zoom in on Lugnut. If looks could kill Lugnut would have gone offline on the spot. 

Blitzwing turned back towards Optimus mumbled something that sounded like an agreement. There was no point in fighting over this and either way he would preferably get back to Bumblebee as fast a possible. He didn't know why, but he couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. Now that the fight had properly ended his senses and feelings of worry returned to him. He hated it but there was nothing left to fight so he just had to live with them for the moment until he got a new chance to release them again. Hurting Lugnut had helped a little. It felt like some of the wounds inside his spark had started to heal. And some of those emotions that filled him like water in a cup had been spilled out. 

Optimus looked towards Blitzwings wound and then shoot Ratchet a glance who was at the moment using his comms and talking to someone. Optimus then turned back to address Blitzwing.

“Maybe Ratchet should take a look at you before-” Blitzwing cut Optimus off. He was still angry for loosing Lugnut and letting him use the punch on him. He didn't want to stay and listen to Ratchet lecturing him as well. He wasn't sure he would be able to keep his cool if that happened.

“I’ll get Sari to use the key back at the base” He said shortly and with that he transformed and blasted off before anyone could stop him.


	15. Chapter 15

His flying was a bit wobbly. His right wing had been slightly tilted from the punch. It made flying a bit difficult but he could fly good enough to reach the base. He sent a small shock wave through the ground when he landed outside the base kicking up dust into the air and making all the window rattle. 

Immediately Sari came running out the door. She looked up and meet Blitzwings optics. Her eyes were full of worry and it looked like she was in a hurry.

“Blitzwing! Blitzwing! Blitz-” She stoped dead. Her eyes landing on the big crack in his chestplate. She made a pained hissed in sympathetic pain. T The energon from the wound had smeared all over his chest plate from when he had transformed and small lines of energon run all the way down to his knees. 

“Are you okay?!” Before she even got the answer she pulled out the key and walked up towards Blitzwing to pick her up.

Blitzwing leaned down and put one of his servo on the ground and let her crawl up onto the open palm. He lifted her up so she could use the key. She inserted it and turned. Blitzwing felt his plaiting get fixed and all scuffs straighten out and all the HUD warning disappear, one by one. The crack closed and the energon dried up and when Sari removed the key it was like nothing ever happened. He put Sari back down and stretched a little now that every movement he did didn’t hurt. 

“I am now.” Blitzwing looked at Saris face. She still looked worried and it made his tank sink. “Is something wrong?” Sari messed a little with her hair and broke eye contact. _ Something is wrong. _Even if Blitzwing was not very good at understanding humans, it didn't take a genius to figure out that somethings was amok .It was written all over her.

“Well the thing is when you guys left, Bumblebee, Bulkhead and i was playing video games and-” After losing Lugnut, Blitzwing was not really In a mood for long stories. His own worry also grew now that Bumblebee and whatever was going on was connected. His faceplate turned too Hothead.

“Just get to the point!”

She jumped a little at the yelling. She looked up at him and she seemed to get more nervous when she was meet with Hotheads angry glare. 

“Bumblebee kind of freaked out and locked himself in, in your room. And we-” Blitzwing had heard enough and immediately started moving. He didn’t care to listen to what else she had to say. Sari had to jump out of the way to avoid being stepped on as Blitzwing in a rapid pace moved forward. Blitzwing came through the door frame in record time and started jogging towards his and Bumblebee room. He saw Bulkhead stand outside and talk to the closed door.

“Out of my way!” Blitzwing screamed. Bulkheads helm snapped towards Blitzwing his faceplate much like Saris was full of worry.Bulkhead immediately stepped to the side when he saw Blitzwing coming, giving him as much room as possible. Blitzwing tried to open the door but soon noticed that it was locked. Blitzwing raised his fist and banged on the door.

“Bumblebee! It’s Blitzwing, open the door!” Nothing happened. Blitzwings worry grew. _Maybe Hothead is not the way to go about this._ Blitzwing took a breath and let his faceplate turn back to Icy and continued in a more gentle voice. “Bumblebee please open the door so we can talk. Just you and me” Still nothing. “Bumblebee-” He was about to knock on the door again when with a sudden click the door unlocked. Blitzwing let his fist uncurl and fall to his side and turned around towards Bulkhead, and now Sari who had been able to catch up. They were looking at him, waiting for directions. 

“You two tell the others when they come back to be quiet and not to bother us” Blitzwings tone made it clear it was a demand and not a suggestion. He didn’t wait for them to respond, he instead opened the door and slipped in and locked it behind him with a click.

The room was gloomy. The lamps where not on and the only light in the room was the afternoon sun shining through the windows. Blitzwing let his optics swipe over the room before landing on Bumblebee who was standing in the middle of the room. Even if the badly lit up room hide many details he could clearly see Bumblebees faceplate and his blue optics glowed in the room like a candle in the night. He was sniffling and a flood of tears was running from his optics down his checks. When Bumblebee saw Blitzwing and their optics meet he continued crying but his optics lit up slightly and a look of relief appeared.

“You’re okay” His voice was barely audible and hoarse from all the crying. He launched forward and hugged Blitzwing as far up as he could reach. Blitzwing looked down at the minibot. He didn't look hurt or in pain which made Blitzwing worried spark calmed down a little. He leaned down and put his servos around Bumblebees waist and lifted him up. Bumblebee held onto Blitzwing for as long as he could and when he was forced to let go of the hug, Bumblebee let his servos slid up Blitzwings frame while he got lifted up. It was like he was afraid Blitzwing would disappear if he stoped touching him for even a moment. Bumblebee put his arms around Blitzwings shoulders and nuzzled his faceplate into Blitzwings neck. Blitzwing could feel Bumblebees wet tears land on his neck making it damp. Bumblebee cried and muffled his screams using Blitzwings neck as a sound muffler. He only stopped screaming when he needed to fill he vents with new air. 

It felt like somebody had stabbed a dagger right into Blitzwings spark. Seeing Bumblebee so upset hurted more than what the wounds of Lugnuts punch had done. Blitzwings rage grew and grew. He was a warrior. Most of his life he had fought and killed. He was good at that, he understood that, he could do that. Fighting was easy. All you did was hurting your enemy until one of you lost. It was easy. But even if he was the strongest bot here, the most dangerous, the most viscous, It didn’t matter. He was strong. But not strong enough to protect the one thing he truly and deeply cared about. He was strong but he had still failed to protect Bumblebee again. He had failed to protect him from turning into a triple changer and now he had failed to protect him from what was hurting him now. 

Bumblebee started heaving like he was going to throw up but Blitzwing just continued to keep him in a close hug and made no attempt to remove him from his neck. If he threw up against his neck so be it. He was not letting go off the minibot. 

He pushed his rage down, deep into his spark. All the emotional wounds he had healed by hurting Lugnut open again and the wounds cut deeper than before. His spark filled with new regrets, pain, rage and what he hated most of all, sadness.

He slowly walked over and sat down on the berth. Blitzwing put a servo on Bumblebees back and slowly stroke him with calm gentle strokes and started rocking his body back and forth like he had seen humans do with their children when they were upset. That was enough to stop Bumblebee to make retching sounds and Blitzwing’s neck stayed puke free. Bumblebees frame was shaking and he was breathing short breaths but his screams quiet down to just whimpers. 

Blitzwing whispered encouragement and tried his best to comfort the crying minibot, but without much knowledge of what had actually happened he was a bit limited. Bumblebee tried to say something but his crying and sobs made it hard to hear what he was saying. Blitzwing just continued to whisper encouragement and rocking him back and forth. After a while Bumblebees breathing calmed down and his frame stopped shaking so much.

Blitzwing felt like now was the right time to try to get some answers.

“Would you mind telling me what got you so upset?” Bumblebee let out another sniffle and he tried to speak but his voice came out too shaky and he had to start over a couple of times before the words came out.

“I-I thought you went o-offline and-and it was all of my fault” Blitzwing went quiet as he tried to processes what Bumblebee had said. He was for a moment at a loss for words. The answer to his question had only given him more questions. He recovered quickly and started asking his new questions.

“Why would you think that? Who told you that?” _ If this is some kind of joke that Bulkhead and Sari pulled that backfire, I’m gonna make them regret it. _

“I-I tried to comm you but you didn’t answer…” Bumblebees faceplate started spinning once, twice, thrice and soon it was switching so fast Blitzwing felt dizzy just by looking at it. Bumblebee let out a whimper of pain and Blitzwing realised that the turning was hurting him. He thought quickly and lifted his servo and snapped his digits in front of Bumblebees faceplate. The switching stopped and Bumblebee just looked at Blitzwings digits in surprise. _ Good that interrupted it. _

“Breathe. Look. I’m fine, I’m safe. Everybody else is fine as well” Blitzwing smiled to prove his point that he was okay. He silently prayed that this would be enough to stop Bumblebee faceplates from turning. He wasn't sure what he would do if this didn't work. Should he get him pain killers? Should he sedate him again? Thinking of forcing Bumblebee go unconscious again made his tanks turn.

Bumblebee sniffled a couple of more times and pressed his faceplate closer into Blitzwing neck again which made it hard to hear him.

”I thought you had gone offline”

Blitzwing patted Bumblebees back slowly thanking Primus that his faceplates had stopped. He went quiet for a moment and his optics ridges curled into a thinking expression as he thought about what Bumblebee had told him.

“Did the others say that?” Bumblebees shaking completely stopped for a moment.

“W-what?” His words were full of confusion.

“The others when you commd them. Did they say I was offline too?” Blitzwing didn’t know why they would do such a thing that would clearly make Bumblebee upset but it was worth asking.

Bumblebee mumbled something into Blitzwings neck but he couldn't make it out. 

“I can’t hear you, love. You need to speak up” Bumblebee removed his faceplate from Blitzwings neck but he didn’t meet Blitzwings optics.

“I haven’t talked to them” It was nearly a whisper. 

Blitzwing raised and optic ridge.

“Okay, just so I understand this correctly. You tried to comm me, I didn’t answer so you believe that I was offline?” Bumblebee said nothing but he just barely nodded his helm. “Why didn’t you call the others to check?”

“I don’t know...I thought..I don’t know...Why didn’t you answer?” 

“My comms were offline. They have been for a while, but they’re fixed now.” Blitzwing sighed. “If you had called literally anyone else there except me, you would have know I was fine” Bumblebees faceplate switched. His tear filled optics disappeared behind the blue visor.

“I don’t know why I didn’t call the others! I freaked out, okay! I couldn't think and my faceplate wouldn't stop spinning and I just couldn't control myself! It-it was horrible!” Bumblebee sounded angry but his faceplate and frame was telling a different story. 

He was afraid. His whole frame was still shaking and the grasp he had around Blitzwings shoulders were begging for comfort and protection. It was like Bumblebee was holding onto Blitzwing for his life. Like they were in a strong current and if he let go he would be swept away. Blitzwing pulled Bumblebee a little closer and let him press his faceplate back into his neck. Blitzwing rested his own helm on top of Bumblebees. They sat there for a moment and waited for Bumblebee to calm down again. 

Meanwhile Blitzwing regretted everything he had ever done. That he left the base. That he had let Bumblebee go out on his joy ride alone, that he had chosen to become a warrior when he became a Decepticon. He was strong. He could fight. Fighting was easy. All you did was hurting your enemy until one of you lost. But how do you win a fight against something that doesn't have a physical body? How do you protect someone from their own conclusion jumping mind? He was a warrior. He could leave the base and offline anyone how dared to put even a single digit on Bumblebee. He could offline Lugnut, Blackarachnia even Megatron. But how do you fight someone's broken mind? The answer was simple. He couldn't. And he hated that answer.

He hated that he had chosen to become a stupid, useless warrior instead of something that was actually useful. A scientist that could have find a cure that turned triple changers back to normal or a therapist that could heal Bumblebees mind. But he wasn't any of that. He was a warrior. All he could do was to fight and protect. But he guessed he couldn't even do something as simple as that. He wasn't even a warrior, just a failure. He wished all the things that was hurting Bumblebee inside his mind had a physical body. Something he could see and touch. Something he could fight and defeat. He wished it was something he could protect Bumblebee from or that he could take Bumblebees place instead. But it didn’t have a body and he couldn't protect his beautiful conjux. He was powerless and all he could do was comfort and be there for Bumblebee and pray to Primus that he was at least doing something right.

After a couple of minutes Bumblebee settle down a little and spoke up.

“I hate having three faceplates” Blitzwing pushed all the thoughts down. He couldn't do much. He couldn't protect the one person he loved. But Primus knows he would try. So he nodded slightly and let Bumblebee continue. “C-can I stop them from changing? Like control them?” Blitzwing moved his arms a little so he could see Bumblebees faceplate again.

“Why would you want that?” Bumblebee frowned and wiped some tears away. He was still shaking but it looked like he was calming down.

“I don’t want them to change! I want to have one. Just one!” Blitzwing thought for a moment before speaking.

“You can to a certain degree force them to change. But I would not recommend it, I...”Blitzwing went quiet for a moment and shoot his autobot symbol a glance before turning back to Bumblebee. “I was forced to do that, and it was not healthy”

Bumblebee started to look more upset again.

“So I can’t control them at all?!”

“That's not what I said.” Blitzwing cut in, stopping Bumblebee dead in his tracks. He had jumped to conclusions enough for one day. “I said forcing them are not good. Like when you're angry and force your emotions to stay locked up inside. Or force your faceplates to change with only your will or with fear. That's not healthy.” Blitzwing was well aware that he was being a bit of hypocrite right now. But just because he didn’t follow his own advice of not letting your emotions stay locked up didn’t mean it was bad advice. “But there are natural ways to make them change”

“How?” Blitzwing smirked

“I have already showed you how” Bumblebee looked like a question mark and his faceplate switched back to normal.

“You have? When?” 

“Do you remember the bubble wrap?” Bumblebee looked confused.

“What does that have to do with anything?” 

“It’s not about self control. It’s about thinking and your flow of thoughts. When I gave you the bubble wrap you stopped thinking upsetting thoughts. And because you stopped thinking about that your mood changed which meant your faceplate changed”

“So I just need to learn to change my thinking..” He said slowly “So how do I do that?” 

“I had to learn it by trial and error and it took me awhile to figure out how to change them without forcing them to change. But how it works for me is when I for example want to be Hothead I just think about stuff that makes me angry.”

“Like what?” Bumblebee’s sadness had by this point been pretty much completely replaced with curiosity. Blitzwing was very happy with that development.

“I think of people like Megatron ,Lugnut-” His faceplate switched to Hothead. “Or Blackarachnia”. Bumblebee smiled a little.

“So how do you change from Hothead?”

“It’s easiest to change to Random” His faceplate changed to the grinning faceplate ”All I need to think about is something funny! Like how small you are!” Blitzwing giggled and patted Bumblebees helm. Bumblebee sighed in annoyance.

“Up yours jack o lantern” Blitzwing just laughed the insult off.

“If I want to be Icy I just-” His faceplate switched “calm down. But I usually switch back too Icy just because this is my dominate faceplate.”

“But what should I think about? And how do I keep unwanted thoughts out?” Blitzwing shrugged.

“I don’t know. Like I said, it took me a while to learn it and I’m still not very good at it. There are still times I slip up and lose control of myself.” Bumblebees faceplate switched to the one with the fangs.

“Remember when I made you turn into Hothead while you were in the air by insulting you?” Blitzwing groaned.

“You’ll never let me forget it, will you?”

“Nope!” Bumblebee said and chuckled. Blitzwing continued on his last train of thought.

“For the most part I only control my faceplate when I know I have to turn into a jet or tank. Otherwise I just let my faceplates change naturally.” Bumblebees faceplate turned back to normal.

“So if I want to learn how to control my faceplates, I just have to try and fail over and over again?” Bumblebee voice was full of disappointment and his faceplate had an expression that screamed despair. Blitzwing started thinking quickly. He didn’t want Bumblebee to slide back into his sad state, not now when he had actually gotten kind of happy again. Then he remembered something. It was not one of his best ideas but it was worth a shot.

“Prowl once suggested meditation to me. Maybe that can help you?” Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing and had the look of “are you kidding me?”

“You're suggesting that_ I _ meditate with Prowl? Are your processor fried from your fight with Lugnut?”

“It’s just a suggestion” Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random “I guess you’re just not up for the challenge. Guess you’re too much of a wimp to even try it” Blitzwing said teasingly. Bumblebees faceplate switched to the one with the visor.

“I’m not a wimp! I just don’t want to meditate with Prowl! It will be boring!” Blitzwing smiled mischievously.

“Wimpy, wimpy, wimp! What’s the problem wimp? Are you scared? Is meditating with Prowl _ once _, just above your abilities?”

“I’ll show you!” Bumblebee growled and that's when Blitzwing knew he had caught the bait. “I’m gonna meditate with Prowl and I’ll be able to control my faceplates in record time” Blitzwing laughed.

“I don’t believe you’ll even try it!” 

“Wanna bet big guy! I bet I can sit through a whole mediation session, no problem” He said with a confident smirk.

“I’m willing to take that bet!” 

“Fine! If I can sit through a whole session you’ll have to do my chores for a month!” Blitzwing laughed.

“Oh ya? But If you fail you’ll have to admit you'er a wimp!”

“Deal!” Bumblebee yelled without a moment of hesitation.

“Deal!” Blitzwing repeated just as quickly.

They went quiet for a moment. Blitzwing laid himself down flat on the berth while still holding Bumblebee to his chest. It felt like had finally stabilised Bumblebees mood enough so he would not start panicking again. It felt good to stretch out his back on the berth and he continued to absentmindedly stroke Bumblebees back.

Bumblebees faceplate switched back to normal and started speaking. His tone was serious again.

“If you could change back to your original form, would you?” Blitzwing stayed quiet for a long while. Long enough for Bumblebee to wonder if he might had stepped over a line.

To Blitzwing it was not a surprise that Bumblebee had asked, so he wasn't taken aback by that. What put him off guard was that he had himself not thought about it for a long, long time. He had thought about that question a lot after his operation. He had in secret tried to find a way to reverse his predicament but everywhere he turned he always ended up in a dead end. 

He had hated being a triple changer. The faceplates, the stares from other Decepticons, the emotional outbreaks, the feeling of always being stressed, sad, confused. angry, anxious and on alert. And worst of all, the shadow of Megatron was always over him, and the fear of punishment if he didn’t control himself was always looming over him. A shudder went through his frame just thinking about it. 

He felt Bumblebee hug him a little tighter. Their optics meet. Bumblebees optics were no longer filled with tears but he looked a bit concerned. Blitzwing gave him a soft smile and gave Bumblebee a kiss on top of his helm.

None of what had been going on while he was a Decepticon mattered anymore. It was all in the past. He had made peace with being a triple changer and he didn’t really care about his old self anymore. 

“No. I don’t think I would” Bumblebee looked surprised. 

“Why not?”

“I have gotten used to being...well me. I’m Blitzwing the triple changer. And I’m fine with that”.

“Don’t you miss being the old you? Not having three faceplates? Not having three modes? Being stable?”

Blitzwing frowned a little at that last part. Bumblebee noticed what had just slipped out of his mouth and started rambling.

“I don’t mean that I think you’re unstable, come on! I’m not Ratchet! I think you're actually pretty much as stable as everyone else here at the base. Like you're not crazy or anything. Well not always, sometimes it’s a fine line when your Random. But that's okay! It’s just who you are and I would love you even if you’re a bit crazy. Not because you are I just mean-well you know how Random is! Well of course you know how he is, you are him. You say some weird stuff sometimes and-Primus this conversation is a train wreck, let me start over-”

Blitzwing leaned forward and kissed Bumblebee on his lips. That successfully shut the rambling minibot up. He slowly pulled away again.

“I understand what you meant. And to answer your question I’m fine with having three modes. It gives me a tactical advantage. And I’m fine with having three faceplates. Them switching is as natural for me as transforming so it doesn't bother me anymore.” He went quiet for a moment before continuing. “I think I can control myself pretty well. However I’m not so blind that I don’t notice that I might have bigger difficulties to control certain aspects of myself than others. But I believe that is something I can work on.” He leaned in and gave Bumblebee a kiss on his cheek. “And since I met you I have wanted to be better. Be more ‘stable’. I still have problems but I’m getting better.” Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing and then looked a down, like he was ashamed. Blitzwing hated it. He put a servo under Bumblebees chin and lifted his helm up so their optics meet. 

“I still want to be who I was before”. Bumblebee mumbled.

Blitzwing hugged Bumblebee tighter.

“That’s fine. I understand that you want to turn back. You don't have to be ashamed because you don't feel the same way about being a triple changer as I feel" Blitzwing knew himself that if he had gotten the opportunity to be able to turn back for some years ago he would had a taken it. "We’ll find Blackarachnia and she will turn you back” Blitzwing faceplate changed to Hothead.”If she refuses I’ll beat her up so badly that she won’t have even one faceplate when I’m done with her!”

Bumblebee hugged Blitzwing back. 

“So when we find Blackarachnia you won’t force her to turn you back as well?” Blitzwing shook his helm with confident.

“I have been on her medical berth for the last time. I’ll never ask her to turn me back. I won’t let her control my life anymore." Blitzwing energion started to boil. "I hate her, and I got fed up with looking at myself in the mirror and seeing ‘her’ triple changer and not my own frame. So I made it my own. She gave me this frame but it’s no longer hers. It’s mine. I own it now, and I’ll never let her take this frame away from me”. Bumblebee put his servos on Blitzwings cheeks. Blitzwings growing rage stoped but didn't completely dissipate. Bumblebee scooted up so their faceplates were inches away from each others. Bumblebee looked serious. His faceplate had turned to the one with the visor.

“We’ll catch her and imprison her. And after that no one, not me, not you, nobody will be on her medical berth again. I will make sure she will never get the chance to take this frame from you. I promise.” Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee. His spark beated faster. It might be stupid and cliche but Bumblebees words actually filled him with a lot of confidence and hope. He wasn't blind to the ridiculousness that he, the former Decepticon warrior was being told by a bot that he could lift with one arm that he would protect him. But despite Bumblebees small frame and lesser battle knowledge his words still in a weird way made him feel safe and hopeful. The hope that he one day never had to think of worry about Blackarachnia again. It nearly sounded too good to be true.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep” He said with a smile. 

“Never” Bumblebee than leaned forward and their lips meet. Blitzwing felt his whole frame go hot and all the feelings that was digging up wounds in his spark numbed and got over shadow by pure euphoria. Bumblebee must have felt something similar for in the middle of the kiss Bumblebees lips left Blitzwing as his faceplates switched to the one with the fangs. Bumblebee pulled his helm back in surprise, clearly not expecting his faceplate to switch in the middle of the kiss. Blitzwings own faceplate switched upon the sight of his conjuxs surprised expression to his jagged smile. He laughed and but a servo on the back of Bumblebees helm and pulled him pack into the kiss. 

When the kiss ended Bumblebee scooted back and laid down on Blitzwings chest again. They just laid there for a moment, unmoving and in silence. But soon Bumblebees faceplate changed back to normal and he spoke up again.

“If you want to be better why don’t you come with and try meditate with me and Prowl?” Blitzwing cringed a little and his faceplate changed back to Icy.

“I think i should lay low for a bit. I don’t think your team is happy very happy with me at the moment." Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing confused.

"Why would they be mad at you? Did you do something?" Blitzwing went quiet for a moment. He didn't really want to talk about his fight with Lugnut with Bumblebee. He knew he wasn't going to be happy and he also knew that he would have pretty much the exact same conversation with Optimus later. But now he had said A so he guessed he also had to say B.

"I did something to Lugnut and your team was not exactly thrilled" He tried to be vague and see if Bumblebee would let the conversation go. But he could see it in Bumblebees optics that he wasn't getting out that easily.

“What did you do to Lugnut?” Blitzwing looked down at the Autobot symbol on his chest “Blitzwing what did you do?” He repeated.

“I was able to restrain Lugnut and I wanted to know if he knew anything about your condition. And I might have gonna a bit overboard”

Bumblebee started to look worried.

“What did you do to him?”

“I tried to pull his chestplate off his frame” He said plainly hoping that it would smooth over it and make it sound like not that big of a deal. It didn't help. Bumblebees optics grew double their size in surprise.

“Blitzwing you can’t do that! Autobots don’t do that!”

“Calm down. I wasn't going to offline him, I just wanted to scare him”

“That doesn't matter! You should just have placed him in cuffs!”

Blitzwing faceplate switched and he growled.

“I was going to do that after I had gotten my answers!”

“You should still not have done that! You had already restrained him, he wasn't a threat!”

“I needed to get answers and he didn’t want to give them to me! He left me no choice!”

“You had a choice! You should have cuffed him and let Optimus decide what to do with him! He’s the leader!”

Blitzwing went quiet and just gritted his denta. Bumblebee looked at him and sighed. “I know you were just trying to help. But please, don’t do that again” 

Blitzwing stayed silent. He didn’t think he had done anything wrong. Sure he might have gone a bit overboard but he still thought Bumblebee and Optimus was overreacting. Come on, it was Lugnut! Their enemy. They didn’t give a frag about hurting him until he got restrained. Hurting him was fine but the moment Blitzwing froze his servos, hurting him was apparently off the table. And he hadn't even offlined him. Just hurt him. 

_ Stupid Autobots and all their moral code nonsense. _ Trying to rip his chest plate could be seen as a bit of an overkill but with the rush he got from combat made it sometimes hard to think straight. Even if he wanted not to do it again it would be very difficult and he didn’t really consider it a problem. The rush helped him to fight better and for longer. Why would he try to repress something like that?

“I don’t think I did anything wrong. Maybe I did something wrong by _ your _moral standards but if think it was justified. Lugnut is our enemy! He tries to offline us!” Bumblebee pointed an accusing digit towards him and his faceplate switched to the one with the visor.

“You were also our enemy once! You also have tried to offline everyone too!"

“That was different. My loyalty to the Decepticons was already on shaky ground after they forcefully turned me into a triple changer. Lugnut is not a con for the cause. He is there because he adores his ‘great and glorious leader´" Blitzwing said while mocking Lugnuts voice "and nothings gonna change that! Megatron could probably kill him and Lugnut would just say he deserves it or that he was even grateful!”

The room fell into silence. Bumblebee and Blitzwing was staring intently at each other. They could see themselves in the reflections of their partners visor. They just stayed that for sometime. 

Finally Bumblebee huffed and turned his gaze away and stared at the wall. Blitzwing felt kind of bad for making Bumblebee mad but he stood by what he said. He was still not looking forward to speak to Optimus about this. He looked down at Bumblebee pushing Optimus out of his mind. Bumblebee was pouting and trying to stare a hole in the wall. Blitzwing felt his faceplate switch too Random. His smile turned into a comical frown.

“Awww is the little Honeybee mad at me?” He said in a baby voice.

“Shut it Blitzbrain” Bumblebee mumbled as he continued to stare at the wall like it had personally offended him. Blitzwing nuzzled his faceplate against Bumblebees helm and started landing small kisses on it. “Blitzbrain I’m not in the mood” Bumblebee growled. But even though Bumblebee said that he didn’t pull his helm away or try to stop the kisses. Blitzwing thought for a moment and got an idea and his mouth turned into a mischievous smile. 

“I’ll know what will cheer you up” Blitzwing frown turned upside down. Bumblebee turned his helm just enough towards Blitzwing to see the change in his expression. He saw it and he scowled at him as it went up from him what he was about to do.

“Blitzbrain. Don't you fraging dare.” Before Bumblebee could react Blitzwing nuzzled his faceplate into Bumblebees neck and did a zerbert. Bumblebee immediately tried to try to pull away but Blitzwing held him in a tight hug so there was no escape.

“Blitzbrain! You aft! Stop! That tickles!” He yelled as he tried to push himself free from Blitzwing grasp.

Blitzwing momentarily pulled his faceplate away.

“Only if you stop being mad!” 

“No” Bumblebee said as he flailed around trying to escape the hug. Blitzwing returned to Bumblebees neck again. Bumblebee wriggled around and raised his shoulders in an attempt to protect his neck. But there was no escape.

Blitzwing couldn't see Bumblebees faceplate but he heard the whirl sound and a laugh bubbled out of Bumblebee. Blitzwing momentarily stopped again.

“Say that you'er not mad!”

“Never!” He said with a big smile on his faceplate.

“Pretty please” He said and started to kiss Bumblebees helm again "Pretty please with sugar on top" He didn't actually exactly know what that meant but he had heard Sari say it when she wanted something.

Bumblebee was momentarily quiet, then his smile went wider.

“Okay. Just loosen your hug for a moment.”

Blitzwing loosen the grip and gave Bumblebee back the option to move around. Bumblebee moved up closer to Blitzwing’s faceplate. Blitzwing just looked at him expectantly. Bumblebee put their foreheads together. They just looked each other with smiles on their faceplates. Bumblebee leaned in closer. Blitzwing prepared for the kiss, but Bumblebee had other plans. When their mouths met Bumblebee did a zerbert right against Blitzwing’s lips. Blitzwing turned his helm away in surprise and just looked at Bumblebee with big optics.

“Now I’m not mad anymore”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might not be an update next week. I'm having a math test and I'm also celebrating Saint Lucy's Day so I'm going to be pretty busy next week. Thank you for your patience!


	16. Chapter 16

Bumblebee opened his optics. He immediately got hit by a bright light and tried to cover his optics, just to notice that he couldn't. He blinked a few times trying to adjust to light and started to look around. He was in a room he never had seen before. He couldn't see ceiling, it was too high up and the wall appeared just do disappear into the darkness. The floor was completely made out of stone. The floor had not been smoothed out and was full of bumps. The room was full of machines and screens. A lot of them Bumblebee recognised from the medbay back at the base but many he hadn't seen before. The machines were blinking and showing graphs that Bumblebee couldn't decipher.

Bumblebee looked down and saw several tubes sticking out of his frame. Some tubes led to machines and some into bags full with liquids. Bumblebee saw that his wrists and ankles was restrained to the berth he was laying on.

His whole frame felt heavy and cold and he had a hard time to stay awke.

Bumblebee tried to speak. But all that came out was sounds that didn’t even resemble words. He cleared his throat and tried again. But still the sounds that came out of his mouth didn’t transform into words.

“Oh dear, oh dear. You’re already awake. That won’t do” The voice was condescending and malicious.

Bumblebee tried to see the owner of the voice.It was hard to see but close to the wall he could see something moving. His spark was beting fast and he tried to speak again.

"Ughhh.." His voice died out. He could hear the voice laughing at his pathetic attempted to form words. Bumblebee tried figure out who the voice belonged too, but before Bumblebee could he woke up.

Bumblebee sat directly up. He could hear his spark betting in his audio receptors. Bumblebee looked down at his wrists and the rest of his frame. There were no restraints and no tubes. He scanned the room.

He had been laying on top of Blitzwings chest. Blitzwing was still asleep, snoring peacefully. He was in his room. It was dark but some moon light were shining through the window giving of just barely enough light so he wasn't in complete darkness. It was a beautiful night not a cloud in sight. The sky was full with glowing stars on a dark blue background.

Bumblebee but his arms around himself and hugged himself. _ Just another nightmare. _ His faceplate was burning with pain. Bumblebee started going through his sub space trying to find his painkillers. He finally got them out and started to fill his syringe with painkillers. He inserted the nail into his leg. A quiet grunt of pain escaped his mouth as he emptied the cold liquid and it mixed with his hot energon. Blitzwing started stirring and his faceplate switched from Icy too Hothead. Bumblebee went still, afraid that he might accidentally wake him up. 

But Blitzwing didn’t open his optics. Bumblebee put away the syringe back into his subspace. Blitzwing’s faceplate turned again, from Hothead to Random, to Icy, to Random again, and soon his faceplate was spinning so fast Blitzwing faceplate turned into a blur of blue, red and black.The room filled with a constant whirl sound. 

Bumblebee recognised the behaviour from his own experience yesterday and from a couple of other times this has happened to Blitzwing. He was having a nightmare. 

Bumblebee just sat there and tried to decide what to do. Blitzwing was recharging so Bumblebee didn’t want to wake him up. He deserved to get a good recharge. Bumblebee had been forcing him to recharge with one optic open for a long time. But on the other hand Blitzwing was having a nightmare and by the way his faceplate spun it was clearly stressing him out. 

Bumblebee laid back down on top of Blitzwing chest and hoped that Blitzwings nightmare would end soon. Bumblebee tried to recharge but with the whirl sound of Blitzwings faceplates switching kept him awake. The whirling didn’t often bother him, but when they were in a quiet room and Bumblebee was this close to his faceplate and the sound was going on and on it was really hard to ignore. 

He finally reached his limit and sat back up a scooted closer to Blitzwings faceplate. 

“Psst Blitzwing”. He whispered. Blitzwing faceplate stopped for barely a moment before it continued to switch. “Psst Blitzwing, wake up” He said a little louder. Blitzwings faceplate stopped for a second and his frame shifted slightly. “Blitzwing” Bumblebee took a digit and poked Blitzwings faceplate between spins. “Wake up you’re-” As fast the digit meet his faceplate Blitzwings faceplate stopped on Random and his optics flew open. Bumblebee didn’t even have time to think before Blitzwing wrapped one of his arms around Bumblebee waist and pressed him hard against his chest. 

Bumblebee let out a grunt of pain and with the strength Blitzwing was pressing him into his chest it felt like he was stuck in a hydraulic press. Blitzwing turned over so he was on his elbows and knees. He curled up into a ball with Bumblebee in the middle. Bumblebee was freaking out, he was afraid that Blitzwing was going to accidentally crush him. 

He tried to call out, tried to tell Blitzwing to stop but everything had happened so fast and his words hadn’t caught up with him yet. Bumblebee put his servos on Blitzwing chest and tried to push away with all his might. The only thing that happened was that Bumblebees arm quickly grew tired. He tried to wriggle out the grip but Blitzwing held him in a death grip. Bumblebee started kicking his peds against Blitzwings chest and stomach as a last effort to try to get loose.He didn't like it but the fear of getting crushed was stronger than his wish not to hurt Blitzwing. Not that it matter much, Bumblebees kicks hardly did anything the big mech, at best it was more annoying than painful. But soon Bumblebee stopped and he started to asses the situation. 

Blitzwing was no longer moving and his hold on Bumblebee was not getting any tighter. It was just tight enough for it hurt, but not tight enough to cause damage. Bumblebee stopped and paid attention to Blitzwings position. He was holding Bumblebee close to his chest in ball basically shielding him with his entire frame. He had raised his shoulders to hide his neck and with the arm he was not holding Bumblebee with he was covering his own helm. Bumblebee looked up and was able to see Blitzwings face. 

He was surprised by what he saw. Blitzwing normally happy looking faceplate was full of fear. He was drawing sharp breaths and his optics were tightly closed, and he was clenching his denta. He was shaking like he was in the middle of a blizzard and he was tensing his whole frame and it was like he was waiting for something. Bumblebees words finally caught up with him.

“Blitzwing...you’re..hurting..me” Blitzwings optics slowly opened like he was not really trusting the peacefulness. His optics glanced down and meet Bumblebee blues optics. Quickly his expression turned from fear to confusion. He blinked a few times like he didn’t believe what he was seeing. His expression then turned from confusion into something resembling distress. He hastily let go of Bumblebee and he landed on the berth. Bumblebee took in a deep breath now that his vents were not being pressed into sheet metal. 

Blitzwing sat down and just started looking over Bumblebee for damages. His gaze was intense and focused as he scanned Bumblebee for dents and wounds and his trembling servos shifted over every part of his frame. Bumblebee brushed the servos away from him and Blitzwing immediately pulled the servos back but it looked like he was unsure what to do with them. He finally decided to just let them dangle to his sides. Bumblebee sat up and started moving his limbs. Yep, he was gonna feel a bit bruised after this. He stretched a little. Nothing had popped out of their sockets and the light pain he had felt slowly started subsiding. If it was because Blitzwing hadn't held him so tight or if it was because of the painkillers he didn’t know.

Blitzwing was still looking down at him and was moving his helm a little, search for damages with his optics.

“I’m sorry.” He said he sounded upset and a bit panicked. “I-I didn’t mean too” Bumblebee just looked at him and his faceplate turned to the one with the fangs. 

“Looks like I’m not the only one with nightmares” He gave Blitzwing a reassuring smile. Blitzwing calmed down just the tiniest bit. He was still shaking from ped to helm.

Bumblebee calmed down very quickly. This was not the first time something like this happened. Blitzwing waking up thrashing, ready for a fight or to flee. It had happened before. It used to be pretty common but it had been about 2 months since last time. 

Blitzwing despite having three faceplates the symbolised his mood he was still sometimes hard to read. He often asked Bumblebee how he felt and his feelings but he rarely spoke out about his own. Bumblebee had noticed this and was forced to look for cues about Blitzwings feelings. Like him looking at the autobot insignia, pacing or how he held his arms. These was small indications of how he felt. Him waking up in a flurry of motions was a symptoms of a bigger problem. Stress. 

Him waking up like this used to happen a lot. It was most common about a month after he had left the Decepticons but it had also happened a few times before that. Blitzwing would wake up and move with either the intention to hurt, protect or flee. The first time it had happen Bumblebee had woken him up because his faceplate switching was bothering him. Blitzwing had responded with kicking him so hard that Bumblebee had flown into a wall.

When Blitzwing was stressed he had a lot of nightmares. These often consisted of him losing Bumblebee, his operation or in some shape or form Megatron. And when he woke up he sometimes was still stuck in those dreams and would have to take some time to realise they were not real.

Even if this in many people's optic would be seen as dangerous Bumblebee didn’t worry. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was self control but Blitzwing’s hasty upwakings had never lead to major damage. Bumblebee knew that if Ratchet knew about this he would never let the two of them recharge together again. It might seem foolish to some people but Bumblebee trusted that Blitzwing would never cause him harm. In a dream state or awake. Sadly Blitzwing didn’t trust himself as much.

That Blitzwing had a nightmare that made him react by shielding Bumblebee with his frame made it clear to Bumblebee. He was way more stressed than he was letting on. 

“Are you hurt? Did I hurt you? Should I fetch Ratchet?” Bumblebee looked over himself. Some scuffed paint but that was about it.

“You owe me a new paint job” He said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. Blitzwing didn’t seem to find the situation as humorous.

“I’m sorry” Bumblebee never got angry or blamed Blitzwing because of how he acted when he woke up from a nightmare. He couldn’t control it. If he could he would, that much Bumblebee knew. Bumblebee stood up. When Blitzwing was sitting down and hunching like this they were about the same height. 

“It’s fine Blitzbrain, are you okay?” He pointed at Blitzwings frame that was still shaking like a leaf. Blitzwing just nodded and his faceplate switched too Icy.

“I’ll recover. Just had a bad dream” His voice was more steady now. A bit less frighten but he was still reeling from the experience. Bumblebees faceplate turned back to normal and he took a step closer and he put his arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug and he rested his helm on Blitzwing shoulder.

He felt Blitzwing put his servos on Bumblebee back and then just as quickly pulled them away, like he was afraid he was still going to accidentally hurt him. Bumblebee ignored it and started petting the back of Blitzwings helm.

“You wanna talk about it?” Blitzwing was quiet for a moment. Bumblebee didn’t want to push him, but he always felt better after talking about his nightmares.

“It was about Blackarachnia. She had you and…” He let the conversation run out into the sand. Bumblebee didn’t have to know the rest to understand. He had tried to protect him from Blackarachnia. Bumblebee felt a fury bubble inside him and his faceplate switched. He was angry. Angry at Blackarachnia. Angry at her for making Blitzwing dream nightmares again after 2 whole months without incidents. Angry that even if she wasn’t there she could still hurt Blitzwing in his dreams and all Bumblebee could do was try to comfort the large mech. Bumblebee pulled Blitzwing closer and softly kissed the side of his helm. 

“It’s okay now. I’m fine, I’m safe.” Blitzwing finally reached up and hugged Bumblebee back. His hold was so loose so there were no way he was going to accidentally crush him.

“You mentioned you had a bad dream as well” He said carefully. Bumblebees faceplate span back.

“Ya. It woke me up.” 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

“I was tied down to a medical berth and couldn’t move” Blitzwing froze. Bumblebee couldn't see his faceplate but he he just knew it looked concerned. Blitzwing patted Bumblebee carefully on the back.

“Are you okay?” He sounded very concerned.

“Ya, it was just a stupid dream anyway.” Bumblebee said and tried to brush his dream off. It wasn’t so big of a deal anyway._It was just a stupid dream_. Bumblebee told himself that. But in the back of his mind he just could feel that there was something more to it. Bumblebee let go of Blitzwing and faked a yawn. “Welp I’m still tired. How about we just get back to recharging”. Blitzwing looked worried at the mention of recharging again but slowly nodded in agreement. 

He laid down on his side and turned his back to Bumblebee. Bumblebee was kind of disappointed for not being allowed to continue to recharge on Blitzwing chest. It was the best place to recharge. It was always warm, it was a good hugging position and it was easy to give out and receive kisses. But he understood why him recharging on Blitzwings chest didn’t feel okay for Blitzwing right now. So he instead laid down on his side as well and scooted back so his back was pressed against Blitzwings. He cold feel the heat radiating of Blitzwings frame and how he slowly filled and emptied his vents off air.

Bumblebee tried to fall back into recharge but he just couldn't. Every time he closed his optics he was back on the berth and now that he was awake without much to focus on he could hear his buried thoughts crawling to the surface. So he just laid there, awake, staring into the wall. Bumblebee checked his HUD wondering if it was late enough to start the day. His HUD showed that it was 4:19 AM. Bumblebee let out a sigh of disappointment. It would be at least 3 more hours before anyone else was up or 2 hour until whoever was on night petrol got back.

Bumblebee listened in. Blitzwing had not started snoring yet so there was a good chance he too was still awake.

“Psst Blitzwing” He whispered, hoping that a repeat of last time would not happen. He got no answer, but he could feel Blitzwings frame shift at the mention of his name.

“Psst Blitzy” Bumblebee tried again.

“What?” Blitzwing finally answered. His voice was clear and there was not a hint of tiredness. Bumblebee turned so he was now looking at Blitzwings back.

“I can’t recharge” Blitzwing let out a quiet sigh as he turned around as well and meet Bumblebees optics. Even if his voice was devoided of tiredness so was his optics half closed.

“Try to recharge. You need new energy after what happened yesterday”. Bumblebees faceplate turned and everything turned blue

“Don’t you think I already tried?” Blitzwing faceplate switched too Random.

“How about I sing you a lullaby?”

“No” Bumblebee said quickly. “I’ll rather lay awake and stare into the wall then listening to you singing”

“Aww” Blitzwing said in disappointment and frowned. But the smile soon returned. “Okay then. Time for plan B!” 

Blitzwing turned and put his peds on the ground and stood up.Before Bumblebee could ask what he was doing Blitzing slowly and carefully picked Bumblebee up. He held him like he was made of glass. Blitzwing walked carefully to the door, trying his best to avoid all the junk on the floor. He left their room and walked into the hallway.The hallway filled with light when they activated the motion detectors. They could hear no sound so everyone else was probably still recharging.

Blitzwing made his way into the empty living room. The living room had a light switch but Blitzwing didn’t bother turning the light on. There were some light coming in through the windows and that was enough to see an outline of the room. Blitzwing walked over to the sofa and but Bumblebee down. He fumbled for a second trying to find the TV remote. He finally found it after he lifted one of the sofas cushions. He turned on the TV and sat down on the sofa next to Bumblebee. It was a miracle that the sofa didn't break under his weight. He handed Bumblebee the remote and then leaned back in the sofa. Bumblebee took the controller and started to switch through channels. This early in the morning there was not much good on TV. He finally stopped on a channel showing what Sari called “trash Tv”. That was at least a little entertaining. Bumblebee crawled up and curled up on Blitzwings lap. Blitzwing looked at him and let out a quiet chuckle..

Bumblebee watched the TV for a while. It was not very entertaining but it was better than to stare a hole in the wall. And sitting like this was actually quite cozy. Listening to the sound of the TV, curled up in Blitzwings lap, it was really nice. 

Bumblebees optics wondered and landed on a controller that had been tossed to the ground. It quickly went up for him that it was the same one he threw on the ground yesterday. Bumblebee looked at it and the at the game station. He didn’t know for how long he had been staring at it when Blitzwing spoke up in Icy’s voice.

“Do you wanna play?” Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwing. He remembered the scrap show that had been yesterday and just shook his helm. 

“No I’m good” To Bumblebees surprise Blitzwing expression turned to concern.

“Is something wrong?”

“What do you mean? Why would anything be wrong?” Bumblebee tried to fake his surprise but Blitzwing saw right through it.

“You love playing video games. Why don’t you want to play?”

Bumblebees faceplate switched to the one with the visor.

“I just don’t feel like it. Primus! Can’t a bot just not feel up for playing games all the time? “ Blitzwing stare didn’t falter. 

“Sure. But there's more to it isn’t it?” Bumblebee opened his mouth but Blitzwing cut him off. “Don’t lie. I can tell somethings wrong”. Bumblebee frowned and shot the game controller a glance.

“If you have to know. I played a game yesterday. And it felt wrong and I don’t know why.” Blitzwing seemed to relax a little. It looked like he had expected worse.

“So that's why you don’t want to play? It felt wrong?”

Bumblebee scowled.

“Yes!”

“In which way did it feel wrong?” Bumblebees scowl deepened.

“I don’t know! And I hate that I don’t!” Blitzwing gave Bumblebee a sympathetic look. 

“There was a lot going on yesterday. Maybe that's why it felt wrong. Your processor might have been overburden” 

“But video games is a way for me to calm down! Why would that make me feel more overburden! Shouldn't it have made me feel relaxed?” Bumblebee was getting more upset and Blitzwing could clearly see that. He stopped for a moment and only continued when Bumblebee had cooled off a bit.

“Maybe. But maybe your anxiety over the team might be in danger disturbed that”.

Bumblebee rolled his crossed his arms.

“I was not even thinking about that at the time”

“Maybe not to your knowledge, but maybe you might have just tried to distract yourself. Why don’t you test playing again. Now that nothing's going on” Bumblebee sighed and jumped out of Blitzwings lap and turned the game on. Mario kart was still in the console, just as it had been left yesterday.

He sat down next to Blitzwing and started playing. 

He didn’t want to admit it, but it felt better now. He was more focused and he had his flow back. But when it was going as best his faceplate switched and his character flew off the road. His faceplate switched back and he gestured with his servos towards the TV screen.

“See! Stuff like that keeps happening!” Blitzwing slowly nodded and Bumblebee could see he was thinking of something. He pointed to the mess of games laying on the floor. Bumblebee and Sari often didn’t bother to sort the games so they often just let them lay all over the floor.

“Why don’t you play one of those games with...What do you call it? Those illogical ones, where you have to wait for your turn to hit the enemy” Bumblebee rolled his optics.

“It’s called turn based combat” Blitzwings faceplate turned too Random.

“Nerd!” Bumblebees faceplate turned to the one with the fangs.

“Nerd and proud” Bumblebee turned his attention away from Blitzwing to the mess of games. He gussed it couldn’t hurt to try playing something else. He looked through the games and finally found one with turned based combat. He picked it up and inserted it into the game station. He sat down in the sofa again and pressed play. The game started up and he began playing.

To Bumblebees surprise it was going really well. His faceplate switched but it didn’t really matter. Because of the turn based combat nothing changed because he lost focus for a second. 

“Better?” Blitzwing asked with grin. He was clearly happy with being able to find a solution for Bumblebees game problem. Bumblebee just smiled in response and continued playing. It felt good to be able do to something that he loved doing before he was turned into a triple changer. It gave a feeling of familiarity and safety. It was like he the change hadn't happened at all and for a moment he could pretend that he was in his old frame with only one faceplate. But something was still bothering. Something from yesterday. His faceplate turned back to normal and he pulled himself from his one faceplate fantasy. 

“Yesterday” Bumblebee began. “I got so worried and stressed I couldn’t think straight. I tried to reason with myself but I just couldn't. Why couldn't I?” Bumblebee didn’t look up from the game but he could hear Blitzwing faceplate switch and felt Blitzwings optics on him.

“It’s kind of hard to explain” Blitzwing said. 

“Can you try?” Bumblebee asked. Blitzwing was quiet for a moment before he tried to construct an answer.

“Okay envision that your anxiety is a car on the road. Sometimes it goes fast and that's when you get stressed and anxious. Do you follow so far?”.

Bumblebee nodded. He had paused the game and had now turned to focus on Blitzwings explanation.

“Okay” Blitzwing continued. “You can get stressed over a lot of stuff. Some stuff is even illogical to be stressed over. When It doesn't make sense, like yesterday for example when you thought i was offline because I didn’t answer when you commed.” Bumblebee looked away a bit embarrassed.“Usually you have a stop sign on the road. That's when you start asking yourself and thinking: Wait, am I jumping to conclusions? Or am I blowing this way out of proportion? But now that you’re a triple changer that sign is gone. That’s why you stress easily now. Does that make any sense?”. Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwing again. He nodded slightly before he cocked his helm to the side.

“So I’m always gonna go off the grid when I’m stressed? Because that sounds like it will suck.” Blitzwing nodded and his faceplate turned to Random.

“It sucks alright! But you can get better at reasoning and stopping yourself!” He said and smiled. Bumblebee was quiet for a moment processing all the information before speaking up again.

“So, do you have as big of a problem with anxiety as I do too?” Blitzwing shook his helm and turned back to Icy.

“No. And here's where I think the biggest difference between your triple changer change and mine is. While your “car” is anxiety, mine is rage.” 

“Oh, I hadn't thought about that” It sounded logical now that Blitzwing had said it but Bumblebee had just not made that connection. 

Blitzwing used to get really angry but nowadays he could control himself pretty well. He used to lose his temper pretty easily and go from 0 to 100 really quickly. But he had but in a great deal of effort in trying to control himself when he and Bumblebee had started dating. But sometimes he still lost his cool but now instead of lashing out he usually just went out for a flight or use one of the many stress relievers Bumblebee and Sari had bought for him. _ Maybe I should get myself some of my own? _

Bumblebee continued to play his game. About one hour in Blitzwing feel into recharge and started snoring. 

The days first beams of sunlight started to make their way through the window into the base. Around 7 AM the door to the base open and Bulkhead and Optimus walked in. They had come back after their night patrol and both of them looked very tired. Optimus was just about to hit the light switch when Bumblebee looked at them and made a “Shhh” sound. Both Optimus and Bulkhead stopped dead in the tracks and turned towards Bumblebee. They looked at each others and then crept quietly towards Bumblebee. They didn’t have to be very quiet because Blitzwing was snoring so loud that bombs probably could fall right on their helms and his snoring would still be louder.

“Hey Bumblebee, what are you doing up so early?” Optimus whispered.

“I couldn't recharge” He answered. Optimus looked concerned and nodded.

“Any special reason why you couldn’t recharge?” Bumblebee turned his optics back to the TV screen. 

“Just had a nightmare. It’s fine now.” Even if Bumblebee didn’t see Optimus while he was looking at the TV he could still feel his optics on him.

“Okay. Just so you know, If you need someone to talk to, know that we’re here for you” Bumblebee nodded.

“Got it boss bot” Optimus sighed and patted Bumblebee on the shoulder.

“I’m going to go recharge” Optimus turned and walked toward his room.

Bulkhead stayed and sat down on the floor next to the sofa and looked at the TV.

“What are you playing?” He said carefully. He was anxious. Bumblebee could tell even if he was not looking at him.

“Final fantasy 10”

“Can I watch you play?” 

“Be my guest” They sat there in silence for a while Bumblebee was playing. All the sound that could be heard was that of Blitzwings snores and Bumblebee pressing down the buttons on the controller.

Bumblebee saw Bulkhead from the corner of his optics. He could see that he was waiting for something and was fidgeting with his servos. Bumblebee paused the game and turned towards him.

“Why are you fidgeting?” Bulkhead turned his helm and their optics meet but Bulkhead quickly turned his gaze.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Bumblebee raised and optic ridge.

“Sorry for what?”

Bulkhead looked up at him and confused.

“Because I made you freak out like you did yesterday” Bumblebee looked at Bulkhead and tried to process what Bulkhead just had said. Then his faceplate turned and he giggled.

“That wasn’t your fault you big dummy!” He slapped a servo over his mouth and glanced at Blitzwing. He was still snoring and Bumblebee let out a sigh of relief.

“Then why did that happen?” Bulkhead asked.

“I was just being an idiot. It’s fine now” Bulkhead looked surprised.

“Really?”

Bumblebee nodded.

“Really. I’m great now. Sorry I made you worry”

“You’re saying sorry to me? It was you who had a breakdown”

They looked at each other and slowly they both started smiling. That smile soon turned into laughter as they noticed how stupid they were being. It felt good to laugh it of it was a nice contract from the stress and sadness from yesterday. Blitzwing moved a little and they covered their mouths with their servos and tried to silence their laughter. Bulkhead got up and smiled.

“I’m happy you’re okay. But please give me a heads up before you do something like that again”

“I’ll try, can’t promise anything through” Bumblebee chuckled but those dark thoughts echoed in his mind again. _You made him worry for such a stupid reason! You're just burdening everyone!_ Bulkhead smiled and stretched a little.

“Well, I’m gonna go and recharge too”

“Okay. Good night” Bumblebee answered and buried his dark thoughts again.

“Good night” And with that he turned around and walked towards his room.

Bumblebee started the game again and continued playing.

About 8 am he heard footsteps. Bumblebee stopped the game hopping it was Prowl who was coming so he could ask about the meditation. Bumblebee turned around and his hope turned to disappointment when he saw it was just Ratchet. Ratchet saw him and Blitzwing and raised an optic ridge.

“I must be hallucinating. You're awake at a reasonable hour” Bumblebee sighed and just returned to the game. It was too early to deal with this scrap. To Bumblebees annoyance he heard Ratchets footsteps come closer. Bumblebee saw Ratchet from the corner of his optics. He paused the game and turned his helm towards him and he just waited for him to say something. Ratchet lifted a digit and pointed at Blitzwing.

“Can you wake him up.” Bumblebee looked at Ratchet he shot Blitzwing a glance before looking back. Blitzwing was still recharging. 

“Why?”

“I need to talk to him” Bumblebee got a bad feeling in his tank. He knew how much Blitzwing hated to interact with Ratchet. And waking him up just to greet him with having to talk to him didn’t sound like a good idea.

“He has been recharging poorly. Just leave him be.” Bumblebee tried.

Ratchet didn’t budge.

“It’s 8 am”. Bumblebee rolled his optics.

“Just give him a break” Bumblebee hissed.

“You wake him, or i’ll do it” Bumblebee immediately got worried and his spark dropped down into his tanks. His last attempt to wake him up had not gone what you call “smoothly”. If Ratchet saw him freak out he would never let them recharge together again. But on the other hand if Ratchet woke him up and Blitzwing was stuck in his dream state there was a bigger chance Ratchet would get hurt then if Bumblebee did it. Bumblebee swallowed and looked back at Ratchet. His faceplate turned to the one with the visor. 

“Just leave him. He can talk to you after he has recharged” Ratchet rolled his optics. He walked right past Bumblebee and before he got the chance to react Ratchet slapped Blitzwing on the arm. 

Blitzwing flew up and sat at attention. He turned his helm and was meet with Ratchets faceplate. His posture relaxed a bit as he realised what happen and his faceplate switched too Hothead.

“What!” Blitzwing was not happy with the rude awakening.

“We need to talk” Blitzwing gritted his denta.

“Well tough luck. I don’t take orders from you!”

“When Optimus isn’t on duty I’m in charge. So you do take order from me. No matter if you like it or not.”

“Says who?”

“In the Autobot rules. First comes people who was assigned leadership. Then comes the bot with most experience”

“Frag off! I’m not listening to you preach morals to me” Something seemed to light up i Ratchets optics like he had figured something out. He sighed.

“It’s not about Lugnut.” Blitzwing rage seemed to lessen just slightly.

“Then what?” He said. His voice had now turned from yelling to a low growl.Which Bumblebee guessed that was an improvement.

“I want do talk about triple changers” Blitzwing faceplate turned too Random and he laughed.

“Ohh you want to hear my autobiography?” He said and let out a short laugh. Ratchet let out a frustrated huff.

“I couldn’t care less about your life even if i tried. I want to ask medical questions” Randoms smile turned to a frown and he let out an over the top sigh.

“Fiiiiiiine” He said and got up from the sofa. Ratchet already started to walk towards the med bay but before Blitzwing could follow Bumblebee grabbed his arm. Blitzwing stopped and turned his helm towards him curiously. Bumblebee frowned.

“You’re just gonna leave? Just like that?” He said. Blitzwing got back his smile and leaned down. Bumblebee grabbed his helm and kissed him on his forehead and Blitzwing kissed Bumblebees cheek as payback. 

“Have fun talking with Ratchet” Bumblebee teased.

“Have fun meditating with Prowl” He fired back before going after Ratchet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating last week! The math test is done and I had a good Saint Lucy's Day. The updates might be a bit inconsistent for the rest of december and January because of christmas and new year and some other stuff. But after that the once a week updates should continue as normal.
> 
> I wish you all happy holidays!


	17. Chapter 17

Bumblebee stood outside and stared at the door. This could be one of the biggest mistakes in his entire life. He didn’t really want to do this. He could already predict that this was not going to help. He was just gonna get bored out of his mind and loose at least 30 minutes of his life that he would never get back. The thought of just not going through with it passed his mind. But every time it did he could also hear Blitzwing mocking him. "You didn't even try! I won! Admit that you are a wimp!" He would never let Bumblebee live it down. Bumblebee sighed in annoyance. _Why did I agree to the bet? _He looked back at the door and took a few steps forward. _Come one you wimp. It’s just one time.And if I do this I don't have to do my chores for a month! _And with that he barged through the door.

Prowl was inside. He was standing up and watering some flowers he had placed around in his room. They were in full bloom and had all sorts of colours. Bumblebee didn't now any of their names and he was not gonna ask. He was not that interested but he had to admit that they were beautiful.

“Can I help you?” Prowl asked while not look up. He just continued to water his flowers. Bumblebee squirmed a little and looked down at the ground.

This was the last chance to turn back. He could just say that he had gone through the wrong door or that he just wanted to check up on Prowl. There was no way Prowl would not realise that he was lying but Bumblebee would still get to leave without having to mediate. But that would still mean he had to admit he was a wimp too Blitzwing. So he just continued forward.

“Do you remember telling Blitzwing that mediation might help his well...Mood and stuff.” Prowl nodded and stoped watering a blue flower and instead walked across the room and started watering a sea of little white ones.

“I remember mentioning it to him, yes.”

_ It's like ripping off a bandaid. Just do it! _

“Well he proposed that I would try it” Prowl stopped watering the white flowers and for the first time turned and looked directly at him.

“You want to mediate?” He sounded nearly surprised.

“Yes” Prowl waited for a moment like he was expecting him to say more.

“You do know that meditating means that you’ll have to sit still and be quiet” 

“I knooooow” Bumblebee groaned. "You don't have to remind me!"

“You know. And you still want to try it?” It was like Prowl didn’t quite believe that Bumblebee really had came into his room and wished to meditate with him of his own free will. Bumblebee sighed.

“I just want to learn to control my faceplates. I don’t know how to do that. And meditating is the best lead i got to figure it out right now” He explained. Prowl nodded. 

“That sounds like a plan” Prowl agreed and returned to the flowers. Bumblebees faceplate shifted and his vision went blue.

“Hey!” Prowl lifted a servo.

“I’ll teach you when I’m done watering. You can sit down for the time being”. He said and walked over to a barrel full of rain water and filled up the watering can with new water.

“Cooooome on! Can’t you just do that later?” Bumblebee pleaded. 

“Sure. But I can also do it now” Prowl answered in a tone that made it clear he was gonna water his flowers before teaching Bumblebee to meditate and there was nothing Bumblebee could say that was gonna change his mind.

Bumblebee huffed but instead of sitting down like Prowl had suggested he started instead pacing back and forth across the room. Prowl sighed.

Eventually Prowl finished and sat down crosslegged. He gestured to Bumblebee to sit in front of him. Bumblebee sighed and sat down across from him.

“All right. Meditating is not very difficult. You sit with your back straight. You can lay down if it feels more comfortable for you and then you close your optics and relax.”

Bumblebee raised an optic ridge.

“Is that all?”

“Yes”

“Really?”

“Yes. Had you expected something else?” Bumblebee shrugged.

“I don’t know? I guessed it would be more complicated”

“For you it might” Bumblebee frowned. Prowl ignored him and sat straight and stoped talking.

Bumblebee sighed. He chose to also sit up even though he could feel his back protest and ask him to slouch. _ Okay close your optics and relaxed. I can do that. That's easy! I got this! _

Bumblebee closed his optics. It was dead quiet. All that he could hear was the song of birds, some far away cars and something that kind of sounded like the muffled sounds of Blitzwing and Ratchet arguing. Bumblebee sat like that for a moment just taking in all the sounds around him.

_ Primus this is boring. How long do I need to do this? _Bumblebee checked his HUD. Two minutes had gone by. He let out a quiet sigh. He shifted a little to try to sit more comfortable but that didn't help much.

But soon he opened one optic and glanced at Prowl. He hadn't changed a bit since he last saw him. It was hard to see if his optics were closed or not because of the visor but Bumblebee guessed they were closed. Bumblebee closed his optics again. _ Okay. Just relax. _ Bumblebee tried to calm down. But like some twisted joke he did the opposite. With nothing to do but to listen to his mind those thoughts he had tried to bury started sprouting. _ He’s unstable. _ No. _ He can flip out on us at any moment. _Bumblebee opened his optics. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he was going to willingly sit there and just let the thoughts roam free in his mind. He needed something to do, put he didn't want to leave the room and admit defeat. If Blitzwing asked Prowl later to check if Bumblebee actually tried to meditate he needed to be sure Prowl was gonna say yes. He started drumming his digits on his thigh. He focused on the drumming like it was the most interesting and exciting thing he had seen and done his whole life. That helped a little. It gave him at least something to focus on.

“Would you stop that drumming?” Bumblebee looked at the sound of the voice. Prowls head was more raised and alert and Bumblebee guessed his optics were open under that visor.

Bumblebee frew his arms out.

“This is boring! What should I even do?”

“You should relax” Prowl said plainly. 

“How?” Prowl let out a quiet sigh.

“Just clear your mind, listen to the birds. Just relax”

Bumblebee huffed in annoyance. He chose to try to lay down on his back instead. That felt nicer and he no longer had to remind himself to sit straight. He closed his optics and tried to listen to the birds. It was not enough.

_ If I hadn't gone on that joy ride nothing would have happened. I would still be normal. _

Bumblebee started humming trying to be louder than the thoughts in his mind.

“Bumblebee” He heard Prowl again. Bumblebee huffed and went quiet, but the thoughts were right there to meet him._Why are you even trying?!_ _You'll never be stable! You'll never get better! You're gonna be a useless, unstable broken pice of scrap metal the rest of your life! So just admit it! Stop lying to yourself and telling yourself that everything will be okay! It's never gonna be okay! So just stop fighting and accept that you are a failure! _Bumblebee opened his optics again. And stared right at the ceiling. He nearly jumped out of his frame when Prowls faceplate suddenly entered his vision. 

“I can see this is not working.” Bumblebees faceplate span to the one with the visor and sat up so fast that he nearly hit Prowl.

“You think?”

Prowl sat down again. Now they were just about one meter away from each other.

“Why can’t you close your optics and relax for just one moment?” Bumblebee was a bit unsure if it was an actual question or that Prowl was sassing him. He chose to believe it was a question.

Bumblebee started fiddling with his digits and looked at them instead of Prowl.

“I don’t like how quiet it is” 

“It needs to be quiet for you to be able to clear your thoughts and find peace” Prowl explained.

“That's the problem” Bumblebee hissed.” I don’t want to have "peace" or to think. I want things to be loud and I want stuff to happen so I can think about that instead” Prowl cocked his head a little to the side.

“Why is that?” Bumblebee didn’t answer. He just stared at his digits. Prowl didn’t ask him again for an answer.

“Maybe going through your thoughts with someone is better then going through them alone...Talking with others is not really my strong suit. Maybe you should talk to Optimus?” Bumblebee just shook his helm.

“I just want to be able to control my mood. I don’t want to think” He mumbled. They sat there in silence for some time before Prowl spoke up.

“Say one thing that makes you happy” Bumblebee turned his optics from his servos and looked up at him with surprise.

“What?”

“Say one thing that makes you happy. One thing it could be anything. Say the first thing that comes to mind” He repeated. Bumblebee raise and optic ridge. He didn’t know what was happening, but he went along.

“Uhhh...Playing video games?” Prowl looked a little disappointed at that answer but just nodded.

“Think about a time when playing video games made you happy” Bumblebee went quiet. Primus there was a lot of memories to choose from. 

“Okay...There was this one game I played. I had been stuck on the same level for, like a week and i finally completed it. That made me happy. Those that work?” Prowl nodded.

“Now close your optics and think about the memory. Try to remember how you felt before you succeeded, when you succeed and after you succeed. How does it feel?” Bumblebee went quiet. He closed his optics and tried to recall everything. The anticipation when he wasn't sure he was going to make it, the feeling of shock when he saw his goal be completed and the feeling of bliss when he realised he had done it. After a week of trial and error he had finally won. 

He heard a whirl and two fangs poked out. He opened his optics in surprise. He looked up at Prowl and he couldn't believe his optics. On Prowls faceplate, the tiniest smile had crept up.

“You have found a place to relax for now.” He said “It will suffice for now.” His smile disappeared and he looked serious again “But you won't be able to flee from your thoughts forever. You must face them sooner or later.”

“Ya, ya I’ll talk to Optimus about it later” Bumblebee was unsure if Prowl could detect his lie or not. But either way he just nodded and didn’t push the matter further.

Bumblebee closed his optics again and just kept the memory of success playing on repeat in his mind. It felt himself drift away letting his memory consume his concussion. When his mind tried to steer him to darker thoughts he just brought the memory back and tried to remember every single detail of the memory. When Prowl finally said that the session was over Bumblebees faceplate hadn't changed from his fanged faceplate even once. Bumblebee stood up and started shaking his body awake again. _This wasn't as bad as i had thought it would be. How would have thought! _He was actually surprised. He had thought that after the session he would be bored out of his mind and that the whole thing would have been just a waste of time. But he surprisingly felt, well happy. It felt like he had better control of himself and that he could control his faceplates was a huge comfort.

Bumblebee and Prowl left the room and walked to the storage room and got some oil before they entered the living room. 

When they enter they found Ratchet and Blitzwing inside. They were standing a bit away from each other but not far away. They were quiet which Bumblebee found a bit odd but he was happy the weren't screaming their helms of in an argument. Ratchet looked a bit annoyed and Blitzwing faceplate was currently on Random so that might be the reason for the annoyance. As fast Ratchet saw Bumblebee he walked up to him. 

“I need you to go back into the med bay. I want to check how your frame is responding and developing.”

Bumblebee just stared at Ratchet dumbfounded before his faceplate switched to the one with the visor.

“Are you fraging kidding me?! I left the medbay yesterday and now I have to go back?!” Ratchet rubbed his temples.

“It’s just a check up. You’ll get to leave right after” Bumblebee sighed.

“Must I?” Randoms smile went wider. He leaned down so he was faceplate too faceplate with Bumblebee.

“After you’re done there is a surprise waiting for you” He said happily.

Ratchet frowned.

“That's not determined yet” He said sternly. But Bumblebee didn’t listen to Ratchet anymore and his faceplate switched back to normal.

“Surprise? What surprise?” Blitzwing shook his helm.

“It would not be a surprise if I told you!” Bumblebees curiosity had been caught. _A surprise? What kind of surprise?_ He looked at Ratchet and sighed. If he wanted to know he needed to did the check up. It was annoying but he also knew he was not gonna be able to escape it. The only thing he could decide was how much of a fight he wanted to put up and how long he wanted to drag it out.

“All right. Let get this over with” And with that Bumblebee walked back towards the med bay. While he was walking Bumblebee tried to walk without touching the wall. He was getting better. He still felt unsteady but he couldn’t rely on a wall his entire life. He needed to learn how to walk on his own. Without help. 

Bumblebee opened the door to the medbay and walked in. Blitzwing was on his way after him when Ratchet stood in his path.

“You’re staying outside” Blitzwings faceplate switched too Icy and gave Ratchet a cold stare.

“Why?” Ratchet looked annoyed.

“Because I can’t have you distracting me. You two being apart for a click won’t offline you” Blitzwing gave Ratchet another cold stare before looking up and meeting Bumblebees optics. Bumblebee just nodded, giving him the okay to leave him alone with Ratchet. Blitziwing nodded in return and slowly backed off. Ratchet closed the door, successfully shutting Blitzwing out.

“Just lay on the berth” Ratchet waived his servo towards the medical berth. Bumblebee walked up to it sat down. But when he was about to lay down his tanks turned. Memories from his nightmare flashed inside his mind. The memory of being bound to a medical berth, unable to move. He quickly shook the nightmare out of his mind. He was in his home base. He would not get tied down here. He was safe. And being stuck to the berth had just been a dram anyway. Just a stupid dream. He was telling himself that. But he couldn't help put to feel that there was something more to the last nights nightmare. That it was more than just a dram. He laid down on the berth and let Ratchet start his medical examination.

“All right were done” Ratchet said after 1 hour of checking. He had checked everything from inner workings to his frame and seemed to finally be happy with letting Bumblebee off the hook. Bumblebee swung his legs of the berth and jumped off. He was glad he was finally free to go and that he would to get to know what the surprise that blitzwing had been talking about was. As fast as his ped hit the ground his momentum kept him going forward and he was about to crash into the floor. _ Oh no not again! _Bumblebee close his optics but he surprisingly he stoped falling. He slowly opened his optics and saw Ratchet using his magnets to keep him floating in the air.

Bumblebee laughed awkwardly as Ratchet slowly put him pack onto his peds.

“Could at least try to not hurt yourself” He sassed.

Bumblebee didn’t answer he just took off and opened the door from the medbay and walked out. Outside he saw Blitzwing pacing around in the hallway, staring at the door like he was about to challenge it to a fight. But as fast as he saw Bumblebee his faceplate switched too Random. Bumblebee walked up to him and smiled excitedly.

“So what’s the surprise?” 

Blitzwings smile went even wider and he was practically bouncing with excitement. He turned his helm upwards and looked over Bumblebees helm. Bumblebee turned around and saw that Ratchet also had left the medbay and was standing a bit behind them. 

“Can I tell him?! Can I tell him?! Pretty please let me tell him!” He asked eagerly. Ratchet rolled his optics and just gestured that Blitzwing could go ahead. Bumblebee looked between them confused.

“Tell me what? What’s the surprise?”


	18. Chapter 18

“YES! YES! YES!” Bumblebee could nearly not control his excitement. He ran around the base as fast his unsteady legs could take him in a victory lap whilst whooping. Blitzwing was whooping and sharing Bumblebees excitement but Ratchet was rubbing his faceplate in exhaustion over their reaction.

“Take it easy kid. You’re going to hurt yourself running around like that” Blitzwing shot a little glare at Ratchet.

“Stop being a party pooper” Ratchet shoot him a glare right back.

“I’d rather be a ‘party popper’ then having a hurt mech” Blitzwing just blew raspberries in response and Ratchet rolled his optics. “How mature of you”

While Bumblebee ran past Ratchet for his fourth victory lap Ratchet grabbed his shoulder and stopped him. Bumblebee was buzzing with energy and his faceplate seemed to be stuck on the one with the fangs. Ratchet turned Bumblebee so they were looking at each other.

“Bumblebee listen to me” Bumblebee nodded but he was still slightly bouncing on the spot. Ratchet seemed to decide to ignore it ”I’m taking you outside to train turning into your car alt mode and driving around. However we're going to start slow. No racing.” Bumblebees faceplate turned into a pout but Ratchet ignored it. “While we’re training you have to be careful. You have a whole new, different kind of t-cog. We don’t now how using it will affect your frame” Bumblebee frantically nodded in response wanting to get the warnings out of they way so he could start trying to turn into his alt mode and get to drive around. Ratchet sighed. Bumblebees answer didn’t seem to make him less concerned. “Don’t drive fast and don’t transform fast. Remember this is just training. And if you feel pain or any discomfort, stop immediately and tell me”

“Got it! Let's go!” He grabbed Ratchets servo and tried to drag him with him outside. Ratchet sighed but let him get dragged through the door frame and outside the base. 

The sun hit Bumblebee and he had to blink a few times before his optics got custom to the bright sun light. He let go of Ratchets servos and turned to face him.

“So, can I just transform or what?” Ratchet looked at him sternly.

“Yes, but slowly. We don’t want a repeat of last time.” Bumblebee hadn’t forgotten about the last time he tried to transform, maybe he should have been more worried but the promise of getting to drive around again was too compelling. He nodded and backed up a little so he would get more room and he started to transform as slowly he could. And immediately something felt wrong.

His part didn’t move like he wanted to and started sliding and bending in the wrong directions. Bumblebee immediately stopped and backed up the transformation so he was in bot mode again. He was concerned that if he tried to force the parts to slide correctly that it would hurt again like it had done last time. When he was back in bot mode he immediately lost balance and fell down onto his aft. Ratchet immediately walked up to him.

“You okay kid?” Bumblebees faceplate spun to his original faceplate. He was happy that his effort of transforming hadn’t hurt but he was disappointed that he hadn’t been able to turn into his altmode.

“Ya, the transformation just went wrong”. Ratchet extended a servo and helped Bumblebee back onto his peds. 

“How did it go wrong?” Bumblebee shrugged.

“The part moved the wrong way” Ratchet looked a bit surprised.

“Are you sure? Because from my perspective it looked like it was going fine” Bumblebee looked at him confused.

“Yes my frame went the wrong way and some part bent the wrong way and stuff”

“No it didn’t” Both Bumblebee and Ratchet turned towards the base. Just inside the base sat Blitzwing. It looked like he had decided that going through the whole procedure of getting outside was not worth it and had settled with just observing Bumblebee and Ratchet through the door frame. They didn’t know when but his faceplate had turned back to Icy. 

Bumblebee looked at him.

“Yes it did.” he huffed. “I think I know best if I transform the right way or not” Blitzwing rolled his optics.

“You have two altmodes now.” He said plainly. “Did it cross your mind that you might be transforming into the other one, and not your car mode?” 

“Yes but I’m not trying to turn into my other altmode” He remarked. Blitzwing rolled his optics again and shook his helm.

“Do you even know which mode is connected to which faceplate?” Bumblebee stoped for a moment and gave Blitzwing a look between confusion and surprise.

“Which is connected to what?” Blitzwing looked annoyed and quickly his faceplate turned to Hothead.

“Your faceplates and alt modes! Hothead, tank. Icy, plane. Random, both! Which of your faceplates are connected to what?!” Bumblebee blinked a few times before it settled in. He hadn’t really thought about it before, that he could only turn into an alt mode when his faceplates allowed it. He had only seen himself having one altmode and even if he knew that Blitzwings faceplates determined his choice of alt mode so hadn’t he really applied that logic to himself. Bumblebee had no idea of which faceplate lead to what altmode but he guessed he was going to figure that out.

“Okay. So if it felt wrong to transform as when I have my fanged faceplate so might be my flyer mode?” Blitzwings faceplate switched back to Icy.

“Or it can be your version of Random.” Ratchet turned to towards Bumblebee.

“It would be for the best we figure out which of you faceplate do which. After you have relearned driving it would just be common sense that you learned how to fly. And I don’t want to have to fix you because your faceplates changed in the middle of the air. Having him do that is already more than enough” Ratchet nodded his helm towards Blitzwing. Blitzwing shot him a cold glare.

“I'd like to see you turn into a triple changer and try to keep your faceplates in control. I don’t think you would even be half as cocky.” Ratchet shoot him a glare right back.

“At least I wouldn’t try to rip mechs chest plates off” Blitzwing stared at him as his processor progressed what he had just said. His servo clenched into a fist and his faceplate turn into Hothead. 

“Don’t act like you have some moral high ground over me you oil leaker!” 

“I think I have all right to act like I have the moral high ground. I have at least not-” Bumblebees faceplate spun around and everything turned blue.

“Both of you mute it!” He was getting real tired of their constant, pointless bickering. They weren't even fighting about the topic at hand. If they were forced to continue like this they would get nothing done. “Primus! Can’t you two be in the same place for more than 2 minutes without insulting each other?!” They both opened their mouths like they were going to argue but Bumblebee just continued, not caring for what stupid excuse they would come up with. “Unless you are going to say something related to my alt modes and faceplate don’t say anything!” They both closed their mouths but continued to stare daggers at each other. Even if they were not talking their disliking for one another was still very clear. _ Primus, how did these two not rip each others helm off while i was in the med bay. _

Bumblebee let out a frustrated sigh. _ Welp I’m already on a new faceplate. Might as well what this one transform into. _ He started to slowly transform again which caught both Ratchet and Blitzwings attention and made them stop their staring contest in exchange of watching Bumblebee transform.

To Bumblebees surprise it was going smoothly. His parts moved the right way and it didn’t feel very weird. Some part, like his wings turned weirdly but it still felt more natural than when he had tried to turn as his fanged faceplate. He dared to move just a bit quicker and he felt everything slide into place and before he knew it he felt his tires his the asphalt. 

One thing he immediately felt was that he was warm. His whole frame was heated up, not so it was hurting or anything it was just weirdly warm. Bumblebee didn’t waste any time. He started driving forward. First slowly to get the feel for it. He was filled with joy when he noticed that driving felt exactly like he remembered it. Everything felt about the same as when he had not been a triple changer. He drove around a little and tried the radio and horn and everything just worked. He turned around and drove out unto the road. He started to drive forward picking up speed as he hear Ratchets voice.

“Bumblebee!”He stopped, letting out a deep frustrated sigh as he did and put himself in reverse and drove backwards to Ratchet.

“What?”

“No speeding! I’m going with you and you’re staying right behind me. No racing, no detours, nothing.” Bumblebee huffed.He had been stuck inside the base for several days and had not been allowed to transform at all. And now that he had transformed he would not get to have fun with it. And he was being forced to drive beside Ratchet? Bumblebee already felt knew what a drag this was going to be. 

“Come on Ratchet! Can’t I have at least a little fun!?”

“I think you have had enough joyrides” Bumblebee felt his spark sink slightly as he was reminded of his joyride before he was turned. He got snapped out of his thoughts by Blitzwings low growl, clearly not pleased with Ratchets snarky comment. Bumblebee don't want another argument flare up again so he chose just to agree and get one with it.

“Fine! Whatever, can we go now please?!” Ratchet looked at Bumblebee and rolled his optics before transforming into his alt mode as well. They hear a sound of shifting and annoyed huffing and looked behind them and saw that Blitzwing was on his way out of the base. Clearly wishing to go with them but Ratchet was not having it.

“You’re not coming with us”He said sternly. Blitzwings stoped in the middle of getting out of the door way. He gritted his denta and looked at Ratchet with a scowl.

“Why not?” 

“I don’t need you encouraging him to drive faster or something else stupid”. Blitzwing continued getting out of the base. It was more awkward than funny this time to see him struggle with the door frame. When he finally got out he walked right up Ratchet. He squatted down and stared at Ratchets altmode. His faceplate turned to Icy which was kind of a relief for Bumblebee. 

“If you think that my wish is too disturb or hinder Bumblebees recovery in anyway you’re dead wrong.”

“Can you prove that your presence won’t distract Bumblebee in anyway? What I have learnt by watching you two together is that your carefulness and thought process plummets when you’re together. That you and Bee dated in secret while you were working directly under _Megatron_ proves that.” Blitzwings optics narrowed but he stood up again, not having much of a comeback. 

Bumblebee couldn’t deny that Ratchet had a point. He and Blitzwing had a record of doing stupid things and acting more reckless while they were together. But that wasn’t gonna stop Bumblebee from trying to get Blitzwing to come along.

“He won’t distract me!” Bumblebee hissed.

“So you feel more concentrated with him around?” Ratchet said sceptically.

“Maybe?! You don’t know that!” 

“And I don’t want to test it. Primus kid we’ll be only gone for one, one and a half hour at most!”

The conversation fell into silence. No one really knowing what to say. Before Blitzwing spoke up again.

“If me staying here will help his recovery, I will stay” His faceplate switched to Hothead “But if he comes back with so much as a single scratch, you’ll regret it” He growled between his denta. Ratchet didn’t answer he just drove out onto road.

“Let’s go” And with that he started driving away . Bumblebee slowly went after him, looking at Blitzwing for as long as he could see him before he was forced to turn and he disappeared from his view. The last he saw before the turn was Blitzwing biting his lower lip. A sign of anxiety.

They drove through Detroit. Testing out Bumblebees ability to stop, turning and similar stuff. Bumblebee found no problem with his driving ability. He was just as good at driving now as he had been before. It was annoying how slow they were going but Bumblebee also found it helpful. His constant annoyment meant that his faceplate didn’t turn. Which was helpful because be was unsure which of the other faceplate would force him to turn into his air altmode. Though the mental image of him driving around and the all of a sudden turning into his other altmode was funny so didn't he think this was the right time to do it.

Ratchet finally drove into a parking lot and transformed back into bot mode. Bumblebee transformed as well.He was nearly able to keep his balance after the transformation but was just put a bit of balance and it ended with his aft hitting the asphalt. Immediately after the transformation he felt his frame heat up again. Still no pain but the change in temperature was noticeable. Ratchet turned towards him and looked him over. It looked like he didn’t notice his up heated frame.

“Why are we stoping?” Bumblebee asked as he he got up again. The parking lot was mostly empty, there was only three cars in the whole lot.

“I wanted to check on you and take a break. Are you feeling any pain?” Bumblebee shook his helm.

“I’m fine. I can keep going” Ratchet looked as him suspiciously and shook his helm.

“Just take five kid. We’ll drive back after that” Bumblebee huffed. 

He didn’t want to sit still and do nothing. He was fine even if Ratchet didn’t believe him. He started instead walking around the parking lot training his legs and see how much better he had gotten. It didn’t feel like he was going to fall at the lightest gust of wind anymore which was nice. He tested to do a light jog but had to stop when he nearly fell down again. He cursed quietly. He could drive and walk, he was so close to be fully functional again. He was aching to get back into action, and after being forced to stay at base the last time he didn’t like the idea to be left behind on the next mission. 

_ All I have to do is get running down and I’ll no longer be dead weight. No longer a burden. _Bumblebee was flung out of his thought when he heard an alarm go off. His stoped his jog and turned his helm towards the sound. Out of a bank a bit down the street a couple of masked figured stepped out and got into a car and started to drove off. Bumblebee saw them and his mouth turned into a smile. He was about to transform when Ratchet grabbed his shoulder.

“No. Stay here, I’ll go after them” Bumblebee turned towards him and brushed the servo of him and pointed towards the way they had driven off.

“Let me take them! It’s only humans! I’ll can handle it!” Ratchet didn’t look like he was in the mood or had the time to argue.

“You’ll stay! This is not negotiable!”And without blinking Ratchet transformed and went after the robbers. Bumblebee was left behind and just watched Ratchet drive off and disappear. Bumblebee let out a frustrated sound and kicked a stone that had been laying on the ground so it went flying several meters. 

“Stupid Ratchet!” He growled as he paced around the parking lot. _It was only humans it was not fragging Lugnut!_ He could handle some common bank robbers. Ratchet had seen him transform and walk around, he wasn’t helpless and even if his walking wasn’t best, he was at least faster than Ratchet. He could have driven ahead of the robbers and just blocked their way and let Ratchet handle the rest. But noooo he was forced to stay here...alone. Bumblebee felt shiver up his pack struts. 

He looked around. The sky was still blue but the sun was hidden behind tall buildings and the whole parking lot was cast in the shade. The parking lot was a bit hidden away. There was at the moment no traffic on the street. Bumblebee chose to sit down and wait for Ratchet return. But he couldn't relax. He kept seeing things right at the edge of his peripheral vision but every time he turned around there was nothing there. His faceplate soon turned to his original and he decided to move so he had his back against one of the buildings.. At least now nothing could sneak up on him from behind.

He started to pick up small rocks and throw them and watch the skip against the pavement but soon stopped. Everything felt so weirdly quiet and in contract the rocks were making a lot of noise. He kept looking around. It was like he was waiting for something to pop up like a jack-in-a-box and scare him. But he saw nothing. Bumblebee looked at the cars standing parked on the parking lot eyeing them suspiciously. He shifted his optics and shook his helm.

_I’m being paranoid. Most cons are warframes and flyer, not ground vehicles and cars. _ But that was the problem. _ Most. _Both Swindle and Lockdown were cars. None of the cars in the parking lot even resemble the two cons but that didn’t put Bumblebee at ease. 

He stood up and looked between the cars and walked up to a silver one. There was nothing outstanding about it, at least what Bumblebee could tell. Just a normal boring coloured car. He nudged it carefully with his ped. Nothing happened. He laid down flat on his stomach and looked under it. No sign of that the car was from cybertron. Just a normal earth car. Bumblebee stood up and was about to walk to the next one when he stopped. A bit further up the road his optics landed on a red stop sign. He didn’t really know why it had caught his optics. The street was pretty bleak and the stop sign was pretty much the only colorful thing around so maybe that was the reason. 

He watched it and inside his mind he could hear Blitzwing voice from last night. “Usually you have a stop sign on the road. That's when you start asking yourself and thinking: Wait, am I jumping to conclusions? Or am I blowing this way out of proportion? But now that you’re a triple changer that sign is gone.”

Bumblebee groaned and put his faceplate in his servos. He was suspicious over nothing and blowing stuff out of proportion. Again! 

_ Why would a con be here? Why would they just be standing here for no reason? If there were cons here why haven’t they attacked yet? _

He turned around and was about to go back to were he had been sitting, but as fast as he turned his back towards the other cars he thought he heard a sound. He span around, took a battle stance and brought out his stinger. His optics scanned the parking lot. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed He looked back at the place he had been sitting. _ I´m just paranoid. There is nothing to worry about. Just go back, sit down and chill. _But Bumblebee didn’t move. He just stood there in the middle of the parking lot for some time.

He checked the last two cars. Still no Decepticons.

He walked back sat down next to the building again. He straighten his back. He wanted to close his optics but every time he opened them nearly immediately. It was like he couldn't trust his environment. He felt his mind work against him. Bringing up thought after thought and if’s after if’s. But even if his whole mind was fighting against him he willed his optics shut and went back to the day he had beaten the video game boss. And slowly the real world drifted away.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there when he heard the sound of a car. His optics flew open and he scrambled to his peds. Out of habit his stingers came out and he pointed it towards the sound. He calmed down nearly immediately when he saw Ratchet in his altmode drive up to him.He retracted his stingers.

“Did you get them?” He asked while he tried to hide his relief that it was Ratchet and not a Decepticon.

“Yes, now they're in the hands of the police now”. Bumblebee nodded.

“Can we go back to base?” Bumblebee didn’t feel like continuing their training session. For the moment all he wanted to do was to get back to base, sit down and chill. 

“Sure” Ratchet sounded a bit suspicious but he didn’t seem to care to ask him further. He instead drove a bit forward giving Bumblebee space to transform. Bumblebee wasn’t sure if this faceplate would allow him to turn into a car. But it was only one way to find out. He started to transform and felt all the parts sliding into place and soon he was back into his car altmode. He drove out onto the street and they together started to make their way back to base.

They soon saw their base again. Bumblebee drove up all the way to one of the walls and transformed. He was able to catch himself by the help of the wall before he fell down and was able to get back his balance. He stood up straight and let go of the wall and started walking towards the base without the help of anyone or anything. 

The base was empty. He started to walk towards the sofa. He just wanted to sit down and do something that literally needed 0 processor power. But got stopped when Ratchet put his servo on his shoulder.

“What?” Bumblebee asked while trying to sound as tired as possible and hoped that would make Ratchet give him a break. But Ratchet gave him no mercy.

“I want to do another check up” Bumblebee looked at him witch disbelief. Everything turned blue.

“Another one?! When will you be satisfied!? Please tell me you’re joking?!” Ratchet faceplate made it very clear he was in fact, not joking.

“I want to make sure that transforming have left no bad side effects”

Bumblebee groaned and stamped his peds in frustration.

“Must I?” Ratchet rolled his optics.

“No. You could instead just have your t-cog overheat and then slowly go offline while your t-cog damages all your other inner workings” 

A horrific mental picture of himself laying on the ground in immense pain while he slowly went offline burned into Bumblebees mind. _ Oh ain’t that great! Another thing I can stress over! Just what I needed! _

Bumblebee followed Ratchet back to the med bay back in silence. He laid down on the berth again without Ratchet even having to tell him too. He just wanted to get this over with. Ratchet scanned him and started to look through the results on a data pad while asking Bumblebee questions.

“Any pain?” 

“No” Bumblebee gave him a clean cut answer, too tired to try to make this boring situation more interesting.

“Any problem while driving?”

“No everything is like i remember it” Ratchet nodded.

“Did your new form change anything from how you normally would do or feel when you’re driving?” Bumblebee sighed. 

“Not what i could tell after I had transformed into my car altmode. But we were driving at a snail pace so i’m not sure” Ratchet didn’t pay any attention to his snarky remark and just continued to read on his data pad. 

Bumblebee sighed again and staring up at the ceiling. He was becoming familiar with this view and he didn’t like it. He could point out every crack, stain and spider web on it. He started drumming his digits on top of his chest plate. The sound echoed out into the silent room. Even if the ceiling was probably the most boring thing in the med bay, he still preferred it to looking at it over looking around at the other items in the medbay. 

The first timed he had woken up the room had been mostly empty. He hadn’t asked why but one day he had woken up and all the stuff had been put back. Bumblebee hadn’t asked about that either. But he was starting to wish they hadn’t been placed back. The machines and other surgical equipment was freaking him out a little after last night nightmare. _This is what Blitzwing must feel every time he’s here. _ Bumblebee doubted that his uncomfort with the med bay could actually be compared to Blitzwings. His was probably Bumblebees discomfort times one thousand. Bumblebee felt his spark sink slightly. _ Was this what Blitzwing felt while he was keeping me company? I forced him to feel this every day, 24 hours a day. Primus it must have been like torture. And I put him through it. _

Bumblebee bit his glossa a bit and started drumming his digit harder at his chest plate. He tried to replicate the sound of some of his favorite songs while quietly humming them.

“Your as healthy as you can be." Ratchet said unexpectedly "At leats as far i can see. Is there anything else that you want to bring to my attention?” Bumblebee was silent for a moment before he remembered.

“When I transform. My frame feels hot. It doesn't hurt or anything, it’s just..weird” Ratchet looked up from the data pad and placed it on a table.

“That's probably your t-cog. It’s not meant to work so hard so you frame is not good at cooling it down. You should be fine as long as you don’t switch between altmodes too quickly. You probably will be able to transform more frequently during colder climates, when the environment is helping to cool your frame down” Bumblebee sat up and got off the bed. Slowly this time, he didn’t want a lesson about safety from Ratchet right now. Bumblebee was just glad he could finally relax. He was just about to open the door when Ratchet spoke up again.

“Kid” Bumblebee stoped, groaned and turned slowly around.

“What is it? Another test?” Bumblebee went nearly immediately quiet. Ratchet didn’t look his normal angry, scowling self. He looked..worried. Their optics meet.

“No.” Ratchet went quiet for a moment, like he was trying to find the right words. “Are you okay?” Bumblebee blinked a few time. His faceplate span back to normal. He gave Ratchet a smile.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” Ratchet just kept looking at him. It was something in his optics that Bumblebee couldn't put his digit on.

“You have been a bit...Off” Bumblebee let out a half hearted chuckle.

“Well I’m a triple changer now. Thats off” He tried to play it off as a joke but Ratchet expression didn’t change. He didn’t get annoyed or rolled his optics. He just kept his optics on him and refused to turn away.

“Sometimes...After traumatic experiences, it can be good to talk to someone” Bumblebee went quiet for a moment, at a loss of words. The dark thought echoed from the back of his mind. He had been given that advice three times today. He should probably be annoyed, he usually is when people keep repeating the same advise over and over again. But this was different. Bumblebee thought about it. Maybe he should talk about it? _ You're just burdening them! You're forcing them to deal with more of your problems! Haven’t you bothered them enough already? _Bumblebee let the thoughts run around his mind. They were right and he didn’t want to bring up any of his problem with Ratchet anyway. Especially when some of those thought that was harassing him was things he had said.

“Thanks for the advice. But I’m fine. Really” He couldn’t look him in his optics and lie so Bumblebee looked down at Ratchet autobot insignia instead. There was no way Ratchet didn’t catch that. But Ratchet was not like Sari or Blitzwing. He wouldn't push him. He heard Ratchet sigh.

“Just...Please talk to someone if you need to. It doesn't have to me. It can be Optimus, Bulkhead...Even Blitzwing.” He said his name between grinding denta. “Just talk to someone. You’ll feel better...I would know” Bumblebee nodded.

“Okay. See you later!” Bumblebee turned around and opened the door and quickly left the med bay closing the door behind him. He was afraid that if he stayed any longer that he would finally break and fall apart and he would not put that in Ratchet servos. He was done being a burden. He was done giving his team problemd. So he just kept all the thoughts in his mind, locked away from outsiders while he felt the poison the thoughts were spewing slowly was poisoning his spark.

He stared hastily make his way towards his and Blitzwings room. When he opened his room he saw Blitzwing laying on his back on top of the berth. He was typing something on a data pad. He glanced towards the door and his monocle zoomed in towards Bumblebee. 

“Your back” He was starting to get up but Bumblebee quickly walked up to the side of the berth and just laid himself across Blitzwings chest plate. Blitzwing stopped getting up and slowly leaned back down again. Bumblebee grabbed one Blitzwings arms. Blitzwing looked away from the data pad down at him. He let Bumblebee guide his servos as it was laid on top of his back. Blitzwing, a bit confused slowly started petting Bumblebees back. Bumblebee let go off his servo and just laying completely still. Seemingly satisfied.

“How was the driving?” He asked while continuing scrolling through the data pad with his thumb.

“Exhausting. I’m spent” His words were a bit muffled because he didn’t bother to lift up his faceplate from Blitzwings frame.

“You can recharge if you wish. I won’t mind or wake you”

“I’m exhausted, not sleepy” Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random.

“No rest for the wicked!” He said and let out a laugh and Bumblebee let out a tired chuckle with him.

“So what have you been doing?” Bumblebee asked.

“Ohhh just something” Blitzwing answered playfully. That was enough for Bumblebee to lift his helm up and look at him. He had a mischievous grin and he looked very excited.

“What thing?” Blitzwing chuckled. He stoped petting Bumblebees back and started typing something into the data pad. He then offer it to Bumblebee who sat up and took it.

It was a nearly completely empty document from a note taking app. The only things written on it was three words:

  * Jitterbug
  * Buzzkill
  * Bubble

Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwing confused. Blitzwing was just smiling at him.

“What is this?” Bumblebee asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?! It’s your new faceplate names!” Bumblebee looked at him as it slowly sinked in. Blitzwing lifted a digit and pointed at each of the names in order.

“Jitterbug is for you normal faceplate. Buzzkill for the visor one. And Bubble for the fanged one!” Blitzwing pointing out which name meant which faceplate didn’t make Bumblebee much wiser. Jitterbug he could understand but the other two was a bit of a mystery.

“How did you come up with these names?” Blitzwing shrugged.

“Jitterbug was easy! You always have you normal faceplate when you're worried and anxious. Buzzkill because you frew down the controller when you were playing video games whit Sari and Bulkhead” 

“How did you know that i frew the controller? How do you even know that I was the one with the visor at that moment?”

“Sari and I talked. Anyway! And Bubble because you turned into the fanged one when I gave you bubblewrap!” Bumblebee handed back the datapad to Blitzwing.

“Wow it must have taken you hours to figure these names out” Bumblebee sarcasm wasn’t lost on Blitzwing. His faceplate turned to Icy.

“Thats a lot coming from the bot that named _ my _ faceplates Icy, Hothead and Random.” Bumblebee felt his faceplate grow a bit hotter and his faceplate switched and everything turned Blue.

“I thought of them at the fly, and-and you were the one who chose to keep them!” Blitzwings lips turned into a smirk.

“Of course I did. That it was you who named them, and that meant a lot to me.” Bumblebee felt his faceplate grow even hotter. If it got much hotter know he was afraid he was going to begin to smoke.

“Mute it! You're just saying that to make me blush!” Blitzwing smirk didn’t falter.

“I wouldn’t dream about it..So are you keeping the names or not oh you master of naming things” Bumblebee laid back down on-top of Blitzwing chest and buried his face in his plaiting so he would no longer see his blushing faceplate.

“The names are fine..I guess” Some of the names felt a bit stupid. But he guessed it could have been worse. He guessed this was Blitzwings revenge for Bumblebee naming his faceplates. It was only fair Blitzwing got to decided his. Some of the names didn’t make as much sense, especially Blitzwing reasoning for Buzzkill, Bumblebee knew he had just chosen that name because of the bug theme. And some of the names was not as clear as calling the icy persona icy the angry one Hothead and the unpredictable Random. But he still felt the names weirdly fitted him. And he was actually happy that Blitzwing had given him them. But there was no way he was ever going to tell him that. 

Bumblebee was quiet for a moment before speaking up again.

“Blitz”

“Yes?”

“How many Decepticons can turn into cars?” He heard Blitzwing taping on the datapad stopped. He was quiet for a moment.

“Maybe 10-20% can turn into car like alt modes? But that just a wild guess I have no real idea of how may % there actually is...Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering” Bumblebee mumbled into Blitzwings plating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank Ara for giving me the idea of naming Bumblebees normal faceplate Jitterbug!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one got a bit longer than expected so it might have a bit more spelling mistakes. Hope you enjoy either way!

Bumblebee was running around in front of the base while Ratchet and Blitzwing was watching him.There had been a couple of days and Bumblebees walking had improved massively. He had also trained his driving but Ratchet still didn’t allow him to drive fast. Bumblebee had bothered Ratchet non stop about letting him drive fast again. Ratchet had finally made a deal with him. If he could prove he had mastered walking and moving around in bot form so would he be allowed to train driving fast with Blitzwing.

Bumblebee had to train his driving with Blitzwing because there was no way Ratchet would be able to keep up if Bumblebee went all out. Ratchet had tried to argue that Prowl could go with him instead but Prowl himself had shoot that idea down.  He had said he didn’t want to have to race after Bumblebee and that Blitzwing was a lot faster, knew more about triple changers and could do the job of watching over Bumblebee much better than him anyway. 

So now was the day. It was a sunny day, not a cloud to be seen on the blue sky. He had been able to convinced Ratchet to come out and judge him.

Bumblebee had started to walk, then jog and had ended with running around. He then quickly stopped and started walking backwards while sending Ratchet as smug look. He then side stepped quickly and made some other manoeuvres so Ratchet could see he could move without any problems. He then finished it all of by jumping onto a box Bulkhead had placed out for him, jumped off it and made a somersault as fast his peds hit the ground. When he finished rolling he immediately got back onto his peds. He was a bit exhausted after all the moving and he was breathing quickly. He looked at Ratchet waiting for his verdict.

He could see Ratchet thinking. His optics scanned over Bumblebees frame and Bumblebee tried to stop his heavy breathing. Finally Ratchet let out a sigh in defeat and turned to Blitzwing.

“I want him to come back in the same shape as he leave. No matter how much i dislike it, you have the responsibility. Is that clear?” Blitzwing leaned a bit forward looming over Ratchet.

“Crystal” he said in a cold tone, like he was insulted that Ratchet thought he couldn’t take care of the mini bot. Bumblebee watched them. He felt himself fill with happiness and excitement for being allowed to drive fast again but as soon Blitzwing started looming he made his way over. Blitzwings optics left Ratchet and focused on Bumblebee. Bumblebee walked over and scowled at Blitzwing and smacked his thigh hard.

“You’re looming” Blitzwing rolled his optics and straighten his back.

“Sorry” It was clear he wasn’t very sorry about it. Bumblebee just smacked his leg again. Blitzwings faceplate switched to Hothead.

“I said I’m sorry!” Bumblebee gave him a stern look, but he couldn’t be mad for long. He would get too drive fast again. How could he not be happy?

Bumblebee turned to Ratchet who was just watching them and shaking his helm. It looked like he was already regretting giving the the green light for Bumblebee to drive fast. Bumblebee worried that Ratchet would change his mind so he wanted to leave as soon as possibly.

“We’ll be fine Ratchet. We’ll be careful!” Ratchet looked at them. A slight hint of worry was written over his faceplate.

“If you get hurt I’m not fixing your sorry aft” The comment was aimed at Bumblebee.

Bumblebee just waved him off.

“Ya, ya sure, whatever” Bumblebees faceplate switched back to Jitterbug and looked up at Blitzwing “We have to get outside the city first. I don’t want to risk running over someone” Blitzwing chuckled and his faceplate turned to Random.

“Got it!” Bumblebee didn’t have time to react when Blitzwing scooped Bumblebee up in his arms. “All abora d the Blitzwing express!” He said. Bumblebee didn’t even get the chance to ask what that even meant before Blitzwing activating his thruster and blasted straight up into the sky and Ratchet turned into just a dot on the ground beneath them and the last thing they heard was him screaming:

“CAREFUL YOU BIG OAF!”

Bumblebee screamed. He didn’t know if it was of the excitement over moving so fast or if it was the fear of falling down thousands of feet. Bumblebee grabbed onto Blitzwing as best he could. Blitzwing just laughed at Bumblebees reaction.

“Soon you’ll be able to do this yourself!” He was forced to scream for Bumblebee to even hear him through the sound of rushing air and Bumblebees own screams.

They stopped in the middle of the air. Flying so high over the ground was both terrifying and exciting. Bumblebee was holding onto Blitzwing for his life.

“Don’t look down.” Blitzwing said teasingly. Bumblebee didn’t fall for that trick...again. He closed his optics shut.

“Shut up Blitzbrain!” Blitzwing moved around his arms a little so he got a better grip of Bumblebee.

“Ready?” Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwing with a stern look.

“Don’t you dare drop me.” Blitzwing got the smuggest look on his faceplate.

“No promises” He said and leaned forward and blasted off again towards dinobot island and Bumblebee closed his optics tightly shut again.

When Blitzwing finally landed on the dinobot islands beach Bumblebee thanked Primus. Blitzwing let him down on the ground and Bumblebee nearly kissed the ground. He liked going fast but being so high up and having no control and that he would surely go offline if he fell wasn't a great feeling and he was happy with being back on solid ground.

Bumblebee slowly stood up and looked around. The beach was completely empty except for him and Blitzwing. He could see boats floating around further out in the water. The sand softly crunched under Bumblebees peds as he walked around. He looked up at Blitzwing who’s faceplate had turned back to Icy.

“Why did you choose this spot to train on?” He said and gestured around. “There are no roads here“

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of driving in a little sand” Bumblebee huffed and his faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“No. I’m just curious why you chose this spot and not a real road” 

Blitzwing turned his gaze from Bumblebee and he instead looked out over the water. 

“I think that after we have gotten your car altmode figured out we should start working on your flying alt mode” Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing in surprise.

“But Ratchet haven't said it’s okay for me to fly jet.” Blitzwings faceplate turned back to Random and but a digit to his mouth.

“That's our little secret. What he doesn't know won’t hurt him” Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing and a smile curled up his lips. His faceplate switched to Bubble and he made the gesture of siping his lips shut. 

Bumblebee looked around for a bit. He needed to wait for his faceplate to change from Bubbles to one of the other once so he could turn into his car mode. He had figured out how to turn to Bubble but the other two he had not found a shortcut to turn to them yet. So for now he just had to wait.

Blitzwing looked at him.

“Do you need some help?” Bumblebee was about to ask what he meant, but before he got the chance Blitzwing grabbed him around his waist and reeled him backwards.

“What are you doing?” Bumblebee looked at how Blitzwing was standing and felt a tinge of fear when he knew what he was about to do. “Blitz no-” He didn’t get any further. 

“Hut Hut! Hike!” And with that Bumblebee soared through the air. He landed in the water with a big splash. Even if it was summer the water was still cold. The cold water completely surrounded Bumblebee as he slowly sank down to the bottom.  _ Great now I’m wet and cold. Thanks a lot Blitzbrain. _ Well the faceplate problem was fixed. With a whirl his faceplate switched to Buzzkill. He transformed on the bottom of the lake and started driving back towards dry land. 

As fast he broke the water he saw Blitzwing still standing on the beach. He speed up and drove right at him. Blitzwing just stared at him as he came closer. A bit before Bumblebee ran into him he drifted one the side and sent a wave of sand over Blitzwing. Blitzwing looked down at sand that had now made it between his plating. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Hothead.

“Dammit Bee! You know how hard it is to remove sand from my frame!” 

“You deserved it!” It looked like Blitzwing wanted to say something but shut his mouth again and just quietly growled. “Well anyway” Bumblebee continued. “I’ll drive around the island. You can take the time. My previous record it took me to drive around the island was 50 minutes” Blitzwing faceplate turned back to Icy and he looked at Bumblebee. He looked a bit concerned.

“You might not be as fast”

“Ya, ya. I’m a triple changer now, I might have to get used to my car alt mode, I know” Blitzwing nodded.

“Yes. But you must be prepared that you might be slower-”

“Blitzy don’t worry. I got it! Let’s go!” Blitzwing nodded but the concern in his optics didn’t disappear. He transformed and flew up into the air so he was flying over Bumblebee. Bumblebee started driving away.

He drove around the island as fast as he could. It felt good to feel the air rushing past him again and hearing the whistling of the wind. He could hear the sound of Blitzwings jet engines over him. It felt comforting that he was there watching over him. He finally made it back to the point were they had started. Bumblebee made a donut in on the bech sending sand splashing everywhere. He then transformed back to his bot mode.

He looked up and saw Blitzwing also transform back and landed in the sand. Bumblebee looked at him with a confident smile.

“How fast was I?” Blitzwing was biting his lips and the concern was still in his optics.

“It took 1 hour and 30 minutes” Bumblebees smile disappeared. He looked at Blitzwing like he had heard him wrong.

“W-what?”

It look like Blitzwing was arguing with himself if he should repeat himself.

“1 hour and 30 minutes. Thats how long it took” Bumblebee was staring at him with disbelief.

“O-one hour and 30 minutes? That..That can’t be right. Your clock must be wrong.”

“Bumble-”

“No!”Bumblebee felt his energion rushing and he was starting to get upset. “Don’t you dare say that it’s because I’m a triple changer now! I won’t accept it!” Bumblebee kicked the sand hard before transforming back into his car mode. “Again! We're doing it again!” Blitzwing just looked at him.

“Bumblebee please.”

“Again! We're doing it again!” Before Blitzwing got the time to answer he drove off for another round around the island. He heard Blitzwings jet engines start up again.

This time he was trying harder. He cut as many corners he could and started to drive more recklessly.  _ I can’t have slowed down that much! I have the fastest ground alt mode on the team!  _ He saw the goal again and he transformed back to his bot mode and sledded through the sand. He stared up at Blitzwing who transformed back again and landed in front of him.

“Well!? That must have been faster?!” He yelled. Blitzwing looked down at him and sighed.

“1 hour and 18 minutes” Bumblebee just looked at him and he felt his optics fill witch tears.

“You’re lying! It must be something wrong with you clock!”

“Bumblebee.” 

“NO! I won’t accept it! It’s wrong, it must be!” Bumblebee kicked up some more sand in irritation, it didn’t help lessen his anger at all. “Are you joking?! If you joking admit it right now! It’s not funny!” Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee. The concern that had been in his optics had turned to sorrow.

“Bumblebee listen to me-”

“No! I’m the fastest ground vehicle on this team! I always have been! Always will be! I can’t have gotten that much slower! I can't’!” Bumblebee grabbed his helm. His faceplate switched once, twice, thrice.  _ No, please no! Not again!  _ That was his last thought before his faceplates started spinning non stop. Bumblebee braced himself. Soon the switching was going to start hurting again. He tried to control his thoughts like he and Prowl had been training but Bumblebees raging feelings over his lost in speed was too strong. 

Thats when he heard a loud clap. He looked up. Blitzwing had clapped his servos together and was now charging his cannons. A blast of ice was sent right towards him. Bumblebee felt his faceplate stop on Jitterbug and he jumped and rolled to the side, just barely escaping the blast. He rolled, kicking up sand everywhere. He stoped and spitted out some sand out of his mouth. He looked up at Blitzwing. He had raised his cannons again. Bumblebees faceplate switched to Buzzkill and he flew up onto his peds.

“What in Primus name are you doing! You could have frozen me solid!” He screamed at Blitzwing. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Hothead.

“I needed you to stop freaking out somehow! So I made one of your feelings stronger than the others so you would stop on one of your faceplates!”

“You could have frozen me!”

Blitzwings faceplate switched to Random.

“I don’t see the problem! It’s a win, win situation! Your faceplates would have stopped spinning in either case!” he let out a laugh. Bumblebee spit out some more sand.

“Frag you Blitzbrain” Blitziwngs faceplate switched back to Icy.

He walked forward and squatted down so he was a bit closer to Bumblebees hight. He put a servo on Bumblebees shoulder and squeezed it gently.

“I’m sorry. But I needed you to stop the switching before you hurt yourself” Bumblebee just huffed and crossed his arms over his chest and stared down into the sand. Blitzwing continued. “I know speed is very important to you. And I know that you’re getting tired of continuously bumping into problem after problem but you must listen to me.” Bumblebee lifted his optics and looked at Blitzwing. “You’re slower because the weight of your new altmode is weighing you down. But your frame will adjust. You might not be as fast as you were before the change. But you will become faster. Just give it time”. Bumblebee just continued to look at Blitzwing. Finally he let his arms fall to his side. He let out a sigh and his faceplate switched to Jitterbug. He could feel that tears was not far away. He put one servo over Blitzwings. Blitzwing gave his shoulder another squeeze and they just stood like that for sometime before Blitzwing spoke up again with a small smile on his faceplate.

“Would you like to try to fly instead?” Bumblebees optics lit up again.

“Can we do that now?” Blitzwing shrugged.

“If you would like to.” Bumblebee nodded. Blitzwing let go of Bumblebees shoulder and stood up straight. Bumblebees disappointment over his lost speed got slowly replaced by excitement of the chance that he might get to use his other alt mode for the first time.  Bumblebee clapped his servos together.

“So how do we start?” 

“The first thing you should learn is how to hover. That way if you for some reason starts to fall when you're in your air alt mode you will be able to go back to bot mode and not crash helm first into the ground!” 

Bumblebee gulped. The last thing he wanted to do was fly thousand of feet in the air and then crash and his frame getting scattered all over the ground.

“Ya..That sounds good” Blitzwing nodded in acknowledgement. “So how should I start?”

“You should start with activating your thrusters.” Bumblebee nodded.

“Yes of course! My thrusters...How do I activate them?” Blitzwing shrugged.

“I don’t know you just...activate them.” Bumblebee frowned, crossed his arms and his faceplate span back to Buzzkill.

“Great explanation”He said sarcastically. Blitzwing rolled his optics.

“Asking how you activate your thrusters is like asking how you move your arm. You just do it. I can’t make a guid for you.” Bumblebee sighed.

“Ya, ya whatever...I’ll figure it out” He closed his optics and tried to focus. He tried to remember the times Blitzwing had been hovering. It looked so easy when he did it. Well he had been able to do it his whole life so it was no surprise. He tried to feel through his frame and tired to find something. He didn’t know what that something was but he guessed he would recognise it when he found it. Blitzwing spoke up again.

“When you start your thrusters, put them on low output otherwise-” Bumblebee felt something click inside his frame and flew like a rocket right up in the air. It caught Bumblebee off guard. He wasn't prepared for it and his left leg slightly buckled which caused him to lean to the side. He flew right to the side and ended up crashing right into the lake. 

Bumblebee walked back to shore. On the beach was Random to greet him. 

“Fun fact! When you lean forward or buckle your legs determines which direction you fly in!” Bumblebee stared daggers at him as Random laughed.

“Thank you for the heads up” He growled as he tried to shake some of the water off him. 

“It was a good first try!” He said and chuckled. “Here let me help you” Blitzwing walked up to him and took Bumblebees much smaller servos in his. “Now if you start to turn I can hold you in place!” Bumblebee looked at him. His faceplate switched from Buzzkill to Jitterbug and he nodded. Blitzwing nodded to sign that he could activate his thrusters again. Bumblebee activated them again and flew straight up again. Blitzwing flew a bit up with him before they stoped in the middle of the air. Bumblebees knee buckled again and starter flying to the side. But Blitzwing kept a hold of Bumblebees servos. Bumblebee straighten out his knee again. It was hard and Bumblebee had to flex his frame to try to force his knees not too buckle. 

Blitzwing looked at him with a smile. 

“Now speedster, try to lower your input” Bumblebee was about to ask how he did that but remembered what Blitzwing had said. It was like using any other limb, you could not explain how to do it, you just do it. 

After a while Bumblebee started descending. He and Blitzwing landed softly on the sand. Blitzwing let go of Bumblebee servos and started applauding.

“Bravo! Bravo!” He said enthusiastically. Bumblebee rolled his optics but his mouth also turned into a smile. “Again! Again!” Blitzwing cheered as he grabbed Bumblebees servos again. Bumblebee nodded and started his thrusters again. He now started slowly, trying to see how much output was needed just to get him off the ground. The sand started to get pushed away from his peds as he slowly rose up into the air. Blitzwing slowly mimicked his movement and they both slowly flew higher up into the air. About 50 meters up Blitzwings face turned to Icy and they started to put out a steady flow of output so they would stop rising or descend.

“Okay, like i mentioned before, you decide what direction to go by leaning, turning your wings or moving your legs. Are you ready?” Bumblebee nodded. Blitzwing also gave a short nod. He slowly started to lean his frame backwards and with that he pulled Bumblebee with him so they both was starting to fly forward. Bumblebee immediately crashed into Blitzwings chest. He stopped his thruster while Blitzwing just laugher and stood up straight again and held Bumblebee in his arms. “You need to have a turn your wings more. Right now you're just gonna fly into the ground.” Bumblebee let out a frustrated huff.

“Okay.” Bumblebee said and activated his thrusters again. He pushed away from Blitzwings chest and nearly lost balance but he was able to remain straight. He held out his servos towards Blitzwing, who gladly took a hold of them.

Bumblebee leaned forward again as Blitzwing leaned backwards. Bumblebee tried to move his wings so they pointed more upwards this time. He started to crash towards Blitzwings chest again but just before impact he was able to bend his wings upwards enough and was able to remain in the air.  Blitzwing looked at him and gave a satisfied nod. Slowly he released Bumblebees servos. 

Bumblebees faceplate span nearly immediately to Bubbles as he realised he was flying forward all on his own. Blitzwing turned around and slowly turned so he was able to fly right next to Bumblebee instead of beneath him. 

Bumblebee felt the air rush against his frame and glide around it. He could feel the breeze shift under his wings. It felt nice the way the wind was washing over his faceplate.The wind was a bit chilly but that too also felt kind of nice.  He looked forward and was astonished by the sight. He could see the whole lake. 

It glimmered in the sun and shined like treasure. He could see the boats on the lake. They looked like toys from this high up in the air, and he saw them peacefully bobbing in the waves. He could just barely make out the humans that was driving the ships. Some was alone some had a few people on, some was on the boat and some was in the water swimming and joyfully splashing around in the water. 

A bit away he could see Detroit. They were a bit away, probably so they would not draw attention to themselves but he could make out a couple of skyscrapers in the distance.

Bumblebee once turned his helm to look at his conjux but that made him nearly lose concentration on his wings and he nearly crashed into the lake. He was just barely able to save himself. He didn’t look towards Blitzwing again, but he could hear Random laughing.

After a while so did Blitzwing spoke up again in Icys voice. 

“So what do you think about flying?” Bumblebee was quiet for a moment. He looked around at the trees that grew on the side of the lake. The treetops swayed back and forth under the power of the wind and Bumblebee could just barely hear the air rushing through the leaves. It was...calming. The whole flying thing was so calming. It was like the air was brushing away every thought, every concern, every doubt and just left...peace. It also felt so freeing. There was nothing holding him down, nothing he could crash into. He could go anywhere he pleased, nothing was stopping him, not lakes, bad roads or customs he was truly free. He could also go as fast as he wanted. Who was going to stop him? There was no speed or stop signs randomly floating around. 

“I understand now why you like to go for flights to cool off” Bumblebee took in the scenery. “It’s beautiful and it feels really nice” Blitzwing made a pleasant sound of agreement.

“It will also get a lot more fun when you learn how to do tricks and manoeuvres” He was quiet for a bit before continuing. “Were coming close to be over land now. So we are going to have to turn. Look at me and try to mimic” Blitzwing flew forward ahead of Bumblebee. He leaned and turned his whole frame and was able to turn. Bumblebee mimicked the movement, a lot slower than Blitzwing so his turn was not as sharp as Blitzwings but he was still able to turn. He saw Blitzwing shoot a glance behind to check if Bumblebee had kept up. His faceplate turned to Random, he leaned his back backwards. He slowly flew into a loop and soon was back at Bumblebees side. 

“Are you sure you were not constructed a flyer?” He said and laughed.

“Maybe it was my true purpose?” Bumblebee said and let out a short chuckle. He could still not look at Blitzwing unless he wanted to start to crash. 

He had seen how Blitzwing had done his loop and wanted to try it also. He bent his back backwards and he started to do the start of the loop. But as fast as his peds was aimed towards the sky he notice his output was a bit too much. He immediately started to plummeting towards the lake. He tried to pull himself up but he was a bit too slow and crashed right into the water.

He descended to the bottom of the lake. His faceplate switched to Buzzkill and he sighed. He soon saw movement above him. He looked up and saw that Blitzwing had dove down after him. He slowly fell and landed on the bottom. He looked very amused.

“Don’t say a thing” Bumblebee huffed. Blitzwing didn’t even have to say anything for Bumblebee to know that he found Bumblebees failed attempt for styling very humorous. Blitzwing put a servo to his chest and acted surprised and a bit offended.

“What? Me? I would never!” 

“Just mute it” Blitzwing laughed. He activated his thruster again and blasted off the lake bed and out of the water. Bumblebee looked after him and activated his own and blasted off after him. He quickly left the water and blasted high up into the air after Blitzwing. The rushing wind that wiped past him while flying was a good tool to use for drying of himself. When he caught up with Blitzwing he was basically dry. They both stoped in the air and was just hovering.

Another thing Bumblebee found good with flying was that he could always be at optic level with Blitzwing. He carefully got a bit closer to Blitzwing. That failed, he instead crashed into Blitzwing chest. He slowly pushed himself off again a bit embarrassed. Blitzwing just laughed. Bumblebee gave him a stern look before kissing him on his cheek which caused Blitzwing to laugh even louder with joy. 

Blitzwings faceplate then switched back to Icy.

“I think your hovering is good enough. Wanna try your altmode?” Bumblebee felt excitement bubble up as he switch to Bubble.

“Heck ya!” Blitzwing smiled.

“Okay. You need to keep a steady output through the transformation otherwise you're going fall” Bumblebee nodded. He hovered a bit higher so that he would not crash into Blitzwing. He took a bit of time to psych himself up before he quickly tried to transform.

He felt parts of his frame slide into the wrong slots and turn in weird ways. But instead of trying to stop it he let them. He felt everything click into place. He was flying forward and he had been able to transform without falling right into the lake.  It felt weird to be in his second alt mode. He also felt hot but he summed that up to his t-cog. He started to explore his new altmode. 

It was a plane. It looked human made from the outside, but it was much faster then how these kinds of plane usually are. Even so the plane was not made for speed and durability like Blitzwings was, Bumblebees altmode was made more for manoeuvres and tricks.  That speed was not his other alt modes strong side either kind of bummed Bumblebee out. But the thought of all the tricks and stuff he would be able to do was kind of exciting. Flying in his alt mode felt a lot easier than flying using his thrusters, less limbs to keep track off.

He heard the sound of a loud jet engine. He looked to his side and saw Blitzwing coming up to his side in his own air altmode. 

“Well? How do I look?” Bumblebee asked teasingly.

“You’re the most beautiful flyer I have ever seen” Blitzwing answered. Bumblebee was glad Blitzwing couldn't see him blush while he was in his altmode. 

“Thats not true. I’m the seconds most beautiful flyer you have ever seen” 

“Oh ya? When who is the most beautiful then?” He said amused.

“Thats you dummy! Have you never seen your own reflection?” Blitzwing laughed. He started to fly faster and started flying around him in a spiral like manoeuvre. Bumblebee also laughed. He was tempted to try to mimic Blitzwing but he was not about to make himself a laughing stock again. He could learn manoeuvres another day. Blitzwing flew forward a bit leaving Bumblebee a bit behind him. Bumblebee looked at him and tried to speed up so he could catch up.

That's when he heard it. It was at first a weak sound. He hadn’t noticed it but now it was rapidly getting louder and louder. Bumblebee looked behind him and he felt his whole frame grow cold. Bumblebee activated his comms.

“Blitzwing! We got company!”

\--------------------------------------

Bumblebees voice blasted through Blitzwing comm link. Blitzwing looked behind him to see what Bumblebee was talking about. He was just in time to see the missile that was fired towards him. Blitzwing steered to the side, the missile missing with only a couple of centimeters. Blitzwing cursed.  _ Just my fragging luck!  _ Blitzwings comm link opened again.

“Blitzy are you okay?” Blitzwing was about to respond but had to instead pull straight up to avoid another missile. He turned into a loop and now he could see his attacker more clearly.

Lugnut was hot on his tail. It looked like he had completely ignored Bumblebee. That was a huge relief to Blitzwing. He opened up his comm link.

“Bumblebee, dive down into the water and drive or walk back to base and stay there! I’ll handle this!” Blitzwing shoot one of his own ice missiles towards Lugnut. Lugnut turned to his side and the missile missed, though a chunk of the water of the lake quickly froze to ice. 

“I’m not leaving you!” Bumblebee screamed back through the comm link. Blitzwing could hear that Bumblebee had turned from Bubble to Jitterbug. Blitzwing had to take a deep breath. He nearly had turned into Hothead.

“Go back to base.I can handle this” Blitzwing was forced fly directly upwards again to avoid another round of Lugnuts missiles. 

He was forced to fly several meters up in the air. Lugnut was just barely able to keep up. Blitzwing felt his whole frame prepare for battle. He was kind of excited for his and Lugnuts rematch. This time there was no autobot there to stop him from getting his answers. His frame was aching for a fight. Blitzwing turned from Icy to Random and addressed Lugnut.

“Awww. Are you still mad about the chest plate thing?” He said teasingly.

“Stand still and accept your fate like the pathetic Decepticon traitor that you are!” Blitzwing laughed.

“Sorry, I’m not planning to join the well of allsparks today!” This was answered by another round of missiles from Lugnut. Blitzwing dodged them. He looked back. Closely behind him was Lugnut but maybe 20-30 meters behind him was Bumblebee. Bumblebee fired out two lighting bolts who hit one of Lugnuts wings. Lugnuts flying went a bit wobbly for a second but he was able to remain in the air. Blitzwing felt his spark go all the way down to his tanks and his excitement died down. He activated his comm link again and his faceplate span back to Icy.

“Bumblebee you’ll draw attention to yourself! I don’t want you to become a target! Go back-” But he didn’t get any further before he heard Bumblebee yell:

“Get away from him you decepti-creep!” Blitzwing heard Bumblebees tone of voice and he felt his frame grow cold. Bumblebee had made a horrible mistake. A mistake that he himself had made multiple times. Blitzwing saw how Bumblebees plane mode disappeared and got replaced with his car mode. And just as quickly he started to fall down towards the ground.

“Bumblebee!” He shouted. That's when he felt a sharp and burning sense of pain through his frame. He had been hit with one of Lugnuts missiles. He hissed in pain, but he had no time to focus on that. He turned as quickly as he could and started as fast as he could to follow Bumblebee. He saw another missile come towards him. He dodge it and he had reached his limit. 

He turned back to his bot mode. He turned so that his was plummeting backwards. He charged up his cannons and focused. He sent out two ice blasts. Lugnut tried to dodge them. One missed, but the other hit one of his wings. The extra weight pulled Lugnut to the side and he started falling. He tried to steer himself up but was too slow. He crashed somewhere on Dinobot island. Blitzwing wasted no time and transformed back into his altmode. He felt pain through his frame but his battle high state lessend the pain enough for him for at least the moment ignore it and focus on Bumblebee. 

He dove directly towards Bumblebee. He was still in his altmode and Blitzwing could hear him screaming. He flew up to Bumblebees side and started yelling.

“Bumblebee! Turn into your bot mode and hover!” He had to scream as loud as he could to be able to to be louder than Bumblebees own screams and the air rushing around them.

“I can’t!” Bumblebee screamed back. Blitzwing felt fear start to spread through his whole frame. He looked down. They were no longer above the lake. They were plummeting right towards Detroit. Blitzwing felt panic and fear start to bubble inside of him. If it was just him it would have been fine. He was a tank he could handle high falls...But Bumblebee? He would go offline. 

Blitzwing transformed back to his bot mode, maybe he could carry Bumblebee and hover. To his horror he noticed that Lugnuts missile had destroyed one of his thrusters. He wouldn’t be to carry Bumblebee to safety. Blitzwing felt panic start to take a hold of him but he pushed it back down. He couldn't panic now. He took a hold of Bumblebee and started screaming again.

“Bumblebee you must! If you don’t, you’ll go offline!” He didn’t like to scare the minibot but if he was able to to turn him into Jitterbug he might be able to turn back into his flying altmode. But Bumblebee didn’t transform.

“I can’t! I’m stuck!” Blitzwing realised then what was happening. Bumblebee knew that he was going to go offline if he hit the ground. He was too afraid. He was frozen with fear. 

_ There must be a way! It can’t end! Not here, not now! Think! Think you big oaf! Think!  _ That's when he got an idea. It was a long shot, but it was all he got.

“Bumblebee you have trained meditating! Try to control your faceplates!”

“I can’t do it Blitz! I just can’t!”

Blitzwing shook his helm and turned into Hothead.

“MUTE IT! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! JUST TRY!” Blitzwing was basically begging at this point.  _ Primus if you can hear me. If there ever was ever a time for you to step in it would be now.  _

\---------------------

Bumblebee was engulfed with fear. If he wasn't quick enough he was soon gonna be nothing more than scrap metall scattered across the streets of Detroit. He looked at Blitzwing.  _ I can’t go offline now. Primus, it was Blitzwing suggestion to train flying. If I go offline now he will never forgive himself _ . 

Bumblebee was scared. He saw the ground quickly coming closer and closer. He forced himself to turn away from it and looked instead at Blitzwing. 

His Blitzwing, his beautiful conjux. He saw that he was freaking out and he looked just as scared as Bumblebee felt but he was trying not to show it. It hurt his spark to see him like this. He started to think of all the things he wanted to do. He wanted to cuddle with him again, he wanted to sit up late at night with him and watch Tv, he wanted to kiss him again. He wanted so badly to kiss Blitzwing and tell him it was all gonna be okay. Primus he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to see him happy. But the only way for him to make Blitzwing happy right now was to not go offline. But how was he supposed to do that? He had tried to transform into his plane mode. He knew now for certain that Buzzkill was his ground altmode, and that Bubble was his air altmode, that left Jitterbug with the ability to both turn into a ground and air vehicle. But even if he was Jitterbug now so refused his frame to transform. He was too scared. It was like his frame had locked itself and he had no idea how to unlock it. There was only one way he could get out of this alive. He needed to turn into Bubble. If he did that his frame would automatically turn into a plane and he could fly away even if his frame felt frozen. But to be able to do that he needed to become happy.

Bumblebee closed his optics. His whole frame protests and tried to force his optics to open again but with all his will power he forced them to stay shut.  He started thinking back to the video game, like he had done before when he meditated with Prowl. But the rushing of the air drowned the memory out. He needed something stronger. He searched through his memories.

That time he won a bet against Bulkhead, no that was that was too weak. That time he and Sari had gone to a drive through theater, no it was still not enough. The first time he had saved Detroit and had been regarded as a hero.First time he meet Sari.  _ What?! Is not even that enough!?  _

He searched through older and older memories nothing standing out to him. Without any build up one just lighted up in his mind. It felt like finding a nail in a haystack, or a gold piece in a bag full of fools gold. 

The first time he made Blitzwing smile. Genuinely smile, not that manipulating or snarky smile he had seen before. No his first real genuine smile. He felt his whole frame go hot. Just like it had gone back then. He felt his whole frame change. He opened his optics. He was now in his plane mode but he was still falling towards the ground at a rapid pace.

“Blitzy I did it!” He screamed. Even though he had been able to transform so didn’t Blitzwing a lot more relieved.

“Fly into the lake! We’ll hide from Lugnut there!”

“Okay!”

Bumblebee started his engines and blasted off towards the lake. He looked behind him and saw Blitzwing also transform into his flying altmode. He could not steer very well with one thruster but he could glide well enough.

Bumblebee flew close to the water surface before turning into his bot mode and diving right in. Soon after he saw Blitzwing do the same. Bumblebee activated his thrusters and was able to push himself all they way to him. 

Blitzwing grabbed a hold of him and pulled him into a hug as they slowly descended to the bottom of the lake. He could feel Blitzwings whole frame shaking. Blitzwing started kissing every part of Bumblebees helm and faceplate he could reach. Bumblebees faceplate quickly turned back to Jitterbug and he started kissing Blitzwing back. Bumblebee hugged Blitzwings neck and they just held onto each other for a long while. 

After a while Bumblebee laughed. That earned him a confused and concerned stare from Blitzwing. 

“I think I have had enough of flying for today” He said between laughs. Blitzwing looked like wanted to kill Bumblebee at first but he too soon started laughing. They just stood there at the bottom of the lake laughing so much so it hurt. They laughed like Bumblebee had just said the joke of the century. They finally stopped after a long while and Bumblebees optic looked over Blitzwing and his optics grew in surprise. Blitzwing had a big wound that was spewing out a steady flow of energion. Bumblebee pointed towards the injury.

“Do you think we’ll be able to keep that a secret from Ratchet.” Blitzwing looked down at the wound and then back at Bumblebee. His face plate turned to Icy.

“Let’s just call Sari about this maybe” Bumblebee nodded and opened up his comm link, Sari soon picked up. He could hear what sounded like the TV from the background.

“Hey Sari” He said slowly, trying not to sound suspicious.

“Hey, whats up? How’s your date with BW going?” She asked teasingly.

“Ummm not that great...Blitzwing and I had a bit of a run in with Lugnut..Could you maybe come and work some allspark magic?” He heard the sound of movement. Sari probably had jumped out of the sofa.

“Are you guys hurt?!” She sounded very worried.

“I’m fine. One of Blitzwings thrusters is useless. But otherwise it’s fine.” Blitzwings faceplate turned to Hothead.

“My thrusters is fragged. Otherwise it’s fine. Please don’t worry, it just a dent.” He hissed. Bumblebee shushed him when Sari spoke up again.

“Okay I’ll have Ratchet drive me to you. Hold on tight!”

“Sarit wait-” But with a click the line went dead. Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwing. Blitzwing turned back to Icy he let go of Bumblebee and streched out his servo offering a handshake.

“If someone asks, so attacked Lugnut while you were driving. We were never even up in the air” Bumblebees faceplate turned back to Bubble and he grabbed Blitzwings servo and shook it with a smile.

“I have never even used my plane alt mode” 

\--------------------------

“Are you positive?” 

“Yes my Lord. The yellow one, the one Blitzwing fancys, I saw him turn from a plane to a car before my very optics!” Lugnut answered. He had just made it back to base. He had been covered with mud and branches and it looked like he had hurried back to base. He had come back and had said that he had information that would probably interest the great and glorious Decepticon leader. 

“Interesting” Megatron said and took another sip from his oil. “So the Autobots has gotten themselves another triple changer. Wasn’t stealing my one enough for them?” Megatron's voice was calm as always but his fist crushed the oilcan he had been holding into scrap metal. The oil ran between his digets and he let the crushed metal fall to the floor. Lugnut hurried to pick the trash up and remove it from his idols sight “Very curious” Megatron continued and stood up from where he had been sitting and strided over to one of his giant monitors and typed on the keyboard until he a big picture of the yellow minibot appeared on the screen. Slowly a wicked grin crept up the warlords lips as a malicious idea entered his mind. 

“How about we go and pay Blitzwing’s so dearly beloved minibot a visit?”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit!! This fic has 200+ kudos??? Where did you all come from???? I'm at a loss of words. Thank you! Thank you all for reading this fic and leaving kudos! It means a lot to me!! Thank you all!

Blitzwing and Bumblebee spent the next few days making sure that no one found out Bumblebee had been flying without Ratchets permission. By pure luck so did not many new stations mention the air fight. Maybe it was because nothing had been destroyed or because the fight had happened so high up in the air that it had been hard to follow. Either way they had been able to keep their little training session a secret from everyone except Sari. She had been browsing the internet at home and had found out. Bumblebee had to bribe her by telling her he would take her for a flight when he had gotten a bit better at the whole flying thing. Bumblebee had to be the one who took her on the flight because Blitzwing still refused to have organics in his altmode.

Sari had not only accepted the deal but had also helped them keep it a secret. They blocked news from their main computer, made sure the news didn’t play on the TV and momentarily removed every battery from every radio and said that the batteries had all “run out of energy” at the same time. It was hard and stressful work but it paid off. Some of the team was suspicious, but nobody else found out about the training session.

Bumblebee, Sari and Blitzwing was sitting on the sofa and was watching formula 1 on Tv.

“That’s dirty! Did you see him! He was trying to pry him off the road!” Bumblebee yelled and gestured towards the Tv.

“Your just upset that there is no way your car gonna win” Blitzwing answered in a snarky voice.

“He can come back! See he’s fine!” 

“You can both be quiet” Sari piped up “Everybody knows my car is way better” 

“No way!” Bumblebee answered. Bumblebee didn’t really know how to feel about watching formula 1. He liked watching the cars and it was fun to watch it with Blitzwing and Sari. But it also reminded him of his own lack of speed. 

“Can you quiet down” Ratchet groaned. He was standing a bit away and drinking some oil. “Why are you getting so excited? You don’t even know the names of the drivers. I don’t think you even know the rules” 

“Ya” Bumblebee admitted “But it’s fun”

“Ya” Sari chimed in. “It’s fun. Maybe you would like it if you gave it a chance” Ratchet glanced at the screen just in time to see one of the cars drove off the road, and crashed into a barrier. He shook his helm in disappointment.

“I became a medic to fix stuff. If I wanted to see things destroyed i would have become a warrior or a brute like Blitzwing.” Random tried to look hurt and put a servo over his spark.

“That cuts deep doc bot!” 

Ratchet just rolled his optics and was about to walk back towards the med bay when an alarm sounded. Everyone flied up from the sofa and rushed over to the monitor. Optimus, Bulkhead and Prowl came rushing out of their rooms. Both Bulkhead and Prowl looked a bit sluggish but that was probably because they had taken the night shift last night.

Ratchet pressed a button and a report appeared.

“Ratchet what’s the situation?” Optimus asked and walked next to Ratchet to look at the text himself.

Ratchet sighed.

“Lugnut again”

“Again?” Bumblebee sighed. He seemed to appear everywhere lately. Bumblebee looked around and saw that everyone was looking between him and Optimus. Bumblebee felt his faceplate blush slightly. “What?” He asked. Prowl pinched the the middle of his optics in annoyance and choose to asked the question everyone was thinking.

“Will Bumblebee be joining us?” _Oh right. _Bumblebee thought and now also turned his optics towards Optimus. He puffed up his chest a bit and tried to look as lively and strong as he could without the risk of overdoing it. _This is my chance! I can prove I can return to being a hero and not be a burden for the others!_

“I..I…” The words died before they even left Optimus mouth. Slowly the Autobot leader turned his optics towards Ratchet. Ratchet was looking sternly at him. He had put his oil down and had crossed his arms. Bumblebee looked at Ratchet annoyed and his faceplate turned to Buzzkill.

“Come on Ratchet! Tell him I can go!” He said and threw his arms out. Ratchets expression didn’t change. _Oh come on Ratchet!_

“I would want you to stay at base. I don’t want to clear you for duty just yet” Bumblebee was about to spit something out. But Blitzwing raised one of his servos, his faceplate turned back to Icy and he started talking.

“With all due respect Ratchet. What else would you have Bumblebee do before you would clear him for active duty” It looked like Ratchet was about to say something but Blitzwing just continued, not giving the mech a chance to voice his opinion. “Bumblebee can drive, move, fire his stingers, dodge. What else does he need?” Ratchet scowled at Blitzwing. He waited a moment to be sure that Blitzwing would not start talking again.

“It’s his mood swings I’m worried about. He has not been in a fight since before the change. We don’t know how it will effect him.” _ His afraid that you will be too unstable! _ No. _ You might hurt one of your teammates in the heat of the moment! _ No, stop it. _ Ratchet don’t trust you! _Bumblebee shook the thoughts out of his mind and spoke up.

“We won’t know unless you allow me to fight! If we never try we’ll never know!” Blitzwing nodded in agreement. Ratchet looked to Optimus for backup but he put his servos up, making it clear that Optimus was not gonna get involved and that this decision was between Ratchet, Bumblebee and Blitzwing. Ratchet huffed.

“Sure, he can train fighting. But maybe another time, against a villain with a lower threat level than Lugnut” Bumblebee frowned but took a deep breath. He needed to find a way to convince Ratchet to allow him to go. _ If I go I can prove that I’m not dead weight. Just have to convince him. _

“I’ll hang back. I won’t get in the way! I can attack from a distance!” Bumblebee said. He looked right into Ratchets optics trying to show that he was being genuine. _It's not exactly what I was hoping for but just letting me join in on the mission is a good start! I can start shoving that i'm capable and build from that._ His words seemed to have sparked something because it looked like Ratchet was thinking it over.

“Come on Ratchet.” Blitzwing chimed in “You have seen him move. He’ll be alright. And you have seen me fight Lugnut. Worst case scenario and I’ll take care of Lugnut myself” Optimus's coughed. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random. “With taking care of Lugnut I mean holding him down until we put cuffs on him” Optimus still gave Blitzwing the stink eye while Blitzwing tried to look as innocent as he could. His faceplate turned back to Icy. “And either way do you want to risk Bumblebee having another breakdown by leaving him at the base?”

Ratchet was silent for a moment. Considering the pros and cons of allowing Bumblebee to join them. Finally he sighed in defeat.

“Fine” Ratchet spat the words out. “He can go” Bumblebee was about to celebrate when Ratchet spoke up again “But! You’ll stand back. Only attacking at a distance. And stay out of the fray. Got it?” Ratchet stared right into Bumblebees optics. Bumblebee lifted up his servos defensively.

“You got it doc bot” Ratchet keep their optics a bit to long for Bumblebees comfort. It was like he was looking for a lie. But he finally turned his optics to Optimus and gave a short nod.

“He can go. But don't give him something too dangerous or demanding job” Optimus nodded. 

“Ya and I’ll come with too!” Sari said and held up the allspark key. “And if somethings goes wrong I'll fix you right up” It looked like Optimus wasn’t sure if Sari coming along was good or bad idea. But finally he just nodded.

“Autobots! Roll out!” He said and they all transformed except Blitzwing who still needed to leave the base before he transformed. Sari was about to walk over to Bumblebee but Ratchet stopped her.

“Sari go with Bulkhead instead” Sari raised a brow.

“Why?”

“If Bumblebee accidentally turn into his other altmode there is a risk he might crush you or shred you to pieces” Sari got worried look on her face and then scoffed.

“That won’t happen” She looked up at Blitzwing a bit more unsure “Will it?” Blitzwing just shrugged.

“I don’t know. I have never had a life form in my cockpit and transformed. So there is a possibility” Sari looked at Bumblebee. She seemed disappointed.

“Hey don’t sweat it!” Bumblebee said. “We’ll play it safe today. You can go with me another time” Sari nodded and walked instead over to Bulkhead and climbed in. Blitzwing opened the door to the base and they all drove out.

Bumblebee was forced to drive at the back of the line. The only one that was behind him was Ratchet. They didn’t want him at the front because when they ran into Lugnut they didn’t want Bumblebee to be the first bot he saw and they neither wanted him in the back incase Lugnut attacked them from the back with a sneak attack. In the air was Blitzwing, flying directly over them. Optimus opened his comm link.

“Blitzwing can you see him?” Immediately Blitzwing answered.

“I can see him. Just two more turns”

“Good. Keep an eye on him. What is he doing?” Blitzwing went quiet for a bit before talking again.

“Nothing” The rest of the team took their first turn.

“Nothing?” Bulkhead asked surprised. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean...Nothing. He’s just standing there” Optimus stopped and turned into his bot mode right before the last turn. He had a concerned look on his faceplate.

“Everyone stop” Everyone stopped closely behind him and transformed. Bulkhead let Sari jump out and then he too transformed to his bot mode. Blitzwing stayed in the air and started circled them from above instead of joining them on the ground.

“What’s up Boss bot?” Bumblebee asked. 

“Something's wrong” Optimus answered.

“I feel it too” Prowl agreed. “Something is...off” Optimus nodded in agreement.

“We should tread carefully. It feels like we’re walking into a trap” 

“A trap? What kind of-” That's when they heard a loud bang from above them. They looked up and saw that Blitzwing had made a quick turn and was now no longer circling around them. Soon after they heard an explosion further into the city. 

Optimus turned on his comms again.

“Blitzwing! What’s happening?!” He asked. They heard another loud bang and saw a laser just barely miss Blitzwing. Blitzwing didn’t have to answer because just then they saw what was happening and who was firing at him. Megatron appeared. From his helicopter mode he shot another laser, now towards the Autobots on the ground and the team was forced to jump out of the way. 

Bumblebee threw himself forward. He landed and rolled on the dusty ground, that earned him some couple of scrapes. His audio receptors rang slightly but that quickly disappeared and he slowly stood back up. Bumblebee looked around. He saw that Bulkhead and Ratchet had both jumped and rolled similar to himself, Prowl had grabbed Sari and had simply jumped out of the way and had graciously landed on his peds, Optimus had tried to run and had been hit by some debris but was fine.

He looked around and saw that they now was in the middle of the road and further up it stood Lugnut. 

Bumblebee heard the sound of a helicopter and saw Megatron in his altmode had started slowly descending next to Lugnut. Megatron transformed and landed on the ground, kicking up dust and making the ground shake.He had a smile on his faceplate that made Bumblebees tanks turn. Right after Megatron landed so came Blitzwing out of the air as well. He landed right in front of Bumblebee with a similar heavy thud. He stood in front of Bumblebee, giving him at least a little cover and held out one arm signalling to Bumblebee to stay behind him.

Bumblebee looked up at Blitzwings faceplate. His faceplate was stern and his optics focused. He was staring daggers at Megatron. He was looking at him like he was the only thing in the whole world. His jaw was tight and he was gritting his denta. His was tensing his whole frame and his servos had turned into so tight fists so Bumblebee was worried something would brake. He had lowered his cannons and they were at the edge of firing.

Bumblebee took out his stingers and stood in a battle formation and so did also the rest of the Autobots. Megatron just stood there calmly. He glanced over the team scanning the members of team Autobots one by one. He was in no way in a hurry and it looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. He was not even in a battle stance and just kept his arms to the side. Then his optics landed on Bumblebee and to Bumblebees horror so did he not take his optics off him. His optics turned to one of his new wings and and the malicious smile slightly widen.

Blitzwing in response moved a little trying to hide Bumblebee behind him. That made Megatron remove his optics from the minibot and he instead stared directly into Blitzwings optics. Megatron kept his stupid smile on his faceplate but his optics showed signs of disgust. Bumblebee saw a shiver run through Blitzwings frame. He saw that his servos was slightly shaking, of rage or fear he didn't know, but he saw that Blitzwing was trying his very best to hide it. Megatron let out a dark chuckle.

“So it’s true” His voice was dangerous and full of malice but it still kept that weird kind of elegance to it. It sent a shiver through all the Autobots. “Did you feel lonely being the only three faced freak Blitzwing?” He taunted. Blitzwing let out a dark growl. 

“Did you do this?” Blitzwing voice was dark and full of cold hatred. If Bumblebee didn’t trust Blitzwing as much as he did he would have been afraid to be this close to him. Megatron just kept smiling, unfazed by Blitzwing threatening tone.

“Did I do what? You need to be more specific my dear Blitzwing” Blitzwing stomped a ped in the ground which made the ground shake again which nearly threw Bumblebee of his and his peds and his faceplate turned to Hothead.

“I’m not playing your games! Did you turn him into a triple changer?!” 

Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing and then at Megatron and he felt his own rage bubble up. _ What if he did it? All of this, all this pain and suffering might be his fault! _

Megatron made some “tsk” sounds.

“So aggressive. Didn’t you learn anything from when i discipline you?” Bumblebee saw Blitzwings frame shivered again. His breathing stopped for a second. He quickly tried to hide his reaction but Megatron had already seen it. His optics lit up and he spoke again. “You got a new triple changer now. Have you teached him to control himself just like i _ teached _you?” Bumblebee saw Blitzwing frame shake and that snapped his faceplate to Buzzkill and his wings raised into an aggressive position.

“Shut up you overgrown parasite!” Bumblebee screamed at the warlord. Megatron turned his optics from Blitzwing back to Bumblebee.

“Bumblebee. Be quiet” Optimus whispered. “Don’t draw attention to yourself” But it was to late. Bumblebee was on the warpath. _ No one gets to treat my conjux like that on my watch! _

“Did you do this to me!?” Bumblebee tried to step around Blitzwing, but Blitzwing moved a bit, still giving Bumblebee cover and hindering him from moving forward. Bumblebee stopped and decided just to continue shouting from behind Blitzwing despite his teammates worried expressions.

“Spit it out you slag eater! Do you have anything to do with this?!” Bumblebee gestured towards his entire frame. Then he felt servo slap over his mouth. He looked behind him and saw that it was Ratchet who was covering his mouth. He looked very angry. 

“Shut off your voice box kid.” He hissed. His eyes was both angry and worried. Bumblebee mumbled in protest and tried to remove the servo from his mouth.

Optimus left the place he had been standing and took two steps closer towards the warlord. Megatron's optics once again shifted from the for the moment mute minibot and he instead observed the Autobot leader.

“What do you want Megatron?” Optimus said. His voice confident, similar to that of a police officer. 

“Why would i want something?” Megatron said in faked confusion.

“You are not attacking us. At least not yet. There must be a reason for that”. Optimus explained. Megatron's optics lit up. It looked liked Optimus just had said the words he had been waiting for.

“Oh I just wanted to see how your new triple changer was doing. I was interested to see if it was faring better than my defective traitorous one” Bumblebee grabbed, clawed and tried to pull off Ratchets servos from his mouth. When none of that worked he licked Ratchets servo. Ratchet pulled off his servo and looked at it disgust and then angrily at Bumblebee.

“Bee-” He didn’t get any further because Bumblebee once again started to scream at the Decepticon leader.

“Blitzwings not yours! He is his own mech! You don’t own him you scrapheap!” Megatron let out a dark laugh and his optics turned towards the ex-Decepticon.

“Oh isn’t that cute. The little minibot is protecting you. Oh how the mighty Blitzwing as fallen. Reduced to a pathetic mech that needs a minibot to answer for you” Bumblebee was about to scream back at him but Blitzwing spoke up first.

“Bumblebee” His voice was strained. He was trying his best to not make his voice shaky and not to sound angry at Bumblebee, but it was clear he was having a hard time doing it. Bumblebee looked up at him. He was not looking at him, he didn’t dare to turn his back on Megatron for even a second. “Thank you for standing up for me. But let me fight my own battles. ” Megatron just continued to have his stupid smirk on his faceplate.

Optimus spoke up again, trying to draw Megatron's attention and make him leave Blitzwing and Bumblebee alone.

“I don’t believe that you only came here to check on Bumblebee. There must be more to it” Megatron completely ignored him and turned his optics to Bumblebee instead.

“How does it feel? How does it feel to be a three faced freak?” Bumblebees whole frame started shaking. He should have been scared but there was not a single hint of fear in him. There was only rage. _ He did it! He did it! Look at him, look at how’s he acting! He did it and now he has come to rub it in my faceplate! _

“Did you do it?! Did you turn me into a triple changer?!” Bumblebees scream was full of anger. Bumblebees optics were screaming murder and his stinger started to spark with electricity. _ He did it! Everything is his fault and he regrets nothing of it! This is all his fault! Force him to fix it! To fix this, fix me! This might be our only chance to learn how we can turn back! _

Megatron saw the dangerous stare Bumblebee was directing towards him. He didn’t flinch. No he almost looked...amused.

“Maybe, maybe not. So what if I did? What would you do minibot?” He said darkly.

Bumblebee gritted his denta and without thinking he yelled out.

“I’ll offline you!”

It was like all his other emotions had disappeared and had only left rage behind. Not even the normal intrusive thoughts that taunted him was still there. Instead he only felt anger and the only thoughts bouncing around his processor was telling him to act.

“Bumblebee.” Optimus said to him sternly and a bit suprised. Megatron let out a laugh.

“Offline me? Oh I would like to see you try. You. Offline me?” He scoffed. “I don’t think you got the guts.” Bumblebee growled.

“He’s just trying to agitate you Bee” Prowl piped up. “Don’t fall for it” But it fell on death audio receptors. All Bumblebee could focus on was that stupid, taunting smile on Megatron's faceplate.

“You’re just a pathetic, short, stupid, weak, unstable waste of space” Megatron continued. He paused for a moment before taking great pleasure letting the last part slip out of his mouth.”...Just like that disgusting conjux of yours.” His voice was like dark poison. That comment was the straw that broke the camel's back. 

Bumblebee let out a feral scream and he stepped around Blitzwing and rushed towards Megatron. Bumblebee could hear his team scream after him. Blitzwing froze in place and was only able to stare as Bumblebee ran towards his greatest enemy. 

Bumblebee shot a couple of bolts towards Megatron. Lugnut immediately stepped in the way taking the hits for him. Lugnut took off, sprinting towards him. Bumblebee saw him coming. He should have turned back but his mind was just focused on one thing, Megatron. He saw Lugnut coming and that he raised his servo ready to use the punch. Bumblebee transformed to his car mode and drove as fast as he could towards him. Lugnut seemed to get surprised by this. It looked like Bumblebee was going to ram right into him but at the last second he turned to his bot mode and sledded between Lugnuts legs and then was about to continue his sprint towards Megatron.

“Bee!” Blitzwings scream cut through Bumblebees raging mind. It was a terrifying and bone chilling sound. Not because he sounded angry, no it was not that kind of scream. It was that kind of scream animals let out in mortal fear. Bumblebee didn’t understand it at first, but he soon found out why Blitzwing sounded like his spark was being teared out of his chest.

What Bumblebee hadn’t realised was that Megatron had moved. He had been hidden from Bumblebee vision behind Lugnuts large frame and was now just about one meter from Bumblebee and that threw him off. Bumblebee had barely the time to look up and he felt his whole frame go cold and his faceplate switched to Jitterbug and his fear finally returned to his mind.

He saw Megatron. His faceplate was now neutral and expressionless. He seemed nearly...disappointed. He looked a lot bigger this close and Bumblebee had too look directly up to even see anything more than his legs. He was blocking out the sun making Bumblebee stand in his giant shadow. He was used to feeling small but nothing could compare quite like to how small he was feeling at this moment. He felt like a mouse looking right up at a lion. Bumblebee saw that Megatron had raised his fist and was about to get a direct hit on him.

Bumblebee tried to jump out of the way but he tripped over his large peds. He landed on his stomach and felt the air leave his vents. He quickly glanced over his shoulder. It felt like everything went abnormally fast and slow at the same time. It felt like a split second had gone by, but also an eternity. Everything was deathly quiet and Bumblebee could hear his own frantic beating spark. He heard how the air whistle as Megatrons fist came closer towards him. The last thing he remembered was feeling his whole frame scream in pain and how a cry of fear and agony left his mouth.

And then everything turned black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Megatron: Vibe check


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has a mental/nervous breakdown in it. I have written XXXX before it starts and XXXX again when it ends, so you can just skip the part in between if you don't want to read it!

Blitzwing was just staring at the scene before him. He was frozen in place. He saw how Megatron's fist had connected with Bumblebees small frame but it was like his processor didn’t want to believe what was happening in front of him was real. His whole frame felt numb and it felt more like he had watched it all go down on Tv instead of right before his optics. It was kind of like that nightmare he had that night he came back to base with triple changer Bumblebee. It was like he was stuck as an onlooker, and all he could do was to stand there and watch it all play out while he helplessly looked on.

All of the Autobots stood still in shock. None of them had been prepared for Bumblebees attempt to rush Megatron so nobody had the time to try to stop him. The battle field was deathly quiet, you could hear a pin drop. It was like even the bird songs and the wind had stopped, holding their breaths in anticipation.

Slowly Megatron lifted and opened his fist and curled his digits around the yellow minibot and lifted him up in front of his optics and smiled. Bumblebee was limp like a rag doll and made no movements. 

Blitzwing felt his spark scream in pain. Not physical but it hurt so much it might as well have been. It felt like it was tearing itself apart inside his chest.

Sari was the first one of them to get her voice back.

“Let go off him!” She screamed. Prowl who was still holding her took a tighter grip around her, like he was afraid she would try to pull a similar stunt like the one Bumblebee just did. Megatron completely ignored her but her scream was able to shake Optimus from his statue like state.

“Realise him at once Megatron!” Optimus demanded. Megatron removed his optics from Bumblebees unmoving frame and looked at Optimus.

“I think this is more than just” He said in an amused voice. “You took my triple changer. So now you have two and I have none. That's not fair. I think I’ll keep this one and even the odds” He said and violently shook Bumblebee.

That snapped Blitzwings processor awake and he realised what was going on in front of him was happening in real time. He was not an onlooker. He was there, he could do something. He had to do something. His emotions boiled in him and all the fear he had for Megatron melted and his rage took its place. He made no attempt to calm down or hold onto his logic or reasonable side of his personality.

“Hurt him and I’ll rip your helm off and crush it under my ped in front of Lugnuts weeping optics!” He screamed. Megatron smiled at him.

“Why are you angry? You should thank me. Did you see how reckless he was just now. It’s clear to me that you don’t have any idea of how to handle him. But don’t worry. He’s in good capable servos now. I’ll teach him to control that pesky personality of his. Just like I have done before.”

Blitzwing moved. His processor hadn’t told him too. This was more like and instinct than a concuss decision. He ran towards Megatron and his mind was only telling him one thing :_ Save Bumblebee at all cost. _

Lugnut tried to get in his way. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Icy and a blast of Ice from his cannons hit both of Lugnuts servos. He then tackled him to the ground before running over his frame and continuing forward. He heard the rest of the Autobots yell something behind him but his processor didn’t register it. It just repeated that thought. _ Save Bumblebee at all cost. _

Megatron hadn’t had the time to move and Blitzwing tackled right into him and pushed his back into a building. The windows of the skyscraper shattered and a rain of glass fell over them.

Blitzwing tried to reach for Bumblebee but got a punched right to his stomach. It should have hurted more but Blitzwing barely noticed it. The nearly drugged like feeling of battle had taken over him.He grabbed the servo Megatron had punched him with and pressed it against the wall. He tried with his other servo to once again reach for Bumblebee. Megatron kneed Blitzwings stomach. This time Blitzwing nearly purged but was just barely able to keep it down. Blitzwing was forced to keep the servo he wasn't holding Megatron's servo with free so he could stop Megatron from kneeing him again. His processor was running wild.

_ I need to get Bumblebee! But how?! I don’t have any servos left, and I can’t use my cannons this close, I might hurt Bumblebee! Think! Think! _

That's when an idea hit him. He didn’t get any time to think it over, it just popped up and he acted on it. His faceplate turned to Random. He moved his helm forward and embedded his jagged denta right into Megatron's neck cables.

He had come at a weird angel and had missed all vital parts of Megatron's throat but if he dug his denta deep enough there was still a chance he might hit something. He bit down as hards as he could, feeling Megatron's neck dent and puncture under his denta. Soon he could taste energon on his glossa and that only made him bite down harder. He felt Megatron struggle to realise his servo and tried to knee him but Blitzwing stopped his knees from hitting him and kept a strong grip around Megatron's wrist.

He then felt a fist connect with the side of his helm. Megatron had punched him with the servo which was still holding Bumblebee. Blitzwing felt the pain spread across his face plate. His audio receptors rang. His frame screamed at him to let go but his processor overridden the pain with just one thought. _ Save Bumblebee at all cost. _

He bit down harder. He looked up a bit and meet Megatron's optics. He was not smiling anymore. He was gritting his denta in pain and he was trying to hide his anger. Blitzwing felt his denta sink down deeper into the neck cables. Megatron punched Blitzwing again. Blitzwing felt his faceplate dent but he just bit down harder. Another punch, this time one of Blitzwings denta broke off. The pain was strong but he just answered with digging his remaining denta down deeper into Megatron's neck. Blitzwing kept optic contact with Megatron.

_ This will only end in two ways Megatron. Either you’ll realise Bumblebee and pry my remaining denta out of your neck. Or I will continue to bite down until one of us goes offline. And it ain’t gonna be me. _

Megatron seemed to realise the same thing as he with an angry huff hurled Bumblebee away. He immediately grabbed Blitzwings faceplate and started to try to pry his denta off his neck. Blitzwing felt his denta leave Megatron's neck, but he was not gonna let him off that easy. 

Before Megatron got a chance to completely pull him out Blitzwing snapped his helm to the side. He felt a large piece of Megatron's neck come with him. Megatron huffed in pain and punched Blitzwing so hard he had to realise his grip of Megatron's wrist and stumbled a couple of feet backwards. 

He spited the metal that had been a part of Megatron's neck just moments ago on the ground and wiped some energon from his mouth. Megatron put a servo to his neck and tried to stop it from leaking energion. Blitzwing shot his cannons, freezing Megatron's peds in ice.

Blitzwing then looked around to see if he could detect were Bumblebee had landed and saw him lying on the ground a bit away. Blitzwing took off towards him as fast as his peds could take him. He could hear his spark pulsing but also a nearly sparking sound and he felt a wave of pain wash over him.

He stumbled and ended up dropping onto one knee. His right wing had been hit and the pain was immense. He turned his sight towards the wing to asses the damaged and his optics went large. About ⅓ of his wing had been completely blown off. But Blitzwing didn't have much time to focus on his damaged wing because the very next moment he heard the sound of ice breaking. 

He felt something hit his back with such impact he smacked into the pavement. He felt pressure on his back but it soon disappeared. He looked forward and saw Megatron. He had attacked Blitzwing from behind, walked over him and was now close to where Bumblebee was laying. Blitzwings faceplate switched to Hothead.

“Don’t you fragging dare! I’ll rip your spark out!” He screamed and hastly got back up on his peds. The pain from his damaged wing pulsed throughout his frame but he pushed through it as he started sprinting towards Bumblebee. 

But he was too slow. Megatron reached Bumblebee first. He grabbed a hold of one of his arms and activated his thrusters. Megatron blasted up in the air and dread washed over Blitzwing. Every equation to what would happen if Megatron got Bumblebee had a bad ending. Megatron would at best treat Bumblebee as he had treated Blitzwing and at worst...Blitzwing didn’t even know what. Everytime his processor came up with something, something even worse turned up. 

He looked up at Megatron. His wing was gone so he could not fly himself, so Megatron was out of reach, but he needed to do something. He soon realised that there was no safe option so he just had to do his best and hope it was enough.

He transformed into his tank alt mode and sent off a shot towards the warlord. The shot his Megatron clean in the chest and sent him crashing into one of the skyscrapers. Megatron hit the wall and Bumblebee fell out of his servo. Blitzwing transformed back and ran towards the building. He saw Bumblebee falling in the air. He was not gonna be fast enough. He threw himself onto the ground and sledded and was just in time to catch Bumblebee and save him from hitting the hard ground. He sat up on his knees and held Bumblebee close to his chest.

“It’s okay. I got you” He whispered “I’ll prote-” His voice was suddenly cut off as an arm went around his neck and pulled him into a choke hold. Blitzwing switched so he held Bumblebee in just one arm, with the other he shoved his elbow right into his attackers side. He heard a grunt of pain and the grip around his neck loosend a bit. 

He threw himself forward so he landed on his elbows and knees on the ground. He held Bumblebee tight to his chest, protecting him with his entire frame. He felt a sharp pain at his side as he was kicked he flew a bit forward, and rolled on the ground until he stopped on his side. 

He now had a clear view of Megatron. His chest plate had a mark and had buckled slightly, energion was running down from his neck painting it pink.

He walked over and grabbed Blitzwings cannons and bent them so much that they no longer could fire. Blitzwing could do nothing about it. He had pulled his legs up to try to give Bumblebee extra cover so the only limb he could pretty much move at the moment was his helm and neck.

After destroying Blitzwing cannons so tried Megatron pry out Bumblebee from his grasp. Blitzwing hissed and tried to bite his servo. Megatron responded with grabbing Blitzwing damaged wings and twisting the metal. Blitzwing bit down his denta so hard he could, not wanting to scream out in pain in front of Megatron.

Megatron continued to try to take Bumblebee away from Blitzwing but he held him in a death grip. Megatron tisked again and moved back a bit and raised his cannon. It started glowing as it charged up and it got pointed right at Blitzwings helm.

“Disappointing”He said in a bored voice. But that all he got to say before a black car came flying and smacked right into the warlord. Megatron was sent flying and landed hard on the ground.

Blitzwing turned his helm towards the direction the car had came from and saw Ratchet with his magnets out. He lifted up another car from the sidewalk and sent it flying towards Megatron. This time Megatron was prepared for it and rolled out of the way and stood up. Rage was burning in his optics.

A rage filled scream rang out in the battle field and Blitzwing saw that Lugnut had broken free from the rest of the team and was running towards his leader. He looked better than Megatron, just small dents and cuts nothing as terrible looking as Megatron's neck wound. He ran right up to him and looked horrified at the leaking wound on his great and glorious leaders neck.

“Oh great Lord Megatron! You’re hurt!” He then snapped his helm towards the Autobot team. “How dare you! You are not worthy to harm the great and glorious Megatron! I’ll have all your helms placed on sticks as a reminder of what happens when you try to harm our rightful leader, you-” 

“Lugnut.” Megatron cut in.His voice cold and unfeeling. Lugnut immediately stood at attention.

“Yes my lord?”

“Were heading back” And with that Megatron transformed and blasted off without another word. Lugnut hurried to do the same and tried his best to keep up with his idol.

As fast it was clear they was retreating so ran Ratchet up to Blitzwing and shook him slightly searching for his optics.

“Kid, are you okay?” Blitzwing meet his optics and forced his arms to let go of Bumblebee. His battle high state had not lessened so his frame didn’t quit want to do what he told it to. His instinct to protect Bumblebee was still pumping around his systems. But he also was aware that the danger was gone and that Ratchet could do more for Bumblebee than himself at this moment.

“Bee. Help Bee.” He responded. Ratchet nodded and took Bumblebee out of Blitzwings arms and laid him down on the ground and started to treat him, but it was mostly to make sure that Bumblebee didn’t go offline before Sari made it with the key.

Bumblebees whole frame had gotten a bit flatter like he had been in a hydraulic press. His frame was full of dents and some parts of his frame was just missing. One of his legs were bent in an awkward angle and one of his arms looked unsavable. He was also covered in dust, glass and he had clear digit marks from where Megatron had grabbed him. 

Blitzwing forced himself to sit up. That earned him a wave of pain but he once again pushed through it.

“Is he online?!” He asked, his voice slightly shaking.

“He’s online. He has a hell of a spark, he won’t go down so easily” Ratchet said while not looking up, fully concentraiting on Bumblebee. Blitzwing raised his helm and saw that Prowl was running towards them with Sari in his arms. Blitzwing felt his faceplate switch.

“Hurry! What’s taking you so long?!” His spark was pulsing. Blitzwing carefully lifted Bumblebees helm and put one of his servos under it like a makeshift pillow. He shot Ratchet a glance to see if he was going to protest against the action but Ratchet didn’t utter a single word. Blitzwing looked down at Bumblebee again.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You're okay” He wasn’t sure if it was saying it to Bumblebee or if he was trying to comfort himself.

Blitzwing whole frame shook of unrealised energy. Anger and need for battle that hadn’t left him yet, unrealised feelings that hadn't gotten out yet. He tried to keep the energy at low output now that he had nothing to realise it on, but i wouldn’t quite leave him. But his thoughts started make their way back to him and the pain from the fight started to make themselves known.

_ I was the one who persuaded Ratchet to let him go on the mission. If I had said that he shouldn’t have gone he would not have gotten hurt. Not only did I fail to protect him, I also was the reason he got hurt. _

Blitzwing felt the sorrow tear in his spark. It was overpowering, so strong, he had no idea what to do with it all. So he just did as he always did. He turned the aching sadness to burning rage. But that was not much better because he still had nowhere to realise it. He couldn’t leave Bumblebee and fly away and his stress release balls and similar stuff he had in his and Bumblebees room was not available right now. So his only option was to keep the rage on the inside. Blitzwing felt the rage get pressed into a compact ball in his spark and tried to hold it under lock and key. But he could feel it pulsing. It was like a ticking time bomb that could explode at any minute. 

Prowl ran up beside Blitzwing and let Sari down. Sari ran as quickly as she could she jumped up on top of Bumblebees frame and stuck the key into Bumblebee and turned. The whole area filled with bright light and Blitzwing was forced to close his optics. When he opened them so was Bumblebees frame as good as new. He was still a triple changer, but his frame no longer looked like it was ready for the scrap yard. Bumblebee sleepily opened his optics.

“W-what is…”

Sari just barley was able to jump off Bumblebee before Blitzwing took a hold of him and hugged him tight to his chest. “Wow...Take it easy Blitzy...There is enough of me for every…” Bumblebees optics closed again and he leaned his helm on Blitzwing shoulder. Blitzwing got terrified for a minute and pulled Bumblebee off him and looked him over. But immediately felt relief when he saw that Bumblebee had just fallen into recharge. Blitzwing tucked Bumblebee close to his chest plate and just looked down at his recharging faceplate. 

The rest of the team had now made it up to them. Optimus looked at the recharging Bumblebee in Blitzwings arms and let out a sigh of relief. Sari turned towards Blitzwing.

“Your turn big guy” She said. Prowl lifted her up so that she was tall enough to insert the key. She turned it and the light rang out once more and soon was Blitzwing back in perfect shape. Prowl then moved her so she could also use the key on Blitzwings damaged cannons.

Optimus looked around the team.

“Is everybody else okay?” 

“Only dents” Prowl answered “Nothing critical” Bulkhead nodded in agreement.

“Nothing self repair can’t fix”

“We need to get Bumblebee back to base.” Blitzwing cut in and stood up straight.

“That sounds like a good idea.There still the risk that Megatron and Lugnut might return” Optimus agreed. “Let's go back to base and regroup”

That was all Blitzwing had to hear.He activated his thruster and flew straight up into the air and made a beeline towards the base before anyone could stop him.

It was dark when he got back to the base.

He was the first one back. Once he got in so did he walk directly towards his and Bumblebees room. He opened the door and walked towards the berth, he didn't even bother to turn the light on. He then like a fragile vase he put Bumblebee on top of the berth. He made sure he was laying as comfortable as possible. He then just sat at the side of the berth whilst holding Bumblbees smaller servo in his. 

He felt that ball of rage in his chest burn. Blitzwing looked around the room and started to search for things who could calm his rage. He tried several difrent items meant to quell his anger. But no matter of what he tried so did the rage not change the slightest. It just kept burning, like a fire that refused to be put out. He was angry at everything that had happened. He was angry that he let and convinced Ratchet to let Bumblebee go on the mission, he was angry at himself for not stoping Bumblebee, he was angry at Megatron for several reason. It was so much, the time bomb like rage in his chest just kept ticking.

He didn’t know how much time had gone by when he heard the sound of engines and the the sound of transforming.

“Blitzwing? Bumblebee?” It was Optimus. Blitzwing looked down at Bumblebee and saw that he was still recharging peacefully. He stood up and kissed Bumblebee on the helm. Bumblebees faceplate changed to Bubble and a small giggle escaped his mouth. Blitzwing stroke Bumblebee cheek and then walked towards the door.Before he left, he gave Bumblebee on last look before he walked out and slowly closed the door. He let out a sigh before walking into the living room. There was all the rest of the team waiting for him.

The room was quiet. Everyone just kind of stood around not sure what to do or to say. Finally Optimus spoke up.

“I’m sure everyone is tired and a bit on edge from today's fight but if think we must talk about Bumblebee” Bulkhead looked at Optimus kind of confused.

“Talk about Bumblebee? Talk about what?” Ratchet sighed and spoke up.

“Bumblebee has been acting weird for a long time. I know that some of it might be from the change but there is more to it. And he has a hard time controlling his faceplates and emotions. Look at what happen today and what happened the last mission when he was left at base”. 

“That’s to be expected.” Blitzwing growled. “I warned you about that stuff like this might happen” Ratchet glared at him.

“You knew and you were still on the side to let him come with.” Blitzwing felt the rage pulse threatening to break free. _ No, this is not the time. _He told himself and crossed his arms over his chest. Blitzwing wasn’t sure how he was going to respond to Ratchets comment, but he didn’t need to because Optimus spoke up.

“Ratchet don’t blame Blitzwing.” His voice was serious “There was no way for him to know that this was gonna happen” Ratchet scowled.

“That might be true, but there was ways to hinder this from happening. He need to learn how to control his faceplates as quickly as possible unless we want something like this happening again” Optimus nodded.

“Yes, I agree with you. But if it’s like Blitzwing is saying it’s gonna take time.” Ratchet frowned.

“That might also be true, but are we even sure that his way of teaching is working?” Blitzwing felt his spark sink. To his horror he realised where this conversation was going and he didn't like it one bit. He started absentmindedly to rub his neck. Bulkhead looked confused and spoke up.

“What do you mean Ratchet?” Ratchet looked at Bulkhead and the turned towards Blitzwing.

“He said so himself. He was not gonna teach Bumblebee to control himself as he was taught.” Blitzwing felt the rage pulse again. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think that Blitzwings emotional control is something to write home about but i must admit that he can control himself better than Bumblebee at the moment. We don’t even know if Blitzwings way of teaching works, but we know for a fact that the Decepticon way worked.” Optimus frowned.

“Are you suggesting we are going to use a Decepticon technique?” Ratchet threw his arms out.

“Why not? If it worked before, why wouldn't it work now?” 

“We’re not teaching Bumblebee the Decepticon way” Blitzwing snapped trying his best to not shout. Optimus nodded in agreement.

“I don’t think I would feel comfortable doing things the Decepticon way. Decepticons are not exactly known to do things in a...." Optimus gestured aimlessly looking for the right words.

"In a way that is not disturbing" Prowl finished. 

“That might be true" Ratchet agreed "But we don’t even know what the technique is. If it is as bad as Blitzwing is saying so can we tweak it or something similar” Blitzwing felt his rage grow and grow. His self control was quickly running dry and he felt the time bomb inside him was just seconds away from exploding.

“There is nothing to “tweak”! We are not doing it!” He screamed making everyone in the room jump. Ratchet turned and faced the fuming triple changer.

“Why not?! You haven't even told us how you did it! You just keep it to yourself and get angry when we bring it up. Just tell us!” Blitzwing growled he felt that he was on the very edge of exploding. 

“That’s my knowledge and mine alone! There is nothing to tweak, there is nothing to borrow or take from it! Just let it go!” Blitzwing saw that it was not only him that had gotten angrier. He saw now clearly that Ratchet too had been standing on that edge and he just walked off it.

“You just gonna keep the knowledge to yourself and not even tell us?! Are you just expecting us to trust that you’re telling the truth, that the decepticon way is “so bad”? Why would we take your word for it?!” Blitzwing started breathing more heavily. Optimus cut in.

“Blitzwing” Both Ratchet and Blitzwing snapped their helms towards him. “If it’s as bad as you telling us we will not use it. But it would be for the best if you just told us so we knew that the Decepticon way is not an option” Blitzwing calmed a little, or his rage did at least did not grow stronger. _ I can trust them right? If I just told them they would let it go. _Blitzwing opened his mouth but felt a wave of bad memories sweep through his mind and he immediately shut them out. Opening that door and letting all of those memories inside his mind was just asking to have a break down. He had just barely thought of it and the pain from remembering had already made him feel sick. He gritted his denta and turned away his optics and looked at the ground.

“No. I won’t tell you.” He said. He heard a big huff.

“See Optimus” Ratchet said and walked right up to Blitzwing so they were just about one meter away from each other. Blitzwing slowly turned his optics so he was staring right into Ratchets. “We trusted him, we let him into our base and brand him as our own and this is our thanks. He keeps valuable information to himself, why? Because he likes to watch us struggle and be in pain” Ratchet hissed.

“Ratchet. He said no. Let it go” Optimus tried but Ratchet was no longer listening. 

“You like it don’t you? Watching us struggle. But that's to be expected of an ex-con, you feed of pain like the leach you are. You’re probably glad Bumblebee got hurt you sadist!”

Blitzwing looked at Ratchet while his processor processed what he had just said. _ You’re probably glad Bumblebee got hurt. _ He felt his fist shake and his optics narrowed, he gritted his denta so hard they were at risk of breaking. _ Your probably glad Bumblebee got hurt. _ Those words had been like pouring gasoline on a fire. He tried to hold on to that thread of self control. But it was quickly slipping out of his servos. And then he heard it again.That dark echo from his past. _ Don’t hold back. Rage and destruction is in your programming after all. _ He couldn't hold on. The thread slipped through his digits and he went off the deep end.

“Ratchet-” Optimus started but he got interrupted by Blitzwing punching his fist straight through one of the bases outer walls.

“DON’T YOU DARE SAY I ENJOY THIS!” His voice was loud and filled with a feral like rage. “DON’T YOU FRAGGING DARE SAY THAT I ENJOY ANY OF THIS YOU BURNOUT! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE EVEN ASKING FOR?!” His voice was deafening. No one had seen Blitzwing like this before. Not even like a Decepticon had they seen him this angry. Everyone in the base looked at him and worry was written over their faceplates. This was all of his bad emotions, all his sadness, guilt, it was all coming out at the same time in the form of screaming in rage at Ratchet. But Ratchet didn’t step down.

“I don’t know what I’m asking for because you won’t tell us!” Blitzwing took a step forward making the whole base shake and causing Sari fall over because of the tremor.

“DO YOU WANT BUMBLEBEE TO LIKE THE FEELING OF BATTLE?! DO YOU WANT HIM TO WATCH A SPARK GET SNUFFED OUT AND SMILE?! DO YOU WANT HIM TO FEAR YOU FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE?! DO YOU WANT HIM TO SUFFER?!” Ratchet looked at Blitzwing in surprise. He seemed to have lost his train of thought. But Blitzwing continued. “THAT’S WHAT YOUR ASKING FOR! NOW SHOVE OFF!” He shoved Ratchet hard. He stumbled backwards but Bulkhead was able to catch him before he hit the floor. Blitzwings frame was shaking with emotions he didn’t know what to do with. Everything he had put away or tried to ignore was now all coming back at the same time.

He looked around and saw that everyone was staring at him. He needed to go. He needed to leave. He didn’t know where but he just couldn’t stay here. He felt like a bird in a cage desperately flapping its wings trying to get through the bars. He was also afraid, afraid that the walls of the base was not the only thing he would get damaged if he stayed with the rest of the team.

He walked past everyone and made his way towards the door. No one dared to try to stop him. He looked at the door. His rage burned and in a sign of frustration he punched the top of the door frame. His fist went through and he teared in the metal above it until he made the hole large enough so he just could walk out without crouching. When he got out, he slammed the door close making the windows shake.

His spark was screaming in pain and he was unsure what to do. He could feel tears start to run out of his optics no matter how much he tried to stop it. There was no point, he couldn’t contain it anymore. He had broken under the weight. 

XXXX

The tears just ran down and he started to breath heavier. His frame grew cold and started to shake violently, It was like someone had thrown him into freezing ice water. He was about to transform but then he remembered he was not allowed to leave. Blackarachnia was still out there, and he couldn’t leave Bumblebee. He didn’t know what to do. 

He fell down onto his knees and then onto his elbows. He tried to hide his faceplate incase someone came out of the base and saw him. His tears just ran like a river from his optics down his cheeks before dropping off his chin and onto the ground. His breathing got heavier, but it was not enough. His feeling continued to swarm in him and they pushed from the inside, begging him to let him the out. 

Blitzwing took a deep breath and just screamed. 

He just screamed, he didn’t even try to make it resemble words. It was just a feral scream of hopelessness, rage, sadness and agony. He screamed until he needed to breath. Then he stopped for barely a second before screaming again. His digits curled into the pavement like he tried to hold onto something, something to ground himself with. He continued to scream. He screamed until his voice box hurt and he nearly lost his voice entirely. He slammed his fist into the pavement so hard it hurt. He slammed his fist down, again and again and again, ignoring the pain. He then felt something hot and wet run over them. He barely gave them a glance and saw that both his knuckles was bruised and leaking energion. He stopped hitting the ground and instead just curled his servos into tight fists. 

XXXX

It felt like ages had gone by, but finally the screaming stopped. He continued to cry and his whole frame was still shaking. He felt so tired, he didn’t know where the energy came from that let him continue crying. His storming sea of emotions in his mind finally started to calm down and he felt his self control reasemble.

Slowly he sat up onto his knees. His tears slowly dried up by themselves. He tilted his helm upwards and saw the sea full of stars.They were as beautiful as alway. He watched them mostly because he had nothing else to do. His frame stoped shaking and the cold feeling in his frame was slowly disappearing.

He heard the door to the base open. He quickly wiped away his tears, trying to hide that he had been crying.

“Can I come out?” It was Optimus. “Or do you want some more time alone?” He asked carefully. It didn’t sound like he was afraid but more like he was testing the ground.

“Do what you want” Blitzwing answered. His voice was shaky, hoarse and barely audible. But Optimus heard him well enough. He walked up and stood next to Blitzwing. Optimus didn’t look at him and instead joined him in his star gazing. 

Optimus spoke up. “Thank you for not leaving and following my rule about not going alone” Blitzwing just continued to look at the stars for a while without responding.

“I don’t want you to suffer” He said, trying to keep his voice steady. “But I won’t talk about it. And even if I would so wouldn’t it make any difference.” Blitzwing wasn’t sure how to feel about Optimus standing with him when he was so vulnerable, but there was not much he could do about it now. He had said it was okay for him to be here so he had live with his decision.

For the first time Optimus turned towards him. He slowly stretched out a servo towards the big mech. He stopped for a second, seeming to contemplate before he put the servo on Blitzwings over arm. Optimus waited a moment to see if Blitzwing would shake the servo off or accept its presence.

Blitzwing wasn’t sure what he was suppose to do. He had never been much of a “touch” guy and pretty much the only mech he had gotten comfort from in any form was Bumblebee. He didn’t hate the presence of Optimus servo on his frame, but he neither liked it. It was different and he didn’t really know what to do, so he just let it remain there for the time being. Optimus spoke up again,

“I believe you. And I also trust you when you say that there is nothing to gain from us knowing the Decepticon way.” They fell into silence again. Optimus turned his helm again and looked up at the starts again. He then removed his servo and spoke up again.

“Do you wanna go out on night patrol with me? Bulkhead can watch Bumblebee while we are gone. It will give you a chance to calm down some more and clear your helm” Blitzwing considered the offer. Before he sighed and his faceplate switched to Icy.

“Yes I would like that” He said and stood up. Optimus transformed and started driving away. Blitzwing transformed also into his alt mode and blasted off towards the star filled sky.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patients with this chapter. I have been busy studying for three different test and celebrating my birthday.

Bumblebee opened his optics. His faceplate was radiating a slightly burning pain. He sat up slowly and started rubbing the pain away.  He blinked a few time and looked around. He was in his room on top of his berth. It was dark outside and some moon light was shining through the window.

_ This was not where I fell asleep... _ That's when the memories hit him.  _ I ran towards Megatron and he punched me.  _ Bumblebee hid his faceplate in his servos and cringed.  _ Why did I do that? What did I expect?! It was me against fragging Megatron. Megatron! I had 0% chance of winning….Wait...Scrap! My team!  _ He looked around the room searching for the bigger mech. But Blitzwing was nowhere to be seen.  _ Where is Blitzwing? What if he got hurt?! No! Please no! _

He jumped off the berth, ran and slammed open the door. He was immediately hit with a cold breeze but he ignored it and quickly made his way towards the living room.The Tv was on and sitting on the sofa was Bulkhead and Sari.They must have heard him approaching because their faces were turned towards him when he appeared in the living room. They looked at him and smiled. But despite their smile so did both of them looked drained. 

“Your awake!” Sari said happily. 

“Where is Blitzwing?! His not in our room! Is he okay?!” Bumblebee rushed the words out of his mouth.

“Calm down.” Bulkhead said and stood up and walked up to him. He put a servo on his shoulder in an act of comfort. “Deep breaths” He continued and took a deep breath of his own.

Bumblebee looked up at him. Bulkhead looked a little concerned but Bumblebee expected that if Blitzwing was hurt so would he had looked much more worried. So Bumblebee took some breathes and tried to calm down. _ Remember the stop sign. I might be jumping to conclusions. _ Bulkhead guided him to the couch and gave up his seat in the sofa to Bumblebee and then sat down on the floor.

“What happen?” Bumblebee asked finally asked when his racing spark had calmed down a bit.

“You rushed Megatron and he beated you unconscious” Bulkhead answered.

“It was more ‘beat’ and not ‘beated’ “ Sari corrected “He only hit you one time”. Bumblebee cringed a little again.

“Whoops..”He said quietly and let out an awkward chuckled. “That was really stupid of me” He added and rubbed the back of his helm.

“No kidding” Sari answered.

“So what happened after i got knocked out?” He asker and turned back to Bulkhead.

“Well..” Bulkhead started. “Blitzwing went after Megatron and bit down into his neck until he let go of you and the rest of us fought Lugnut.” 

Sari cut in.  “Then after a bit more fighting so did Megatron and Lugnut run away with their tails between their legs and then I used the key on you” She said and held up the allspark key with a smile. “And then we took you back to the base” They went quiet for a moment. Bumblebee could see there was more to the story.

“Did something happen when we got back to the base?” He asked. Bulkhead avoided to meet Bumblebees optics and Sari looked a bit worried.

“We got back…” Bulkhead started. He was silent for a moment. It looked like he was looking for words. Sari choose to take over the conversation.

“After we got back so did Ratchet and Blitzwing have a fight and Blitzwing kind of...Snapped” She said it like she was not sure of how to put it. Bumblebee looked at her with big optics.

“Snapped? What do you mean with ‘he snapped’?” 

“He got really angry. He punched a hole in the wall” She pointed towards the big hole in one of the bases walls.  _ Oh that's were the cold breeze came from. _ “He screamed a lot and then destroyed the door frame and walked outside” She turned her finger from the hole and pointed instead at the door frame and the missing a piece above it. “And when he got outside he screamed some more. Then he stopped and Optimus went out after him. Now both of them are on patrol”

Bumblebee felt his spark sink.  _ Primus Blitzwing… _ All he wanted to do was to see him and hug him tight. Bumblebee couldn’t help but to feel responsible for what had happened. He getting hurt by Megatron was what sent Blitzwing over the edge. He quickly turned his focus back to Sari before the dark thoughts could sprout.

“What did Blitzwing fight about?” Sari looked up at Bulkhead and nodded her head towards Bumblebee in a sign of 'It’s your turn to tell him something' and Bulkhead started speaking again.

“Ratchet wanted to know how Blitzwing had learned to control himself, and Blitzwing refused to tell him”

“That was all?” Bumblebee said confused. It didn’t quite add up for him. Blitzwing got angry, sure, but he had been working so hard on not letting his rage turn nasty and take control over him. So it was a big surprise to Bumblebee that Blitzwing had gotten so violent around the rest of the team just because Ratchet started asking him questions.

“Yeah”

“That was what set Blitzwing off?” 

“It seemed to be very personal” Bulkhead said slowly. “He got very defensive and angry when it got brought up. And Ratchet also got angry and said some bad stuff” _Bad stuff? Ratchet says bad stuff to Blitzwing all the time? What did he say that was so bad it made Blitzwing punch holes in the wall._

“What did he say?” Bulkhead gave Sari a glance and Sari gave him a glance back and then both of them looked at Bumblebee. “What did he say?” Bumblebee repeated. Bulkhead decided to bite the bullet.

“Before I tell you. Just remember that everyone was tired and on edge from fighting and shaken up from you getting hurt.” Bulkhead went quiet for a moment, waiting for Bumblebee to respond. 

“Okay. Got it. What did he say?”Bumblebee quickly responded wanting to know the answer. Bulkhead took a deep breath.

“He said…That Blitzwing was withholding information to hurt us and you. And Ratchet also accused him for that he liked watching us suffer” Bumblebees jaw dropped and he just stared at Bulkhead like he had just pulled a rabbit out of a hat. 

“Are you serious?”  Bulkhead just nodded. Bumblebee just continued to look at him while he processed the information.  “Where is Ratchet right now?” He said slowly. Bulkhead looked unsure if he should reveal that information but finally decided to give in.

“Optimus said something about the two of them having a chat later and then Ratchet walked to his room and locked the door while Optimus waited for Blitzwing stop screaming so he could go check on him. Ratchet hasn’t come out of his room since.” Bumblebee was quiet again. He wasn’t sure what he was suppose to do. How could he fix this? This was all his fault after all. Should he go to Ratchet and yell at him for making Blitzwing upset? Should he leave this to Optimus? Should he leave this up to Blitzwing? Should he go looking for him? Should he leave him alone? Should he comm him? He didn’t know what to do. He put his faceplate into his servos and sighed. Primus this day was just getting worse and worse. 

He felt a small hand on his thigh. He looked up and saw Sari giving him a sympathetic and concerned look.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“I…”He sighed again“I don’t know what to do. I don't know how to fix this.” He said and turned his helm and looked at the big hole in the wall. He felt a servo get placed on his shoulder and he turned his helm to his other side and meet Bulkheads optics.

“You don’t have to do anything. None of this is your fault or problems to solve” 

“How can this not be?” Bumblebee said and started fiddling with his digits and looked down at the floor instead of looking Bulkhead in the optics, “If I hadn’t tried to take down Megatron alone, like a stupid fool, so would this never have happened” He felt Bulkhead servo shake him slightly and Bumblebee meet his optics again.

“Don’t say that. You couldn’t help it. And if you need someone to blame, blame Blackarachnia for turning you to a triple changer, or Megatron for beating you up. None of this is your fault. And none of what's happening between Blitzwing and Ratchet is on your shoulders. This have been coming for a long time, it was inevitable. This is their problem and it’s their duty to fix it. Not yours” 

Bumblebee nodded. He didn’t know much actually stuck with him, but he felt a little better and he felt how some of those dark thoughts that was residing inside his helm burned away. It felt kind of good to have someone to talk to, even though they had only scraped the tip of the iceberg.

“So what should I do now?” Bumblebee asked.

“You can watch TV with us” Sari piped up. Bumblebee turned his sight towards the TV. They were watching cartoons. ”Or we can play a video game” As fast those words left her mouth she immediately went quiet and a look of regret appeared on her face. Everyone in the room remembered the last time they had been playing video games and how bad it had ended. Bumblebee looked at her and then the games on the floor. He got up from the sofa and walked over to the mess and started looking through the games until he pulled up one. He looked at it, he bit his lip slightly before putting it in the game system and turning it on. He grabbed three controllers and handed them out.

He sat down in the sofa again and started up the game. Bulkhead and Sari looked at him in surprise.

“Bumblebee...Are you sure about this?” Bulkhead asked. Bumblebee turned towards them with a cocky smile on his faceplate as it switched to Buzzkill.

“What? Are you afraid I’m gonna kick your aft big guy?” He asked. “I have a reputation as the best gamer to uphold.”

Sari pointed an accusing finger towards Bumblebee. Her worry had disappeared and been replaced with competitiveness

“Ohoho you’re so going down!” She said.

“Not a chance!” Bumblebee said confidently “This time you’ll not have the handicap of me being a triple changer!” Bumblebee turned his helm towards the Tv screen. He started to think back to all the other times he had won and how every map looked. He repeated it in helm over and over again his confident staying consistent. This time he was not gonna let his faceplate switch so he drove off the road. This time he was gonna win.

He pressed start and the first round of Mario kart began.

\---------------

The sun was rising, turning the dark blue sky orange when Blitzwing landed with a heavy thud outside the base.

He and Optimus had been going around Detroit the whole night without stopping for even a moment. Blitzwing had been flying around and Optimus had done his best to keep up. They had not uttered a single word to each other and Optimus hadn’t even suggested to return to base, in the end it was Blitzwing who had called it quits eventually.

Blitzwing was spent, he had been tired before he had started flying but now he had no energy left. This was what he had been hopping for. He was too tired to think and his frame screamed at him to let himself recharge. And he hoped that his extreme tiredness would shorten the time it took him to fall into recharge.

Optimus transformed slightly behind him and waked into the base. Blitzwing walked after him towards the base and was about to crouch when he remembered and saw the big hole that he had teared up so he could now walk into the base standing up. He just walked in and immediately heard snoring. He looked over and saw Bumblebee and Sari sleeping on the sofa. The Tv was still on showing the results from their game. Blitzwing gave the screen a glance and could immediately make out that Bumblebee had won in a landslide. All Blitzwing could muster up was a small smile before his lips feel down again into their natural expression. 

Optimus gave them a short glance before he walked into his room and closed the door. Blitzwing walked over to the sofa and looked down at them. Bumblebee was taking up all of the sofa and was holding a gaming controller loosely in one of his servos. On top of his chest was Sari, she had wrapped herself into a blanket and had one of the sofas pillows under her head. Their sleeping position reminded Blitzwing slightly of how he and Bumblebee often fell into recharge together.

Blitzwing wanted to hug the minibot but he also didn't want to wake him. He deserved to recharge. It had been a long day for both of them and Blitzwing didn’t want to be selfish and wake both Sari and Bumblebee so he wouldn’t be forced to recharge alone. He let out a deep sigh and turned around and headed towards his room, on the way out he hit the off switch making darkness fill the living room. He opened the door to his room, walked in and kicked it close behind him. He fell down on top of the berth on his stomach and fell into recharge in an instant.

  
  


Blitzwing was sitting alone in his room, like he usually did. Mostly to spare him the pain he would gain by going out and it was for the most part pointless anyway. None of the other Decepticons wanted to engage anything or socials with him. His action after he woke up from surgery had spread through the troops like a wildfire and had made everyone avoid him, scared that they would meet a similar fate. 

He absentmindedly touched the collar around his neck, stroking his digit over the plain metal. He put his digits between the metal and his neck cables, and tugged at it slightly, carefully so he would not be punished for damaging it. 

He was staring right into the wall. Every item in his room was stocked neatly into the exact right place. Blitzwing used to not care for cleanliness, still didn’t, but boredom had been killing him and he found out that cleaning was a harmless activity he could do. But you could only clean so much. It might seem pathetic but he had actually cleaned his room when it was completely spot free just so he would have something to do. He had rearranged what furniture he had several times in his room just to make the time pass. He was bored, bored out of mind. He was a bit afraid that he was slowly going crazy just sitting here staring with unfocused optics at a blank wall counting the clicks come and go. Not that it would make much difference. He was already consider crazy in most bots optics so if he actually went off the rails so would probably no one even notice.

His comm link unexpectedly sparked to life making his vision go back into focus. The sound was not actually very loud, but after sitting in complete silence for about two hours now so was it nearly deafening.

“Blitzwing” Blitzwings back straighten at the sound of the Decepticon leader. He knew Megatron could not see him but it was just a natural reaction at this point to stand at attention when you heard his dark voice.

“How may i serve you my lord?” Blitzwing answered automatically in a monotone voice.

“I want you to come to top deck. Now.”

Blitzwing raised up from the berth he had been sitting on.

“Yes my lord. I’m on my way” He said and then the line closed from Megatron's end.

Blitzwing opened the door from is room and walked into the hallway. Immediately he saw too mechs. 

He didn’t recognise them. New recruits perhaps? Or maybe not. Blitzwing stayed in his room so much that news often didn’t reach him. The only way he knew that anything was going on was if he got orders about it or heard it while he left his room to get energion. 

When they saw him they stopped dead in their tracks. One of them, a mech with red paint had a look of horror and fear on their faceplate while the other, a flyer with silver paint had a look of disgust. The silvery one leaned over to the red one and whispered something to quiet for Blitzwing to hear. But Blitzwing didn’t have to hear it. He knew it was about him and it was either a comment about his behavioural problems or his freaky frame.

Blitzwings faceplate made a whirl sound and he bared his denta. The collar made a beep sound warning him. The red mechs faceplate lost all colour and had an expression of shock and terror, the other looked like they could purge at any minute. The two of them immediately turned around and walked hastily back the way they had came. The red mech kept looking over his shoulder to make sure that Blitzwing was not following them.

Blitzwing let out a sigh and his faceplate switched back. He turned around and made his way towards an elevator that would take him to the top deck of the ship. 

He walked out of the elevator onto the deck. It was beautiful sight. Thousand upon thousand of stars shined all around the ship. Not far away he could see a light purple planet. He couldn’t see it from this far away but he knew that there was an ongoing battle on the planet between decepticons and autobots. 

The deck was mostly empty. The only thing of notice was the warlord who was standing there, waiting for him. He felt his whole frame go cold but he pushed forward.Blitzwing walked up and made a salut and stood at attention.

“You summoned me my lord” His voice as cold and calm, knowing that was how Megatron preferred it.

“Ah Blitzwing so nice of you to come. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Blitzwing felt his faceplate twitch but he forced it to stay on the blue, calm one. Megatron knew very well that Blitzwing was never occupied anymore after the operation. He couldn’t do anything anymore, the chance of him losing control was too great. Blitzwing felt his faceplate twitch again as a unserious and sarcastic comments popped into his helm. No, he was not going to get hurt so he could tell Megatron 'Oh you did. You interrupted my wall staring! I almost broke my record as well!' he felt his frame wish it. It was a weird feeling. It could be compared to feeling hungry or tired. His frame asked him to let the switch just happen but the fear of punishment was too strong. He replayed memories inside his mind of previous times he had gotten punished and the fear of it happening again let him stay on the blue faceplate.

“You summoned me. So as your loyal servant I answer” That earned him a smile but it didn’t put Blitzwing at ease in the slightest.

“Do you know why I called you here?” Megatron asked. Blitzwing searched his processor. Had he forgot something? Had he done something wrong? He tried to think of something but all he got was blanks. He had stayed in his room most of the time. Was he angry about that? That he hadn’t been going out? He couldn’t be angry about that, could he?

“No” He answered simply. Megatron turned his sight towards the far off planet.

“There is a battle going on” He started “And i think they would be helpful if they got some support”

It clicked for Blitzwing what Megatron was getting at and he felt a shiver through his frame. He instinctively put a digit on the collar and gritied his denta like he was preparing himself.

“My lord” He said putting all his effort into keeping his voice steady. “Forgive me but i don’t think my...Rehab equipment would allow me to work effectively on a battlefield” Blitzwing went quiet. Internally begging that he would be allowed to go back to his room and not be forced to join the ongoing battle. 

Megatron turned his optics to the triple changer.

“Oh but thats where you’re wrong my dear Blitzwing” Megatron stretched out one of his servos towards Blitzwings neck. Blitzwing flinched but tried to stay still. Megatron pushed his digits between Blitzwings neck and the collar. With his other servo he pulled out a small remote from his sub space. He pushed a button. Blitzwing closed his optics shut and waited for the pain. But it never came. He heard a click from the collar. Blitzwing opened his optics again. Megatron was smiling at him. 

“There…” Megatron started slowly “Your collar is for the moment offline, but don’t be mistaken” Megatorn yanked at the collar so that Blitzwings and Megatron's faceplates was just a couple of centimeters apart. “Betray me and you’ll regret it” He growled in a dangerous voice. Blitzwing hastily nodded too frightened to answer vocally. Megatron seemed satisfied and realised Blitzwing from his hold. Blitzwing was quiet for a moment but quickly tried to get his act back together. He stood straight and looked at Megatron whit surprised optics.

“It...It is offline?” He asked like he didn’t really believe it.

“Yes. It’s off” Megatron reassured.

“Why?” Megatron laughed and Blitzwing flinched again.

“You said it yourself, my dear Blitzwing. You can’t work properly in a battle field with that thing online. So now you're free to join your Decepticon brethren on the battlefield. You are free. Go down there and offline all of those disgusting Autobots”

Blitzwing touched the collar again as he looked down at the planet. He felt his spark fill with rage and excitement. He looked back at Megatron just to be sure.

“Can I do anything I want? Nothing will stop me?” Megatron looked at him with amusement in his optics.

“Go ahead” He smiled. “ _ Don’t hold back. Rage and destruction is in your programming after all.” _ Blitzwing felt his anger, pain, sadness and every other emotion he had been holding back overcome him and turn into pure unrestrained rage. His faceplate switched to the one with the wicked smile. He felt his spark beat faster and he waited for a moment to see if the collar would respond. But it did nothing. It didn’t even beep. It was truly offline. It felt so good. Like he had been held in a prison and the door had just been swung open for him. He let out a loud, wicked, horrible laugh.

“This will be  **fun” ** He said before transforming and blasting off towards the planet.

Blitzwing woke up. His raised his servos and immediately reach and touched around his neck. There was no collar and he let out a sigh of relief. He looked around, he was still in his and Bumblebees room. It was still a mess like usual and he found it kind of comforting.

He checked his HUD. He had been recharging for 5 hours now but he still felt tired. Not only that but his tank was turning. Not in hunger but in worry and stress. He wasn’t even sure why. There was nothing going on right now, there was nothing to worry about. But his tank continued to turn. It was almost like he was sick. 

He needed to recharge more, he knew five hours was not nearly enough. He kind of wanted to just lay down again and do that thing that bears did where they slept for like three months. But he was stuck between being tired, wanting to recharge and recharging and putting himself at risk of another nightmare or old memory. He sighed and finally decided to try to fall back into recharge. He closed his optics but his mind was clear awake.  He heard how the door slowly opened. Blitzwing raised his helm and glanced towards the door and saw Bumblebee. He had two cans of oil with him.  Their optics meet and Bumblebees faceplate immediately lit up. 

“Good morning” He said and closed the door behind him ”I didn’t hear you snoring, so I assumed you were awake...Did I wake you?” Blitzwing shook his helm and sat up.

“No. Recharging isn’t working out right now” He rubbed his optics.

“I brought you some oil” Bumblebee held up one of the cans towards him. Blitzwing took the can out of Bumblebees servos and Bumblebee jumped up onto the berth and sat next to Blitzwing. Blitzwing looked at the can. He wasn’t really hungry but he also knew he needed new energy so he took two big gulps. Bumblebee did the same with his can. 

“Blitzy” Bumblebee said and looked down at his can.

“Yes?” Blitzwing responded and took another mouthful of oil.

“I’m sorry for running ahead and attacking Megatron alone, and for making you worry”  Blitzwing looked down at Bumblebee. Despite of Blitzwing low energy so did his faceplate switch to Random. 

“Attacking Megatron was not one of your greatest plans!” He said and chuckled. “But I can’t blame you! After you went unconscious so did I do the exact same thing” He let out another chuckle, too tired to make a real laugh. His faceplate turned back to Icy. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel a bit stupid.” Bumblebee answer truthfully.

“But thats your normal state of mind, but good that you are becoming self aware” Bumblebee punched Blitzwings over arm and his faceplate turned to Buzzkill.

“Jerk!” Bumblebee took another sip from his oil and Blitzwing just slammed the rest of his and put down the now empty can on the floor. Bumblebee spoke up again.

“Are you okay? I saw the holes in the walls” Blitzwing cringed a bit.

“Ya...I guess I went off the deep end for a moment there. Sorry for getting so angry” Bumblebee looked up at him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay to be mad. But please don’t ruin anymore walls.” His faceplate switched to Bubble. “We got holes in the wall already. They’re called windows.” Blitzwing lips pulled upwards into a tired smile.

“Sure. If you promise not to rush ahead and attack a Decepticon alone again” Bumblebee smiled back.

“Sure it’s deal then” He said and emptied his can of oil and put it on the ground.  Bumblebee drummed his digits on his thigh for a moment before his faceplate turned to Jitterbug and he spoke up. “I caught a bit of why you got so mad...But it feels like there's more to it” Blitzwing looked at the floor. Bumblebee continued. “I know Ratchet said some bad stuff and that they were asking you personal questions, but it’s not like you to lose it like that. You have made so much progress and you try so hard to not to get angry. So there must have been something really big if it made you destroy the walls” Blitzwing didn’t answer. 

He felt a small servo get placed in on top of his servo. Blitzwing didn’t look at him. He felt his spark hurt again and it was like leach had gotten a hold of him and was sucking out all his energy. He felt his emotions start bubbling up again.

“I just got angry at what Ratchet said. You know how we get on each others nerves.”  Bumblebee was quiet for a moment before speaking up again.

“There’s more to it. Otherwise you would not be sad right now” 

“I’m not sad” Blitzwing hissed. “I’m a bit disappointed that I couldn’t control myself and that's about it.” 

“No. That's not 'about it'. I can see that you’re sad. If you’re not, look me in my optics and say it” Blitzwing turned his helm and looked at Bumblebee. Bumblebee had a serious look on his faceplate. Their optics meet and they stayed like that in silence. Blitzwing opened his mouth and was about to speak, but the words died before they even left his mouth. He couldn’t do it. He was not gonna lie to Bumblebee, he didn’t deserve that. He just pulled away his optics and went back to looking at the floor.

“My feelings are unimportant. It will pass.” Bumblebees faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“It is important! It’s important to me!” Blitzwings faceplate turned to Hothead and he turned back to Bumblebee.

“No it’s not important! Finding Blackarachnia is important! Finding a way to help you is important! My emotions acting up is not important!”

“But it is!” Bumblebee yelled. 

“No! I don’t want you to worry about me! I don’t want you to pity me and I don’t want to pull a sob story ‘Boo hoo! Poor Blitzwing he is sad’. I don’t have the right to be sad! You have the right to be sad, not me!” Bumblebee looked at him. He seemed a little pulled back. His faceplate turned back to Jitterbug. Blitzwing hid his faceplate in his servos and sighed. He felt Bumblebee grab a hold of his servo.

“It’s okay to be sad Blitzy. Being sad is not like a token you pass around. You have all right to be sad” Blitzwing shook his helm.

“No. This whole thing is not about me. I’m not the one who got turned into a triple changer just some time ago!” He felt his optics fill up with new tears but he quickly tried to force them back. “I’m suppose to protect you, help you and be there for you. I’m suppose to comfort you, not the other way around.” He took a deep breath.”I’m failing you.” He felt something touch his over arm. He removed his helm from his servos and looked at Bumblebee.  He had leaned his helm onto Blitzwings arm and looked up at him. When their optics meet so gave Bumblebee him a soft smile.

“You're not failing me. You're doing your best. That's all you can do. That’s enough.”

“No it’s not. I’m suppose to do more. I'm supposed to be better. Stronger, faster, a better defender, a better teacher a better mech over all. I’m nothing of that. I’m shooting in the dark and falling apart. That’s what I’m doing.” He couldn’t hold it anymore. The tears left his optics and ran down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry I can’t protect you. I’m sorry I’m failing you. I’m sorry I’m so fragging useless” 

His words barely left his mouth before he felt two arms reach around him. They were too short to completely go around him, but despite that so was the hug tight. Bumblebee was hugging him like he was afraid Blitzwing would disappear. 

“Your not a failure, you're not useless. It’s my fault. If I was more careful and just had worked harder to control myself so would this never happen” 

“No, none of this can be blamed on you. You have been turned to a triple changer. This kind of things takes time. I should know that and help you. If I had been quicker and grabbed you when you ran towards Megatron I could have protected you from getting hurt. It’s my fault for not helping you enough.” Bumblebee shook his helm.

“You can’t cover for me by saying ‘you’re a triple changer now’. I can think for myself and make decision for myself. Don’t blame yourself for me acting stupid. You are doing enough. You are more than enough.” Blitzwing heard Bumblebee voice get wet and he saw his optics just like himself fill with tears. Blitzwing reached around a hugged Bumblebee back.

“I just want you to be safe and happy” Blitzwing said softly in a shaky voice.

“I know and you’re doing a great job”

“No I’m not” Blitzwing denied.

“Mute it.” Bumblebee said in a teasing voice. “Your the best mech a bot can ask for. Just you being in the same room as me makes me safe and happy. Give yourself more credit. Or else I will keep praising you until you do!” 

A chuckle escaped Blitzwings mouth and he pulled Bumblebee tighter.

“I love you. I love you so, so much”

“I love you too” Bumblebee responded. “I would never want anyone else as my conjux” He said and smiled. 

Blitzwing leaned down and their lips meet. They just existed like that for a moment. Lips connected and holding each other tight in their arms. After a while so did they slowly end the kiss. Bumblebee held onto Blitzwings faceplate and they looked into each others optics. Bumblebee brushed away some tears from Blitzwings faceplate. Blitzwing gave him a small smile and leaned in again so their foreheads were together. 

“You wanna go and help me work on my driving?” Bumblebee asked after a while. 

“You wanna go for a drive?” Blitzwing raised an optic ridge. Bumblebee nodded.

“Ya, why not? I really need to clear my helm and I think you might need to. Also i need to get my speed back. You in?” Blitzwing felt his whole frame protest. He was still tired. It felt like his whole frame was being weighed down by cement. But despite that so did he slowly pull out of the hug and stood up.

“Sure. Let’s go” Bumblebee jumped of the berth.

“Dinobot island?” Blitzwing asked.

“Dinobot island” Bumblebee confirmed. His faceplate turned to Bubble “Race you there!” Bumblebee yelled and ran out of their room. Blitzwing saw Bumblebees energy and just sighed and was forced to try to keep up.

He jogged after Bumblebee and saw him about to leave the base. Blitzwing also saw Prowl sitting in the sofa watching the nature channel. Bumblebee stooped for a moment and closed his optics and breathed, letting his faceplate return to Jitterbug.

“Me and Blitzy are heading out!” He screamed before he transformed and drove away.  Blitzwing gave Prowl a short nod before he too ran out the door and transformed and flew towards Dinobot island.

Blitzwing came first and landed on the beach. A bit later so did Bumblebee drive out of the water and drove up on the beach.

“Okay I’m gonna try to go around the island in 50 minutes. Can you take the time?” Blitzwing bit his lower lip and nodded slowly.

“Bumblebee, I know that I said you will get faster after a while, but you might never get your speed completely back”

“I know” Bumblebee responded, sounding a bit disappointed and sad.”But we have to at least try!” He continued in a more hopeful tone and took off. Blitzwing transformed and flew after him.

After some time Bumblebee had made one lap around the island. He transformed back to his bot mode and Blitzwing landed making the sand crunch under his peds.

“How fast was that?” Bumblebee asked.

“I hour and 16 minutes” Bumblebee switched to Bubble.

“That’s 2 minutes less than last time!” He said joyfully. Blitzwing gave him a soft smile.

“Ya, you’re right. Do you wanna go for another round?” He asked. Bumblebee shook his helm.

“No. I was thinking that we could maybe...try flying again?" Blitzwing raised an optic ridge.

“Flying again? After what happened last time?” Bumblebee shrugged.

“Why not? Come on it will be fun!” He exclaimed. Blitzwing felt a pinch of worry enter his spark. But he couldn’t say no to Bumblebee when he looked so happy and excited.

“Sure. Why not.”His faceplate spun to Random. “Do you need help or can you do it by yourself this time?” Bumblebees faceplate switched to Bubble and he gave Blitzwing a confident smile.

“Watch me!” He said and transformed and blasted off into the sky. Blitzwing followed him with his optics. A smile crept up his faceplate and his spark filled with pride.  _ Look at him go. He’s a natural.  _

“You coming?” Bumblebee screamed as he flew by just barely missing Blitzwings helm. Blitzwing shook his helm and transforms as well and fly after him.

\------------

Bumblebee liked the feeling of flying. It felt great, nearly as good as driving.The way the air rushed around him and drowned out all his thoughts. And dear Primus did he need something that could block out his thoughts.

Bumblebee was filled with guilt from what he did yesterday. He had made everybody worry about him and Blitzwing had a breakdown because of him. Blitzwing felt like he couldn’t protect him and Bumblebee blamed himself for that.  _ If I could take better care of myself and not get into trouble so would Blitzwing feel better. It’s not his fault that I keep messing up and making everyone miserable.  _

He heard a swoosh sound and saw Blitzwing blast past him.

“Come on slowpoke!” Bumblebee heard Random yell to him. Bumblebee smiled.

“Slowpoke? Me? I’ll show you!” Bumblebee kicked up a higher gear and went after him.

Bumblebee tried to keep up but soon it became very clear that Blitzwing was a lot faster than him. Bumblebee huffed a little. Blitzwings slowed down so they were flying next to each other.

“Is the little Bee mad that he’s a snail?” He said and laughed. Bumblebee felt his faceplate nearly turn into Buzzkill. He took a deep breath and was able to stay on Jitterbug.

“I can’t help it. I’m racing against a jet plane. There is no way i can keep up!”

“Hmmm that's true.” He heard Blitzwing answer now in Icy’s voice. “You don’t look like you were made for speed. It looks like you were made for maneuvers”

“Manoeuvres? Like loops and barrel rolls and stuff?”

“Exactly”

Bumblebee thought for it a moment.

“Okay! I will try it!” He said. Blitzwing slowed down even more so he was now behind Bumblebee and gave him some room. Bumblebee had seen planes do loops and stuff before and he had tried once and failed. Maybe he shouldn’t do a loop, perhaps something else.

Bumblebee slowly started to lean his plane form to the side and then a bit faster and soon he was doing a corkscrew. 

“Woo!” Bumblebee screamed in joy. The maneuver kind of had a similar feeling as doing a donut in his car altmode. It was new but also a bit familiar. He had to stop soon though because he was starting to get dizzy. 

“Having fun?” Blitzwing asked. Bumblebee shifted back to Bubble.

“Yeah! I get a bit dizzy though.” But soon Bumblebee was aching for more. “What more can I do?” He asked. Blitzwing was quiet for a moment before answering.

“We can train battle movers if you want.”

“Sure! What do we start with?”

“How about…Rolling scissors?”

When Blitzwing and Bumblebee came back so was it afternoon. They had been training manoeuvres most of the day until Blitzwing bad recharging caught up with him and they needed to call it a day. The landed on Dinobot island and Blitzwing flew back to base while Bumblebee drove back. 

Bumblebee transformed outside their base and Blitzwing landed next to him. Bumblebee opened the door and walked in with Blitzwing close behind him. Bumblebee was smiling still in a rush from flying but that smile drop nearly immediately. Inside the base was Ratchet. He had been talking to Prowl but their conversation had come to an end as fast as the door had opened. Bumblebee heard Blitzwing stop moving behind him.

Ratchet looked first at Bumblebee and then at Blitzwing. You could cut the tension with a knife. Nobody said anything, they just stood there, looking at each other. It felt kind of like a Mexican standoff. Then Ratchet ,without a word turned around and walked into the medbay and close the door behind him.

“Welcome back” Prowl simply said. “Optimus told me to relay a mission to you two” Bumblebees smile returned.

“A mission? Just for us? What is it?” He said excited.

Prowl lips turned into a small smirk.

“It’s fixing the holes Blitzwing made in the walls” Bumblebees excitement immediately disappeared and he groaned.

“Must I? I didn't even make the holes!"

“Thanks for standing up for me” Blitzwing said sarcastically.

“Just saying” Bumblebee responded. Prowl spoke up again.

“Blitzwing gets to do it because he was the one who made the holes. Bumblebee you have to do it because it’s punishment for going rogue and attacking Megatron by yourself” Bumblebee sighed and his faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“I get it! It was stupid of me to attack Megatron! I won’t do it again!”  Prowl smirk didn’t falter. 

“Everything you need is in storage. Have fun” And with that Prowl walked over to the sofa and put on the nature channel. 

Bumblebee and Blitzwing went through the storage room and dragged out all they need to fix the first hole in the base. Bumblebee couldn’t help much because he couldn’t reach so he instead handed Blitzwing sheet metal which he bolted to the wall.  It was not hard, but it was boring and Bumblebee couldn’t help to feels his intrusive thoughts bubble up again.

_ You just make everything worse, don’t you? It’s your fault Ratchet and Blitzwing are fighting. It’s your fault Blitzwing has been feeling bad! And you tried to rush Megatron by yourself! What were you thinking?! Ratchet is right! You are unstable!  _

“Bumblebee?” Bumblebee looked up and saw Blitzwing. He was holding out a servo waiting for the next piece of metal.

“Oh right” Bumblebee put the next bit of metal in Blitzwings servo. “Sorry, was just thinking”

“Huh” Blitzwing said and started to line up the sheet metal. “I thought it smelled burnt. Guess that's just your processor trying to work” Blitzwing teased.

“Mute it Blitzbrain” Bumblebee huffed. 

“What are you thinking about?” Blitzwing continued and bolted the new piece stuck.

“Just a bit of everything” Bumblebee lied. Blitzwing looked at him and raised an optics ridge.

“Very specific” He said in a deadpan voice. Bumblebee rolled his optics.

“I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Bumblebee explained and handed Blitzwing a new piece of metal.

“I can understand that. There has been a lot going on”

“Ya” Bumblebee agreed. 

“You wanna talk about it. I have already exposed my spark to you today” Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random. “Wanna join me on the feeling train?!” He said and laughed. Bumblebee forced a small smile.

“No thanks...I’m good” Bumblebee felt his spark ache. That poison that his dark thoughts was spewing was making him feel sick. He had drunken some oil with Blitzwing but he had forced it down. He should probably talk to Ratchet about it, but with the tension going through the team for the moment made him shoot down that idea. That and he could already hear his dark thoughts scream how useless and big of a burden he was. 

He had gotten one chance to prove he was not a burden, to prove that he was not useless, to prove that he was not broken. And what had he done with that chance? He had waisted it by attack Megatron. But Bumblebee tried to stay positive despite how bad things were looking right now.  _ Next mission. I’ll prove that I’m still useful next mission. I’ll prove myself next mission. _


	23. Chapter 23

The coming days was nothing more than tiering. Neither Ratchet nor Blitzwing left their room more than necessary and they tried their best to avoid being in the same room together. When they were together so was the atmosphere tense and uncomfortable. 

Bumblebee was not doing so hot either. He kept waking up because of nightmares and he had started to feel more ill. He tried to hide it when he was with the rest of the team so they wouldn’t worry, but it was hard. His thoughts had gotten worse and he was having a hard time not to let them run free in his mind. He tried the meditation technic and that usually worked for about 10 minutes or so but after that so did it lose its power. Every moment he was not occupied by something so was his dark thoughts running rampant. Not even casual activities like playing video games could keep them at bay. But he tried to have hope.  _ Next mission. I’ll prove myself next mission.  _ And soon that opportunity presented itself.

Bumblebee was laying on Blitzwings chest plate and tried to focus on reading comics on his datapad. He had been reading the same bit of text about 15 times now but his dark thoughts didn’t allow him to consume the actual content. It was like they were blocking him from thinking clearly, like he was trying to see the sun behind dark storm clouds. When Bumblebee was about to read the text for the 16 time so did the alarm went off. Bumblebee basically threw away the datapad and jumped off Blitzwing chest and ran out into the living room. Everyone else was also making their way over the monitor. Optimus was already there, reading the report.

Bumblebee ran up and Blitzwing made his way after him.

“What’s happening?” Bumblebee asked excitedly.  _ This time! I’ll prove I’m not broken this time!  _ Optimus looked at him.

“Please don’t tell me it’s Lugnut again” Groaned Sari. Optimus shook his helm.

“It’s Nanosec”  Bumblebee felt his faceplate switch to Bubble.  _ Nanosec! A human villain! Perfect! I can handle that! _

“What are we waiting for?! Let’s get him!” Bumblebee exclaimed and was already about to transform when a stern voice cut through the living room light a lightning from a clear sky.

“You’re not going” Bumblebee snapped his helm towards the voice and made optic contact with Ratchet. Bumblebee felt his spark plummet into his tanks. Ratchet was crossing his arms and stood a bit behind the rest of the team. His optics was completely focused on Bumblebee, ignoring Blitzwing presence entirely. The rest of the team watched them in silence.

“W-what?” He asked and his faceplate switched back to Jitterbug.

“You’re not going.” Ratchet repeated with the same commanding tone to his voice.

“Yes, I am” Bumblebee huffed and looked up at Blitzwing. “Help me out here Blitzy” Blitzwing looked down at Bumblebee and then Ratchet. Ratchet meet his optics and gave him a stern look. Blitzwing bit his lip and to Bumblebees horror he saw that he looked unsure.His optics shifted between Bumblebee and Ratchet and it looked like he had an argument with himself inside his helm, either way so didn’t he say anything.  _ Fine I’ll do this myself!  _ Bumblebee turned his helm back to Ratchet.

“Come on doc bot! Let me go!” Ratchet shook his helm.

“No. I made this mistake last time and I’m not doing it again. You’re staying until we are 100% sure that you won’t pull a stunt like you did last mission again” Bumblebee saw his chance of redemption slip between his digits. It was horrifying. _ Frag, frag, frag! Come one! Think of something that can save this!  _ His faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“Okay! I admit it! I fraged up last time! Attacking Megatron was stupid of me.I admit it! But I know better now. I’ll be better this time!”  Ratchet didn’t budge. He kept looking at Bumblebee with stern optics.

“I already made my decision. You are staying”  _ You screwed up.  _ Bumblebee felt his frame grow cold as the thoughts started to make themselves known. _ You screwed up your only chance to prove yourself. Now you will always be dead weight and you’ll never be allowed to go on missions again!  _ Bumblebees faceplate switched to Jitterbug,

“Ratchet I can handle it! I can! Just let me show you! Just-”

“No” Ratchet cut in, stopping Bumblebee dead in his tracks. “You can’t make me change my mind” 

_ You failed! He doesn't trust you! He doesn't believe you! He hates you! They all do! _

“Ratchet please! You can’t do this to me! Please let me go!”

Ratchet just shook his helm. It didn’t matter how Bumblebee screamed, begged or asked. He didn’t budge. It was like talking to a mountain and asking it to move out of the way. It started to feel impossible.

“No” He answered simply. He turned his helm to Optimus. “Let’s go” Bumblebee took a step closer to Ratchet.

“Don’t go without me! I can do it! I’m sorry I fraged up!” Ratchet snapped his helm towards him. He was starting to look angry.

“My decision has been made. Stop arguing with me. You. Are. Staying. End of story” Ratchet started walking towards the door out of the base. Bumblebee saw his chance of redemption literally disappearing before his very optics. The one who held the key to his prison of dark thoughts had just ripped the key to his freedom from his servos, turned his back to him and was now walking away. That's what broke the camel's back.

“I’m not useless!”Bumblebee screamed at Ratchets back. Ratchet stopped. “I’m not as unstable as you think! I’m not broken! Why won’t you let me show you?!” Ratchet turned around and looked at him. His stern and angry faceplate had changed to one of confusion and concern.

“I have never said I think you're unstable” Ratchet said. Bumblebee felt tears fill his optics, he didn’t know if they were tears of sadness or anger, either way so did he force them back. 

“I know you think it! You have said it to Blitzwing! ‘He’s unstable!, ‘he’s a freak of nature’ you have said that about him! So why would it not extend to me?!” Ratchet looked at him with big optics.

“Bumblebee...Primus kid.That’s different-”   
“Why?! Is it different because you dare saying it to Blitzwing faceplate but not mine!”

Ratchet took some steps forward.

“No. That's not it! I-”

“You hate me! I know that you do! I know you think I’m broken! But I’m not! I can prove it, but,. You! Won’t! Let! Me!” His scream cut through the air and Bumblebee saw that something that resembled horror slowly started to dawn on Ratchets faceplate. That snapped Bumblebee out of his raged filled screaming and he realised what he had just said.

He quickly turned around and ran towards his room.  _ Why did I say that? Dear Primus why did I say that? _

“Bumblebee! Wait!” Ratchet screamed after him, but Bumblebee didn’t stop. He threw the door opened and locked it behind him. He put his back towards the door and slowly sank to the floor and pulled his legs towards his chest and hugged them tight. He heard a knock at the door.

“Ki-Bumblebee, please open the door” It was Ratchet. Bumblebee closed his optics. He had no desire to talk more to him and refused to answer but Ratchet continued to speak through the door.

“Bumblebee please open door so we can talk faceplate to faceplate” Bumblebee did not respond. 

He heard some footsteps approached the door. They were too loud to be Prowls but to quiet to be Bulkheads or Blitwings so he guessed it was Optimus.  He heard another knock and Optimus voice cam through the door.

“Bee can you please open the door” His voice was calm and filled with concern, but right now Bumblebee didn't want to hear it.

“Leave me alone!” He screamed back through the door. His voice didn't sound as angry as he would have liked it. That he was crying was clear in his voice and it gave it a pathetic hint to it.

He heard Optimus and Ratchet speak to each other, but it was too quiet for him to be able to make out what they were saying through the door. He then heard them walk away from the door. It was silent for a moment but shortly after he heard the sound of mechs transforming into their alt modes and then the sound of several vehicles leaving the base. 

Soon Bumblebee heard some heavy footsteps and there was a third knock on his door.

“They are all gone now” It was Blitzwing. “Even Sari. We are the only ones at the base for the moment if you want to come out and not meet the others“

Bumblebee kept quiet and put his faceplate on his knees. He heard a quiet sigh from the other side of the door. It was not a sigh of irritation it was one of something that more resembled sorrow.

“Come out if you feel like it. I’ll be in the living room.” Bumblebee heard the Blitzwing walk away from the room towards the living room. It was quiet for a moment and then he heard the sound of the Tv getting turned on. He heard the channels switch and landed on something that sounded like cartoons. Bumblebee first found it weird, because if Blitzwing got to decide he usually put on the nature channel or something more sciencey. But it soon went up for Bumblebee what he was doing. He was trying to coax Bumblebee out of the room with cartoons as bait.

In the beginning it didn’t work. Bumblebee just sat there on the floor and cried softly. He felt embarrassed because of what he had said, he was angry and disappointed because he hadn’t been allowed to go on the mission and he also felt bad because his intrusive thoughts kept spewing their hurtful poison. In the end Bumblebee couldn’t stand being alone with nothing to do but to listen to them. He wiped away his tears and started to pick himself up and started to reassemble his wall between his dark thoughts and the outside world and he slowly opened the door and peeked out. 

He saw no one. He didn’t believe Blitzwing had lied about the others leaving but he just wanted to be sure. He slowly excited the room and quietly made his way towards the living room. 

He could see Blitzwing sitting in the sofa, he was completely alone as far Bumblebee could tell. He walked up to the sofa. Blitzwing looked at him, his optics was concerned but there was also a calm to them. He patted the sofa and Bumblebee jumped up next to him.

He laid down and laid his helm on Blitzwings thigh and Blitzwing but a reassuring servo on top of Bumblebees shoulder. Bumblebee shifted his optics away from Blitzwing to the Tv and tried to focus on the program that was showing. For a moment none of them said anything and the only sound that could be heard was that from the TV. When the program ended and commercial started playing so did Blitzwing speak up.

“Do you wanna watch Tv a bit first and then tell me what’s going on, or do you wanna talk first and then watch cartoons?” Blitzwing had given Bumblebee two options and none of them was not to talk about it at all. Bumblebee was silent, hoping Blitzwing would get the point and drop it. But Blitzwing was not gonna let this go. Bumblebee felt Blitzwing lightly squeeze his shoulder.

“Do you wanna watch Tv a bit first and then tell me what’s going on, or do you wanna talk first and then watch cartoons?” He repeated, a bit more sternly this time making it very clear that Bumblebee was not going to escape this conversation topic. They both knew that this was not gonna be nice conversation, but Blitzwing was still dead set on having it. Bumblebee was quite a bit longer than necessary before whispering an answer.

“Cartoons first” It was half a miracle that Blitzwing had heard him.

“Very well. Two more episodes then we’ll talk” And with that they stopped talking again.

Those two episodes was the fastest episodes in Bumblebees life. Bumblebee was quiet and just begged the whole way through that they would not end, that they would just continue forever and he’ll never had to talk about what happened.He just wanted to forget everything that had happened and continue on as normal. But the episodes ended, like they always do. After that so did he start to beg that Blitzwing would have forgotten about what they had agreed on and they would not have to talk. But when the second episode ended so did Blitzwing turn off the Tv and Bumblebee knew then that no miracle would come and save him.

Nothing happened for a while. They just sat there in silence before Blitzwing spoke.

“What’s going on?” It was a simple question but also a very big one and complicated one at the same time. 

“Nothing” Bumblebee said quietly whilst not looking at him. He just stared at the black TV screen like it was still on, trying his best to make his mind wander away somewhere else that was not right here right now. 

“That’s a lie. You know it, and I know it. What’s going on?” He asked again.

“Nothing” Bumblebee repeated even more quietly than last time. He felt Blitzwing squeezed his shoulder again and Bumblebees mind was dragged back to reality.

“Bumblebee look at me.” Bumblebee refused. He just continue to stare at the Tv screen. He could see an outline of Blitzwings frame in the reflection but he tried his best not to focus on it but his optics wandered to the two red dots on the black screen that was the reflection of Blitzwings optics. “Bumblebee, please look at me and tell me what is wrong” He said again in a clear tone of voice.

Bumblebee finally turned his helm and looked at Blitzwing. He meet those crimson optics head on now. Bumblebee was half accepting Blitzwing to be annoyed or irritated but what he was meet with was concerned looking optics. “Please tell me what's going on. I promise not to get mad or upset. If you won’t tell because you are afraid I might hurt Ratchet or something, don’t be.You have nothing to fear. Please just tell me what's wrong so i can help you fix it” Bumblebee felt the tears start making their way out of his optics and down his cheeks again and it was like Blitzwing had just taken a needle and popped a bubble inside of him. It was like the dam he had tried hold all his thoughts behind exploded into thousand of pieces and everything came running out of him.

“I have theses thoughts, dark thoughts and I don’t like that i think them, but I can’t stop it. Like i try to reason with myself but they just continue.I can’t stop it. And they just keep going, and going, and they have gotten worse and new ones keep appearing and I try to get rid of them, but they just keep coming back and I don’t know what to do! I tried to not think about it, and i tried meditating, and i tried to remember the stop sign but they don’t go away and don’t know what to do and-and-and,-”  Bumblebee grabbed his helm, pulled his leg towards his chest and let out a something that was a mix of a scream of frustration and a sob. 

He felt Blitzwing servo start to carefully rub his shoulder and down his arm.

“It’s okay. Let it all out” Bumblebee let out another sob. He turned his helm so his faceplate was up against Blitzwings thigh and he cried into the meta l. It was nice to feel the warmth of Blitzwings frame against his faceplate, it felt comforting. He cried so much it felt like he was going to run out of tears at any point now, but they didn’t stop. They just kept coming and was now making Blitzwings thigh wet with tears. After a while so did Bumblebee calm down a bit and Blitzwings started talking.

“A lesson i have been taught but have a hard time to follow” Blitzwing started “Is that dark thoughts is like weeds. They like to live in your mind, tucked away from the outside world. There they grow and thrive. No matter how much you try to cut them down so does the root remain. But when you talk about it so do you expose them to the sun light and they can’t live in that environment. They wither away. You may never be able to salt the earth but you can pull them from the ground, root and all.”

“I don’t want to burden you” Bumblebee mumbled into Blitzwings plating and let out another sob. He felt a digit get placed under his chin and his helm got pulled upwards and Blitzwings and Bumblebees optics meet again. Blitzwings optics were soft and he had a small smile on his lips. His faceplate spun and Random appeared.

“When we two agreed to become conjuxes we also agreed on that your bullshit is my bullshit, and my bullshit is your bullshit. And you’re not burdening me” His faceplate turned back to Icy “Primus knows how much you had to deal with all my problems with leaving the Decepticons, me and my operation, me having to learn how to fit in with the other Autobots, Primus Bumblebee you had to deal with me being sad just a couple of days ago. You dealt with all of that, so why wouldn’t i deal with all your problems?” Bumblebee didn’t answer for a moment so Blitzwing spoke up again. “We are in this together. You don’t have to fight alone. So tell me what's bothering you.” Bumblebee grabbed Blitzwings servo and moved it from his chin to his cheek and leaned into it.

“I don’t want to be a burden or be useless to the rest of the team” It was barely a whisper but Blitzwing heard him fine. 

“Bumblebee, think of the situation as a video game. Everyone is on level 100. But when you turned into a triple changer, you returned to level 1. No one expects a level 1 character to do the same as a level 100. But with experience so will you level up and after a while you’ll be at level 100 again.” He sighed “I know patience is not your thing but this kind of things take time. It won’t happen overnight”

“But” Bumblebee started “How will i gain experience if I’m not allowed to go on missions?” Blitzwing stroke some tears away from Bumblebee cheeks.

“That's true. You’ll have to go on missions to gain experience. But you don’t fight the final boss when you're at level 1, do you?”  Bumblebee slowly shook his helm. Blitzwing continued. “When you are level 1 you fight level 1 enemies.” Blitzwings faceplate switched to Random. “And I wouldn’t call Megatron exactly a beginner enemy!” He said and laughed. Bumblebee let out a wet chuckle with him. It felt like that dark thought disappeared from his mind, like it was turning to dust before his very optics.

“So” Blitzwing said and his faceplate switched back to Icy. “What was that with Ratchet all about?” Bumblebee was quiet for a moment before he spoke up again.

“Ratchet, have said bad things about you being a triple changer” Blitzwing quietly nodded in agreement. “And now that I’m a triple changer so dose those comment extend to me” Bumblebee finished. He saw Blitzwings faceplate switched to Hothead. He was gritting his denta and had a scowl on his faceplate. But he seemed to remember to promise not get so mad, he took a breath and his faceplate switched back to Icy.

“I don’t think those comments extend to you” He said slowly. 

“Why wouldn’t they! Look at us!” Bumblebee snapped “Were not normal! Cybertronians are not supposed to have two altmodes! He is right, we are both freaks of nature!” Blitzwing looked at Bumblebee and to Bumblebees surprise so burst Blitzwing out in laughter. He laughed so he buckled over and tears started to come out of his optics. He tried several times to compose himself and say something but he couldn’t hold himself for more than a second before he got dragged back into the laughing fit. Bumblebee watched him he first turned to Buzzkill and screamed at him.

“Stop laughing! This is not funny! Nothing about this is funny!” Blitzwing tried to stop himself.

“No, no of course not, I’m sorry-” He didn’t get further before he returned to laughing his aft off and now Bumblebee got dragged into it. He couldn’t help himself. His faceplate switched to Bubble, and he too started laughing so much it started to hurt. He didn’t know why, but when he heard that beautiful laugh that Blitzwing did when he was on Icy so could he just not help himself.It also felt kind of nice. Laughing felt kind of freeing.

He didn’t know how long time it took before they both had calmed down enough to talk to each other again. Blitzwing wiped some tears away.

“Sorry. It’s just that I think this is incredibly funny” Bumblebee looked at him a bit confused.

“Why?” Blitzwing smiled and his faceplate switched to Random.

“Were not normal.You summed us up in three words. And I don’t think us not being normal has anything to do with us being triple changers. And either way so is being normal completely overrated!” Blitzwing wiped away some more tears and breathed out before his faceplate switched back to Icy. “Okay but seriously. There is nothing wrong with being a triple changer. We’re like...crayons in a box. It would be incredibly boring if there was only blue crayons.” Bumblebee nodded in agreement. Blitzwing continued “And why would we be so different from anyone else? Why are being a triple changer a crime against nature? The jet twins can turn into one mech, Ironhide can get extra armour, and Sentinel got a big aft chin.” A laugh bubbled out of Bumblebee and Blitzwing smiled, his faceplate switched to Random and continued “Like, that chin is more of a freak of nature than us two combined. Like, how can a mech have that big of a chin?” He said like he really was confused by it. Bumblebee howled in laughter.

“Ya like, Primus Sentinel, spare some for the rest of us!” Blitzwing and Bumblebee returned to laughing so hard it almost hurt. Blitzwings laugh died down first and his faceplate switched back to Icy.

“And even if we are freaks of nature, what changes? We are what we are and we can’t change that. So we just have to make do with what we got.” Blitzwing leaned down and kissed the top of Bumblebees helm softly. “And I don’t care what you are. All I care is that you are you” Bumblebee smiled.

“Right back at ya Blitzbrain” He said with a chuckle.  He was quiet for a moment before Blitzwing spoke up again.

“But I think that we maybe should talk to Ratchet about those comments. Perhaps we should invite Optimus also. Get someone who has at least half a processor and can see this from a neutral point of view” Bumblebees faceplate switched back to Jitterbug.

“Ya, that would probably be a good idea” They fell into silence for a moment before Blitzwing kissed Bumblebee on top of his helm again.

“Anyway, let’s continue, what else is running around that processor of yours?”


	24. Chapter 24

They had pulled in two boxes into the living room and made a circle between them and the sofa. They have chosen the living room because that was neutral ground.

Bulkhead, Prowl and Sari had headed to the beach and had been told to not return until Optimus said it was okay. Now left at the base was Bumblebee, Blitzwing, Ratchet and Optimus.

Bumblebee and Blitzwing had taken the sofa while Ratchet and Optimus sat on the boxes.

Blitzwing held one of his stress balls in one of his servos and absentmindedly squeezed it. Bumblebee had been allowed to take one of Blitzwings fidget cubes.  They sat there in silence. The air felt thick to breathe through Bumblebees vents. He fiddled with the cube in his servos, pressing the buttons to a beat inside his head. He peeked up at Ratchet and saw that he was looking directly at him. Bumblebee lost the beat for a moment and quickly looked down again and tried to get it back on track. Optimus spoke up.

“Okay, first of all, rules. Number 1, one person speaks at a time. When this person speaks we don’t interrupt them. 2, We won’t judge each other, insult each other and we will respect that we all have different opinions and we will respect and act like decent, grown up mechs over all.” He shot everyone in the room a look “Number 3 We will continue to talk until we have solved everything. If you feel you can't compose yourself or need a moment you're allowed to ask for a time out. Then we’ll have a five minute recess and then we’ll continue. Is the rules clear?” Everyone nodded. “Great, we’ll start with what happened today.” Optimus turned towards Bumblebee. “Bee could you explain for us why you acted and said what you did.” Bumblebee continued to fiddled with fidget cube and started talking without raising his optics. 

“Ratchet have said things to Blitzwings that now extends to me. Rude things and they have bother me for a while. And i guessed i just exploded and it all came out” His voice was monotone, like he was only reading up facts, but there was a hint of anger to it. Optimus nodded.

“Can you give us an example of what kind of comment Ratchet have said?” Bumblebee stopped pushing the buttons for a moment and thought before speaking up.

“Blitzwing is a freak of nature”He spit the comment out like he didn’t like the taste of it coming out of his mouth.

Bumblebee had chosen that comment because it was a good example of one of the things that had been growing and hurting inside his mind. Also it was quit a terrible thing to say and Bumblebee hoped that Ratchet would understand that when it came from another mouth than his own. Bumblebee glanced up at Ratchets faceplate. Ratchet was crossing his arms and looking down at the floor with unfocused optics. Bumblebee looked down again and glared at the cube like it had offended him.

Optimus nodded again.

“Alright, Ratchet” He said and turned his helm now towards Ratchet. “What do you think about this?” Bumblebee could feel Ratchets optics land on him but he just focused on the cube, not wanting to meet his optics.

“Kid, those comments have nothing to do with you” Ratchet didn’t sound angry, he sounded almost regretful.

“How can’t they?” Bumblebee snapped and he finally lifted his helm so he could directly meet his optics. “Blitzwing is a freak of nature. Blitzwing is a freak of nature because he is a triple changer. That means that triple changer = freak of nature. I’m a triple changer so that means that I’m a freak of nature” Ratchet rubbed his temples.

“Kid, I said that before you got turned into a triple changer. If I had know that…” Ratchet gestured towards Bumblebees frame “This would happen, so would I never had said that” Bumblebees faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“So as long it was only Blitzy so was it okay!?” He snarled “When is calling anyone a ‘freak of nature’ okay?! Especially a team mate!” He felt Blitzwing place a servo on his shoulder and Bumblebee breathed in and out and his faceplate turned back to Jitterbug.

“No, it’s not okay.” Ratchet agreed and sighed. “I shouldn’t have said those things at all... I know that I can get unreasonably cruel when it comes to Blitzwing, and I’m sorry” Bumblebee stared at Ratchet with rage filled optics. 

“Don’t say that to me” Bumblebee hissed. Ratchet was still for a moment before he finally broke optic contact and moved his optics so his and Blitzwings meet instead. He took a moment but finally sighed.

“I’m sorry. What I said was out of line, and I’m sorry” The room fell into silence for a moment. Blitzwing was just staring and Ratchet, judging him with his optics. The room felt tense, like they were bracing themselves for a bomb to go off. Blitzwings intense stare loosed it intensity, he leaned back a little and he finally spoke up.

“Apology accepted” He simply said. It was like a sigh of relief swept through the living room.

“If Blitzwing accepts it, then so will I” Bumblebee chimed in, his voice losing some of it harshness.

“Good.” Optimus said “Now for the future I think we should not bring in Blitzwing or Bumblebee being tripe changer into our bickering or petty disagreements” his voice had a bit of sass to it. Everyone just nodded silently. “Good, now to next thing. Bumblebee and missions” Before Optimus had the chance to give anyone the word so did Bumblebee speak up.

“Why wasn’t I allowed to go on today's mission?” He looked at Ratchet who meet his optics. Sternness returned to the medics faceplate.

“After what happened last time I didn’t want to risk you pulling a similar stunt” Bumblebee glared at him.

“But I have learned that. Attacking Megatron was stupid I realise that. But I need to learn and you learn best by making mistakes.” Bumblebee turned his helm towards Optimus and addressed him in a lighter tone. “Right boss bot?” Optimus looked kind of surprised he had been dragged into the conversation so suddenly but caught himself.

“Yes. That is true” He agreed. Ratchet shoot him an angry look, shook his helm and turned back to Bumblebee.

“So what if that mistake offlines you? What then?” Blitzwings frame stiffen for a moment before he let out a low growl.

“That won’t happen” Ratchet snapped his helm towards him.

“You can’t promise that. You might not want to accept it but you won’t always be there for Bumblebee, and you can’t always protect him. And that's facts and you know it” Bumblebee could see Blitzwing squeezed the stress ball extra hard. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Bumblebee could hear his denta grinding. Finally he opened his mouth again.

“So what then?” Blitzwing growled. ”Are we supposed to keep him here in the base the rest of his life, like a prisoner?” It was now Ratchet turn to grind his denta. He was quiet for moment his optics shifting to Bumblebee and his expression hardened.

“If that is what it takes to keep him safe, then yes” 

“Thats stupid!” Bumblebee angrily chimed in. “I can’t just stay here the rest of my days and roll my thumbs! I need to get out there!” Bumblebee said while he pointed at the door. “I need to learn and I never will if you never let me do or try anything!” 

“What if you get hurt?!” Ratchet snapped towards him. 

“I have gotten hurt before! It comes with being a hero! Getting hurt is nothing new!” Bumblebee snapped right back at him.

“Yes, but it’s different now! I can’t let you run out into danger or do missions!..Not yet.”The last part was in a lower tone like it had been meant to stay in his helm but it accidentally had slipped out. Ratchets uncrossed his arms and his servo griped around the edge of the box tightly.

“Why not! Why can’t you let me?!” Bumblebee yelled “Tell me what stupid reason you have! Come on, tell me, I would love to hear-”

“Because I’m afraid!” Ratchets words rang out and everything turned deathly silent. You could her a pin drop. Ratchet had an expression of surprise while everyone else looked at him with big optics. 

“What do you mean?” Bumblebee asked befuddled, all rage running off him in one swoop. Ratchet hid his faceplate in one of his servos in a semi facepalm. He let out a deep sigh.

“I’m afraid. That’s why I don’t want you to go” Bumblebee looked at him confused. This was new, he had never seen Ratchet like this before.

“Why?” Ratchet removed his servo from his faceplate and looked at him. His optics were softer now, lacking their normal sterness and his faceplate was not showing his normal scowl. He just looked...Really tired.

“I’m afraid you’ll get hurt again...Because if you do get hurt it that will be on my shoulders” Bumblebee didn’t get any wiser by that.

“Why would me doing something stupid be on your shoulders? Wouldn’t that be on me?” Ratchet shook his helm.

“I am your medic. In the end it’s up to me to decide if you should be allowed to go or not.” Ratchet sighed again. “The truth kid, is that I don’t know anything. I’m shooting in the dark. I know next to nothing about triple changers and how their learning curve or what hindrance they face. I got Blitzwing for example, but he is not you and it’s clear that you don’t work the same. So I have to guess. When should I let you drive? How strong painkillers should I give you? Should I let you out of the med bay or should I wait? I had no answer to any of those questions. I had to guess and hope I was not wrong. But last mission I put my money on that you could go and I lost that bet. You got hurt and that meant I sent you out too early, you were not ready. That means that it was my fault. And now I’m scared. I’m scared I will be wrong again” The room fell into silence again before Optimus spoke up again in a soft tone of voice.

“You can’t blame yourself Ratchet. All we can do is our best. You have been right about nearly everything, this one time you just had a stroke of bad luck” Ratchet slammed his fist into the box he was sitting on.

“I’m not allowed to have bad luck! I’m a medic! Me having bad luck can mean that someone goes offline!I shouldn’t be guessing and running around hoping to magically finding a fix for all of this! But there is nothing I can do! I’m just guessing and my guess was wrong and my best is not good enough and this one” Ratchet pointed at Blitzwing ”Won’t tell me anything about how he learned to control his faceplates so I don’t even get a hint or a clue to what I’m suppose to do”

Blitzwing squeezed the stress ball in his servo. Bumblebee put one of his own servos over the one Blitzwing had placed on his shoulder and stroke it. Optimus looked at Ratchet with sterner optics and spoke up again.

“Ratchet, you need to accept that Blitzwing doesn't want to talk about it.”

“Yes you say that, but he hasn’t even explained why he won’t!”

“He doesn't have to” Optimus said sternly. “It’s his history and he gets to decide who he tells it to. I remember that you yourself have had an unwillingness to talk about certain aspects of your past” Ratchet stared right into Optimus optics, it was an angry stare but Optimus didn’t back down.They held optic contact for a long time seemingly engaged in a stare down. 

Blitzwing took a hold of Bumblebees servo and squeezed it gently. Bumblebee noticed his servo was shaking in his grip. He looked up at his faceplate and saw that Blitzwings jaw was tight and his optics seemed unfocused. Bumblebee sent him a squeeze back. He turned his helm towards Bumblebee and he responded with giving him a small smile. His optics scanned over Bumblebees faceplate. Stopping on his bright blue optics and the little smile. His optics seemed to get brighter for a moment, like a sun, peeking through the clouds. But quickly disappeared again and his expression hardened.

“Fine.”He spit the word like he didn’t like the taste of it. Everyone looked at him in confusion. Blitzwing slowly turned his helm again so he was now facing Optimus and Ratchet. “I’ll tell you” Optimus spoke up.

“Blitzwing you don’t have-” Blitzwing shook his helm, silencing the Autobot leader.

“It’s fine.” He said and took firmer hold of Bumblebees servo like he was afraid Bumblebee would slip away. ”I don’t get along with you Ratchet, that's not a secret. But I understand you. I understand your wish to protect Bumblebee and the feeling that you're failing...So I’ll give you this one part of my life. As one mech who cares about Bumblebee to another. But nothing more, and never,  _ ever  _ ask me to reveal another part of my life again” His words were put in way that made it sound like a threat. It looked like Optimus was going to say something but Ratchet gestured to Optimus to let it slide, he then turned his helm to Blitzwing and motioned for him to go ahead. 

Blitzwing gave him a short glare and tried to start, his optics losing their sharpness, the fire that usually burned behind them seemed to dim and turn to merely embers. 

“When I..” He went quiet. Bumblebee took his servo and gave it a kiss. Blitzwing bit his lower lip and his servo held Bumblebees so tight it hurt a little, but Bumblebee didn’t so much as flinch.

“When I woke up after my operation I killed three mechs. So much you know. No surprise so was Megatron not...thrilled. When I woke up my second time so was I in a common medical bay. I was put there so I would have time to recover. I destroyed the whole room in a blind rage and that was the last straw for Megatron.He...He…” Bumblebee saw a shiver go through Blitzwings frame. He kissed his servo again and gently stroke it.

"You wanna take a break?" He asked, concern written all over his voice. Blitzwing simply shook his helm in silence.

Bumblebee could see that Blitzwing was struggling with telling his story. Bumblebee didn’t really know how to help him. If it was just the two of them talking so would he probably have suggested to drop it so Blitzwing wouldn’t be forced to dig up bad memories. But now Blitzwing had decided to tell this story and it looked like he was dead set on telling it, start to finish. Blitzwing cleared his throat and tried to get on with the story.

“He put a collar on me. When I did something “bad” so would it shock me. And if I continued so would it get worse and worse until I went unconscious because of the pain” The room fell into silence. No one wanted to bite the obvious bullet.

“What counted as something ‘bad’?” Bumblebee finally asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. Blitzwing let go of the stress ball and he rubbed his neck cables absentmindedly, like he was trying to rub a stain away that wasn’t there. He also turned to look directly at Bumblebee as he answered the question.

“The collar could detect swings in my emotions. It would shock me for several reasons. It would shock me if i changed my faceplates and didn’t change back to Icy fast enough, if I got angry, became violent or did not do as I was told. These were all reason to why i got shocked. ” Bumblebee looked at Blitzwing in horror.

“When your faceplate changed?” He asked hoping he had heard him wrong. But Blitzwing nodded in conformation.

“I believe Megatron misunderstood my faceplate switching for a while. He saw my mind as shattered, not splintered. He didn’t like Hothead or Random for...well, obvious reasons” He let out a short dry chuckle “So he tried to force me stay as Icy at all times. He later realised that me staying on only one faceplate was not an option and dropped that part”. Bumblebees shocked at what Blitzwing had told him was not gone. His processor was trying to register every thing that was being said but he still had more questions to ask.

“You said that your car was rage, just like mine is anxiety”

“His what now?” Optimus asked but they both ignored him.

“It is” Blitzwing confirmed.

“But that means you got angry as often as i get worried. And your faceplate should change about as often as mine dose” 

“Thats right” He said and squeezed the servo Bumblebee held a bit harder. 

“Primus...That would mean-”

“Yes. I went unconscious nearly everyday because I couldn’t stop myself from getting angry and because I couldn’t control my faceplates so I needed to learn quickly how to change them” Bumblebee looked right into Blitzwings optics. They were dim and looked pained. Another shiver went through the big mechs frame.  Bumblebees faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“He can’t do that!” He screamed, making Optimus and Ratchet jump from the sudden loudness of Bumblebees voice “Megatron can’t do that! Thats horrible! You can’t help it! You got punished for something you couldn’t control! Putting a collar that hurts you because you get angry and change faceplate is like getting punished because you have to recharge! It’s not fair!” Bumblebee was fuming. “And what about doing stuff he told you too?” Blitzwing bit his lip. If he bit down any harder he was at risk of damaging it. 

“Megatron wanted me to develop quicker than my frame would allow.” Blitzwings faceplate switched to Random and he made his best Megatron impression “‘Transform into your ground vehicle!’,’Switch your faceplate!’, ‘Move faster!’ He would tell me stuff similar to that. And when I physically could not provide so was I punished”. Bumblebees frame grew cold and started shaking in anger. 

He had said he would not try to attack Megatron alone again but right now Bumblebee wanted nothing more to go to wherever the cons were hiding and smash Megatron's faceplate in.

“He did all that to you, and then that-that frager, dare to show his ugly, stupid faceplate with that disgusting smirk around you and taunt you with it! When I get my servos on him I’ll-I’ll..” Bumblebee let go of Blitzwings servo and made a strangling motion with his servos. 

“Please don’t. We don’t need to have a repeat of last time you two saw each other.” He let out a poor excuse of a laugh. It was a laugh but there was not even the slightest bit of genuine happiness or amusement to it. The room went quiet for a moment before Ratchet spoke up. His faceplate was neutral, it was hard to see on his faceplate but his optics were communicating that the information about Blitzwings triple changer training had shaken him.

“You were right” He admitted. Blitzwing lifted his gaze to look at the medic. “There is not anything to gain from this.” He let out a dry laugh. “Megatron really outdid himself this time. Not even in my wildest dream so would I have come up with such an unnecessary cruel way of ‘rehabilitating’ a mech.” 

“He’s very creative when it comes to punishments” Blitzwing said with another faked laugh. Upon hearing the laugh so did Ratchets faceplate shift and a pained expression appeared and his optics filled with something that resembled pity. Blitzwing saw the look and his optics left Ratchets immediately and he chose to stare down at the floor instead of meeting them.

“I’m sorry” Ratchets words sounded genuine. There was no hint of his normal grumpiness towards the ex-con. 

Blitzwing jagged smile faltered for a moment, before just as quickly it returned. It was quiet for a moment. Everyone just taking in all the information but soon so did  Ratchet spoke up again.

“I have question” 

“Shoot” Blitzwing simply answered.

“You mentioned that going this way would make Bumblebee like to battle and I don’t see how that connects to what you have said” Blitzwings jagged smile shrank a bit and his faceplate spun to Icy.

“When I got called out to battle so could I not fight with the collar on. So it would get deactivated so that I could fight…” Blitzwing took a moment to breath and Ratchet finished the sentence.

“That meant that the only time you got to change faceplates, feel angry and realise your emotions was on the battlefield” Blitzwing nodded confirming he had hit the nail on the head.

“I often get angry instead of being sad. And when rage got taken away from me so did I lose my only output. But when I got to fight I got to empty them out.” For the last part his voice changed. He sounded almost shameful. “It felt so nice to be able to get rid of all my emotions. It felt so good and now my memory with fighting is connected to a feeling of excitement and happiness. I like to fight, it’s my most natural way for me to get rid of bad emotions. It’s my way to cope” Optimus spoke up.

“I guess that explains why you went so hard out on Lugnut” Blitzwing didn’t deny or confirm that statement. Bumblebee kissed Blitzwings servo again and his faceplate switched to Jitterbug. He was still angry about Megatron but he could wait. Right now he had to focus on Blitzwing.

“You have to learn that there is better ways to cope than getting angry and fighting” Blitzwing looked at him with sad optics.

“How?” Bumblebee gave him a soft smile. 

“We’ll figure it out. We'll find a way! I’ll help you. I’ll be with you every step of the way. Your bullshit is my bullshit” Some of that fire behind Blitzwings optics that had turned to ambers sparked back to life and their normal sharpness started to show again. The room went quiet. Optimus looked around to see if anyone had anything more to say. But when none piped up so did he.

“Okay I think that was all. Meeting dismissed.” 

Optimus and Ratchet lifted the boxes and went outside leaving Bumblebee and Blitzwing alone on the sofa. Bumblebee took one of Blitzwings servos again and their digits intertwined. His servo was so much bigger in contrast to his own. But it was just right size.

“How do you feel?” Bumblebee asked. 

“Not so peachy” He admitted.”I didn’t really ‘enjoy’ this conversation so to speak” His frame was still tense and the servo Bumblebee held still trembled slightly. Bumblebee was quiet for a moment before an idea popped up in his helm.

“Do you wanna go on a date with me later?” Blitzwing raised and optics ridge and a weak smile curled up his lips.

“Does it still gets called a ‘date’ when the mechs hanging out are conjuxes?” Bumblebee shrugged.

“Don’t know, does it matter? Are you in?” 

  
  


Night came and Blitzwing and Bumblebee sneaked out of the base when everyone was recharging. The night was lukewarm with a slight breeze. There was not a single cloud, allowing the sky to show it thousands of stars. 

Bumblebee smiled and activated his thrusters and hovered up to the roof of the base, Blitzwing followed close behind.

Blitzwing laid down and Bumblebee laid on to of his chest so he could be on his back and watched the stars. 

Bumblebee felt Blitzwings warmth and how his vents slowly took in and realised air. Bumblebee just smiled, he had no reason to do so but he just felt weirdly happy. It had been a while since he had smiled like this for no reason. 

They didn't’t talk. They didn’t have too. They just looked up at the stars together while just enjoying each others precens.

So much had happened but despite everything so was it still the same stars. It was the stars that had been looking down on them before and after Bumblebees change. It felt nice in a way. That despite that he had changed so were it still things that never changed. Things that he could still enjoy no matter what happened.

Bumblebee was much like those stars. Even though his frame had changed so was he still him and he could still do and enjoy what he had always done. It might be a bit different but it was still him. He was still Bumblebee.

It might have taken him some time to realise that. He wasn’t triple changer Bumblebee, he was just Bumblebee. Everything was different but also the same, it was hard to explain. Like the crayon box Blitzwing had spoken about, he hadn’t stopped being a crayon he just had to realise and learn that he had changed colour. 

“What are you so happy about?” He heard Blitzwing ask. “Thought of something funny?”

Bumblebee gave him a soft smile.

“No, I’m just...happy. To be here with you” Blitzwing let out a laugh and kissed bumblebee on top of his helm.

It went quiet again, but that was okay. It was silent and there was nothing to do but to look at the stars. But that was okay. Bumblebee smile went a bit wider when he realised that. Nothing was going on, and it was fine. He was alone in his mind. No dark thoughts to bury or run from nothing to worry about, he could just enjoy the starts in peace and be happy.

  
  


Bumblebee woke up. He felt sick and unreasonable tired. He tried to move but realise he was covered in something that hinder his ability to move around. He looked down and realised it was spider web. He felt himself getting dragged through dir and brushes getting his faceplate covered in mud.

He looked forward and saw the back of a mech. It was non other than Blackarachnia herself. It didn't look like she had noticed he was awake, she just kept walking forward.

He tried to speak put his glossa wouldn’t move and his cheeks felt numb. He tried to keep his optics open but he kept closing them in slow blinks. His mind was running at a snail pace and he had a hard time thinking. 

He let his optics wonder beyond Balckarachnia. She was dragging him towards something that looked like a cave entrance. And the last thing he remembered before he went unconscious was that he recognised the cave,

Bumblebee flew up. He was back on top of the roof and he was now sitting up on Blitzwings chest. His processor was racing as he scooted up towards Blitzwings faceplate in a hurry, he was at the moment on Hothead. 

“Blitzwing, wake up” He said. Blitzwing made no movement. “Blitzwing. wake up!”He said it more commanding this time but Blitzwing still didn’t even flinch. Bumblebee then grabbed the sides of Blitzwings helmet and started shaking him violently. “Blitzwing! Wake your aft up!” Blitzwings optics were hidden behind his visor but his helm lifted up so fast smacked Bumblebee in the forehead. Both of the groaned in pain. He growled slightly.

“What the frag Bee?! Why did-” He didn’t get further. Bumblebee got back his composure, bowed his helm closer to Blitzwing and looked right into his visor with an urgent look in his optics.

“I know where Blackarachnia is!”


	25. Chapter 25

Bumblebee and Blitzwing got down from the roof and ran into the base screaming bloody murder which made the rest of the team leave their room in a startle. Bumblebee also called the ones out on night patrol back to the base saying it was urgent. 

Soon everyone was up and back at the base. They were standing in the living room now in a circles waiting for an explanation for what was so important 2 a clock in the morning.

“Okay were all here” Optimus noted. “So what's going on?”

“I know where Blackarachnia is” He said choosing to go straight to the point. Everyone looked at him like he had just created a miracle.

“You know where she is? And you haven’t told us?!” Ratchet asked, looked grumpier than usually, properly because of the quiet rude awakening.

“I had gone and recharge, and I had this dream and I know this will sound weird and maybe even crazy, but it was not an ordinary dream! I think it was a memory or a sign or something-who cares! The important thing is that I figured out where she is!” Bumblebee said so quickly it was a bit hard to keep up.

“A dream? We’re relying on a dream for directions?” Ratchet said and rubbed his temples. Bumblebees faceplate switched to Buzzkill.

“I know it’s real! It was not just a dream!” Optimus cut in.

“Dream or no dream, it doesn't matter. It won’t hurt to check it out.” He turned to Bumblebee. “So where is she?”

Bumblebees faceplate switched back to Jitterbug.

“There is this cave on Dinobot island. I have seen it sometimes when i have been driving there. And there is where she is!” he explained.

“I have seen it to.” Prowl chimed in. “I have never entered but i know where it is” Bumblebee looked around the team.

“Well then let's go!” Nobody moved. Everyone slowly turned their helms to look at Ratchet. 

_ Oh right. He still decides if I’m allowed to go or not. _

Ratchet didn’t even twitch, he faceplate was showing his normal scowling expression. Bumblebee crossed his digits and silently prayed.Ratchet glanced up at Blitzwing and then back at Bumblebee and sighed.

“This is about you. This whole thing started with you and I think it’s only right you're there when it ends.” He looked up at Blitzwing and nodded towards Bumblebee “Make sure he doesn't do something stupid” Ratchet ordered. It was a bit harsh but his words lacked their normal cruelty that often was aimed towards him. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random.

“I’ll be faster to grab him this time!” He said and laughed. Bumblebee rolled his optics.

"You're never gonna let me live it down, are you?" Before he got an answer so did Optimus voice rang out.

“Autobots! Roll out!”

They were now driving down the street towards the docks. Blitzwing was flying over them and Bumblebee was once again pretty far back the line and now was Prowl in the front leading the way. Sure, Bumblebee could come along but that didn't mean they would not still try to give him some extra protection. They drove around a curve and had to come to a complete stop. Bumblebee was not really focusing, he was occupied thinking about Blackarachnia, and all the questions he could ask and hopefully get answers to, and that lead to that he nearly crashed into Bulkhead.

“What’s going on?” He asked over the comms.From his point of view so couldn't he see why they had stoped.

“It’s traffic jam. They are renovating the road” Prowl answered.

“WHAT?!” Bumblebee yelled. “We don’t have time for this!” Bumblebee glanced back to see if they could go backwards and take another way. But cars had already pulled up behind them making it impossible to turn around.

The comm link opened again and Optimus spoke up.

“It’s not like we have much more choice than to wait. It will hopefully not take long. And anyway so is there no rush. And if Blackarachnia is still in the cave so will probably not a couple of minutes make her suddenly move" Bumblebee let out a huff of annoyance. Blackarachnia was within his sight and everything between him and all the answers he needed was road work! He started to think and an idea entered his mind. It was a bad idea, that much Bumblebee knew. But he couldn’t stop himself. He opened up a private channel of his comm link to Blitzwing.

“Blitzy, I have a question” 

“Shoot” Blitzwing simply answered.

“I’m about to do something possibly stupid and make a fool of myself. Do you have my back?” The link went silent for barely a second before he answered as Random in big confident.

“I always have your back” Bumblebee smiled and with that answered so did he transform into his other altmode and flew up into the air.The comm link was silent for a second, like the calm before the storm. Suddenly it sparked to life with a roar.

“Bumblebee!” Ratchet screamed “ What in Primus name are you doing?!”

“Sorry guys! We’ll go up ahead!” And with that Bumblebee turned off the comm link before anyone could say anything else and blasted off with Blitzwing close behind him towards Dinobot island.

They both landed a bit away from the cave, hoping that they might be able to surprised Blackarachnia. They went thru the forest as quietly as they could, but that was hard with how large Blitzwing was. He was not exactly made for stealth missions. After about 5 minutes so did the cave come into view. Bumblebee stopped dead and Blitzwing crouched down, trying to be at least a little bit more hidden. He started using his monocle scanning the area for life, traps and similar things that could be important. 

“I think we’re clear” He whispered after a while. Bumblebee nodded and they both moved out of the tree line and made their way towards the opening of the cave.

It looked just like how Bumblebee had dreamt it. It gave him a weird feeling of deja vu. They slowly made their way further into the cave. Bumblebee first and Blitzwing close behind. It was cold inside the cave and you could hear water dripping from the stalactites down onto the ground...or is stalagmites? Bumblebee could never tell them apart. 

Every step Blitzwing took echoed loudly even though he tried to sneak and made Bumblebee worry. If Blackarachnia actually was here so was it a big chance that she would hear them coming from a mile away because from a while away of how loud Blitzwing was. 

Bumblebee bit his lip a little before he made a decision. He stopped dead in the cave and Blitzwing stopped close behind him. The cave fell into complete silence.

“What is it?” Blitzwing whispered. Bumblebee looked at him and whispered back.

“You’re not gonna like this” Blitzwing already looked concerned. “I want to scout a head...Without you” The words just barely got the time to leave Bumblebees mouth before Blitzwing answered.

“Not a chance” 

“Listen to me-”

“No way I’m letting you go alone. It’s too dangerous.”

“She’ll know we’re coming if you go with me. I’m more stealthy than you. If I go first I might get the drop on her” Bumblebee explained but it didn't make Blitzwing look more calm.

Blitzwing faceplate switched to Hothead. He was still whispering but somehow he was still able to sound angry.

“Who cares if we get the drop on her? We can take her with or without the element of surprise.”

“Will you let me scout ahead at least and check if she’s even here?” It looked like Blitzwing was considering it.”Just a quick scout forward and then right back” Bumblebee reassured. Blitzwing thought about it for a bit longer before he sighed and his faceplate switched to Icy again.

“Fine. But any sign of trouble and you head right back"

“Sure. Back soon” He whispered and was about to continue but Blitzwing grabbed his arm. Bumblebee turned around at looked at him in confusion. Blitzwings faceplate was filled with concern.

"I'm being being serious. Don't do anything stupid or rash." Bumblebee was about to respond but Blitzwing spoke agin before he got the chance. "Please, be careful." Bumblebee gave him a reassuring smile and removed Blitzwing's servo from his arm.

"Come on Blitzy. Careful is my middle name. I'll be back before you know it" He said with big confident and continued on ahead now alone.

Bumblebee moved in a crouch like position and held close to the walls. The deeper he went the darker and colder it got. It was bit spooky but despite that did he continue forward, his desire of answers pulling him forward. He constantly looked around and keeping his optics out for any movement. Blackarachnia could be lurking anywhere and they were on her home turf so that gave her and advantage. But hopefully so had she not notice that him and Blitzwing had enter the cave yet.

Bumblebee then suddenly stopped. He saw that the cave had gotten brighter. _ I must be close. _He continued slower, trying to keep to the shadows and soon he saw that the cave lead to a bigger opening. He sneaked closer and still sticking to the walls. Stoped at the opening and peeked in. 

His optics scanned the room quickly. And he was meet with a familiar sight. He could see a lot of machines and in the middle of the room was a medical berth. He continued to look around and soon got disappointed, Blackarachnia was nowhere to be found. He stood up straight and walked right in. 

It was higher to the ceiling now, it was in fact so high up and that it gave the impression that the walls disappear into the darkness.

The room was pretty much an exact copy of what he had seen in his dream. The only difference was that he now could look around the room 360 degrees. What he hadn’t seen his dream was the big monitor on one off the walls of the cave and a wooden box.

He started with walking up to the berth. It was an exact copy of the one he had been stuck to in his dream. It made him feel queasy. He touched the edge the berth with the tips of his digits, like he didn't quiet believe it was really there. But it was real. He stroke his digits over it, feeling the cold metal. He made a face towards it and then turned his helm and walked up to the monitor instead.

He hadn't seen it in his dream. But that was because he hadn't been able to turn his helm towards it in his dreams...Or memories? It did't matter. He pressed the start up button and the screen lit up. There was a lot of icons and documents on the screen. He started to scan over them to see if something looked interesting. It mostly was different types of boring equations and diagrams he din't care much for. He tried to interpret a few but it was all gibberish to him, it might as well have been written in a different language. Bumblebee continued forward until he stopped on a folder.

“Successful operation(S.O): Subject one” was it listed as. Bumblebee opened it and a lot of different documents and graphs appear. Bumblebee sighed and decided to open the one that sounded most interesting.

“S.O Subject 1,Report: 1” Bumblebee started to scan through the document.

“The subject awoke 28 hours after the operation, started screaming and acted in a highly aggressive manner. Three doctors that was working during the time of the subjects awakening was assaulted by the subject upon the subjects awakening. All three doctors was declared offline shortly after the attack. The subjects rampage was ended by the subject getting beaten into unconsciousness by a civilian mech. The subject was then transferred to a common medical bay for recovering and given a high doses of painkillers and sedative. The subject later-”

Bumblebee stopped reading at that point. He had heard this before. This was a report about Blitzwing. Of course did the document not right out say it, but it was too similar to what he had told him to be a coincidence. Bumblebee left the document and started to look further in the folder.

“S.O 1” Bumblebee pressed a button and the document opened.

Subject 1. 

Operation status: Successful 

Name: Blitzwing 

Original alt mode: Flyer 

Bumblebee closed the document before he could read the whole thing. It didn’t feel right to look through Blitzwing's medical history. It felt like he was breaching his privacy. Bumblebee left the folder entirely and opened the folder directly under it.

“Successful operation(S.O): Subject two” 

Bumblebee opened the document and went right to the document named simply “Subject 2”

S.O 2

Operation status: Successful

Name: Bumblebee

Original alt mode: ground vehicle 

Bumblebee felt his spark drop all the way into his tanks. This was his report, his transformation, his triple changer change.

Bumblebee closed the document and looked around the rest of the folder. He saw that a video was inside the folder. He pressed play and the video immediately started to play. It was taken out of a news report. It was a shaky video, presumedly filmed by a civilian on their phone and not a professional with a camera. The film was shaky and had bad quality but it was no doubt of what the video was about. It was showing Blitzwing and Bumblebees first flight lesson and their fight with Lugnut. 

_ She’s been keeping tabs on me. _ That majorly crept Bumblebee out. The idea of her looking around for information on him like a stalker sent chills down his back struts. He closed the folder entirely. He didn't want to read anymore. He was afraid that he would find something that would be worse than what he had already seen and either way so should he probably get Blitzwing. But as fast he exited the folder so was he meet with another horror. It was another folder under his named:"Successful operation(S.O): Subject three"

Bumblebee just stared at it for a moment in shock, his mind started racing.

_ If the first one was Blitzwing's, and the second one was mine, then who in Primus name does the third one belong to? _

Bumblebee hastily opened the folder. There was only one document in the whole folder. Bumblebee opened it just like he had done with the other two. He shifted his wight on his peds anxiously while he waited for the document to loads. As fast as the text appeared so did he scan through the document quickly.

Subject 3 

Operation status: 

Name: 

Original alt mode: 

Bumblebee looked through the whole document and he didn’t know if he should have been relieved or utterly terrified that the whole document was a blank report. _ She’s thinking about doing it again. Turning someone else into a triple changer. _

The realisation made Bumblebee slowly back away from the monitor, like it was a dangerous animal. He walked backwards until he felt himself bump into something. He turned on a dime and activated his stinger and took a battle stance. But there was no one there. Bumblebee looked around to see what he had walked into, he looked down and saw the wooden box.

Bumblebee lifted an optic ridge. He should probably not touch more stuff and go back to Blitzwing and report what he had found. Bumblebees faceplate switched to Bubble.

_ Blackarachnia is not here...I'll just check this box and then I'll go right back to him. _Bumblebee opened the box without a second thought. He was not prepared for what he found.

It was a t-cog, well not exactly. It looked like a weird version of one, like a bootleg version. Bumblebee had only seen pictures of t-cogs before, he had never seen one in real life. He was not sure he was supposed to be disgusted or fascinated by it. He stared at it mesmerized.

That's when Bumblebee felt something completely incase his frame. He lost his footing and fell down with a yelp and landed on his side and then rolled onto his chest. Bumblebee immediately tried to get back up again but noticed he couldn't stand up, he pretty much could not move around at all.

“Well, well, looks like a bumblebee was caught in my net” The dark sinister voice came from behind him and Bumblebee immediately recognised it. He was able to roll so he was on his back instead and looked around. He scanned the ground but found no trace of her. Then he saw movement above him. He swallowed and let his optics follow the wall up and out of the darkness did he see the biggest spider he had ever seen come out of darkness. Blackarachnia.

Bumblebee fought against the web that had increased him but it was useless. Blackarachnia made her way down to the floor and turned into her bot mode.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come back so soon. Did you miss me so much?” She said and walked closer in a calm pace. Thats when Bumblebee realised that he had really messed up. What was that saying humans said? Curiosity killed the cat? Anyway so did he turn around again so he was on his stomach and tried to crawl away like a caterpillar towards the way he had enter but Blackarachnia caught up to him no problem. She put her ped down on his back, hindering him from moving forward at all. 

“Don’t touch me!” He screamed and tried to wriggle himself loose. His voice echoed inside the cave. Blackarachnia pushed down her ped hard into Bumblebees back which made him shut up.

“How did you find me?” She asked curiously.

Bumblebees faceplate switched to Bubble.

“I got lost” He said and smiled.”I knew I shouldn’t have taken that last right turn” Bumblebee couldn’t see Blackarachnia's faceplate but he just knew she wasn’t very amused with his answer.

“Very funny. Now let me tell you a joke in return” She pressed her ped so hard down it hurt and Bumblebees vent got emptied of air. “If you don’t answer my questions so will you regret it” She lifted her ped slightly letting Bumblebee draw in new air. Bumblebee let out a chuckle.

“That’s a funny joke. Are you practicing to be a clown? I think it will suit you. You already have the look down-” Bumblebee didn’t get further before his vents were emptied of air again and his faceplate switched back to Jitterbug.

“Listen to me three face." She snarled. "If you don’t…” She suddenly went quiet. 

“If I don’t what?” Bumblebee wheezed.

“Silence.” She said sternly. Bumblebee was quiet for a moment now also and listened. He could hear quiet thumps that quickly grew louder and louder. A smile crept up Bumblebees lips.

“What in Primus name is that noise?” Blackarachnia asked. Bumblebee was unsure if she asked herself that question or was asking him, but Bumblebee answered either way.

“It’s the sound of aft kicking” Bumblebee said loudly over the noise. Right on time he saw a large mech enter the room.

Blitzwing's faceplate was on Hothead and he hastily scanned through the room and his optics stopped on them. As fast as his processor registered what was unfurling before him so did he bare his denta and a deep scowl appeared on his faceplate. He was pissed.

“Blitzwi-?” She didn’t get further. Blitzwing rushed towards them at a nearly unnatural speed, he reeled his servo back and backhand slapped Blackarachnia off Bumblebee. She was sent flying and slammed into the cave wall, making dust fall down over her. Blitzwing teared the spider web off Bumblebee whilst he growled.

“‘I’ll scout ahead Blitzwing’, ‘I’ll come back if i find something Blitzwing’. What is your idea of scouting?! I thought we made a deal about rushing ahead and attacking Decepticons alone!” Blitzwing ripped off the last of the spider web and Bumblebee hastily stood up.

“You can yell at me as much as you want later!” Bumblebee said and turned his helm towards Blackarachnia who was getting back up on her peds. Blitzwing left Bumblebees side and ran towards her.Blackarachnia tried to incase Blitzwing with her web like she had done with Bumblebee, but Blitzwing just lowered his cannons and turned the webs too ash before they meet him. She tried to move out of the way but Blitzwing was too fast. He grabbed one of her arms and slammed her into the floor and her frame made a horrible sound when she connected with the stone floor.

She let out a cry in pain. Blitzwing then placed one of his peds on top her back hindering her from moving, much like she had done to Bumblebee. Blackarachnia tried to escape but was stuck. Bumblebee walked over and his faceplate switched to Bubble as he squatted down so he could see her agitated faceplate.

“Oh how the tables have turned” He said amused. Blackarachnia didn't find it as amusing as Bumblebee. She growled and tried to take a swipe at him, but Bumblebee moved out of the way and she missed him with just a couple of centimeters. 

“Do that again, and I’ll rip off that servo”Blitzwing growled, his voice was dark and merciless making it very clear that he was being serious about the threat. Bumblebee cleared his throat and moved closer again as his faceplate switched back to Jitterbug.

“Now, you’ll have to answer our questions” She only hissed in response but did not try to attack him again. Blitzwing pushed his ped down a little more and her hissing ceased. Bumblebee started thinking. This was his chance! He could get the answers to all his questions. He didn’t even know where to start. But while Bumblebee was thinking so had Blitzwing already made up his mind.

“Why did you turn Bumblebee to a triple changer?” His voice was dark and threatening.”Why him?” When Blackarachnia didn't answer so did Blitzwing press down his ped so much she let out a huff of pain.

“It was a coincidence” She answered, and as her reward so did Blitzwing lift his ped slightly.

“Continue”

“He was alone. That's why I took him. He was driving around alone in the woods, he was easy picking” They fell into silence for a moment before Blitzwing spoke again.

“Is that the only reasons?” He said it in a voice that was just daring her to try to lie to him.

“Yes.” She grunted. Blitzwings faceplate switched to Icy.

“So it’s not revenge for me leaving the decepticons for Bumblebee?”

“What do you mean?” She asked confused.

“Did you choose to transform Bumblebee because he’s my conjux?” Blackarachnia's optics went a bit larger and she was quiet a moment causing Blitzwing to press down a bit. "Answer" He demanded.

“I didn’t know you even where conjuxes before this exact moment!” She was able to get out. Blitzwing lifted his ped slightly again.

“Is Megatron in on this?”

“No. This is a private project” Bumblebee cocked his helm to the side.

“A private project? What project? What are you trying to accomplish?”Blackarachnia gave Bumblebee a nasty look.

“Answer him” Blitzwing said coldly. Blackarachnia tried to give him the same look but she couldn’t turn her helm enough. She finally let out a sigh of defeat.

“I was trying to turn myself into a triple changer, without the negative side effects”. That didn’t make Bumblebee much wiser.

“Why? I mean being a triple changer is not like...The worst thing. Flying is fun and stuff, but why would you put down so much work and effort?” 

“Yes I doesn't make much sense” Blitzwing agreed “Even Megatron chose to end the triple changer project on the grounds it cost to much and the accomplishments were too slow and small. Before Bumblebee so was I the only test subject from the project that survived the operation.”

“I know that it might sound stupid to your empty processors." They both frowned but Blackarachnia ignored them and continued."But the reason is that I want back my alt mode. My original one.” She sighed “But with my half organic form so can i not choose a new one. But I found a loophole.If I was able to become a triple changer so would I be able to have my organic altmode and be able to give myself back my original one” Bumblebee and Blitzwing was quiet for a moment just processing the information. Bumblebee spoke up again.

“Why did you just leave me in the forest?” She looked at him like he was stupid.

“I’m not an idiot” She huffed. “If I would have kept you the rest of your team would come looking for you, and I didn’t need them on my trail and keeping me from my work. And I knew I just had to be patient. I would follow your development from a distance. But when it was clear you also had the three faceplate problem you became a failed test subject” That earned her a growl from Blitzwing as his faceplate switched back to Hothead. "I'm just telling the truth" She said in response to Blitzwing's growl.

“But why did you need me then?” Bumblebee continued “Why not do the test on yourself? And when it didn’t turn out right so could you just turn yourself back and start again or something like that.” 

Blackarachnia let out a laugh.

“You stupid fool!” She said with a snarky smile. “I don’t even know where to begin” She chuckled at Bumblebees confused faceplate and smiled “Oh sweetie, let me explain. First of all, being turned into a triple changer is a dangerous process. Every time an operation is made there is a high risk that the subject goes offline during the surgery or shortly after it. And I’m not gonna put my spark on the line so easily. And the second reason is that being turning back from being a triple changer is simply, well, impossible.” Bumblebee felt his optics go wide and his felt his spark sink.

“Im...Impossible?” Blackarachnia nodded.

“When that door is opened so can’t it be closed. Your fate as a triple changer is signed in stone. I can turn back your frame to normal if you wish. But your broken mind will never go away. You are stuck as a triple changer freak for the rest of-” Suddenly a servo grabbed around Blackarachnia's neck and she got slammed into the wall.

“Don’t lie to me!” Blitzwing screamed right at her.

“I’m not lying. Once you turn, that's it. No going back” Blitzwing slammed her into the wall again. It sounded like something popped out of a socket somewhere and she let out a pained sound. Blitzwing ignored it and pointed at Bumblebee.

“You _ will _ fix him!” He demanded.

“I told you” She growled back. “It’s not possible! I couldn't even if I wanted to!” Blitziwng's grip around her neck tightened. She started to claw and scratch at Blitzwing servo, desperate to escape. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random.

“Well then. I guess I have no use for you anymore.” He let out a laugh. “That means that I can just snap your helm off without any problems or regrets” Blitzwing grasp tightened and Blackarachnia started to fight harder to flee and a look of panic spread over her faceplate as she realised he was going to offline her. She clawed scratched and kicked but she couldn't escape. Blitzwing just smiled his jagged grin at her struggle.

Bumblebee looked at him and he was horrified. He ran up to him and smacked his thigh hard. Blitzwing turned his helm towards him. His optics were dangerous and full of rage despite the big smile.

“Blitzwing stop! You can’t!” He yelled at him.

“Ohh but I do can!” He said his voice a mix of poison and glee."It will only take a second" Blackarachnia tried to say something, but Blitzwing's tight grip only allowed her to make wheezing sounds and static. 

“No! You can’t offline her! Let’s just take her back to base!” Blitzwing's faceplate switched to Hothead.

“She turned us both to triple changers against our will! She planned to do it again! And she can’t even make up for it!” Bumblebee shook his helm.

“I know. And I’m angry too! Believe me! But you can’t offline her!”

“Offlining her would be bringing her to justice! She deserves it"

“Offlining her would not be you giving out justice. That would be you taking revenge!”

Blitzwing glared at him.

“You will be a triple changer for ever! You’ll stuck like this for ever! Don’t you understand that!?” Bumblebee looked at him and got a soft smile on his faceplate.

“I understand...But that is okay.Being a triple changer is okay.Sure I can't turn back, and that sucks, it dose. But it's not the end of the world I actually like some parts of it. And the important thing is not what I am, the important thing is that I'm still me" Blitzwing raged didn't seem to lessen. Bumblebee thought for a moment before speaking up again.

"A mech once told me that he wouldn’t let her control his life again.” Blitzwing's scowl deepened and he turned back to Blackarachnia. “We are the heroes Blitzwing. We capture villains, not offline them, that’s what Autobots do. You don’t need to do stuff like this anymore. You don’t have to get angry or hurt people to feel better! We’ll make it, we’ll make do, we are survivors.” He laughed “I’m still me, and you are still you. It doesn't matter what we are. What’s important is who we are Blitzy! And we are the good guys!"

\------------

Blitzwing stared at Blackarachnia. His spark was screaming in rage. He looked at how she squirmed in his grasp. She had been the reason for so may problem and so much suffering. Not only his own but also for Bumblebee and how knows how many others. And now she was in his grasp. Helpless, at his mercy. One quick movement and he could end it all. Make sure she couldn't make anyone suffer by her servos ever again.

His breathing was heavy and his optics were focused. One second. That’s all it would take.One twitch and she would be gone. His optics glanced down towards Bumblebee. He was looking at him with big optics and soft smile on his faceplate. Blitzwing looked at him. His conjux who he loved. He wanted to protect him, but had failed. But despite that, despite all he had gone through so could he still smile and despite that Blitzwing had failed to protect him so did he still love him.

He turned back to Blackarachnia. He gritting his denta. 

And that voice crept into his mind again. _ Don’t hold back. Rage and destruction is in your programming after all. _ Blitzwing felt his spark swell with rage. He looked at her, her terrified faceplate, he optics filled with fear. _ Don’t hold back. Rage and destruction is in your programming after all. _ The voice repeated Blitzwing servo started shaking. He felt the thread slipping, he felt his frame prepare to end it all. To let the lid off and let his rage out like always. The voice came back, like a fly that flew around inside his mind and refused to fly away. _ Don’t hold back _ . _ Rage and destruction is in your programming after all. _ But another voice accompanied it. A new voice. A soothing, hopefull voice. _ You don’t need to do stuff like this anymore.You don’t have to get angry or hurt people to feel better! _Blitzwing just stood there letting every thought play inside his helm.

He held his thread of logic by the tips of his digits. The voices echoed again from the back of his mind. “_ Rage and destruction is in your programming”. “You don’t need to do stuff like this anymore.” _ Two contradictions fighting a war for control of his mind and actions. Both of them pulling him towards two different paths. One demanding him to let go and stay, and on asking him to hold on and move forward. The dark voice echoed up again louder than ever and it felt so real. It felt like he was back there. He was standing on the ship looking directly at Megatron. Megatron smiled at him and he heard his dark poisonous and amused voice. _ Go ahead.Don’t hold back. Rage and destruction is in your programming after all. _

And Blitzwing felt the rage fill his spark and he gritted his denta so hard they were at risk of breaking. _ No! It! Is! Not! _ He screamed inside his mind, and with that Blitzwing took a hold of the thread in a tight grip, never to let it go again. The ship disappeared and he was now looking right into Blackarachnia's optics.

He bowed his helm forward fast and hit Blackarachnia right in the forehead and she fell unconscious. Blitzwing took her under his arm and his faceplate switched to Icy. He sighed and looked down at Bumblebee and gave him a tired smile. He felt exhausted.

“Let’s get out of here” Bumblebee smiled at him and his faceplate switched to Bubble.

“My pleasure. This cave is creeping me out” He said.

As they were about to walk away so did he bump into something. Blitzwing looked down and saw the triple changer t-cog in the wooden box. He frowned at it. Bumblebee followed his optics down to it and made a similar expression. He then walked up to the box and turned it so the t-cog rolled out onto the stone floor.

Blitzwing looked at him curiously. Bumblebee looked back at him with a serious expression.

“I don’t hate being a triple changer. But I don’t want anyone else to have to go through what we have.” Blitzwing understood what he was getting at. He looked down at the t-cog. He lowered his cannons and his faceplate switched to Random. He let the fire spew out of his cannons and engulf the t-cog in flames. The metal slowly started to melt and soon it was only a puddle on the floor. Blitzwing lifted his ped and stopped on it a few times, just for good measures. Bumblebee walked up to the computer monitor and took out his stinger and shoot it with sparks until he was sure that it wouldn’t be salvageable. He then turned back to Blitzwing and they both shared a smile and the turned and started to walk out of the cave. Bumblebee reached up a servo towards Blitzwing. Blitzwing took a hold of it. It was so small in contrast to his. But it was the perfect size.

“So…”Bumblebee started “On a scale from 1 to 10 how mad do you think the rest of the team gonna be?”

Blitzwing shrugged. That's when they heard the sound of engines and the whole cave lit up with bright light. Blitzwing and Bumblebee both had to close their optics and blinked a few time. They heard the sound of transforming.As fast their sight came back so did they look forward and they saw the rest of their team. Everyone looked relived, but that expression soon turned to anger and annoyance.

“What in the name of the allspark were you two thinking!?” Ratchet screamed, compltly ignoring Blackarachnia's existence. Blitzwing faceplate switched to Random. 

“Definitely a 10”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter before an epilogue. The epilogue will be realised tomorrow


	26. Epilogue

It was a nice summer day. They sky was blue with just a couple of white clouds sprinkled across it. It was especially nice for Bumblebee because this was the first day in two weeks he had been allowed outside. 

He and Blitzwing had been grounded because they had flown away alone without permission or backup. Bumblebee guessed Blitzwing technically still was grounded. The only reason Bumblebee had been allowed to leave the base was because the elite guard had showed up to pick up Blackarachnia.

At the moment so was Bumblebee standing still as Jetfire and Jetstorm was running circles around him and bombarding him with questions.

“Have you flown yet?” “What's your altmod?” “How fast can you go?”. Bumblebee tried his best to answer their questions and asked them some question of his own.

“For how long have you been flying?, Do you have any tips?,How did your first flight go?” The Jet twins answered them while they also were inspected his wings and made sounds of excitement as he made them flutter. 

It was nice to talk to them, it felt like there was a connection between them. It was like their experiences was making it easy for them to relate to each other. The twins showed no sign of negative emotions towards him. They were more curious and fascinated by Bumblebees frame then disgusted and weirded out, but that was not really a surprise. Freaks of natures needs to support each other in a world of “normal” bots.

Meanwhile so was Optimus standing a bit further away with his arms crossed and Ratchet by his side as Sentinel was yelling right at his faceplate.

“What do you mean you lost it?!” Optimus looked at Sentinel in annoyance.

“I told you before. Whilst capturing Blackarachnia so did the computer get destroyed in the crossfire.” That was a lie, but Optimus could not tell Sentinel the truth. Not only would that expose that Blitzwing was a part of the team but it would also put Bumblebee in a bad spot for destroying all the triple changer information.

Sentinels frustration did not lessen.

“The the key to solving the mystery of turning bots into triple changer, just like that. GONE! You had it in the palm of your servo and you let it slip away!” He stamped his peds a little in frustration before turning to Ratchet. “And you are saying we can’t reverse engineer it?” Ratchet shook his helm.

“I’ll gladly give you Bumblebee’s medical documents, but you’ll find that there are too many question marks for us to even start trying to make our own triple changers. And I doubt that Blackarachnia has enough information stored in her processor to be able to perform a surgery from memory”

“Great, just great!” Sentinel huffed and gestured angrily with his arms.

“Think of the positive” Optimus cut in. “With Blackarachnia in custody so won’t the decepticons get any new triple changer either.” That didn’t lighten Sentinels mood in the slightest.

“Oh good point Optimus! Now the Decepticons have on triple changer and we have one.” He snorted “With all due respect for your scout Optimus but I think we drew the short straw when it comes to triple changers. For example, if they would fight so would I put my money on the triple changer that is not so tiny that he needs help reaching things.”

“HEY! Bumblebee shouted towards him and his faceplate changed to Buzzkill which made all the elite guards jump. “I have gotten a bit taller since I changed!” 

Sentinel just made a face in Bumblebees direction. His optics had a look of disgust in them, Bumblebee didn’t like that look, not one bit. But his mind was quickly pulled away from Sentinel as the Jet twins started to ask him question again, now about him being a triple changer. 

Jazz put a servo on Sentinels shoulder.

“Relax Sentinel.We at least got Blackarachnia. Let’s take her back to Cybertron” Sentinel huffed shook off Jazz servo.

“Fine. We got better things to do than standing here on this piece of dirt planet anyway” He snarked before walking towards the ship. He whistled towards Jetstorm and Jetfire.

“We’re leaving!” He shouted to them before walking into the ship with Jazz behind him. Jetfire nudged Bumblebee lightly with his elbow with a big smile on his faceplate.

“Let’s compare flying notes next time!” Bumblebees faceplate span to Bubble and Jetstorm and Jetfire stared at it in wonder and amazement.

“Can’t wait!” He said and gave them a smile of his own. They nodded their helms quickly in agreement.

“Jetfire! Jetstorm! Come now, or we're leaving you behind!” They heard Sentinel scream from the ship. The jet twins gave Bumblebee a final goodbye and ran into the ship.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Blitzwing was standing on the beach of Dinobot island. The trees on the island had turned to beautiful variations of orange, yellow and red. The wind swept through them, making them rustle and a few of them got pulled from their branches and swept away as they followed the wind as it carried them away. 

Summer was over and it was getting colder and colder every day. But that hasn't stopped them from coming here for several weeks now. Next to him stood Sari with a clock which she was staring intensely at. 

Blitzwing was looking over the beach his monocle zooming in and out, looking for any sign of the yellow car.

_ “Come on, Bumblebee” _He mumbled to himself. Right on cue so did he see a yellow car show up. It came towards them at a rushing speed. The car stopped about 5 meter away from them, made a donut, sending sand flying everywhere and then transformed into a familiar minibot.

Bumblebees smiled at them. Sari let out a squeal of joy and ran towards him. She ran up to him and held up the clock.

“50 minutes!” She yelled in joy. “It took you 50 minutes to drive around the island!” Bumblebees faceplate switched to Bubble and he lifted up Sari from the ground and span her around a couple of times.

“I’m back baby!” He hooted. He eventually put her down, now very dizzy. 

Bumblebee stumbled on unsteady legs towards Blitzwing. Blitzwing’s faceplate switched to Random and he picked Bumblebee up to his chest and they put their foreheads together.

“I knew you could do it!”He said a chuckled. Bumblebee smiled and leaned forward connecting their lips into a kiss. They got rudely interrupted by both their comm links sparking to life.

“Blitzwing, Bumblebee, where are you?” It was Optimus. Bumblebee pulled back from the kiss, his faceplate switched to Jitterbug. He rolled his optics and he answered.

“Dinobot island. What’s up?” He heard sounds from Optimus side of the line that sounded like fighting.

“Starscream is what is up. We could use some air support.” Bumblebee smiled.

“We’re on it! Hold tight!”

Blitzwing let Bumblebee down and both of them transformed into their air altmodes. Bumblebee opened his cockpit. Sari ran towards him and climbed in. Bumblebee closed the cockpit again and took off into the air. Blitzwing flew up to him so they were right next to each other.

“Last one there!” Blitzwing yelled and blasted off towards Detroit.

“Blitzwing that's cheating!” He yelled at him and kicked up another gear and blasted off after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's a wrap.  
When I started this fic so had I no idea that so many people would read it and like it. It was my first fic, I haven't written anything book like for about 2 years and never such a long text in english before. That there a people who liked the fic and supported me, gave me so much confident and made this a great experience!  
So I wanna thank everyone who has been with me through out this writing journey and supported it. You have no idea how much you all mean to me! I wish I could meet you all and thank you in person, but since I can't do that so do I have to settle with this: THANK YOU!
> 
> In other news: I consider writing some kind of prequel to this. Like an enemy to lover fic. It will be more in detail of how Bee and Blitz got together, and how/why Blitzwing turned into and Autobot. So if you are interested in that, stick around.
> 
> But in any case, thank you all for reading! Hope you all have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Like you might notice is that english is not my first language so please excuse all the grammatical error.
> 
> The link to my tumblr is: https://tastytoast---11.tumblr.com/


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